by Kate Rudolph
And if she had escaped death when it seemed impossible, could she jump back into the fire and risk her life for someone who kept pushing her away?
God, she didn’t want to push away. But the ache from his absence was still there and she could still remember the black chasm of grief and hopelessness she’d been falling into since he left.
She couldn’t do it again. And when this was over, she had to walk away. For her own survival.
Kayleb opened his eyes.
She was trapped in his gaze, embarrassed to be caught staring and sitting so close. But she didn’t move away; if she did that would be admitting something. She wasn’t quite sure what.
“How did it go?” he asked, as if they were not close enough to touch.
If he was going to be normal so could she. Heh, normal. Yeah right. Things had stopped being normal the moment they met. “Fine. Tam is calling the cops. I need to call back later, but we might be out of this mess soon.”
“That’s good.” Kayleb was staring at her, and she could feel the heat of his gaze boring into her cheek. Tessa stared straight forward, afraid of what she would see in his eyes.
“And then we go our separate ways.” She didn’t know whether she was saying it for him or for herself. Maybe for both of them.
Kayleb didn’t respond to that. He was thinking about them, he had to be. Them as they’d been on the ship, not whatever this pale imitation of the connection was now. But, she reminded herself, he didn’t remember the ship, and he didn’t remember her. And she realized she didn’t know what he was thinking at all.
Kayleb sighed, and when he spoke the gentleness that only the closest to him knew about came through loud and clear. “I don’t think I said it yet, but I’m sorry.”
She might have been sitting still, but her heart beat so fast that it felt like she’d just sprinted ten blocks. “For what?”
“Leaving you.”
She forced herself to shrug and to keep her tone light. “You said you didn’t remember. You can’t be responsible for something you don’t know.”
Warmth scraped against the side of her fingers and Tessa looked down, staring at where Kayleb’s hand rested beside hers, barely touching but rooting her in place as strongly as chains. Her fingers splayed, and she hooked her pinky over his, linking them together.
“My brain forgot,” he said quietly. “My heart didn’t.”
If the need to touch him had seemed great before, it multiplied one hundred-fold. What did that mean? Because she couldn’t force the words out. Instead, she flipped her hand over and slid it under Kayleb’s, entangling their fingers in a firm grip. “I don’t know what to do with you.” They were in grave danger, and the comfort of the suite gave them a temporary illusion of safety.
Kayleb squeezed her hand. “I’m here for you when you figure it out.”
She didn’t know how to respond, so she said nothing.
TESSA’S SISTER SET up a meeting with the police for 3 PM, and Kayleb tried not to be disappointed. His mate would be safe after this, and that was what mattered. He didn’t know if he could convince her to give him another chance. The longer Kayleb spent in Tessa’s company, the more convinced he grew that she pushed him away to save herself, not out of hatred for him.
He had hurt her. He’d left and forgotten and only found her again by chance. There was nothing he could do to make up for that, no apology would heal the wound he’d torn in her soul.
Not every mated pair could make it work. The denya bond pulled them together, but it didn’t foster love. It didn’t stop mistakes or fix problems. And though Kayleb had been waiting his entire life for his denya, he’d come to the sobering realization that he might need to let her go.
He couldn’t imagine anyone that he wanted more than Tessa, he loved her. And because he loved her, he would walk away if she told him to. If she couldn’t take the leap and trust him again.
But until that moment, he would protect her with his life and try to prove that he was exactly the man, the mate, that she needed.
His leg muscles had started to stiffen from sitting on the ground for so long. As the time got close, he rolled up to his feet and stuck his arms in the air, arching his back in a big stretch. When he looked over at Tessa, her cheeks had gone a promising pink and she was looking anywhere but at him. He bit back a smile and forced himself to speak in an even tone. “It’s about time.”
Tessa nodded and pulled her bag close, digging inside until she found a small device. She held it up. “The portable jammer is charged. Tam said that the cops would have something to protect the drive. But...”
“You don’t want to be exposed while we’re waiting for them,” Kayleb guessed.
“Yes.”
Though it would be safest for the police to come up to the relaxation suite, the fitness club had a strict policy of requiring warrants before letting the authorities enter their buildings. They didn’t bother with that kind of paperwork on Jaaxis and Kayleb found himself missing home more than ever.
“Use the jammer,” he said. “I don’t want to risk you getting hurt.”
Tessa studied him for several seconds before she finally said, “The feeling is mutual.” She flicked the power switch on the jammer and stuck it back in her bag, sealing the opening and slinging the straps over her shoulders.
They left the room without another word and Kayleb felt exposed as they stepped out of the elevator into the lobby. This was another world, the sounds of people working out filtering down one of the hallways, almost drowned out by the subtle music piped in from invisible speakers.
He let his gaze roam out the windows, scanning for anything that might be a threat to Tessa. The street was busy at this time in the afternoon, vehicles congested on the ground and in the air, almost blotting out the bright blue sky. He didn’t see the police, but they still had a few minutes.
“Do you have somewhere to stay tonight?” Kayleb asked. He didn’t want Tessa going back to that neighborhood, and he and Krayter had plenty of space.
“I...” Tessa began to speak but cut herself off and then shook her head. “I’ll figure something out.”
“You can stay with me. Just for the night, I mean. I’m not asking—” He didn’t know what he wasn’t asking, so he let that hang.
His denya was silent for a moment before she gave him a firm nod. “Okay, one night. I can do that.”
Before he could ask what she meant by ‘that’ an NYPD vehicle came to a stop in front of the building.
Tessa took a deep breath and shot him a glance. “Let’s get this over with.”
Kayleb nodded and followed her outside, his every sense on high alert, waiting for something to go wrong. His claws ached to shoot out and he had to bite back a scowl and a hiss as a pedestrian walked too close to them, not even bothering to glance in their direction. Something was going to go wrong, the certainty of it settled in his bones and made his blood pound, ready for the fight.
And unlike almost every other fight in his life, this was one that he’d die to win. No one was allowed to get close enough to Tessa to hurt her. She’d been hurt enough for one lifetime and if the only thing Kayleb could do for her now was prevent physical pain, then he’d do it better than any bodyguard she could hope to find.
Even though he could feel the threat somewhere, he saw nothing out of place. Maybe on Jaaxis he’d recognize the unfamiliar, but Earth was still too new to him, everything foreign even when it was strangely familiar. Unable to do anything else, he stuck close to Tessa and kept his senses on high alert.
Two police officers stepped out of their illegally parked vehicle and came to meet them on the sidewalk. Finally the pedestrians seemed to pay some attention to their surroundings and gave the officers and by extension, Kayleb and Tessa, a wide berth. A few brave souls shot dirty looks at the officers and Kayleb filed that piece of information away for later.
On Jaaxis, security officers could easily be bribed to look away from certain crimes. The system meant that normal ci
tizens never knew who to fear or respect. His limited interactions with the police of this city hadn’t given him enough time to form an opinion. This place wasn’t like one of the many dictatorships he’d visited where security, corrupt or not, could wield absolute power. At the moment, the important part was that the officers were here to help.
“Ms. Greely, I’m Sergeant Dores,” said one of the two humans, a woman with dark brown skin and hair the color of fire, which was pulled back into a tight bun. “This is Officer Wixon,” she nodded to her male companion, a shorter, pale man with light green eyes and dark hair. “We’ve been sent by our captain on behalf of Prosecutor Greely to retrieve something from you.”
Kayleb stood silent beside Tessa, taking his cues from her. She studied the police for a moment before nodding and reaching into her bag for the tech. “I hope this helps, considering all the trouble it’s caused me.” The officer took it from her and placed it in a sturdy, heavy-looking box that he sealed with a bio-lock and hand print scan.
Dores nodded. “Yes, we had a few questions about that trouble. Would you mind coming to the station with us? Your sister said that she would be happy to meet you there.”
Something was off. Kayleb didn’t catch it from the words, but from the stiffening of Tessa’s spine. He leaned closer to her, ready to step in between her and the officers, and Dores swung her gaze to him, almost strong enough to pin him in place by a look alone.
Almost.
Kayleb kept his mouth shut and trusted Tessa to do the talking. She knew the currents of this planet’s politics much better than he did and she’d proved herself to be a survivor.
“It’s been a long day,” Tessa said carefully. “How about I come in tomorrow morning?” Her hand dropped to her side, partially hidden behind her back, and she brushed her fingers against his thigh, the action hidden from the police.
Kayleb took it as a warning and kept close, ready to spring into action if she gave a sign.
Dores’ lips flattened into a thin line of displeasure as she looked between the two of them. “This isn’t something we should wait on.”
Some of Tessa’s tension dissolved and she pulled her hand away. “First thing in the morning,” she said again. “I’m too tired to be of any use to you right now, I promise.” Her shoulders sagged a little and she offered a wan smile.
Dores sighed and nodded at her partner. “Come down to the 7th precinct tomorrow. We’ll be waiting.”
“Bright and early,” Tessa promised.
The two officers got back into their vehicle and drove away, engaging the anti-grav and sailing up and over the road, causing one flying vehicle to swerve out of the way.
“What was that?” Kayleb asked, clinging to calm when all he wanted to do was bundle Tessa in his arms and keep her safe any way he could.
“I don’t know,” Tessa admitted. “But something felt off about that shit. I need to call Tam.” She pulled her bag forward, but Kayleb put a hand on her arm to stop her.
“I think it’s best that we find somewhere secure before taking any steps.” The crowd on the street had gotten much thinner since the cops arrived and Kayleb’s instincts were screaming at him to move.
Tessa gave him a look, but nodded and secured her bag back in place. “I don’t think we should go to your place right now.”
We. Triumph soared through Kayleb and he did his best to hide the victory, his momentary delight souring as he realized what Tessa meant. “You think they mean us harm?”
She nodded and started walking, Kayleb following close behind. “I don’t want to put your brother in danger.”
“How—” He cut himself off as he remembered that she’d met Krayter several times. “Staying at a hotel would risk other people, I wouldn’t want to do that, either.”
“My brother keeps an apartment in town, but he won’t be there now. If he hasn’t changed his security codes, we should be able to get in.”
“Adam or Chance?” Kayleb asked off-handedly, glancing behind to make sure they weren’t being followed. He ran into Tessa, who’d frozen in place.
“What did you just say?” she spun around and asked, dangerously low.
“I asked which of your brothers... oh.” She had two brothers and a sister, he remembered, but she only had a relationship with Tamara. Chance was a doctor and Adam a politician. She’d been amazed when Kayleb listed off his dozen siblings and that he was close to all of them in some form or another. And she’d hugged him tight when he explained his elder sister Karwan’s death.
His mind reeled and he tried to chase down the thoughts, following trails and dregs of memories where Tessa lived within him. But the harder he sought, the quicker they dissolved, until they were as inconsequential as sand slipping through his fingers.
Something must have shown on his face as Tessa’s surprise shifted into something softer. “Adam,” she said after several moments. “He’ll be in Albany right now for the legislative session.” She reached out and grabbed his hand, wrapping her fingers tight. “Come on, we’re not that far.”
CHAPTER NINE
HER BROTHER HADN’T changed the codes. Tessa let herself and Kayleb inside and tried to scan herself into the security system. The screen was dead and, for a moment, she thought the power had failed in his house, but the lights came on with ease and she realized that her jammer was still functioning. She decided to leave it on rather than engage the security. She didn’t want Adam calling with questions until she had the right story to tell him.
The brownstone was located in an upscale neighborhood on the Upper West Side. When in residence, her brother employed a human housekeeper and a fleet of robots to keep the place clean and stocked with food. At the moment, the robots were set to a standby protocol, dusting a few times a week, but otherwise remaining dormant. She couldn’t hear them running at the moment, and they wouldn’t bother her or Kayleb if they turned on. They weren’t in place for security.
Adam’s house was elegant in a refined and distant way. He probably had hired a decorator to fix the place up and she didn’t see anything that reminded her of her brother in the entryway. The artwork on the walls was beautiful, but it belonged in a hotel or office building, not a home. But Adam met with clients and constituents here and it was better to be bland than offensive.
At least that was what he would say.
The hallway off the entry led to the kitchen, a sitting room, and a study or office. Judging by the framed photo of Adam with the former president and the large generic painting hanging between two windows, Tessa pegged it for the place where he conducted his meetings.
She continued through the house to the kitchen, where she found Kayleb rooting through the coldbox, looking for food. From across the room, she couldn’t see anything, but he blocked out most of the view. “There might be something in the pantry,” she said.
Kayleb straightened up and threw a grin over his shoulder, making her heart flip. He didn’t grin like that for other people. Just her. She grinned back, unable to stop herself.
He’d remembered her brothers’ names. His memory might be coming back. She didn’t dare to hope and she wasn’t sure that it mattered, but it had been a long week and the troubles weren’t over yet. But they were in a nice house, with a nice soft bed upstairs, and she didn’t want to fight him, not tonight.
One day for yourself, her mind whispered, a seductive taunt. Keep him tonight and worry about tomorrow later.
It might hurt, tasting him once more only to say goodbye. But her heart had been in tatters since the moment she saw him again and she didn’t know if she could live with herself if she didn’t give him a proper goodbye.
Her mate abandoned the coldbox and opened the pantry. Tessa came to join him, standing so close that she could feel the heat coming off his body. She wanted to touch, but snapped her hand back, clapping it against her side.
She eyed the collection of dehydrated foods with a practiced eye. “At least it won’t be as bad as ship food,” she sa
id. The food for crew on space ships ranged from disgusting to palatable, and almost anything on Earth tasted better.
Kayleb shot her a glance. “I’ve never heard of any of these things. Why doesn’t he have a processor?”
“He does.” Tessa was almost certain. “But I doubt he keeps it stocked when he’s not here. It’s probably in storage.” She leaned forward, using the motion as an excuse to brush against Kayleb and grab a box of flavored pasta with protein. “This will do,” she said, flashing the package at him. “Just like Nanny Rosa used to make.” She bumped him playfully with her hip as she turned around and looked for a pot to boil some water.
When she had the food simmering, she turned to find Kayleb right there, less than a meter of space between them. He’d snuck up on her, silent as a cat, and she almost jumped. She couldn’t breathe as he reached up and gently brushed at her cheek with the pad of his finger, going back and forth a few times until he pulled his hand back and blew on it.
“Eyelash,” he explained.
Tessa reached up and brushed where he’d touched, his fingers imprinted on her memory. “Thanks,” she said, voice husky and full of promise.
Kayleb’s eyes flashed to red and his nostrils flared. He stepped closer, close enough that their chests brushed together and all she’d need to do was tip her head up to meet his lips and taste him like the last six months hadn’t happened. She placed a hand on his arm, whether to keep him in place or push him away, she wasn’t sure.
And when the buzzer on the stove beeped, she cursed and spun around to deal with the food. But Kayleb didn’t take that as a hint to quit. He let her deal with the pan, careful to avoid the hot dish. Once it was set down and cooling, he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her close, nuzzling against her neck.
Tessa arched to the side, giving him access and pressing close, the feel of his body as familiar as it had been when they first met, first made love.
Lips brushed against the strong beat of her pulse, sending a shiver of pleasure down her spine and directly to her core. A moan escaped her lips and Tessa clenched her hands on Kayleb’s arms, keeping him close. She didn’t want him pulling back, didn’t want him to stop.