by Jade Kerrion
“He did?” Nicole drummed her fingers against her desk. “What for?”
“Don’t know. He regained consciousness about two days ago, but today’s the first day he seems lucid. Talking’s still hard for him, though.”
“I don’t have anything to say to him.”
“Didn’t say you did.” The officer paused for a beat. “I heard that you’re the one who convinced his wife to take out the restraining order.”
“Yes, I am.”
“I think it’s worth your while coming in. You’re the only person he’s asked for. Not his wife. Not his parents.”
Nicole frowned. “Fine. I’m leaving now. I should be there in about an hour.”
After she disconnected the call, her fingers almost tapped in a familiar pattern—Rico’s phone number—but she stopped herself. Whatever Phil wanted to say to her was not Rico’s business. Neither was it his family’s.
Nicole pressed her lips together—a balm against the ache in her chest and the sting of tears in her eyes. She didn’t need Rico. She hadn’t needed him before she met him, and she didn’t need him now. If the days seemed a lot longer and a lot tougher, it was a matter of adjustment. He had been wonderful—amazing, even—but she didn’t need or want a man who was, in the end, no different from her father. Her decision to dump Rico before she got in any deeper was absolutely the right thing to do. All in all, she’d had a lucky escape. Her heart—her dumb heart—would just have to catch up with her head.
New York City traffic was a nasty snarl from Manhattan to Brooklyn, and she arrived almost an hour and a half later. Lieutenant Johnson was waiting in a chair outside the hospital room. “Wondered if you’d be here,” the officer said. “His family’s on the way, but you beat them to it.” She jerked her head toward the door. “Go on in.”
Nicole rapped lightly on the door before opening it. Phil, his skull shrouded in bandages and his face swollen, lay on the narrow hospital bed, surrounded by rows of beeping and glowing hospital equipment. His head turned slightly in her direction. His fingers twitched in a gesture that might have looked like “come closer.”
He rasped out something unintelligible; his words were slurred. Frowning, Nicole moved closer. Pain and remorse were stark in his eyes. “Sorry,” he repeated, his voice fractionally stronger. “You tried to stop me.”
Nicole stared at him in disbelief.
“Wish I’d listened.” Guilt screamed through his stricken gaze. “You were protecting Marie.”
Nicole’s throat seized up, making it hard to draw a breath. She had expected curses. She had braced for his hate. After all, hadn’t Rico’s family felt and said as much?
She hadn’t expected gratitude from anyone, and most certainly not from the one person who was facing charges of attempted murder and who had more cause than anyone to hate her.
“I’m sorry,” Phil murmured. His eyes fluttered as if the strain were too much for him and then closed.
Nicole flicked an anxious glance at the machines monitoring Phil’s heartrate, but they continued their steady blip. She gripped the rails on his bed as her legs wobbled. Who would have thought—?
The door opened, and Rico rushed in. “Nicole.” He wrapped an arm around her waist, steadying her. “Are you okay?”
Nicole glanced up, and her gaze fell on the several people clustered in the doorway behind him. She recognized Marie, Lena, and Jose. The other two people, she supposed, were Phil’s parents. She stiffened and pushed Rico away. “I’m fine.”
“And Phil?”
“I think he’s fine. He’s resting.”
“What did he say to you?”
Nicole couldn’t stand being physically this close to Rico. She stepped around him and braced herself to face a circle of hostile faces. Marie’s eyes were red and puffy, but at least they were no longer bruised. The cuts on her cheek and lips had healed, but she hugged her handbag like a shield against her chest as Nicole walked up to her.
Several different things passed through Nicole’s mind. Words of admonishment, of sympathy, of advice. Finally, all she said was. “If you need to talk to me, call. Anytime.”
Marie bit her lower lip, but she nodded. She said nothing else.
Nicole waved goodbye to the officer and then continued down the corridor. Footsteps raced after her, and she wasn’t surprised when Rico grabbed her arm. “Wait, can we talk?”
“We’ve nothing to say to each other.”
“You’re wrong. There’s lots to say, and I haven’t said enough of it.”
“Oh, you said plenty a week ago when you said you weren’t ready for me.”
His eyebrows drew together. “I never said that. I said my family wasn’t ready for you.”
“Same difference. Your family’s everything to you.”
He opened his mouth to deny it, but shut it again.
“See? Even you know I’m right.”
“No. I’ve just learned not to argue with a lawyer. I can’t win any arguments that way.” He drew a deep breath. “I want to kiss you, but in your current mood, I know I’m risking a knee in my groin.”
She bared her teeth at him in a motion that was more snarl than smile. “At least you’re in a hospital. You’ll be able to get medical attention quickly. You won’t damage any of your misogynistic sperm.”
“I’m a believer in nurture, not nature. And given your past, I would have thought you’d be a believer in it too.”
“What do you mean?”
“You could have become like your mother, but you’re not. You’re strong and confident. You don’t need the approval of a man to define who you are.”
Nicole snorted. If only you knew how much time I’ve wasted thinking about you and wanting you.
“That’s what I love most about you.”
Her eyes narrowed. “What are you buttering me up for?”
He chuckled. “That, and your suspicious attitude.” The humor vanished from his eyes. “Why didn’t you return my calls?”
“I stopped getting them.”
He shook his head. “You are so good with the word play. You blocked my number. That’s why you didn’t receive any calls from me.”
She shrugged. “Technicalities.”
“Not for me.” His grip tightened on her wrist. “Don’t think you can walk away from me.”
“Really, Rico? The caveman style of wooing women isn’t going to work on me. I thought you knew better.”
“There’s a difference between a caveman and a man who knows when the woman he loves is running away because she’s scared.”
“Scared?” Her jaw dropped. “I’m not scared.”
“Not of men. Not even of being alone. But you are scared. You’re afraid that you might actually enjoy someone’s company enough to want to be with them forever. You’re afraid to let people into your life, afraid that you might have misjudged them somehow, and that they turn out to be like your father.”
“When did you become an expert on me?”
“When I fell in love with you. And no, I’m not an expert, but I intend to be, and the only way I’ll get there is if you give us a chance.”
She couldn’t think. Her head—and her heart—were too full, and she would be damned if she gave a reply on impulse without having first, a clear head. “Not right now. I have to go.”
Nicole pulled her arm free and continued down the corridor, but she froze when Rico said, “You’re thinking of visiting your father.”
Nicole spun around and stalked back to him. “How did you know?”
“I heard what Phil said to you. We all did.”
“The door was closed.”
“There was a monitor in the room, next to his head. Trust me, his words came through loud and clear.” He glanced over his shoulder at the cluster of people standing outside Phil’s room. “Marie didn’t start crying until she heard Phil apologize. Until that moment, I think she blamed herself. I don’t think she was expecting an apology, not from Phil, and certainly not to yo
u.”
“I didn’t either.”
“Caught you by surprise, huh? When I came into the room, you looked like you were about to fall.”
“I was not about to fall.”
“Why is it so difficult for you to admit that you could use a bit of help every now and again, like a normal person?”
He reached out to her again, and that time, she let him draw her into his arms. She closed her eyes and allowed herself to savor the safety and warmth of his body next to hers, protecting her. She didn’t need protection, but it was comforting knowing he stood beside her. On her side.
Even so, she did not expect his next words. “Would you like me to come with you?”
Chapter 10
The second thoughts that had plagued Nicole from the moment she thought of seeing her father had tripled in intensity by the time she was seated on one side of the glass, waiting for her father to be brought to her.
She clenched her hands so hard that her fingernails bit into the palms of her hands, but Rico’s steadying hand on hers helped her relax—not fully, but enough to realize how stressed she was. She looked up at him.
He grinned, but his grip tightened on her hand. “You’re doing great.”
“You’re not convincing. You’re hoping I won’t break free of your grip and run away.”
“You’re in three-inch heels. You won’t get far.”
She chuckled, but it sounded strained to her ears.
“You’ve never visited him, have you?” Rico asked.
“We were thirteen when Trisha died.” She sighed softly. “I haven’t seen him in seventeen years.”
“I take it you haven’t written either.”
“Oh, I wrote plenty of letters—to him, to my mom, to Trisha. And I burned them all later. They were extremely therapeutic, and in the long run, cheaper than breaking dishes.”
Rico laughed. “I never took you for a breaking-dishes type of person.”
“Not my own dishes, at any rate.”
“You’re too practical.”
“Practical. Yeah, that’s me.” Her voice drooped.
He squeezed her fingers gently. “Hey, I like practical. I don’t think—”
On the other side of the glass, the door opened and a prison officer ushered a man into the room. Wispy strands of gray hair plastered against the dome of his skull, and the flaccid skin on his cheeks gave him a look of a depressed bloodhound. If she had passed him on the streets, she would not have recognized her father.
The man’s eyes widened. Apparently, he hadn’t been expecting her either. Slowly, he sat down and reached for the telephone.
She did too.
“Nicole.” His voice was raspy—no longer the strong, strident tone that used to strike fear in her.
“Hi.” She couldn’t call him dad. It was too personal, and he had revoked the right to it when he pulled the trigger and killed her sister.
“Didn’t expect to see you.”
She shrugged. She didn’t really have an answer to that question.
“How is your mom?”
“She’s all right. I saw her a few months back before Thanksgiving.”
“She tells me about you when she comes see me. She says you’re doing real well at your job.” He looked at Rico. “Is this your boyfriend?”
Nicole hesitated before saying, “This is Rico Vargas.”
“He takes good care of you?” Her father’s tone was taunting as he bared his teeth in a grin that sent a jolt through Nicole’s spine.
She instinctively braced for the churn of fear in her stomach, the terror that had defined her childhood, but before the fear could leech up to chill her lungs, white hot anger surged through her. She straightened, and her chin lifted. “Not every man needs to prove he’s physically stronger than a woman half his size.”
“You always had fight in you.”
Nicole didn’t even realize she was gritting her teeth until she felt Rico’s hand against the small of her back. Almost immediately, her racing pulse settled into a steadier beat. “Some people don’t change,” she said, and her hand moved to hang up the phone.
“Wait!” Her father gestured, but she set down the phone and stood up.
Behind the glass, her father shot to his feet and started shouting. The guard moved forward to restrain him. He was pulled out of the room, twisting in the guard’s grip, shouting back at Nicole. The words were inaudible, but Nicole realized, in that single, liberating moment, she no longer cared.
She didn’t care if he was shouting an apology or a curse.
That man—her father—and the damage he had wreaked in her life was finally in the past.
“Are you okay?” Rico asked her after they stepped out of the penitentiary.
She stood still and drew a deep breath. “Yeah, I am.”
“He was baiting you.”
“Maybe. Or perhaps he was just being him.”
He stared at her. “You weren’t counting on him being different.”
“Most leopards don’t lose their spots. It’s rare for an abusive man to stop being abusive. And being in prison doesn’t help. I don’t think those places breed compassion and empathy.”
“But Phil?”
“You said it wasn’t in Phil’s nature to be abusive, and maybe you were right. He had a trigger—PTSD—and it changed his personality, but somewhere, deep inside, Phil is still Phil. He still knows right from wrong.”
“It doesn’t change what he did to Marie, though.”
“No, it doesn’t. But it’s a case for treatment, not necessarily incarceration.”
“What’s going to happen to him now?”
Nicole shrugged. “I don’t know.” She paused and looked up at Rico. “What do you want to have happen to him?”
“Isn’t that a question for my sister?”
Nicole nodded. “Yes, it is. How is she doing?”
“She cried the whole afternoon after she heard Phil apologize to you.”
“Did he actually apologize to her?”
“He didn’t wake up again until after she had left for the day. Perhaps she considers it an apology by proxy.”
“I would,” Nicole said. She stopped by her car. “Thank you for coming with me.”
“I didn’t think you needed to deal with it alone.”
She bit her lower lip before turning to face Rico. “I could have, you know.”
His eyebrows shot up. “Yes, I know.”
“And I should have.”
“That, your honor, is a matter of opinion. I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone as strong as you, but I haven’t met anyone as alone either. Your father and what he did…it’s why you push everyone away. You’re afraid that all men might be shades of your father. That’s why you have affairs and not relationships. If a man doesn’t mean anything to you, you’re always certain you can walk away.”
She glared at him. “It’s rude to point out a lady’s deficiencies.”
“It would, except that you don’t think it’s a deficiency. You wear your emotional defenses like a badge of honor.”
“Look, Rico. Whenever people meet, life deals out one of three possible cards—friendship, an affair, and love. For a long time, affairs suited me.”
“And now?” he asked, his voice tight.
I’m afraid to hope for more. I’m too frayed—too close to breaking—and now he knows the whole ugly truth about my father and my broken family, and all my screw-up trust issues. I can’t risk it. If I’m wrong about Rico, it could break me in a way my father never could.
No, the right answer was, as always, the safe answer. Nicole swallowed hard before speaking. “I don’t know. I thought about it…about something more for us, but maybe we should be grateful it didn’t work out. It was just a close call.”
“I see.” Rico looked grim. “So you’re tossing aside the relationship option? Does an affair grant me rights to have dinner with you anyway?”
She hesitated long enough to see a scowl s
hape his mouth. “I suppose so.”
“Okay. So how about this Saturday?”
“Oh…” Nicole’s eyes widened. “I can’t. I finally heard back from Big Guy’s owner. I’m returning him on Saturday.”
“You what?”
“I heard from his owner. The kid I put on directory cold-calling duty finally tracked her down. She lives two blocks from where the accident happened. She asked me to come over at four on Saturday.”
“Oh.” Rico squeezed her hand. “I’m sorry.”
She looked away. “It was bound to happen. Big Guy was too wonderful to be an unwanted mutt.”
“You’re going to miss him.”
“Yeah. I didn’t think there was room in my condo for him, but it somehow expanded to fit him.” Just like my heart expanded to fit you, not that you’ll ever know. “Anyway, he belongs to his owner, so off he goes on Saturday.”
“I’ll come by your place in the morning. We’ll go over together.”
“It’s okay. I can do this alone. I won’t get lost.”
“What’s happening on Saturday is almost as big as what happened today. I was here for you today; damn straight I’ll be there for you on Saturday.”
Nicole’s chest ached. “Big Guy’s just…I mean I can’t just buy another dog. It doesn’t work that way.”
“No, it doesn’t. Because it was real, Nicki. What you had with Big Guy was a real relationship. It wasn’t just an affair.”
She stiffened. “Don’t twist this into something it’s not. He was just a dog.”
“Was he? Like I’m just a guy.” Rico sounded sarcastic, which was far outside of the norm for him. “When are you going to forgive me and my family for not getting things right immediately?”
Nicole looked at him askance. “Look, it’s all in the past now. There’s nothing to forgive.”
“Then this affair—”
“Is exactly how we started out. It’s exactly how we agreed to end things.”
Rico drew a deep breath and straightened his shoulders. “Yeah, I guess you’re right there. I guess our affair was always meant to end.”