by Amanda McGee
“Now would be a horrible time for another brain short-circuit,” I said.
“What do we do? Just barge out there?”
“How should I know?” I asked, turning the doorknob. “I’m just wondering what else can possibly happen? I don’t know about you but I can’t take much more!”
The faint click of the handle startled me. My hand froze on the metal, a gasp was held hostage by my lungs. I turned the knob further. It seemed like an eternity passed before the door was released.
I didn’t know why I was so concerned with investigation. Curiosity killed the cat.
Poor George.
Still coupled by our interlocked arms, Sadie and I pounced through the doorway like a SWAT team minus the guns or the slightest chance of defending ourselves.
The sun had set and the night sky was pitch-dark. There were no streetlights in this part of town. It had never bothered me until this moment. Panic propelled my hand against the inside wall as I searched for the light switch. The bulb lit, blinding me. When my eyes began to adjust, I saw it—a dark shadow lurking at the far end of the porch.
“What do you want?” I asked, feigning confidence.
“Uh,” said a man’s voice. “Hey.”
The faceless figure moved towards us. Sadie and I stood rigid and unable to speak. Terror obstructed my throat to the verge of choking.
Eight steps later, (I know because I counted) the shadows began to yield to the porch light. Inch by inch, our unknown visitor was illuminated.
Dusty brown military-style boots on his feet, laces loosened. Well-built legs, navy blue cargo shorts that skimmed below his knee. A white t-shirt hung to his hips, navy blue American Eagle Outfitters logo spread across his chest. Long, tanned fingers fiddled with the hem of his shirt. Strong, muscular arms led to broad shoulders. Then, there was his face.
“It’s Blaze,” Sadie said, untangling her arm from mine.
Blaze towered over us, enormous and intimidating. I knew he wasn't there to hurt us but his size was alarming just the same.
“Sorry if I scared you,” he said. “I was gonna knock but I ran into the chair and panicked.”
Probably for the first time in his life.
Standing next to my brother, my curiosity and excitement reached record levels. Blaze loomed at least six inches over me. Sadie was like a small child next to us; even I had about four inches on her.
“Don’t apologize,” Sadie said. “It has just been a weird day. I can’t believe you are here.”
I examined his face just as I had Sadie’s when she arrived on my doorstep. I saw more of Mom in him than either of us. Blaze's hair was a shade of dirty blond almost identical to Sadie’s. His buzz-cut had begun to grow back enough to notice its tendency to curl. We had that in common. His eyes were the same warm, calming brown as Mom’s. It was unsettling, like having her looking back at me again.
Blaze’s humble gaze and awkward stance made him seem less intimidating. His nervousness put me at ease. His large, muscular frame, however, was daunting. A person of his stature was born that way and his military training had enhanced it. I suspected once the discomfort of meeting sisters you did not know had worn off, there would be nothing awkward about him.
“I wasn’t sure I should come,” he said. “I have been here for a few hours trying to decide if I should introduce myself.”
“Was that you watching us in the woods?” I asked.
Blaze’s crinkled eyebrows answered my question before he could.
“Never mind. How’s life?” I asked, attempting to break the ice and change the subject.
“About as strange as yours I’m sure,” he said in a voice as strong as his stature.
I was talking to my brother. The brother I never knew existed, the brother I had never laid eyes on until now. Any reservations I had about meeting my siblings subsided the moment I met Sadie, freeing me to fully enjoy Blaze’s arrival. Not even his overwhelming demeanor could have scared me away.
“Nah,” I said. “This happens every day. Don’t you watch the news?”
“Television is scarce where I’ve been, you’ll have to catch me up.”
His chuckle released a tranquility within me. Knowing he not only understood my nervous humor but also joined right in set me even more at ease.
Per usual, I wondered where he’d been and where we would all end up. Blaze stared at me through narrowed eyes as if he could hear my compulsive inner ramblings. With his guard lowered a bit a crooked grin cracked his stern exterior just enough to inspire me to throw my arms around him. The urge to hug caught me off-guard and the fact that I was going through with it was overwhelming to say the least. I had never been a fan of affectionate embraces, but then again I never considered having magic powers either.
Who am I right now?
Out of the corner of my eye, Sadie bobbed up and down like she needed a bathroom break. It was clear that the magnitude of this moment was not lost on her. In the spirit of new beginnings, I reached out my left arm to include her in the sibling huddle.
If I were an emotional person, I would have shed a tear. Instead, I let it all unfold with a grin on my face. Like a stealthy wet blanket, nervousness crept in. I had never stopped to consider that Blaze might not be the affectionate type either.
I tilted my head back just enough to check his expression. A warm smirk had appeared then his usual glower returned. A smile was universal whether the person was familiar or a complete stranger. So was a glower.
“Okay, enough family togetherness,” I said. “I don’t even hug people I know this much.”
I decided to break the huddle as more of a favor to Blaze, who was undoubtedly expecting an attack or at least a little drama instead of an extended group hug. His rigid posture loosened and a faint sigh of liberation slipped through his lips the second Sadie and I relaxed our death grip on his waistline.
“I can’t believe you are here!” Sadie exploded. “I can’t believe we are all here and magic is real and...”
Sadie’s excited rambles were apt to go on for a while. I tuned her out and pivoted around to catch Blaze’s attention. The poor guy looked as though he wished he were still hiding in the shadows and was now cursing the squeaky rocking chair for blowing his cover.
“She does this a lot,” I whispered. “You’ll learn to love it or become very good at tuning her out.”
His response was a simple head nod and a near silent chuckle.
Man of few words. I like him.
“It’s getting chilly, let’s go inside,” I said, noticing a lull in Sadie’s babbling.
As Sadie escorted Blaze inside he did not seem to notice that she was overflowing with enthusiasm like she'd just won the grand prize.
I watched them from the doorway, wondering how this scene had become my life. A family and genuine smiles had replaced the miserable reality I had allowed myself to settle for after my mom died.
Sure, sentiment could cloud your judgment, but when faced with a wonderfully upside-down existence there was no choice but to change your way of thinking. My life was changing. I was changing. Nothing would ever be the same, but I no longer saw that as a negative. I decided that I must allow myself to be swept away every once in a while.
Enjoying and allowing were two terms not often associated with my typical state of mind. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had my share of fun but maximum control was my comfort zone. After a childhood with Kate it surprised me daily that I managed to retain any semblance of my true self, or at least the self I had constructed. However, something told me...no, screamed at me, that this next phase of my life would require several trips outside my comfort zone.
Lord, give me strength.
Blaze and Sadie lounged next to one another on the couch. Sadie talked ninety miles an hour about topics ranging from the humid weather to his “too hot to wear in summer” military boots. Blaze appeared to enjoy listening to her and seemed to find little, if any, insult in her wardrobe comments. She had positi
oned herself close to him, leaning into him with her scrawny legs bent beneath her. Blaze inched toward the arm of the couch until he found himself trapped between it and Sadie. Sadie was not to be shunned and, before either of them could recognize it, she had captivated Blaze as she had captivated me.
“Do you have any powers?” she asked him.
He hesitated to answer, seemingly taken aback by her random topic change.
“Not that I know of,” he said.
“Oh, I’m sure you do,” she said. “Alex’s came about pretty fast but I had to wait for mine.”
“What do you mean?” he asked, appearing somewhat uncomfortable again.
Sadie pulled him into the conversation without stopping to ask if he knew the whole story. Judging by the way he was looking at us, I came to determine he was either uneducated on the topic or still trying to absorb it.
“How did you find out about us?” I asked.
“I came back from overseas and found a pile of mail on my doorstep and an inbox full of emails,” he responded. “There was an email from Aunt Leah. I forgot I even had an Aunt Leah. I think I may have met her once. She gave a little back-story in the email. So I went by her house for the rest. When she launched into a speech about magic and alternate realms I couldn’t get out fast enough.”
“What made you come here?” Sadie asked.
“Better yet, what made you go there?” I asked.
Blaze’s body language shifted from almost relaxed to extremely uncomfortable. Uneasiness was still present but his face grew softer and his eyes showed a faint sadness. Blaze smoothed his t-shirt until the hem was flush against his navy shorts. Then, he lunged from his seat and clung to the mantelpiece that held several framed photographs of me, Mom, and some of Kate. Though his back was to us, our eyes never left him.
“You don’t have to say anything you don’t want to,” I said. “We are strangers. You don’t owe us anything.”
“To find out your life was nothing like it seemed is a lot to process,” he said, staring at the fireplace. “I couldn’t know that you existed and pretend otherwise. I especially couldn’t continue wondering if you were wasting time looking for me.”
“You wouldn’t have been a waste of time,” Sadie said. “We are a team now.”
“Mascot,” I said, pointing my thumb in Sadie’s direction.
“Things have been difficult lately. I—I was just hoping for some answers. Though, I'm not entirely sure what my questions are.”
“Maybe we were all just looking for the same thing,” I said.
“And how convenient we found it at the same time,” he added.
“Magic is real,” I said. “The timing of our discovery hasn’t even registered on my strange meter.”
"Everything happens for a reason,” Sadie added.
Her motto explained the situation without actually explaining it. It was unusual that I would find solace in such an abstract way of thinking. It was also highly improbable that we would ever find a better answer. Sadie’s slogan tied the conundrum with a neat, pink bow.
“Magical or not, we will face this battle and every battle together,” Sadie said.
If only she could grasp the concept of stopping while you’re ahead.
“Now you’re just being cheesy, Sadie,” I said.
“Yeah, you really are our mascot,” Blaze joked.
Sadie jabbed her fist into Blaze’s stomach, which responded with a dull thud; Sadie’s hand had barely made a dent on his barricade of muscles. Blaze pressed his palm against her forehead, keeping her at literal arm’s length. Sadie flailed about, never coming close to making contact. She struggled against his hand, shuffling side to side when it became clear she would not be moving forward. Blaze mirrored her footsteps, never allowing her forehead to leave his hand.
“I surrender!” Sadie yelped.
“I figured you would,” Blaze said. “So what’s next?”
“Sadie and I have already swapped life stories,” I said. “Looks like it’s your turn.”
I half expected him to run straight for the door, mowing the furniture and us down, and leaving a Blaze-shaped hole in the wood. I even instinctively moved out of his way. Instead, he reclaimed his previous position on the couch.
“What do you want to know?”
“The usual,” Sadie said. “How was your childhood? What was Dad like? Are you excited to have magic powers?”
We all chuckled signaling, to me, that we were all in agreement that our lives were strange. Sadie’s chest swelled with pride at having caused such a reaction. Blaze resumed appearing almost comfortable. His emotions went up and down like mine.
“My childhood was structured,” Blaze began. “Dad is a diehard military man and our lives revolved around the Marine Corps. It only got worse in the past several years. I’m not even sure where he is right now.”
Well, color me not surprised.
“I’ll admit,” he continued. “I often wondered where my mom was or what she was like but Dad stayed pretty closed off about stuff like that. I just stopped asking after awhile I guess.”
“We all really suck at asking questions,” I said.
“You guys never asked either?”
“I asked about dad up until junior high,” I said. “After years of not getting the answer I wanted I finally started to feel guilty about it so I stopped. Sadie never asked at all.”
“Knowing what I know now I’m almost glad I didn’t know,” Sadie said. “Of course, I hate that we missed so much time together but the magic part would have been too much for a child’s mind.”
“Yeah, the magic part,” he said. “Before I practically ran from Aunt Leah’s, I got the impression my dad’s dive off the deep end had something to do with all of this magic talk. He’s always been difficult but once I turned eighteen he was barely around. I have been on this earth the better part of twenty years and I have seen a lot, most of which I wish I could erase, but proof of magic is not included in that.”
Sadie, who had become the spokesperson for the supernatural, hurried upstairs to undoubtedly retrieve the journal and squash Blaze’s cynicism. My mouth opened, prepared to explain her sudden exit. But then I decided he deserved to be surprised like the rest of us.
“Open it,” Sadie said, all but throwing the journal and herself at Blaze.
The words appeared just as before but Blaze’s reaction was not as spastic as ours. I never expected it would be. In fact, there wasn’t much of a reaction at all.
“The words are only visible when one of us open it,” I said.
“Damn.”
“I have visions and Sadie hypnotizes bugs.”
“Not just bugs! I’m sure it works on other animals and probably people!”
“Regardless, it’s all new to us,” I said. “We have been trying to experiment. Just wave your hands around until something happens.”
He smiled at the sarcasm but I was half serious.
“That’s how I found mine,” Sadie said, never one to think anything is impossible.
“Maybe later,” Blaze said.
"Why aren't you more interested in this?" Sadie prodded.
I was curious about that too. Though I may have been distrusting and alarmed by it at first, I was still engrossed by the idea of magic.
"I just got home," he said. "Knowing that this information separated us, that my mother is dead and my dad is so distraught I'm not even sure where he is takes time. I’ve been through a lot and I can deal with a lot but even I can only take so much at once…don’t tell anyone I said that.”
Curiosity really did kill the cat. Smothered him with his own nosiness.
The rest of the conversation centered on our lives thus far. Sadie and I shared stories of our childhoods—embarrassing, happy, and otherwise. As I spoke of Mom, the two of them listened, alternating smiles and subtle frowns of what might have been. Occasionally, Blaze would divulge a story or two of his own but never asked any questions.
He coul
d run straight to Aunt Leah without hesitation but asking Sadie or me personal questions was unthinkable. I took no offense. We had our whole lives to learn about one another. If he did not care to pry, I did not care to be offended.
Growing up, he followed a strict routine. From an early age Dad expected Blaze to perform a list of daily chores, in addition to his homework. He was never allowed to sleep-in and bedtime was promptly at 10:00 p.m. There were very few celebrations of birthdays or holidays in their home, at least at the caliber of Mom and Aunt Leah’s. I never recognized the blessing of such moments until I no longer had the chance to experience them. Blaze never once appeared resentful. I supposed he couldn’t miss what he never had.
From the ages of five to nine, Blaze played on a Little League team. He said his participation was limited because he was smaller than most of the boys. Still, he and Dad showed up for every practice and every game just the same. I tried to imagine Blaze as a child, suited up in his uniform, throwing around a baseball with teammates twice his size. Although I had seen a photograph of him at age two, I still couldn’t picture him as anything but enormous and intimidating.
When Sadie inquired about high school, Blaze shocked neither of us by declaring football his sport of choice. The summer before ninth grade he went from an average size five-foot-seven to a whopping six-foot-one in a matter of months. By tenth grade he towered above everyone at six-foot-four making him a shoe-in for varsity football. This story I had no trouble believing.
As the clock struck 2:00 a.m, a collective yawn swept through the room. Time had slipped away unbeknownst to any of us. Bit by bit, Blaze had slid further down on his portion of the couch. His head rested against the back of the couch while Sadie had stretched out across the two unoccupied cushions next to him. My legs were thrown over one armrest and the rest of my body was scrunched into the chair.
“So what are your plans?” I asked. “Can you stay awhile or do you have…Marine things to do?”
“No Marine things for a little while,” he laughed.
Sadie yawned; incapable of holding her eyes open she struggled to appear alert and conscious. Her eyelids fluttered as she fought against their desire to close for the night. Sadie’s head bobbed forward and back in subtle nods, growing heavier each time she lifted it from the couch. The fight was for naught. After the battle had raged for several minutes, her eyes closed, neck angled, and neither faced any further resistance from Sadie.