by K E Osborn
“Okay, easy sailor. I think you need to have a cup of coffee and a good lie down,” I say and go to walk off. He grabs me by the arm again and pulls me into his chest. I push him away from me and throw him my best glare.
“C’mon honey, don’t you want a little sugar from your daddy?” he asks making me actually laugh out loud while he stumbles on the spot.
“No thanks, I think I’ll pass,” I answer and he huffs and pulls me close to him again while I huff and push him away one more time.
“C’mon honey, don’t be like that.”
“The lady said no! Now get your hands off her, you drunken old fuck,” Rock berates appearing out of nowhere, like a knight in shining armour. He pulls me to him, my back to his front and I gasp out loud at the warmth of his body against mine.
“Oh, she wants me tough guy, not you. C’mon honey, come to papa,” he says leaning forward to take me away from Rock. He pulls me away from Drop Dead Fred’s grasp and I feel him tense his body behind me.
“She said, no! Now fuck off! I don’t wanna hurt you old man,” Rock says defending me.
I break free from Rock’s grip and he looks at me raising an eyebrow like I’ve offended him. “I got this Rock,” I say and he furrows his brows at me.
I walk over to Drop Dead Fred and place my hand on his chest. He smiles and laughs under his breath as I move my body in time with the music, swaying seductively. His drunken eyes follow my movements, an evil smile crosses his face.
“What the fuck are you doing?” Rock asks from behind me.
“She’s getting herself a real man, aren’t you honey?” Drop Dead Fred asks, making me smile because his statement is so beyond ridiculous.
“Fuck you! C’mon just leave her alone and no one gets hurt,” Rock says as Drop Dead Fred looks down at me with sultry eyes while I torture him with my seduction. I run my pointer finger across his chest and up his neck, past his chin and then I rest my finger on his nose. He grins at me and licks his lips.
“You ever come near me again and I’ll gut you. You got it?” I whisper and his smile fades to a frown. He shakes his head and puts his hand on my hip.
“What did I just say?” I yell and I take his hand from my hip and pull his arm up behind his back as high as I can get it. He screams out in pain and drops to his knees while he moans loudly. I look across at Rock and his eyes are open wide, just staring at me.
“Now I suggest you get the fuck out of my bar and don’t ever come back, or I’ll do more than hurt your arm. You got me?” I ask and he nods his head emphatically. I let go of his arm and push him to the floor with my foot. He quickly scurries up and races toward the door.
“And change your aftershave, it stinks!” I yell out after him while he rushes out the door. I wipe my hands together and turn to look at Rock feeling quite proud of myself. His eyes are wide open and his mouth has formed a perfect O shape as he suppresses a laugh. “What?” I ask as I walk back to the booth.
“Umm, nothing, oh mistress of pain,” he says making me giggle.
“I told you I could handle myself. No need to doubt me, Rock.”
“I can see that now, but seriously you deflated my ego a little bit. I wanted to be your knight you know, but I guess you don’t need saving after all.”
I wince because he doesn’t know how untrue that statement is. I need saving, more than ever and maybe, just maybe, Rock will be the guy to do that.
“Well, little do you know I was on my way out of here when Drop Dead Fred thwarted my escape plan.”
He raises an eyebrow and frowns. “Really? Then why are you sitting back down now? Why aren’t you leaving?”
“I guess I freaked a little, but getting my bitch on with Drop Dead Fred has helped me feel more like myself. I’m sorry I was going to bail. That would’ve been rude of me,” I say honestly and he half-smiles.
“Well, in that case, excuse me. I just need to go and thank Drop Dead Fred,” he says standing to go and walk off. I stand and take his hand with a smile. He stops and looks at me with those mesmerizing eyes and my breathing catches slightly.
“Thank you,” I say because he's such the perfect gentleman and even though I took care of myself it was nice that he was willing to step in.
He smiles and sits back down. “I didn’t do anything, but you’re welcome,” he replies and I sit down. I rest my hand on the table next to my drink and his hand extends out to take my hand on top of the table. He gently runs his thumb over my skin and I can’t help the smile that crosses my face as a tingle shoots up my arm. He gazes at me and a smile crosses his face so wide that it makes my heart skip a beat. I look down to my lap and I hear him chuckle.
“What?” I ask while he smiles at me brightly.
“I, sooo affect you,” he says smugly and I frown and shake my head.
“Shut up! You do not,” I reply while I take my hand from his and cross my arms over my chest to hide the fact that my nipples are now fully erect. Thank God he can’t see what’s happening between my legs right now, because my clit is throbbing so hard I want to let him take me on the table… right here, right now.
He laughs and nods. “U-huh. You keep telling yourself that little firecracker,” he says and moves his leg so it’s resting against mine. I relax and just let it happen. There’s no use fighting this pull we have toward each other, so I may as well just go with it.
“So Rock, you didn’t answer me before. What brings you here at stupid o’clock?” I ask and he clears his throat.
He looks at me, staring directly into my eyes. “You,” he replies with conviction. I swallow and half-smile. “What brings you here at stupid o’clock?” he asks with a crooked smile.
I laugh and nod. “You.”
“Well, that’s good to know. Thought you might’ve been here just to get your bitch on with Drop Dead Fred.”
“Oh yeah, ‘cause every girl loves getting her bitch on.”
There’s a slight pause in the conversation.
“So,” he says and then pauses again.
“So,” I reply and he puts his hand back on the table. I take it as a signal so I put my hand back down and he takes it with his, and once again his thumb starts to caress my skin, sending a shiver up my spine.
“Seriously. What the hell made you come back here for me? I’m nothing special?” I ask abruptly and he smirks raising an eyebrow at me.
“Nothing special, eh?”
I nod. “Yeah.”
“I strongly disagree. I think you’re very special. As a matter of fact you’re unique, you’re feisty, you know what you want and you’re as sexy as hell.” I laugh at him. “No, really, you obviously don’t see how gorgeous you are, and that innocence in you is alluring. You captivate me, TVW, and I really want to get to know you better.”
I raise an eyebrow at the use of the word ‘innocence.’ If only he knew the things I’d done in the last five years. Then he wouldn’t see my apparent lack of self-esteem as so innocent.
“Well, you know me, I don’t do details,” I say and he smiles.
“Okay well, what can you share about yourself then?” he asks and I look up at the roof while I think.
“I have a scar on my right thigh.”
“Not what I was looking for, but I’ll roll with it. What’s it from?”
“When I was younger, my parents used to take me out to a farm where I could ride horses. I sucked at it and the horse didn’t like me very much. I stood behind him and as I patted his arse, the fucker reared up and kicked me right in the thigh. It broke my leg and cut it open pretty badly. Needless to say, the only thing I’m scared of is bloody horses.”
“Wow, I can’t imagine you being scared of anything, especially considering the way you handled yourself with, Drop Dead Fred.”
“Yeah, well if Drop Dead Fred had a horse with him, it would’ve been a whole different ball game,” I reply being completely honest. Horses scare the living shit out of me.
“Right, so if I ever need to scare you I just have to dr
ess up like a horse then?”
I shake my head. “The only reason you would dress up like a horse is so you could pretend to be hung like one,” I mock and he laughs.
“Oh, little firecracker, if you only knew,” he teases, making me curious as to what that means.
“Hmmm, well Rock, tell me something about you? Nothing too personal though, I don’t do details remember?”
He rolls his eyes and shakes his head. “Yeah, yeah, no details… Got it! Okay well, I won’t tell you my job ‘cause that’s going into detail, but I will tell you that I’m pretty high up where I work.”
“Yeah, me too.”
“Good for you, I bet the men grovel at your feet,” he says making me laugh.
“You could say that, but we’re talking about you not me.”
“Right, well, when I was a kid my brothers and I used to pretend we were in the local biker gang. I guess that’s where my love of Harleys has come from,” he says and I nod.
“So, are you part of a biker gang then, Rock?”
“That’s details. I don’t want to break your rules now do I?” he states making me giggle.
“Valid point, but I like the no denial. That makes me think it’s true. Don’t know if I like the idea of getting involved with a biker.”
“Well, I guess it’s a good thing we’re not going into detail then.”
His thumb caresses my hand again and that energy between us is filling the room. He stands up and holds out his hand for me to take. I raise my eyebrow and stand up as he walks us out onto the dance floor. It’s empty, and a slow but rhythmic song is playing on the speakers. He pulls me to him and our bodies connect. It’s like all the air is sucked from my lungs as I feel his hard chest pressed against mine. He takes my hands and pulls them up to wrap around his neck. His hair gently caresses my hands while I interlock my fingers at the base of his neck, which inadvertently makes my body flush against his. I can feel every muscle he has and it’s making my clit throb again. His hands find their way to my hips. His hands splay out over my dress and I feel the warmth setting me on fire again at his touch. I swallow hard while he looks at me and his forehead rests against mine. So close together, if I leaned a little closer my lips would touch his, and that’s so tempting right now.
But I don’t kiss.
It’s a rule of mine.
Sure I’ve been with guys since Danny, but I’ve never kissed any of them.
“TVW, I just want you to know, that I think you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen,” he says moving our hips together with the music, making me blush again. His eyes are staring into mine like he’s devouring every inch of my body.
“Seriously? How many women do you say that to? And more importantly, does it actually work?” I ask with a laugh as I stare into his multi-coloured, sultry eyes.
He smiles, but it’s an honest and caring smile. “Yes, seriously, and there’s only one woman I’ve said that to and she’s dancing with me. As for does it actually work, ask me again in an hour or so,” he replies with a crooked smile.
I take my forehead from his and shake my head with a chuckle. “Right, well Mr. Smooth Talker, don’t think you’re taking me home tonight. I’m not as easy as I look.”
“Well, I don’t think you look easy at all, little firecracker, in fact you look like the type of woman who should be happily married with two point five children hanging off your hip, but in a total MILF kinda way,” he says.
I tense up and immediately think of Danny and Caiden.
What the hell are you doing!
Flirting with Rock isn’t going to make me feel better, it isn’t going to take the pain away. In fact, all Rock has done since I met him is make me feel like a bad wife and mother. I swallow the lump that’s formed in my throat while my jaw clenches tight. The image of Danny flashes through my mind, and I feel an overwhelming pool of guilt flood over my entire body.
I shouldn’t be here with Rock!
I should be at home with Danny, looking at his pictures and instead I’m here flirting it up with a guy I’ve known for what, twenty-four hours? A guy who could ruin everything. A guy who is making the cracks in my armour even bigger. A guy who is making me feel things I shouldn’t. I don’t get attracted to men. I just don’t. Sure there’s been other guys since Danny, but no one I cared about. They were all just a quick fuck to get me through my worst days. But Rock, he’s making me want more. He fights me and doesn’t just bow down to me like all the others. He’s different. He’s making me different. And since the death of my family, the person I am – The Violet Widow, she’s all I know.
My heart starts to race and my breathing quickens. I stop dancing with Rock and take a step back. “I can’t do this,” I say under my breath and unwrap my arms from around his neck.
“Can’t do what?” he asks, furrowing his brows in confusion.
I shake my head as the overwhelming feeling of crying overcomes me again. But it’s okay, I know I won’t cry even though I want to.
“I’m sorry,” I say and start to head toward the door. He pulls me by my arm to face him.
“What’s going on?” he asks, concern etched through his voice.
I shake my head. “Nothing, I shouldn’t be here, with you. I just… I can’t,” I say and shake my arm free. I go to walk away and he takes my arm again pulling me chest to chest. I look into his eyes and anger washes over me. How dare he manhandle me? I bring my hand up and slap him hard across his cheek.
“Oww, fuck,” he yells out, taking a step back and holding his open palm to his face while he looks at me with a furrowed brow.
“Talk to me,” he says reaching out for me again and I step back and shake my head.
“I’m sorry.” I turn and walk out of the bar leaving a sore and confused Rock in my wake.
He doesn’t follow me out of the bar. I think I’ve probably given him whiplash from my mood swings. I’m angry again, angry at the world. It’s how I seem to live my life these days. I’m sick of who I am, but like I said it is all I know and change is a difficult thing. Even if I wanted to change, who says Rock would be there for me if he found out about my past? It’s not something most men can live with, even though I think he’s a bad boy and part of an MC, I think my past would be too much even for him.
Let’s face it some days it’s even too much for me.
I drive home, back to my sanctuary, thinking the whole time about his body against mine and his eyes devouring me while we danced so close. This is just all kinds of wrong. I’m a widow! It’s not like I got divorced from Danny. He died, which means we’re still married. If he were alive we would still be married, happily. So, me feeling anything for any other man is me cheating on Danny. And I am many things, but a cheater isn’t one of them.
I pull up out the front of my house and walk inside turning the porch light off as I walk past the switch. I’m breathing heavily while my heart races. I feel so guilty and angry at myself that I could punch something. I close the front door and lock it and as soon as I turn around to see my living room, I feel at ease. I’m where I belong, back in my house with my boys and not out gallivanting with some stranger. I don’t know how or what I’m feeling for Rock, but something is stirring emotions in me that make me feel uneasy. I walk into the bedroom and again it’s filled with a shade of blue as the moonlight rolls in through the window. I grab our wedding photograph and head toward the bed. I take off my clothes and get into the silk sheets holding onto Danny’s picture tightly. I lay on my back and bring the photograph in line with my face so I can look at him. He really was so ruggedly handsome. He was so loving and kind and gentle and he wouldn’t hurt a fly. He was a great guy, a good man, and an even better father.
No one can ever replace Danny.
No one… Not ever!
I look at his photograph and run my finger along his face. I lean in and kiss him and then place it on my chest and hold onto him for dear life.
“I love you, Danny,” I whisper as calm wa
shes over me. I can smell him, I can sense him all around me and it soothes me into an instant sleep.
I arrive at work to see Angel standing out the front of the building having a smoke. I shake my head and roll my eyes. Love her to bits, but smoking will be the death of her. I walk toward her and hold my chest while I pretend to cough and splutter.
“Yeah, yeah, I know, it’s a filthy habit and I’m polluting my lungs and I smell disgusting. Blah, blah, blah, keep moving sister,” she says and I laugh as I walk past her and inside the building. The usual smells that remind me I’m here are absent because the abundance of cigarette smoke has flooded my nose. I curl my lip up in disgust and shut the door. The whole reason I opened a business on the beach was for the serene smells of the ocean, not for the hideous stench of cigarette smoke. Angel knows I hate it, but she also knows that I value her too much to give her the ultimatum of quit smoking or leave the business. Plus, I think it might be illegal to sack someone for being a smoker. I’m just glad none of my other employees indulge in the filthy habit. Luckily Angel works on her own at the front desk so no one has to smell her, although she does have a wonderful perfume she uses to try to negate the stench of smoke, but it doesn’t always work.
While I walk to my office, I notice Sheila walking down the hall toward me.
“Hey Sheila, how did the morning callouts pan out?”
“Same shit as usual. I’m on my way to my last call out for the day. Star and I have been working hard on some new ideas that we want to run past you at some stage later on tonight. You cool with that?” she asks and I laugh at the way she words it.
“Yeah, I’m cool. Have a go at Angel on the way out will you, she’s smoking again,” I joke and she nods her head.
“Yeah, no worries. I’ll tell her she stinks, that normally gets her to stop for a day or two. Something must be happening, she hasn’t had a smoke in about a week. You know she only does it when something’s happening in her life that she’s not happy about. I’ll have a chat with her, see what’s going down.”
“Thanks hun. Where’s Star? She on a call out to?” I ask and Sheila smirks and rolls her eyes.