“My fingers,” she replied, “do not move over this instrument in the masterly manner which I see so many women’s do. They have not the same force or rapidity, and do not produce the same expression. But then I have always supposed it to be my own fault—because I will not take the trouble of practising. It is not that I do not believe my fingers as capable as any other woman’s of superior execution.”
Darcy smiled and said, “You are perfectly right. You have employed your time much better. No one admitted to the privilege of hearing you can think anything wanting. We neither of us perform to strangers.”
This was what he had been waiting for his whole life. Not just a pretty face from a family of good standing, desirous of his money and connections. Instead, he sought a woman who understood and accepted him. The fact that she once preferred his enemy made her welcoming his attention all the sweeter. He was pleased he had taken the risk to hint at Wickham’s misdeeds.
Her acceptance set him at such peace that Darcy was able to forbear his aunt’s vaguely insulting words to Elizabeth and praise of his cousin’s imaginary talents. His aunt was easily ignored and soon left their sides for the fawning of Mr. Collins. Elizabeth agreed to play the rest of the evening, and Darcy was able to plan his courtship.
*****
The next morning as Elizabeth worked on a handkerchief with cheerful spring flowers for Jane, Mr. Darcy called on the Parsonage, greatly surprising her. He quickly apologised for finding her alone; he had expected all the ladies to be home. Inwardly she rolled her eyes. Of course, he would hate to be in her sole company. The last time such an event occurred he ignored her entirely for half an hour.
They were very much in danger of sinking into a similar episode when she decided to indulge her curiosity. She mentioned how quickly they all left Netherfield the previous November.
“Mr. Bingley and his sisters were well when you left London?”
“Perfectly so, I thank you.”
Annoyed with his brief reply she coldly inquired, “I have heard he does not mean to return to Netherfield anymore.”
“He has many friends and is at an age when friends and engagements are continually increasing. He may spend little time there in the future.”
Elizabeth’s head jerked up from staring at her hands. “I had thought you meant if another person offered to purchase Netherfield, he would give it up. Not that he was looking elsewhere.”
Darcy made a vague reply, and she soon gave up the topic and determined to allow him to choose a subject.
“This seems a comfortable house,” he said.
“Yes, I understand your aunt did a great deal to it, and Mr. Collins could not have been more grateful, I am sure.”
“Mr. Collins seems very fortunate in his choice of wife.”
“Yes...I admit to wondering at my friend’s sensibleness in accepting him, but she has an excellent understanding and seems perfectly happy. Most would say it is a good match for her.”
He raised an eyebrow at her statement, and she hoped to conceal her blush. She had given away too much of her own thoughts on that matter.
“It must be agreeable to her; Meryton is only half a day’s journey from here.”
“You think it an easy distance?”
“Fifty miles of good road is a very easy distance.”
Insufferable arrogance, she thought. “No one would say Mrs. Collins is settled near her family.”
“You are so attached to Hertfordshire anything beyond Longbourn must appear far.”
He smiled, but she understood he referenced Jane at Netherfield. She could not help blushing with her reply. “A woman can be settled too near her family. It is all relative. If there is fortune, distance becomes no evil but that is not the case here. They cannot afford frequent journeys, and I am certain my friend would not consider herself near her family under less than half the distance.”
It surprised her when he drew his chair closer to her and made some claim that, due to her travels with her aunt and uncle, she could have no local attachment. He must have registered her confused look because he drew back and glanced over a newspaper.
All the previous animation was gone when he asked her if she enjoyed Kent, and they spoke on the county for a few minutes before Charlotte and Miss Lucas returned. Darcy sat silently for an only a moment or two longer before quickly departing.
“My dear Eliza! Mr. Darcy must be in love with you to call on us in such a way.”
Elizabeth laughed out right. “He was silent for most of the time, Charlotte. And then mocking to me and Hertfordshire society.”
She could see she had not convinced her friend of a thing, but then she pressed the point of how bored he must be at Rosings. He and his cousin continued to call frequently on Hunsford, and more than once during Darcy’s stay in the area did Charlotte vex Elizabeth by declaring Darcy was partial to her. Elizabeth hardly supposed Darcy capable of feeling affection for anyone, especially her. It had much better be his cousin, but Elizabeth had no expectations from him. He was pleasant company, but no more and, as a second son, would need to make an advantageous marriage. He was at least amiable whereas Darcy was as arrogant as ever.
*****
The day after Darcy’s call on the Parsonage, Elizabeth had the misfortune to come across him on her morning walk. She expected him to merely nod to her but instead he turned to walk with her.
“Good day, Miss Elizabeth,” he said with a bow.
“Good day, Mr. Darcy.” Elizabeth examined his countenance. He appeared more cheerful than she had seen him before.
“You are here quite early,” she observed.
“As are you.”
She had been up late after reading a letter from Jane. “I could not sleep.” She thought she heard him mumble about a similar affliction for months.
The man certainly was strange. His face in Hertfordshire had always been stony and disapproving when he looked at her, or anyone else. Now she saw other expressions but had no reliance at all on the accuracy of her impressions.
In Hertfordshire, he had barely spoken, and yet lately he seemed eager enough for her company at times in Kent. Now he mumbled things under his breath as though they bubbled up without his consent. That was a shocking thought. Mr. Darcy had always seemed resolutely, although stiffly, in control of himself before.
Breaking the silence she inquired after his cousin. “Is the Colonel still asleep? Quite enjoying his holiday, I would say! I did not think men of uniform were also men of leisure.”
Darcy chuckled. “He has told stories of going days without rest during battle. When he is allowed, he would sleep all day.”
“He certainly has earned it.”
“Yes. I would wish he did not have to face such perils.” Elizabeth was gratified to see true affection and admiration in Darcy’s eyes as he spoke of his cousin.
“When we were young we would often play pretend battles. I am afraid the real thing is nothing like the fantasies of our youth.”
He paused then added, “He joined up right after the Treaty of Amiens, when it seemed the Revolution in France was over. His father asked him to reconsider. Due to his activity in the House of Lords he believed that more war was inevitable, but Richard did not want the life of a barrister or vicar. He has been to the Continent twice but is based in London now. However, now there is talk of trouble with the Americans.” Darcy shook his head for a moment. “At least we were fortunate he did not join the Navy.”
“I wonder he does not marry. I know nothing of the Earl’s finances, but I can only assume it all must go to the heir. You may know my father’s estate is entailed away from the female line. I have been so accustomed to considering the poor lot women face that I have not concerned myself with the disadvantages of being a younger son, even of an earl. Surely some lady with a large dowry would desire a match with him. He is well-connected and amiable.”
“That would be one solution and I am unsurprised you would think most men of his station and ra
nk would not hesitate to do so. But our fathers were unusual and encouraged their children to seek love and mutual respect over more mercenary advantages, as they themselves did.”
“It must be a very easy thing to just happen to fall in love with an earl’s daughter or a very wealthy gentleman.” Elizabeth blushed as she realised she criticised his parents. “I am sorry, Mr. Darcy...”
He waved her apology off. “You never saw them together, so it likely sounds to others just as you have portrayed it. But all their closest friends and family knew them to be deeply in love. True, the match was not a bad one, although my grandfather wanted better for my mother. But it is not their fault they inherited their wealth and happened to fall in love with one of equal significance. The heart wants what it wants, regardless of rank and wealth.”
She raised her brows in surprise. “I had not taken you for such a romantic, Mr. Darcy. Such poetic words!”
He chuckled again. “Pray, spare me your opinion of poetry again!”
They shared a little laugh, although she was surprised he recalled her words spoken in an attempt to quiet her mother months ago. She supposed it was simply because they were so contrary to all reason, and he always seemed fascinated by her backwards ways. Such a fault he could not forget. Turning to look at him again she saw that gaze so reminiscent from Hertfordshire upon her again.
Why had I ever thought he might think better of me? She tried to hide her surprise at her own thoughts. When had his approval ever mattered to her?
She cleared her throat. “It seemed as though you believed the Colonel had more than one solution to his problems?”
He was silent for a moment before speaking. “He does have a sizable allowance from my uncle. He could try to live within it, although it would not support a wife and children in the sort of circumstances he would like. Others have offered to supplement it for him, or the use of a small estate, but he refuses anything that looks like charity. He has his pride, as do we all.
“Greater than all this, he truly feels it his duty to fight until the war is won. As I am intimately acquainted with the demands of duty, I cannot rebuke him for it, even if it seems nonsensical to me.”
“Surely there comes a time when duty must be forsaken if it comes at extreme peril to oneself!” Elizabeth cried.
“That might be a decision easier said than done, Miss Bennet. Surely, you have not had to make such a decision between your life and duty to King and country.”
“No, but that is not to say that, as a woman, I do not feel the demands of duty any less.”
Darcy cocked his head and looked at her for a moment. “Ah, yes. The demands of marriage. Tell me, was he very heartbroken?”
Elizabeth gasped. How could he know she rejected Mr. Collins’ proposal? “I am sure I do not know what you mean, sir.” It would be a horrible break in propriety to speak it.
“I am sure I do not know either,” he said with a sly smile. “I can only surmise that you refused some poor man desperately in love with you because you had a family obligation to marry better.” Elizabeth would be offended if it were not for the slight twinkle in his eyes which proved his jest.
Laughingly she replied, “Oh, you would be quite wrong. And now I am disappointed in you, sir. I had thought you intelligent enough to have sketched my character by now. I would never forsake ardent love for my family. To marry where there is no affection, or worse, when your heart belongs to another, seems nearly as perilous to oneself as a battlefield. While family is important, there are limits to what is reasonable for them to ask, and one must live one’s own life.”
Elizabeth had been watching the path and, when Darcy did not reply, she looked up at him. He had the strangest expression in his eyes. His continued silence unnerved her, and she quickly looked away.
Certain as she was he would wish to avoid her in the future, as their conversations either sank into silence or they argued, she explained: “This is my favourite path.” She hoped he would understand to leave her in peace. She enjoyed the natural flora compared to the well-ordered park.
“Indeed? It is a lovely one.”
Elizabeth had nothing more to say and refused to further the conversation. Darcy seemed similarly inclined and, when they reached the Parsonage gate, she had every confidence her solitary walks were assured in future.
However, a few days later she met with him again. She asked after the health of all those at Rosings and remarked on the weather, and once more they descended into silence. Darcy was looking at her a great deal.
“Is there something amiss in my apparel or my bonnet, Mr. Darcy?”
He startled. “No, why should you think it?”
“You have stared at me for nearly our entire walk.”
“You simply...fascinate me.”
“Yes, I often noticed your fascinated gaze on me. I suppose my impertinence is something to behold. I am certain none of your London ladies behave as I do. Please, commit every flaw to memory so you can ensure your sister may learn to be better.”
Darcy stared at her for a long moment. “I actually desired to introduce you to my sister when you returned to London in the hope of you two forming an acquaintance. She is very shy. She does not have many friends her age and there are doubts to the sincerity of affection from any of them. I believe a friendship with you could be of great benefit to her!”
Elizabeth’s eyes widened in wonder. She had heard from Wickham that Georgiana Darcy was very proud and, knowing her brother, Elizabeth had no difficulty believing it to be so. But no matter their faults of character and manner she had never seen anything to make her think Darcy was not truly fond of and protective of his sister.
To ask Elizabeth to form an acquaintance with his sister, to infer that he did not trust the likes of Caroline Bingley and Louisa Hurst, was hard to credit.
“I...I would be honoured to meet Miss Darcy,” Elizabeth stuttered out at last. Darcy looked infinitely pleased.
They talked of nothing of greater importance for several more minutes when Darcy checked his watch and declared he must return to Rosings.
As he left her side, Elizabeth wondered if he met with her for the sole purpose of vexing her.
By the third time she met Darcy on the path, she was prepared for there to be little conversation. Instead, Darcy chatted on.
“How did you like Rosings when you visited there last?”
“I confess the rooms confuse me. I was welcomed to use the library, and escorted there, but when I made to return to the drawing room before dinner I got turned around. I opened up the billiard room instead! I believe I quite startled Colonel Fitzwilliam! I suppose he was hiding in there from your aunt while you attended to her in the drawing room.”
“It did seem you were gone for quite a while.” He nearly looked anxious, but Elizabeth could not understand why.
She pursed her lips. “Are you always so eager to return to Lady Catherine’s presence?”
He let out a little laugh. “No, indeed.”
“Truthfully, I quite lost myself in a book.” She shrugged her shoulders, knowing better than to admit to her preference for botany. “The Colonel was good enough to direct me to the appropriate room. I would not want to displease Lady Catherine, and it become a matter of contention between her and my hosts. I am sure she has different expectations for her relations, and hence why the Colonel’s presence was not missed, than she does for her other guests.”
“Were you able to finish it?”
“No, but I hope to find a copy of it in London.” In truth, she had been saving her pin money for the bulky two volume set of Flora Scotica by the Reverend John Lightfoot.
“I am certain when you next visit the area you will find your way about easier. You will have greater familiarity with the rooms.”
Elizabeth could not quite gather his meaning. Did he imply she might be staying at Rosings? He seemed anxious just now when she mentioned stumbling upon Colonel Fitzwilliam. Whenever the Colonel was present, he was qu
ite attentive to her. Did Darcy believe his cousin would offer for her? She was flattered at the idea but had only known him a few weeks and could not say her feelings went beyond friendship for him. Surely, if he was raised desiring a love match, he would want the feeling reciprocated.
Darcy was speaking again. What on earth made him so talkative today? Was he asking her about the Collinses’ marriage?
She was beginning to wonder after Darcy’s intelligence. He had to realise by now they could not go a single conversation without dissolving into disagreement. Perhaps her opinions were a source of amusement for him. She could think of no reason for him to continue his torture.
“The marriage certainly is prudential for them both. I must suppose that makes them quite happy.”
Elizabeth scoffed in disbelief. “While I have seen no evidence to the contrary what was all your talk the other day about love matches then if you think prudence alone can make happiness in marriage.”
“I did not say prudence alone could, but some attention to fortune must be made.”
Elizabeth nearly laughed when she recalled Mr. Collins’s proposal to her, in which he declared himself entirely indifferent to fortune. “Must it? I would not suggest a couple marry if there is insufficient income but I have seen matches made with fortune greatly in mind, regardless of the character or disposition of the parties, and cannot claim they are happy, to my observance.”
“Would you not find a person insensible to marry only on the basis of affection?”
“These are relative terms, as would be a wife’s ability to travel and visit her family. Fifty miles to some is a very easy distance, but it is not so for everyone. Likewise, some may think they need thousands of pounds to raise a family on, to lavish their wives and children with expensive gifts and have the younger sons avoid a profession. But I would wager a family that economised in the face of a wife’s poverty, but had true affection, could be truly happier than a family with money aplenty but only tolerable feelings for each other.”
“I will concede the point, Miss Bennet.”
One Autumn with Darcy Page 22