I opened the fridge and scanned the items. Monet had a lot of food in her fridge for just two people. Tons of fresh veggies and fruit. The last woman I’d dated had little to no interest in shopping. Probably because I took care of all of that. And everything else under the sun. The unwanted reminders of that time in my life were coming up fast and furious. It had been years. I thought I’d gotten past it, but being in a domestic environment was bringing up all that crap again. All the things I’d pushed behind me. The dreams I let go of long ago rushed back to the surface while I stood in a strange kitchen, watching the daughter of a woman I’d hit on then bailed on a year ago.
Clay, you are reading too much into this situation. Relax, dude. Relax and feed the girl.
“Do you like carrots?” I finally asked.
She nodded, so I pulled a few mini ones out of the bag, washed them in the sink, and set them on a napkin. “Munch on that while I make you some grub.”
Her eyebrows narrowed. “Grub?”
“Another way to say food.”
Lily bit into a carrot and crunched loudly. “Gruba dub dub.”
I snickered and pulled out the thawed chicken. Might as well cook it up so it didn’t go bad. Then I found a few small blocks of cheese and came up with a great idea. Once I had the chicken in strips and sizzling in the pan, I shredded up three of the cheeses and poured a bag of noodles into a pot.
“I wuv pasta!” Lily spoke around a mouthful of carrot.
“You do?” I laughed. Something in me knew I could win over the kid. Atlas had been right when he gave me a pep talk before leaving her in my care. Lily was an easy child and fun to be around. My heart panged, reminding me that I too should have had this. Once upon a time…if my ex hadn’t been a lying bitch.
I shook my head. Never again was I going to allow a woman to play me. No way. No how.
“Is that cheese?” Lily asked excitedly.
“It is. Have you figured out what I’m making?”
She shook her head but licked her lips while I picked a small chunk of the cheddar and held it over her mouth. She opened up and gobbled it, clapping her hands.
“Homemade mac and cheese with chicken thrown in for some protein.”
Her mouth opened and her cheeks turned pink. She clapped again. “I love mac and cheese too! You da best, Clay!”
“Sweetie, it’s Clayton. Clay-ton,” I sounded out for her.
“’S’wat I said!” She pouted, and it was the cutest thing. Reminded me of when I first saw her mother the day Mila moved into this house over a year ago. At the time, I’d thought she was drop-dead gorgeous. Still did, but I’d been avoiding her like the plague. She represented exactly what I thought I would have had at that point in my life, and I straight up couldn’t hack it once I had found out about her kid. Now, standing in front of Lily, my heart broke a little. I could have hung out with this cool-as-hell kid long ago. Maybe by this time her mom and I would have…
Nope. Not going there. No more what if. I couldn’t live my life that way any longer. If I wanted something, I was going to go for it. Balls to the wall, go all out. Hanging out with Lily was giving me all kinds of ideas for the future.
While I plated a small amount of food for Lily in a bowl and a large portion for myself, I chastised myself for being so afraid to date a woman who had a child. Lily was amazing. Sweet and funny. Made me wonder what the deal was with Monet’s ex. If he was part of her life, Atlas and Mila would have called him to get Lily and not had me cover for them.
“Hey, Lily, where’s your daddy?” I asked, poking a noodle and a chunk of chicken.
She looked at me and shrugged. “Don’t got one anymore.”
I frowned, anger prodding at my chest. “Why’s that?”
She answered around a mouthful of pasta. “He didn’t want me.”
Ice-cold fury slithered along my skin. “Is that what he told you?” I asked, realizing I was heading into territory I had no business getting into with a five-year-old.
“No. Mommy said he didn’t want her anymore, but everyone loves Mommy. She’s the bestest.” She shoveled more pasta into her mouth.
Even if she didn’t say it outright, she did in her own way—because her mother was loved by everyone, she figured that it must be her that her father didn’t want.
Mother. Fucking. Cocksucker.
I clenched my jaw and turned as a shadowy figure stepped into the hall. Instinctively I jetted around the kitchen and stood in front of Lily with my fists up. I’d beat down any intruder with my bare hands before they got to this angel.
“Who are you?” I roared, making sure I sounded extra scary. Lily cowered into my back, her forehead against my shirt.
“Dude! It’s me.” Atlas laughed, stepping into the light of the kitchen and shrugging off his coat. “Man, by the size of those muscles on display and your chest all puffed out, I’m lucky you didn’t charge me like a rhino!” He chuckled as he came up and clasped me on the shoulder. Tingles of anxiety slipped along my skin before petering out.
Atlas went around me, ruffled Lily’s hair, and kissed the top of her head. “Hey, munchkin, what’cha got there?”
“Mac’n’cheese!” she responded again with her mouth full.
Okay, kids weren’t always cute. They could be gross too.
“Got any more?” Atlas asked and rubbed his gut.
Silently I went around the bar countertop, pulled out another bowl, and loaded it up for my friend, letting the last dregs of irritation fade away.
Atlas turned on cartoons. “Hey, munchkin, you can watch TV in here while you eat. Clay and PowPow are going to go into the formal living room, okay?”
“’Kay!” Her eyes were already glued to a yellow square creature that lived under the water. I watched for a second as the square hit a starfish with a spatula.
I shook my head to clear the weirdness. Cartoons had definitely changed since my day.
Atlas grabbed the bowl I handed him, and we moved into the other room.
He scooped up a huge bite and ate for a few moments.
“How’s Monet? What happened?” I asked in a speedy deluge of questions.
Atlas lifted a hand. “She’s fine. Well, not fine. Had to have surgery, and the attacker… Dude, it was her ex, Kyle.”
“You’re kidding? He attacked her? How? Sexually?” The anger that had burned me earlier with Lily’s words about her father came back with a vengeance.
He shook his head, and a wave of relief settled over me. “Naw, he knifed her.”
I jerked my head back and my hands shook, almost making me drop the bowl. “What? Clarify.” I said through clenched teeth. A man putting his hands on a woman was wrong, deserving of a beating and jail time. A man knifing a woman… There wasn’t a space in hell hot enough for that type of scum.
“Guy had a mask on and threatened to kill her. When she ran, he chased after her. Then he caught up and sliced her open all down her back. Fileted her, man. She has over eighty stiches in her back alone.”
“Jesus Christ,” I blurted. Images of the stunning woman I’d seen around the yoga studio and all through the pictures of the house flickered in my mind along with the idea of her laid up in a hospital bed. A sour taste hit my tongue and my appetite disappeared.
“After he cut her, he tackled her to the pavement, which shredded her knees, elbows, and hands. Then he pierced her neck with the blade and sliced an almost three-inch-long shallow cut when someone intervened.”
I sat my ass on the arm of her fabric couch, my knees shaking under me. “Fuck!” I wiped at the glistening sweat that formed on my brow. “Shit. That’s serious.” Every protective instinct inside me warred for attention, wanting to do something, beat the shit out of someone in her honor.
Atlas nodded. “Yeah, we’re going to be staying here with them for a while. Make sure she’s safe until they find the bastard. I swear to God, if I ever see him face-to-face…”
“I’m right there with you. He better skip town.”
“So how did it go with Lily?” Atlas grinned.
I smiled automatically at the change in subject. “We had a good time. She’s easy. I can see why you like the kid.”
“Well, pretty soon here I’m going to have one of my own…” He scratched at the back of his neck and looked up at me through his curly brown mop of hair.
“Are you telling me you knocked up Mila Mercado?” I smirked.
“Fuck yeah I am! Confirmed with the doctor just today. Ten weeks along.”
“That’s awesome. I’m happy for you.” And I was happy for him that he had a woman he loved and was starting a family with her. And because Mila wasn’t a lying skank who would take him to the cleaners and ruin his life.
Deftly, I gritted my teeth and reminded myself that Stacey was long gone and that it was okay—healthy, even—to be happy for my friend and his woman. Honestly, I was. More than anything, I wanted to be in a similar place in my own life. I was thirty. Time was flying by, the years merging into one another. I worked, I hung out with the guys, boxed with my buddy Nick when I had time, and did yoga. Women came in and out of my life, but I never offered more than a few dates and a few nights in the sack. It just never felt right to go for more after what I’d been through. Being here with Lily and hearing about another one of my best friends finding the right woman reminded me what I was missing out on.
“And now she has to marry me,” Atlas said and scooped up some food, shimmying like a fool in love.
“You think you’re going to get the spitfire to marry you because you knocked her up? Do you not know Trent and Genevieve? Took him a year to get her to walk down the aisle.”
Atlas shook his head. “No way. Nuh-uh. Mila promised me that when she got pregnant she’d marry me. We’ll probably visit the courthouse this week.”
“No fuckin’ way!” Marriage and a baby on the way…all in the same week. Some guys had all the luck.
He shrugged. “We don’t have anyone besides the folks at Lotus House and Moe and Lily, so a quickie wedding feels right for us. I’d suggest Vegas, but she’s become super sensitive around smoke and she’ll just be mad she can’t drink.”
“I can see that. Well, whatever you guys decide, let me know. Congratulations are definitely in order one way or the other.” I clapped him on the bicep and squeezed, showing my support.
“Too right.”
“Are you excited or scared shitless?” I was curious how my longtime friend would take impending fatherhood.
Back when I thought I was going to be a father, I’d been ecstatic. I’d always wanted a big family. My brother and I were so far apart in age we might as well have been father and son. My parents had him when they were twenty and then didn’t have me until they were in their late thirties. My brother was off to college when mom brought me home, so it’d mostly been me. We’d moved around a lot with my father being military, so I didn’t see my brother much or have any long-term friends. All the friends I have, I’d made as an adult. Of the ones who lived around here, Trent and Atlas were the best of them.
“A little of both,” he admitted. “Mila and I don’t have any siblings and no fathers to speak of. But we have each other and our desire to make our own family. Moe and Lily are part of that. She’s like a sister to me now, and God knows I love that little girl out there.” He pointed to the kitchen, where I could hear Lily singing along with the cartoon. Something pirate-like.
I nodded. “I could see that. Growing your family is important.”
“What about you?”
“What about me?” I responded on instinct.
“You ready to settle down?” His lips tipped up into a goofy smile.
For the first time ever, I looked into Atlas’s eyes and laid out the truth. The real truth, not the player façade I’d lived under for the past six years. “Been ready.”
His eyes widened. “Seriously?”
“Yeah. I’ve always wanted a family to call my own. Have roots somewhere. Since Trent has laid his roots here, I’ve stayed. Then I met you, Dash, Nicholas, and I’ve got a good core group of friends. My business is doing well here. I only travel with Trent if he needs me to work an injury or give him some extra attention due to that wife of his trying to fatten him up.”
Atlas laughed. “Dude, that Genevieve. She can cook a mean meal!”
“True. I’ve sampled them many times myself. And since they’ve got Will, I’m making more of an effort to be present, take on the active uncle role, same as you with Lily.”
“Crazy, huh?”
“What is?”
Atlas tipped his head to the side. “I don’t know. How much having good people in your life changes you. I’ve never been happier. Except, of course, this shit with Moe.”
Monet. My hand went into fists thinking about the woman being hurt.
“How long is the recovery?”
“Don’t know yet. I left before she’d seen the doctor. Mila is with her. Won’t leave. So it’s me and the munchkin tonight. She’s a cuddle bug, though, so I’ll be okay.”
“You’re going to sleep with her?” I asked a bit shocked. Watching a kid was one thing; sleeping with one was another.
“Uh, yeah. Her mom’s been hurt and her dad is a fucking psycho. There isn’t an alarm on the house…yet. That little girl is our life. We’re taking her mom’s bed, and I’m barricading us in just in case that lunatic tries something with Lily.”
The thought of Lily getting even a scratch made my skin crawl like a hundred tiny ants were all over me. “Point well made. Mind if I stay and hang out until you guys go to bed?”
Truth was, I didn’t want to admit I was hoping Mila would call and give Atlas an update on Monet’s progress before I had to leave. Hell, maybe I’d even take the couch.
Once that thought hit, I couldn’t let it go. “You know what? On second thought, maybe I should take the couch. Be an extra set of eyes tonight.”
Atlas’s corresponding grin was priceless. “You want info on Moe.”
“Obviously, I want to make sure she’s okay. Her and Lily.”
“You’re sweet on her. You were a year ago, and you still are. Something’s changed though. Before you wouldn’t even consider dating her. Now you want to sleep on her couch and make sure her kid is safe?”
“I like the kid, okay?” I shrugged.
“What’s not to like? She’s awesome, but that’s not why. You like her mom too.”
“She’s hot and a friend of my friends. I want to make sure she pulls through. Can you just drop it?” I turned and headed back into the kitchen with my now cold pasta and chicken.
A manly chuckle and cough followed behind me. “Whatever, dude. Lie to yourself all you want, won’t change a thing.” He followed behind me. “Got any more chicken? This shit is amazing,” he spoke through his lips as if he was still chewing.
“I hope you choke on it,” I growled, and he laughed hard, coughing his way through.
Admittedly I felt a little better at his discomfort.
“Monet and Clayton kissing in a tree…”
“Grow up,” I said.
“Don’t want to.”
“If you’re going to be a dad, you’d better learn real quick!” I shot back and set my bowl in the microwave to reheat my dinner.
That got his attention. “Mila has already told me she’ll make sure I’m a great one, and I believe anything that comes from the two of us is going to be good. With her, I’ll be okay.”
I slumped against the counter and looked at my friend. “I was just kidding. You’re going to be awesome, Atlas. Mostly because you want to be, and that’s all it takes. Caring for the little one more than yourself is what it’s all about. You’ll do fine. I have faith in you, man.”
“Can I take a bubble bath?” Lily screeched from behind Atlas. She was standing with her hands together in a prayer position. “Puh-leeeeeeeze! You can take one wif me!” Her blue eyes sparkled as she bounced between Atlas and me.
Both of u
s went dead silent. I thought I was scared earlier; this request terrified me. Sleeping fully clothed next to a five-year-old was one thing when you were her guardian, but bathing her? Uh, nope!
“That’s all you, buddy,” I blurted.
Atlas winced. “Munchkin, that’s not a good idea. When Auntie Mimi is here tomorrow, or when Mommy is back, you can take a bubble bath. I promise. Tonight, we’re going to skip the bath altogether. How about some ice cream?” he offered.
“Smooth, Atlas. Redirection.” I laughed. “Real smooth.” I chuckled and clapped him on the back, silently thanking him for the quick thinking.
“Best. Uncle. Ever. Status. The struggle is real.” He chuckled.
Chapter Three
When the heart chakra is open, we are able to forgive; our lungs are clear and our immune systems are healthy. The higher chakras cannot be accessed until we pass through the heart. A heavy heart is one that carries resentment and anger from denied emotions, as well as guilt.
MONET
“Dr. Holland, you’re going to have to take it easy.” The nurse gripped my bicep and helped me stand from my prone position on the bed. I winced and breathed several times, trying to cut through the agony splintering out every limb.
I’d been in the hospital the better part of two days and I was done. D-O-N-E. Done. Flying monkeys couldn’t keep me here a second longer. I needed to be home, surrounded by my things, including my bed, my clothes, the solitude of my bedroom, and most important, my little girl. She needed her mommy. A pang of guilt fired through my heart as I thought about her being without me, probably worrying. And she’d been with Clayton Hart for most of last night. Ugh. That couldn’t have been comfortable for either of them.
I stood shakily as white-hot pain ricocheted down my back, halting me into stillness. “My God, that hurts.” The words blasted out of my lips on a surprising gust of air.
Limitless Love: A Lotus House Novel: Book Four Page 3