Life Beyond the Temple

by Nikolai Joslin

  “I had come here enough in my youth, and even up to the day my sister died. I believed in this place, in how it could help us attain our goals and bring us peace and wisdom. I actually knew every fish in this pond, but not that day. I pointed my gun at the first fish I saw, but I didn’t recognize it. It was dark blue with a little white star on one side of its face. My sister had a birthmark shaped like a star on her cheek. That’s when I knew my mother was right.” Liam looked sad and hurt. He must have been close to his sister.

  “You need something that only this place can give you. It will give you what you need most, Casey. Trust in it, and it will return the favor and so much more. I wish you luck.”

  “You’re going to leave?”

  His lips twitched into a small smile. “I can’t stay. It’s a sacred place for you to think. I’d just be in the way. You’d think about what I thought of it all. You need to be alone for this. You know your way back. I suggest taking a swim. Nobody can see you from here, and the gate is locked. You don’t have to worry. Oh, and the fish like to nibble at your toes and fingers, no worries.” He walked off, raising a hand in farewell.

  I just stood there for a while, looking in the direction he had gone. I finally sighed and sat down at the edge of the water and looked in.

  “What am I doing?” I muttered to myself.

  A little fish swam up, looking up at me from the water. Navy blue with a white star. Liam’s sister. If what he said was true.

  She stared up expectantly. I bit my lip but eventually took off my shoes and socks and dipped my feet in the clear water.

  She immediately swam to my toes, and I felt her fish mouth against them. It was odd and tickled a bit.

  I closed my eyes and took a few breaths. Meditation was something I learned at the Temple. It was used for many reasons, but the main one there was for Life Force control. Right now I was using it to help me think.

  What did I need?

  Answers.

  A breakthrough.

  Anything that can help me here.

  “Trust in it.”

  “I suggest taking a swim.”

  Liam’s words echoed through my head, and I toyed with the idea of the swim.

  He had taken many as a child.

  The fish nibble at you.

  When his sister started nibbling at my toe, I did feel… different. Relaxed? No, that wasn’t the word. At ease. Clearer of mind? Was there a secret to the fish?

  I didn’t have a swimsuit.

  No one could get in.

  I sighed heavily and stood up. I pulled at the edges of my shirt. It was up at my head when I heard a voice in front of me, but I was unable to see due to the damn shirt in my way. “And here I thought I’d never see you again, and now I’m seeing more of you than I’ve ever seen.”

  I yanked my shirt down quickly, knowing who I thought it was, but not sure if I was hearing things.

  I wasn’t.

  “Regan,” I whispered.

  “Hey there.”

  My knight. My protector. Goddammit, the woman I think I’m falling for.

  She stood there.

  Blue jeans, white shirt, gun in holster, her shock of black hair sticking up here and there, as if she ran a hand through it again and again. And those eyes. Green on the outside with a brown rim around the pupil.

  “Why are you here?” I whispered. She wasn’t supposed to be here.

  “I needed to find you.”

  “I left because I put you in danger, stupid!” I could feel myself shaking.

  “You didn’t think I’d just give up on you, did you?”

  “You should have. You shouldn’t be here.”

  “I’m going to protect you, Casey. I don’t care if I have to travel the damn globe with you trying to run away from me, I’ll find you. I’m not letting you get hurt.”

  “You’ll get hurt following me.”

  She shrugged. “It’s a price I’m willing to pay. Ston and Cam too.” She scowled when she said Cam’s name.

  “They’re here too?” Everything was falling apart around me.

  “Like you could keep Cam away from you. I wish that were possible,” she mumbled. “She was even more determined since she was the last to see you. She’s felt guilty since you knocked her out.”

  “It wasn’t her fault,” I sighed. “You weren’t supposed to find me.”

  “I didn’t think you’d be here, but Ston said we should try it just in case. Why are you here? You should have known we’d check. They tried really hard to keep us out too. I thought it was because of Ston, but I guess it was you.”

  “It was me. I told them to try and keep you away. I left for a reason—”

  “A stupid one,” she said, interrupting me.

  I just glared at her and continued. “The elves are sick. The necromancer created a disease, a bad one at that, and they need a cure or the entire race will be wiped out. The prince found me just after I left you guys and thought I could help.”

  “The prince? Blond hair, brown jacket, gold eyes?”

  I nodded.

  “He told me where you were.”

  “Damn him,” I muttered darkly.

  “You act like you’re unhappy to see me.” She took a step forward. I couldn’t step back or I’d step into the water.

  “It’s not that. Well, it is, but not in the way you think. I wanted to see you, I wanted to stay, but I couldn’t because of—”

  “You’re babbling.”

  “I can’t help it,” I mumbled. “I just didn’t want you to get hurt. It’s dangerous, and I’ve been having dreams and—”

  “We can talk later. All I’ve been thinking about for a week was that I didn’t get another one of these,” she whispered, taking another step and effectively closing the distance between us.

  She tangled her fingers in my hair and pulled me into her, our lips crashing together.

  I couldn’t help but melt into her. I wrapped my arms around her neck and let her pull me even closer by wrapping an arm around my waist.

  She finally pulled back, both of us breathing heavily but not moving away from each other. I let my cheek rest against her chest, and I closed my eyes. Her heartbeat. I couldn’t remember the last time I heard it. I couldn’t remember the last time I did anything with her.

  I missed her so much.

  “We should get back soon,” Regan whispered.

  “Not yet. Please, not yet.”

  “What’s wrong?” She started to pull away, as if to make sure I was okay, but that did everything but make me feel better.

  I pulled her back and said, “I just need you to myself for a moment.”

  Those fish.

  Damn them.

  They knew exactly what I needed and gave it to me. I just didn’t want it. I couldn’t want it. It would get Regan killed.

  “Case?” Regan’s arms were wrapped tightly around me, like she never wanted to let me go.

  “Yeah?”

  “Please don’t leave again. I thought I lost you. Don’t make me go through that again. I-I love you, Casey. I don’t know what I’ll do if you just disappear again.”

  “Regan….”

  “Don’t say anything. I don’t want you to tell me you don’t love me back, or that you’re too worried about putting me in danger. I don’t want to hear anything but your promise not to run off again.” Regan’s grip around me tightened.

  I didn’t say anything for a moment. “Okay, I promise.”

  “Thank you.” She pulled away and looked back the way she’d come. “We better get going. I told everyone I’d bring you back when I found you.” I felt like she was avoiding looking at me. I think it had something to do with her saying she loved me.

  Cinder?

  Are you coming back?

  Yes. I just… I don’t know what to do. I was following Regan back to Liam’s house now. She never glanced back or anything.

  What do you mean? You follow the road home.

  I mean about Rega
n. She said that she loved me.

  I love Regan.

  I know you do.

  Do you?

  No. Yes. No. I don’t know. It’s complicated.

  No it’s not. Love is the only thing that isn’t complicated, right?

  This is different, Cinder.

  Do you like being with her?

  Of course I do.

  Do you want to be with her?

  Yes, I do, but—

  Do you like kissing her?

  Cinder!

  You either love her or you don’t. It’s not as complicated as you think.

  When did you grow up?

  Someone had to keep an eye on you after we left.

  I sighed and followed Regan into Liam’s house.

  I felt the air get knocked out of me when I was tackled by a taller blonde woman. “Goddamn you, Casey,” Cam whispered in my ear, but she sounded relieved.

  “Sorry.”

  “You had me worried sick!”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t you dare do that again,” Cam whispered, holding me as tight as she could. I could see Regan, but she looked away when I made eye contact. I didn’t miss that hurt look in her eyes.

  “I won’t.” I wasn’t sure who I was saying it to now.

  Cam finally let go and stepped back, those blue eyes searching me.

  “Hey.” Ston’s voice came from behind me. I turned to see his violet eyes watching me carefully.

  “Hey.”

  “It was pretty hard to find you.”

  “You weren’t supposed to.”

  He shrugged. “Too bad.”

  Liam stood on the stairs, watching me with this knowing smirk. “I told you so,” he said as he came down the stairs. “Who is everyone?”

  I gestured to Cam. “This is Cameron, but we just call her Cam, Regan is over there, and that’s Ston.”

  He looked over at Ston with some distaste; some things never die. Ston didn’t look happy being so close to an elf either. “Nice to meet you all. Casey talks about you a lot. I’m—”

  “Prince Liam, this is King Maarius, and I am Queen Lilith. I hope you all enjoy your stay here. We have already gotten you different rooms and set them up for you,” the queen said with her award-winning smile.

  The king, on the other hand, looked a little less pleased. He watched Ston with complete distaste and almost hatred. “Yes. I hope you enjoy your stay.”

  Regan stepped forward and said, “I’m sorry for causing trouble for you, but I am supposed to be Casey’s protector while she is on her Proving Journey. If you don’t mind, I would like to stay in Casey’s room until we leave. She has run away once. I just want to keep an eye on her so I can do my job.”

  The queen smiled and said, “It’s no problem. I understand you were sent to protect her. Liam will show you to your rooms to settle in. Dinner will be in a couple hours. We’ll see you all then.” She slid her arm through Maarius’s and said, “Let’s leave them to settle in, Maarius.”

  He nodded and they walked away.

  “Casey, if you could take Regan up to your room, I’ll take the others to theirs,” Liam said.

  “Sure. I’ll see you all at dinner, okay? I have some work to do.”

  “Before you go, you never told us why you’re here. Especially why you’ve been here so long,” Cam said, stopping me before I could go.

  I sighed. “I wasn’t going to come here, but Liam found me right after I left. He said there was some sort of disease killing the elves. He thought I could help find a cure. It’s the necromancer’s work, and these people need my help.”

  “Have you found it yet? The cure?” Cam asked.

  I stiffened a bit. “Not yet,” I said, clenching my jaw.

  “She’s getting there, though,” Liam said with a smile. “She’ll have it soon.”

  “I’ll see you all at dinner,” I said.

  “Are you actually going to be there tonight?” Liam asked.

  “I’ll be there,” I said. I turned to the stairs and said, “Come on, Regan, we’re up this way.”

  Regan and I didn’t speak until we were alone in the hallways and far out of earshot from everyone downstairs. She grabbed my wrist, and I turned around to look at her.

  “Casey, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said what I did. I knew what we had wasn’t supposed to be anything serious. I just… I thought about you a lot while you were gone. You were all I really thought about. I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be sorry. I thought about you too… when I had time to think about something other than this whole cure thing….”

  “You’ve had a lot on your mind.”

  I laughed harshly and said, “Yeah, you could say that.” It’s not as complicated as you think. “Regan… I think….” My throat closed up, and I could feel my eyes start to well up. I looked away and tried to swallow the lump in my throat.

  Regan hesitantly reached out and tilted my face up to look at her. She had a sad smile when she said, “I understand if you want to stop all this. It wasn’t supposed to really mean anything. I knew that. I’m sorry, Casey.”

  “No,” I finally managed to say. “That’s not what I was going to say…,” I muttered.

  “What is it?”

  “Just… a minute.” I looked down at my feet and took a deep breath. “I love you too,” I whispered.

  She lifted my face up again. She looked like she didn’t quite believe me. “You don’t have to say that. I don’t want you to feel like you need to.”

  “I know I don’t. I want to.” I could feel my stomach doing flips. God, how nervous could I get? I felt stupid. Was it always like this?

  “You sure?”

  “Yes,” I whispered back.

  She pressed her forehead against mine and closed her eyes. “And to think that finding you was the best part of my day.”

  I’m not sure how long we stayed there, but eventually I heard footsteps, and I dragged her into our room. Cinder wasn’t there, probably wandering the building since it was the only place he was really allowed to be. “Can we just be the same in public until this is all over?” I asked. Cam would hate it, and it would get in the way. I had no time for love. There was just too much to do right now.

  “We can stay the same around everyone else if you want, but… when this is all over, I go back to the Temple.”

  “Oh. That’s right. I just… I forgot about that part.”

  “It’s going to be okay. We’ve got now.” She smiled and pulled me over to the bed. I laid my head on her chest and sighed heavily. “You alright?” she asked after a moment.

  “Yeah… I just… I can’t wrap my head around this thing. The disease. I’ve been working nonstop for over a week now.”

  “You look tired.”

  “I am.”

  “You need some sleep,” she said.

  “I need to find a cure.”

  “What’s it like? The disease. How does it work?”

  “The best way to describe it is that it poisons the Life Force. As a mage, I have a lot of Life Force, but it regenerates slowly, which is why we die. Life Force starts out by regenerating at a certain pace, and that pace gradually slows over time until it just stops. Elves have a low amount, which is why they can’t manipulate it, but it regenerates quickly and more often than humans or dark elves. It’s how they stay young and live hundreds of years. I thought that maybe you could take out the infected Life Force and clean it before returning it, but I’d need to take it all out. Not just what they have, but their future Life Force too. It’s infected everything.”

  “So you need to find a way to purify the Life Force while it’s still in the system.”

  “Right. I would infect my own Life Force if I used magic, and we don’t know the effect it can have on humans. As far as I can see, it’s the perfect weapon.” I yawned and felt my eyes start to drift closed. “I don’t know what to do,” I mumbled.

  “Sleep,” Regan said.

  I barely got out t
he words “I’m not tired,” before I slipped into sleep.

  “So, how’s everything going?” The necromancer stood in front of me. Damn this white room. Damn him. Damn everything. “You haven’t been sleeping much lately. Too worried about those damn elves?” He spat out the word elf like it made him sick.

  “I’m trying to clean up your mess,” I said, trying not to let my head fall back in pain and nausea and everything else. I don’t know why, but whenever he Dreamscaped with me, it felt like this. And every time it seemed to get worse.

  “It’s my power. That’s why you feel sick when you come here. There’s too much of it. You experience headaches and feel sick to your stomach and all of those other things you feel that you can’t describe because of my power. I’m too powerful for you. You just sit there on the floor, up against the wall, fighting not to vomit because you’re weak!” he screamed. “You were supposed to be on my level! You were supposed to be the most powerful mage since the Temple was built! And you’re just plain weak. Just like these elves. You’re weak. You don’t stand a chance against me. Just like these goddamned elves, you’re going to die.”

  I laughed quietly. “Still using that Clerstan? Makes you angry if you use it too much.”

  “Shut the fuck up! Don’t you dare speak to me like that. I could kill you in an instant, and yet I don’t because I keep hoping you’ll prove me wrong. Leave that elf city. There’s no cure for that disease. I’m killing every last elf. Move on and find me. I’m going to kill you in person. I’m going to kill your friends, and then I’m going to kill you. Leave Haven. You’ll watch all of those damn elves die, and I’ll just be stronger than I am now. If you have any hope of standing up to me, you’re going to need to hurry up. My deal with the demons will be complete soon. You have a week, maybe two, before every hope of defeating me is lost.”

  “I’m not leaving these people to die.” I struggled to my feet and took deep breaths. I had put up a sort of wall to stop what the Elders called an “overflow” of Life Force after Martun came back. Unprecedented. It couldn’t just hold my Life Force. It would build up behind it like a dam and could be dangerous, so instead it takes the extra Life Force and gets rid of it. It basically eats excess Life Force. Brilliant if I do say so myself. But, like a wall, it was hard to set up. And easy to take down. I’d kept it a secret from everyone, and tried to forget about it myself, because I didn’t want to use it again. It had caused so much pain and destruction that I didn’t believe it was worth using. So I kept it hidden in the darkest part of me and never brought it up because I feared that I might misuse it again.