I went down to Bristol to see Andrew and Pat and was welcomed with open arms, and they, too, were relieved to see that I was happy again. I realized that I owed them a lot. Without them, things might have been very different. They, and their children, felt like family to me now, the first proper family I had ever had.
Andrew gave me a big hug and whispered in my ear. "Chad would be very proud to see you now. He wouldn't want your life to stop just because his did."
I recognized his wisdom and knew that my life must go on, and I was ready to proceed with my new life.
Back in London, after my time in Africa, I started getting work and soon I was back in the swing of things. Although I had been out of the modelling scene for nearly a year, I was still only twenty-four, and hopefully had years more in my career if I made the right moves.
As my friends had assured me, people's memories about the nude photographs had soon faded as they moved on to fresh scandals. Perhaps I wouldn't be considered as suitable for adverts involving children and puppies, but there were lots of other opportunities, some where having been photographed in risqué poses might even be a slight advantage. I was asked to work on a cinema and poster advert for a famous brand of vodka, which required a seductive crimson red gown and wild hair, and in which no-one could possibly argue that it was an advert where I was most definitely not portrayed as a 'good girl.' That advert led to some very hot and spicy comments on the Facebook page that my PR company ran for me. Lily said that in that ad I was every young man's fantasy hot chick. Of course, the vodka company came under some criticism for linking sex with alcohol, and I suppose they had a point, but the ad most certainly raised my profile all over the world.
On the back of that, I was offered a job in Sydney, Australia, and as it was a place I had never been, I decided to take it. It involved three weeks of work and, along with several well-known international models, it was to launch a high profile, glossy fashion magazine out there. All the models had been featured in the US edition of the magazine and, together with three Australian models, the whole magazine was going to be a bumper edition celebrating Australian fashion. As the shooting was to take place in several locations around Australia, I decided that it was an opportunity I couldn’t miss. I even planned to add another week on to the trip to allow me to see a little more of the country and to relax after what was going to be a hectic schedule.
I flew out with two other models, Caroline and Daisy, both of whom I’d worked with before, and a couple of French models and a German girl, who I had heard of, but hadn’t met. They were fun girls and we had a blast on the journey. According to the crew of the plane, the pilots had nearly come to blows over who was going to fly the plane that was carrying a group of top models. I rather hoped that the flight crew would be gay, so that they could concentrate on flying the plane and not be distracted by the glamorous women in First Class.
As the champagne flowed, the conversation between the girls, and a few of the other passengers, too, became a little risqué. One of the French girls in particular had a reputation of being very uninhibited and we were all treated to tales, no doubt exaggerated by the alcohol, of past conquests. She was being very indiscreet and I hoped that there were no press on board. With my past experience I didn’t want to be in the middle of yet another scandal. Eventually, the French girl, who had been making eyes and a lot more besides, at a very handsome TV celebrity on board, slipped off with him, presumably to attend the famed 'Mile High Club.'
Thankfully, the journey ended with just a few sore heads and no real damage done. We were taken to our luxury hotel overlooking Sydney Harbour, and an impressive view of the Opera House and imposing Harbour Bridge. There were eight well-known models staying at the hotel, as well as some famous fashion photographers. The magazine's editor and owners were certainly launching themselves with panache.
This was the first time that I’d stayed with a lot of young women, most of a similar age to myself, and it was good to be able to let my hair down and just be young and carefree for a change. Because there were so many beautiful women in one place, it meant that the pressure was off me for a change, and I wasn't the target of wealthy older men.
In fact, it was in Australia that I had my first romantic fling that didn’t involve any domination. The man in question was the twenty-eight-year-old assistant fashion editor for the new magazine. He was what some in Australia might call a fair dinkum Aussie man. He was tall, with straw blond hair and a suntan that testified to his love of surfing. He grinned constantly and lived almost always in knee length shorts and t-shirts with cheeky remarks printed across the front. Everyone knew him as Robbo, and I could tell from the admiring glances he attracted that I was not the only one who thought him attractive. But unlike some good-looking men, Robbo didn’t seem to take advantage of his looks. He flirted outrageously with everyone, but didn't zero in on anyone in particular.
The first few days took place near the Opera House, where we were photographed in a selection of amazing evening dresses, designed by some up and coming Australian designers. The models almost all got along well together, apart from a French girl who was rather standoffish, and the German model, who spoke no English, and was therefore difficult to converse with.
Between takes I chatted with one of the make-up women, who was touching up my face. "So what's the story with Robbo? He seems very popular, but apart from having a degree in flirting, he doesn't seem to press home on his good looks. I know that several of the girls are really interested in him. He's not gay, is he?"
"Who, Robbo? Nah. Don't worry, he gets what he wants and as much as he wants. He's just very good about keeping himself under the radar. He tries not to let it interfere with his work. Why? Are you interested?"
She grinned at me as I colored a little. I tried to laugh off her remark. "I don't think so. I'd be hopeless with a surf board."
We finished off the Sydney shoot and then packed up ready to fly up to Cairns, in Queensland, for the next one. We were warned about getting sunburnt out on the Barrier Reef, where we were due to shoot for a day. It was easy for it to happen without us realizing it, when the rays of the sun bounced off the water. Sunburnt shoulders and backs were not the looks the magazine was aiming for.
We arrived in Cairns by noon and had the rest of the day free, so six of us hired a boat to take us out to the reef, about which I had heard so much. We decided to do a little snorkeling and I was sensible enough to put on a long-sleeved blouse and long cotton trousers in which to float on the surface of the shallow water and admire the amazing colors of the fish and coral just beneath us. I must have looked a bit foolish, swimming like that, but I was glad that I had when, the next morning, one of the models had to be dropped from the shoot after getting severely sunburnt on her back and shoulders, despite the warnings we had been given. Another two girls needed cosmetics and careful posing to disguise the sunburn.
Robbo was uncharacteristically irritated by the carelessness of the girls, and was much less friendly the next morning as we met at the breakfast buffet in the hotel. "Glad you were sensible, Marianne. God, these girls have really messed up my schedule. I’ll have to rearrange who is doing what now."
I smiled and tried to look sympathetic. I didn't want the others thinking I was the teacher's pet though, so downplayed my actions. "Oh I get burned so easily, so I was just being a coward in covering up."
He looked at me for a moment, his mind obviously weighing things up. "I was going to take Leonie and Bridget up to the rainforest tomorrow to shoot some scenes there. We’ve a great range of white cotton outfits. But Bridget is out now, obviously, so perhaps you could step in? The others can carry on with the shoot here. You okay with that?"
"Yes, that's fine by me. I would probably prefer the steamy rainforest to the overhead sun, to be honest."
"Good. Can you be ready in forty minutes, please? Pack an overnight bag as we won't be back until lunchtime tomorrow."
I ate my breakfast quickly and went t
o pack a bag. When I came down, Leonie and the photographer, Mark, were waiting in the lobby, with a stylist and the make-up girl I’d been talking to the previous day. She winked at me as I arrived. I colored slightly, hoping she wouldn't open her mouth and embarrass me in front of Robbo.
Robbo arrived and we went out to the mini-bus that was taking us up to the rainforest north of Cairns. It was a hot, sticky day, but fortunately the bus was air-conditioned, and Leonie and I joked with Mark about whether we could do the shoot in the bus. In the back of the bus was a rack of spotless white clothes, covered in plastic bags, which I didn't think would be returning to Cairns in quite the same spotless state.
We arrived at the place where the shoot was taking place, and Mark set off to choose his sites to take the shots while the rest of us unloaded the clothes and all the other stuff necessary to make us look pristine and perfect in front of the camera. When Mark returned, we had a brief lunch break from the cool boxes that had been packed by the hotel in Cairns.
Models are pretty used to walking around semi-naked and changing in front of other people, particularly when we were doing the catwalk shows, which were manic. So we didn't bother to set up any screened areas for Leonie and me to change. We just took the item of clothing from the rack, stripping off down to just a pair of white panties in the process. There were no strangers around, just the few of us. Mark had asked us not to wear bras for the floaty, semi-opaque cotton clothes we were wearing, and we had no objection to that. I shared Mark's view that a bra underneath would look out of place.
The clothes were fantastic; the lightest of cotton and poplin, pure white, with broderie anglais and white silk ribbon in some of them. There was a mixture of long skirts, shirts, shorts and tops. He led us to a stream and waterfall running through an area of rainforest, where lizards lazed in the sun on the hot rocks. We were bare footed and our hair was styled loose and a little wild. I almost felt like a very glamorous hippy. We were asked to stand, each in turn, on a large rock, with the waterfall behind us. It was hot and sticky because of the humidity and I noticed that my top was sticking to my breasts and my nipples were very prominent. I looked away from the camera and towards where Robbo was standing, just in time to catch a glance of appreciation from him before his face went to its usual impassive state. It took just a second to know that he was sexually attracted. But was I?
There had been no one since Chad, but recently, almost a year since his death, I had begun to have sexual yearnings again. I was not ready to get involved with another dominant man, but perhaps just an ordinary, fun love affair was just what I needed? I didn't want to be seen as another notch on a bedpost, however, so I decided that I would do nothing to encourage Robbo—but if he came on strong to me, well, I might consider it.
Now that I had spotted Robbo, I was more observant, and noticed another couple of surreptitious looks. I wondered if Leonie was getting the same treatment, but when she was modelling the clothes, Robbie didn’t appear to be anything but professional.
We wrapped the shoot up for the day by late afternoon. We had another ten miles to where we were spending the night. The magazine had booked rooms at a new eco-boutique hotel that was designed as a place to get away from it all by environmentally aware celebrities, who wanted to escape the prying paparazzi. It was built above a small private beach, miles away from any town, and had individual huts, scattered along the beach, camouflaged by palm trees. There was a central building where meals were served.
Because we were out of season, there were only two other cabins occupied, both by honeymooning couples. We were shown to our cabins and had half an hour to freshen up before dinner was served. The girl who showed me the way told me that to save on washing, the towels would not be changed every day and they were also very keen on recycling everything, including the water for the lavatories, which was recycled from the showers.
"Just so long as it is not the other way around, hey?"
That was my attempt at levity, and the girl smiled. Despite the eco rules, the rooms were quite luxurious in design, and each hut had a small veranda with a hammock and an amazing view. Unfortunately, I knew that there wouldn’t be much time to appreciate either.
I had a quick shower and put on a long, flowing cotton skirt, a vest, and flip-flops on my feet. It didn't seem the place where people would dress for dinner, so I didn't bother with make-up or jewelry. When I reached the restaurant, we had all been placed together at one long table and there were some cold beers awaiting us. Pretty soon we were laughing and talking over fresh seafood and plenty more beers. By ten, though, people were drifting off. We had an early start in the morning, as Mark wanted to catch the early light for another few hours of shooting before we headed back to Cairns. I said my goodnights and decided to have a short walk along the beach, which was lit by a full moon.
I had only gone about fifty yards when I heard my name called. It was Robbo.
"Hey, do you mind me walking a little with you? It's such a lovely night."
"Not at all," I assured him, offering a smile. "Yes, it is lovely. I adore places like this, seemingly cut off from the rest of civilization. It's beautiful."
"So you're not the night-clubbing type then?"
I shook my head. "Not at all, I'm afraid. You're more likely to see me with a good book or walking like this. I'm a very boring girl."
We walked in silence for a little while, until Robbo began to talk again. "You're different, Marianne. I've had the chance to see you over the last few days and even though you’ve been with the other girls all the time, you seem different from them. A little reserved, maybe? Perhaps even a little sad? Sorry, I hope I'm not stirring up any hornet's nest here."
"Not at all. It's interesting that this is how you see me." I didn't continue with his line of thought. I didn't want to tell the story of Chad, or any other parts of my life really. The last thing I wanted from anyone was pity, and I wasn't one to share my innermost thoughts with people I barely knew. I turned the conversation towards him. "So which part of Australia do you come from?"
"I'm from Perth, Western Australia, originally, but I've been in Sydney since I came here to the university. I never went back, basically."
"You must be excited at the launch of the new magazine. How did you get into this work?"
"I've always been interested in fashion and I did a fashion and design course at uni, but I knew that I didn't have the talent to make it as a dress designer, so I decided to write about fashion instead. I got an internship at another magazine and they gave me a job on the strength of that, and then the chance to launch the new magazine came along and I jumped at it. How about you? Didn't I read somewhere that you were spotted when you were walking about in London when you were quite young?"
I laughed but nodded. "Yes, I was fifteen and I was stopped by this woman when I was walking down the street and she gave me her card and said that I could be a model. And that's what I have been doing ever since."
If Robbo had heard about the scandal of the photos, he was tactful enough not to mention it, for which I was grateful. We stopped walking and sat on some large rocks and watched the moon's reflections on the ocean. We were out of sight of the hotel and completely alone.
Suddenly I felt Robbo lift my hand and rub his finger down the back of it before lifting it to his lips and kissing it lightly. "You are an incredibly beautiful woman, Marianne. But I guess this is not the first time you've heard this line, is it?"
I smiled but said nothing, and didn't draw my hand away, which must have given him some encouragement.
"Are you single at the moment?" he asked.
"Yes… yes, I am. How about you?"
Robbo laughed. "I'm sure you've heard from someone that I'm the 'love them and leave them' kind of guy, so no, I am very single at the moment."
There was something about that moment, that place, that man, which just seemed right. I was desperate to feel someone's arms around me, even if it was just for a night. Robbo sensed that and
pulled me towards him so that I was leaning against his chest. He lifted up my chin and kissed me gently on the lips.
"How about we get back on the sand and make some beautiful love?"
I laughed gently. "I'm sure, you being a surfer dude, that you are aware of the danger of sand when lovemaking. It has a tendency to get into all the wrong places and can be quite painful… or so I'm told."
"That is why I am so glad that you are wearing a long, wide skirt. If it's okay with you, I suggest you take it off and we spread it out and lie on it."
"What makes me think you've done this before?"
We climbed off the rock and found a place with dry, soft sand and I did as he suggested and slipped off my skirt and spread it out on the sand. Robbo was a skilled and considerate lover, although it was as vanilla as it comes. But it was what I needed right then, a simple, uncomplicated coming together of two young people—with no expectations or long-term plans, except enjoying each other in the time that was available.
After an enthusiastic and enjoyable hour of sex, we lay back on my skirt, looking at the stars in the sky above. I thought I should put Robbo's mind at rest in case he thought that our getting together like this might blight the rest of the shoot. I knew he wasn't the relationship type and I wasn't looking for anything permanent either.
"You don't have to worry about any expectations from me. I'm not looking for anything from you. Please don't think I'm going to turn into a clingy girlfriend type. As far as I'm concerned, it's just a lovely time with a lovely man, and if nothing else happens after tonight, well, I'm fine with that. It won't affect the rest of the shoot as far as I'm concerned."
He turned towards me and kissed me on the lips, and grinned. "Well, I had hoped for a bit more sex in the ten days left of the shoot, but I'm cool with whatever you decide."
Out of the Darkness Page 8