She slapped my arm playfully as we guided a totally out of it Sandra to the bar. I looked over as Maggie came running to us. I smiled at her. “Thanks Mags. I'm going to get her home now. Square things up for her on my account would ya?”
Maggie smiled, “Sure thing Bobbi. And don't be a stranger. We really miss seeing you around here.”
I nodded with a little wave as Blake and I took our little blonde package in tow out to the car. Stopping for a moment at the club doors for Sandra to give Minnie a big hug and sloppy kiss on the cheek.
As soon as we were in the car I started it for the heater then turned to Blake and Sandra who were sitting in the back seat. “Sandra. What's going on. Why were you here alone? You know Jane's rules. Too many people try to take advantage of you. You are better than this.”
She looked down at her feet like a small child. “I'm sorry Bobbi. There was a girl. She said she loved me. But it turns out she just wanted my trust money. She got mad and left when I told her I couldn't give her any... cuz then I wouldn't have enough to help the people. I... I just wanted to forget so I came here.”
She was crying now. Blake pulled her into a hug and let her cry, whispering to her, “Shhh. It's OK now. She didn't deserve you hon. Shhh.”
I smiled at the scene. “Let's get you home San.” She nodded and just snuggled into Blake's hug and promptly passed out.
I was watching Blake in the rear-view mirror as I drove. She glanced up at me with a question in her eyes. She's so perceptive and doesn't miss anything... well almost anything. I spoke quietly so I wouldn't wake Sandra, “Her family is kind of way beyond rich. But she has a habit of being too trusting and letting people take advantage of her. So her dad set up her money in a trust. She can only access a hundred thousand a month. Most of that she uses to help out the homeless people in Seattle and to bring therapy animals to the children in the burn wards and cancer wards throughout the city.”
I smiled at Sandra in the mirror. “Now she may be naive but she is possibly the kindest soul I know. She'll tell you she's not smart... and maybe she isn't in the traditional sense. But ask her how many beds are available at any given shelter on any given night. Or how many rabbits or dogs she would need to bring to any of the local hospitals to ensure that each child has one to pet while she is there, or how many open beds there are in each ward... and she will tell you in an instant. If you need someone for a specific job or a permanent position no matter how obscure, she can tell you exactly where to find a homeless person with the exact skill-set you need and what their name is. That's how we found our handyman, Vernon, at Silent Bob's. If that isn't smart, I don't know what is. I have seen her literally give the shirt off her back to a homeless woman without the woman losing any pride.”
Blake smiled down on the sleeping blonde as she stroked her hair. “She sounds like an amazing person.”
I nodded. “She is.”
Blake giggled a little, I looked back in the mirror. She looked embarrassed even though her eyes twinkled in mirth. “I have to admit, I was a little... I don't know... jealous? That someone was pulling my best friend away from our movie night. God, I'm so possessive of you. That's really the reason I came. But now I'm really glad I did. I've met some of the other people in your life and I've liked each and every one of them.”
I couldn't stop the huge smile that was occupying my face as we continued on in a comfortable silence.
We pulled up to the crumbling brick building in a seedy part of town where Sandra lived. There was a homeless man sitting at the top of the concrete steps curled up in a blanket on some cardboard by the doors.
I hopped out and went around to the passenger side and opened the back door. Blake was looking at the area with a little concern on her face as she shook Sandra gently. The blonde woke and looked at us with a smile then outside to see she was home.
We helped her out of the vehicle and up the stairs. She broke away from us as we reached the door and sat down next to the man on the cold concrete. She glanced at him then stared toward the street, “Sup Leo?”
He never looked at her as he stared at the street too. “Sup Dandelion.”
Blake looked at me with concern and obvious confusion at my smile. I nudged my head down toward Sandra with pride and Blake's eyes followed.
Sandra pulled ten dollars out of her purse and held it out. Leo still didn't look at her but reached for the bill. Sandra pulled it back a little. “What's the word Leo? You know the deal, I pay for the info.”
He finally looked at her and she made sure to make direct eye contact with him as he spoke, “Two new guys down by the pier. Freshies... look scared to death.”
Sandra let him grab the money but she didn't release it. “Ten more if you get them to the Second Street shelter. They have three spare cots for tonight and tomorrow, temperatures are going to plummet. Let them know Anchorage Avenue shelter will have space after that. They can use help on the soup lines too. I found David a job.”
He nodded as she released the money and he stood up grabbing his blanket and his cardboard. “Solid, Dandelion.”
She stood with a smile as she forked over another ten and said, “Solid.” She called after him as he scurried down the steps, “And, Leo, remember I need names and former occupations... and keep up the good work!”
The man grunted as we all turned and made our way into the run down building.
Blake tilted her head and looked at Sandra. “Dandelion?”
She giggled and pointed at her head. “My hair.”
We had to support a swaying Sandra up the stairs and into her little apartment. We were immediately greeted by five excited puppies. Blake looked around at all the rabbit cages as I instructed Sandra to go get cleaned up and ready for bed. The blonde nodded and wandered off into her bedroom.
Then with a look of concern Blake whispered, “I thought you said her family was beyond rich.”
I nodded. “They are. But she wants her dad to be proud of her for her own merits, she wants to prove that she can take care of herself. The man doesn't know just how special she is. But at least he loves her. She doesn't use a penny of the money from her trust for herself and works part time selling tickets for the duck boat rides downtown, and filling in at Silent Bob's in the coffee shop to support herself.”
I tilted my head as I continued. “She lives here because she can be closer to the homeless people she helps. They respect her and love her with a fiery passion, she treats them all with respect. I pity the person who ever tries to harm her around here. These...” I squatted to pick up a little white and tan puppy who so desperately wanted to lick our faces off. “...are her therapy animals. They are the ones she brings around to all the children's wards around town. She thought of doing it all on her own. There is a huge demand for her now. She goes where she is most needed. And unlike most people she will look directly at the suffering children and treat them like any other child. She knows the importance of being accepted.”
Blake looked truly stunned and a little smile made its way to her lips. “She really is amazing.”
I nodded with a grin, then Sandra wandered out in her pajamas. “Thanks for getting me home ladies. I'm so sorry.”
I walked over to her and gave her a hug. “Never apologize San. I'm always here for you. We better get going. Call if you need me, even if just to talk.”
Then she nodded and looked over at Blake who had joined us and gave her a big hug as well. “Thank you too Blake. I see how happy you make our Silent Bob here. I hope to see you around a lot more, I like to see her happy.”
Shit. Blake backed up a couple steps. I couldn't read her expression, but the anger was evident in her voice as she pieced it all together. “Roberta... Bobbi... Silent Bob,” She hissed.
I took a step toward her and tried to explain. “Blake... it isn't what...”
She interrupted, tears were in her eyes. “All this time? You were lying to me all this time? Everyone knew. You made a fool of me... you were all havin
g a good laugh over me weren't you?”
I was desperate to calm her. “No. No, it wasn't like that at all. Let me explain!”
She just turned and stomped off and out of the apartment yelling back, “No! I won't be made a fool of any more! I don't ever want to hear from you again! I can't believe I ever trusted you!”
And she was gone. I was crying and Sandra was frantically hugging me. “What's wrong? What's going on? Why is she so mad? Was it something I said? I'm so sorry Bobbi. I'm so stupid!”
I stopped crying for a second at that and gave her a fierce look. “Don't EVER say you are stupid Sandra! This is my fault not yours. I was the one being stupid, because I couldn't tell the truth.”
I wiped my tears and forced a smile on my face as I looked at her. “Get to bed San... I'll talk to you later. Love you lots.”
She smiled back, but still looked scared and sad. “Love you too Bobbi. Goodnight.”
I waved as I exited her apartment and got down to the street. I looked around but Blake was nowhere to be seen and I couldn't hear her creaking or clacking. She was long gone.
I sat in my car for a few minutes and just sobbed. I had really fucked things up. Now I've even lost Blake as a friend. When I finally composed myself I tried calling her. Voice mail. “Blake. Please call me. It wasn't like that. Please believe me. You are my best friend, I didn't mean to screw things up. I'm sorry. Please, please call.”
I started the car and slowly drove back to the lodge. Why was I such a coward, why couldn't I have listened to everyone and just talked with her?
Then a terrifying thought hit me. What if... what if I couldn't fix this? Oh God. I couldn't imaging my life without Blake in it anymore, even if it were just as friends. She had worked herself so deeply and completely into my life these past few weeks. I didn't want to be alone again. I was tired of being alone. I didn't want to start over again. Why the hell am I so damn stupid!?
I parked at the lodge and I dragged myself up to my room and sat on my bed and stared at my cellphone. I took a deep breath and tried calling her again. Voice mail. Then I did the only thing I could and left another message then cried myself to sleep.
Chapter 7 – So This Is How It Ends
I woke up Saturday morning to my alarm chiming. It was time to open the shop. I looked at my cellphone. No messages. I called Blake again. Once again it rang through to voice mail. “Blake. Blakester. Please. I... I don't know what to do... what to say. Please call me.”
I didn't feel like opening the shop today, Remmy and Ramona could do it... I didn't feel like anything today. I needed to think, I was suffocating inside, the walls were closing in. I needed to get out to the mountains so I could think more clearly, where I could breathe, to come up with a plan. That's the one place where everything makes sense, where everything is clear to me. I started packing up my gear.
I made my way quietly down to the shop. I saw Vernon was already in there, replacing a runner on one of the sleighs. Doesn't that man ever stop working? He looked at me with what I'm sure were my red puffy eyes and he stood up. I shook my head and lashed my gear to one of the snowmobiles. With a look of understanding and without a word he walked over to the bay door and opened it and I went rocketing out of the shop into the snow on my snowmobile and headed up the mountain, its headlight illuminating the darkness.
It was snowing lightly as I made my way through the trees and along a ridge, I didn't even know where I was going yet. I'd know when I got there. I didn't need to be thinking about anything but how to fix things with that woman that seems to have become the center of my life. The one that I lost because of my own idiocy and insecurity.
I looked to the mountains that I loved so much, the one consistent thing that would always be there no matter how badly I screwed up. They were here long before me and would be here long after I was gone. They were my only stability right now. I felt so alone. I hated being alone. Is it possible to feel empty? I'm starting to believe that I am all used up now. Nothing left.
I passed over the frozen Beggar's Creek as the sun started to poke up over the peaks, then I was there. This must be where I was going. I pulled out my radio and hesitated, then switched it on. “Silent Bob to Homeplate.”
Almost immediately that familiar gravely voice popped to life over the speaker, “Goddammit Bobbi. Where the hell are you? Vernon was worried sick when you took off into the forest like a bat out of hell!”
I took a deep breath. “I... need to think. I'm at Beggar's Creek. I need to get up high... I'll check in at the top.”
“Get your ass back here and we can talk first, there's a goddamn storm and you know you shouldn’t be climbing in it.” He gruffed back.
No, I needed to think. “Love you too Remmy. I'll check in at the top. Silent Bob out.” I quickly shut the radio off before he could respond.
I looked at the peaks, I had tons of choices, then I had it. I grabbed my gear and my pack and tarped the snowmobile. Then I started trudging through the snow into rougher terrain. It was only about a mile away through the trees and rocks, I could be there in less than thirty minutes.
I took long deep breaths of the bracing, clean mountain air. It was invigorating! Before I knew it I stepped into a clearing and looked at the imposing wall of rock stretching east and west for a half mile in each direction. South Face Ridge, or “The Skin” as the local climbers referred to the sheer cliff face that stretched up above the trees over three hundred feet.
I allowed myself a small smile. The mountains never let me down, they are my true friends. Never judging. Always there for me. I picked a difficult traditional route. I wanted to think only about climbing right now so I wouldn't think about anything else. I could do that at the top.
The rock face was slick and the snow continued to fall. The wind wasn't too bad yet, I could beat it to the top before it got too harsh. I checked my gear and assaulted the route. The first thirty feet were cake, with plenty of buckets to bump from. It was a little slick, I'd have to slow down. I did an arm bar in a crack when the climbing got tougher to take a moment to look at the route to assess my next move.
Then I committed and pulled myself up around a buttress onto a wide long ledge about seventy feet above the deck, overlooking the tree tops. I took a moment to look out over the valley as I sat on the snowy ledge with my legs dangling over the edge. This is what calms me, gives me my center.
I thought back to the first time Uncle Stu took me climbing. I was terrified, but he made it fun for me. The first time I stood at the top of a route and looked across the mountains from the top of the world, I was in love. I would hit the mountains any chance I got.
I don't know how many boys and girls I was dating back in school wound up dumping me because “You love those damn mountains more than me.” But the peaks would console me and help mend the broken hearts that ensued.
I knocked myself out of my reminiscing. Visibility was diminishing quickly as the storm continued. I'd better keep moving. I drank some water and took a bite from one of the damn granola bars that Jane seems to always have and keeps giving me, then stood and proceeded up The Skin.
It never ceases to amaze me that no matter how many times you climb the same rock face, it is different each time depending on the decisions you make along the route. That's what makes the activity so enthralling.
I was making good time, I progressed another forty or so feet. And found myself in a tight spot so I had to traverse to the right a bit to continue. I committed to a move and made it through and placed a semi-solid cam. I tested it. The placement looked solid on the slick rock face and I was feeling confident so I ran it out. Unfortunately a hold broke and the cam ripped and I silently plummeted down the cliff.
It's odd, but I felt completely calm, it was so quiet. There was no panic as the ground was rushing up to greet me. Two thoughts were going through my head as I fell to my certain death. “So, this is how it ends.” and “I'm sorry Blake.” Then the world went black.
Chap
ter 8 – The Call
“Blake? Miss Reston?” Lane broke me out of my thoughts.
I looked at my customer service lead. “What is it Lane?”
He tilted his head a little toward my desk. “I was just saying that your phone is ringing.”
I nodded as he wandered off to the front counter to help a customer. I picked up the phone. Did she decide to try to call again? She gave up. Just three calls is all I was really worth to her. She hadn't called since early yesterday morning.
I idly looked at the screen, ready to refuse the call. Hmmm... it isn't the dyke. Oh God! I can't say that anymore, I choke on the word just thinking it. It just sounds so wrong and poisonous now. I can't believe I used to be that way, used to think that way. I've started to hate people who think that way. Damn it. Why the hell do I care for her? She used me, lied to me, made me... feel things... I shouldn't. All to get more of a stranglehold for her business. She... no, I can't believe that. God I'm so confused.
I looked at the phone again, it was a number I didn't recognize. I hit accept. “Hello?”
A voice that sounded familiar, like rocks grinding together came across the line. “Hi, Blake? Blake Reston?”
This was the old codger from the radio on the mountain. What does he want? Want to rub it in? They haven't got enough laughs about it yet? “What do you want?” I hissed.
I could almost feel the concern in his old voice when he asked, “Is Bobbi with you?”
His tone made me nervous but I was still mad. “No. Why would she be? I told her I never wanted to see her again.”
He was quiet for a few long seconds, I actually started thinking that he had hung up when he almost whispered, “Ah... that explains it. She's on the mountain... she's missed three check-ins since yesterday morning.”
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