The connection between pain and sexual pleasure is as old as mankind, yet is not always understood by many people. If William slapped my face in the course of an argument, I would undoubtedly slap him back for his violent action. Yet here I was getting my behind stung by a leather belt, and I found myself mentally going beyond the pain to a point where I felt a deep sexual yearning. I couldn’t properly explain it, yet I needed it to feel sexually fulfilled. Chad had known this, and now William was discovering it too.
The pain was not unbearable and I could sense William getting rid of his sexual tension. He whipped me about twenty times on my buttocks and thighs before he flung down the belt and pushed two fingers roughly into me.
"I'm going to fuck you so hard."
His fingers were removed, and a second later his hard, solid cock was thrust into me with such force that it almost took my breath away. But I wanted it like that. I wanted to feel his power and his masculinity, his domination over me. Each time he powered into me he grunted, and I gasped as my second orgasm came up and exploded inside me. William gave another few deep thrusts and then he too exploded within me, calling out my name as he did.
"Marianne, Marianne."
He fell down on top of me and we stood there, panting and sweating and, in my case, sticky with strawberries and cream.
Chapter 11
The two days we had in New York, when neither of us had to work, were magical. William took me to galleries and museums during the day, and I found him endlessly fascinating with his fount of knowledge on so many subjects. It made me more determined that, at some point, I would go back to school and try to widen my education. When we weren't improving our minds, we simply wandered through Central Park, sitting in the sunshine and watching the whole of society pass us by. We marveled at the rollerbladers as they weaved their way around the pedestrians, laughed at the antics of small children playing around the lake, and admired the elegantly dressed New York matrons, with their just as fashionably dressed pooches on their elegant leads, while we talked to get to know each other, as lovers at the beginning of a relationship do. William had an endless supply of witty anecdotes from his world of business, and I told him about my life as a model.
At night, though, we didn't venture far from our hotel room, where William switched from a caring and thoughtful lover to a passionate and sexually voracious Dom, and I couldn't get enough of him. On the next to last night we stopped off at a DIY store and he took great delight in whispering in my ear what he was going to do with the items he bought.
One such item was a length of thin rope.
"This is to tie you to the bed, Marianne. I can picture you now, spread out on the bed, open to me and completely at my mercy."
I shivered in anticipation.
He even found a shop in East 24th Street that sold horse-riding equipment and made me cringe with embarrassment when he bought a riding crop. I was quite sure that the assistant knew exactly what we wanted the crop for, especially when William gave me one of his intense looks when he held it in his hands.
That night he tied me to the bed on my stomach, with my rear end raised by pillows, and then whipped me with the crop. He didn’t use his full strength, and I had the feeling that, for all his dominant tendencies, William was not a sadist, and I felt safe when I was under his control. He knew exactly the level of pain that I could tolerate, and which would drive me into a sexual frenzy. It wasn't just his own sexual satisfaction he was concerned with, but he paid due care and attention to mine also.
For our last night in New York, however, William said that the sex would have to wait as he was taking me out to one of New York's top restaurants, the sort of place where you usually have to book weeks in advance, but which William had somehow managed to get us into. It was one of those tasting restaurants where dish after dish is produced, each one more exquisite than the last.
While we were waiting between dishes, William held my hand on top of the table. I looked into the eyes of this man I had met less than a week ago at Heathrow Airport and knew that I couldn’t bear it if our relationship was not to continue once we returned to London.
William had told me that he was divorced, but had mentioned very little about his life. I had a sudden need to find out whether he saw a future for us in London, or whether this was just one of those crazy things you did when you were away from home in a foreign city, and which fizzled out when real life intruded.
"Tomorrow we go back to London, back to our normal lives. What then? Will this continue?" I asked.
He lifted my hand and kissed it gently. "Well, there's nothing very normal about my life, and there probably isn't about yours either. We're very privileged people, Marianne. We have the wherewithal to live our lives quite differently from most people. But that doesn't mean that we don't also have very ordinary wants and needs too. We need love and companionship in the same way as the man who works on the fish counter of a supermarket, or the hairdresser who goes to Southend-on-Sea every year for her holiday. I've only known you for such a very brief time, but I want to know you more. I want to go to bed and wake up with you in the morning. I want to have breakfast with you and, yes, I’ll even admit it, perhaps even do the weekly supermarket shop with you. Although six months down the line, I might deny that I ever uttered that statement."
I giggled. I just couldn’t imagine William pushing a supermarket trolley and buying baked beans or a pint of milk. It just seemed too mundane a task for him. "So does that mean we’ll carry on seeing each other when we get back?"
"Marianne, my darling, I sincerely hope so. When I bought the rope yesterday, I planned that if you wanted to leave me after we arrived home, I would tie you up and keep you a prisoner under my bed, and bring you out to play with from time to time."
"Mmm… sounds interesting."
William had a luxury flat in Knightsbridge, London, and a country house in Surrey. He had once been married, but had been divorced for many years and had a daughter, Isobel, who was eighteen and just finishing at a very expensive private girls' school. William was close to her and tried to see her whenever he could. I wondered what Isobel would say when she heard that her father had a girlfriend only eight years older than herself. But I needn’t have had worries about that. When we met, Isobel was very friendly, and almost in awe of her father dating a famous model, whose picture she had seen in magazines. I knew that we would get along just fine.
We had only been back in London for a few weeks when William said that he wanted me to move in with him.
"I can't keep traipsing off three miles to your flat every time I want to spank that delectable little behind of yours," he said as his reasoning.
There was nothing I wanted more than to wake up next to him every morning, even if I was tied to the bedpost, but I needed to know what type of relationship I was signing up to. Was I to be his submissive all the time? Or would we be able to continue with the relationship we had in New York, where I was submissive in private and a free, independent woman when I was away from him? Would I be free to meet my friends and continue my modelling career? So, like the businessman he was, he sat down with me and we negotiated the terms of our being together.
"I don't want a slave," he said firmly. "I couldn't bear to take away all that I love about you, your laugh, your sense of humor, and, yes, even the occasional backchat, as infuriating as it can be sometimes. But you know my sexual needs, Marianne. I have a strong wish to be dominant in the bedroom and I love that part of us, and I think you do, too. However, I have a demanding business to run, and I have certain social functions which I must attend, so I need a companion who will walk alongside me, as well as satisfy me in the bedroom."
He smiled his slow, sexy smile as he said that. He knew that I had little resistance to it. But I respected his need to keep parts of his life separate from each other, and now he must also accept that I, too, had a need to keep parts of my life separate too. So I, too, laid my terms out for our future relationship.
"I don't want to be a slave, either. But I have a deep need, which I have known about for some time, to be with a strong dominant man, and to be looked after in the way that you do. Being restrained by you and spanked turns me on so much and I think that it’s something I need and crave. I’ve come to trust that you won’t be cruel to me and mistreat me in the way I was once before. But I also need a separate life sometimes, to earn my own living and to have friends of my own. I don't need the partying and clubbing that they do, but I like to spend the occasional evening with Lily and our friends. I couldn’t agree to be cut off from that part of my life, and I would be happy to act as your partner on all the social occasions you wish."
"Well then I think we have a deal, Marianne. I suggest we get a man and a van and get all your goods and chattels moved in here as soon as possible, and let's just take life as it comes and deal with any problems on the way."
I mostly slept in the master bedroom with William, but he also gave me another bedroom so that I could keep my clothes and make-up and all the girly things that he didn't want around him in his room.
"I'm afraid that I’ve become a crusty old bachelor in the years since my divorce, so you will have to make allowances for me," he cautioned.
But it was a transition stage for me as well. Apart from the year with Chad and the brief share with the girls, I’d not lived with anyone since I was sixteen, but William was patient, and he made allowances for me when I slipped up. Although I sometimes received a spanking if I became too untidy or careless.
William was quite a good cook and he patiently taught me to cook, too. We spent many a happy evening in the kitchen, when I would often be naked except for an apron, and our cooking session would sometimes be put on hold while he bent me over the kitchen table and spanked my bare bottom with a wooden spoon.
A month or so after I moved in, I told William that I had decided to enroll for some classes to study English and History and try to take exams in those subjects so that I could go on and perhaps take a college course sometime in the future. William was thrilled and helped me as much as he could.
We’d been together for a couple of months when I decided to show him the photographs taken by Chad. I’d already told him about our relationship, and about his death, but I wasn't sure about his reaction to photographs of me naked, taken by another lover.
William, however, said that he really wanted to see them.
I brought the envelope from the bottom of my wardrobe, where I had hidden it, and pulled out the pictures. I spread them out on the bed and watched him as he looked at them. I could see the look of pleasure on his face.
"These are wonderful, Marianne. You shouldn’t hide them away. They’re an important part of your past and reflect the love that was between you and him at the time."
I was relieved by his reaction. "Perhaps I should put them in an album, and when we are old and grey, we can both remember how I looked when I was young?"
"How would you feel, my darling, if I had one of these blown up and had it on the wall above my bed? Would it freak you out to see yourself like that?"
I told him that I didn’t mind in the slightest, and we looked over the photographs carefully until William had made his choice. It made me very happy to think that two very important strands in my life had met, via that photograph, and I was sure that Chad would approve.
We slipped easily into a dual existence, when we would dine out or attend functions with me as his girlfriend, and then, back home, I would become his willing little submissive, kneeling naked and blindfolded, and trembling slightly because of what was to come. Would he whip me or pleasure me? The truth was that I craved both.
I particularly enjoyed it when we went down to the Surrey house at the weekends. It was a six-bedroomed country manor style house, full of beautiful antique furniture and log burning open fires. In the autumn, I loved walking along the lanes and woodlands and then coming back and sitting at his feet in front of a crackling fire. By the light of the dancing flames he would paddle my bottom, or use the riding crop that we had purchased in New York, and dared to bring back through the Customs at Heathrow. William laughed about that.
"If they had asked you if you had anything to declare, you should have said yes, a very red and sore bottom. They might even have taken you into their private office and asked to see it."
"Would it turn you on, Sir, to have men ogling me like that?"
"Only as a fantasy," he said. "In reality, I want to keep your wonderful bottom exclusive only to me. What about you? Do you fantasize about being looked at by a group of men?"
"No, Sir. I only want to be looked at by you."
But, to be honest, I did feel a sudden dampness between my legs at the thought of being examined by those men. I just wasn't about to make William jealous by admitting it for fear of an extra session with his belt. But William was one step ahead of me. He reached over and slipped his fingers into my sex and felt the moisture that had seeped out because of my fantasy.
"So, not only do you secretly wish to have your bottom examined by a group of men, but you lied to me about it, didn't you?"
I whispered my apology. "I’m sorry, Sir. Do you want to punish me?"
"I'm afraid I’ll have to. I can't let you get away with lying to me, now can I? Please go and get my belt. It's hanging up on the hook on the bedroom door. Oh, and Marianne, you can go there and back on your hands and knees, please."
I trembled, but only with sexual excitement. I never feared punishment from William, because he only went as far as I could bear. He knew exactly how far to take me before he exacted his own—and my—pleasure.
On my return I took the belt and offered it up to him with both hands, as I had been trained to do. William took great pleasure in handling the belt in front of me, running his hand along its surface and telling me how he was going to punish me very severely for my misdeeds, even though we both knew that his words were merely uttered to ratchet up the sexual tension.
He then placed me over the arm of the chair, moving and rearranging me until he had me in exactly the position he required, before raising his arm and bringing the belt down on my bottom. He gave me twenty strokes and my poor, battered backside was glowing and tender by the time he had done. But he hadn't finished with me.
"Because this is a punishment I cannot allow you to receive any pleasure from it, so you will now suck me off and you can go to bed with a frustrated pussy tonight."
But I enjoyed giving him pleasure with my mouth. I had become quite skilled at it and knew how to drive him to the limit with my sucking and licking. I loved to hear his growls of pleasure while I did so. In fact, he was so pleased with my performance that he relented on his decision not to grant me release by going down on me too, after recovering from his orgasm.
"Lie down here and let me fuck you with my tongue," he commanded, and he did just that until I was screaming out in my sexual abandon. I didn’t mind punishments if they were as good as that one.
The following day was the day when he tormented me with the crop and the feather, bringing me yet again to the heights of ecstasy as he brought me to one orgasm after another.
Afterward I lay naked in his lap, feeling the warmth of his hand stroking my smooth skin and watching the flickers from the fire.
William looked down at me, but the lack of light in the room meant that I couldn't see into his eyes, or see his expression clearly.
"Marianne, do you realize that we have been together now for five years?"
"Yes, Sir."
"I think it is about time you stopped being my submissive girlfriend."
I shot up to an upright position from the shock of what I had just heard. Did my Master want to get rid of me? Had he had enough after five years?
He must have sensed my alarm because he held me down, as though I was about to flee. "No, my silly Marianne, I am not trying to get rid of you, but precisely the opposite. I’m trying to tell you that I want you to cease being my submissive
girlfriend and become my submissive wife."
I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. In fact, I think I was doing both. "Are you… are you proposing to me? Are you proposing marriage?"
"Don't look so shocked, my darling. Now, as you are my submissive, I can hardly go down on one knee and propose to you, so I suggest we do this another way. You go down on your knees in front of me."
I slid off his lap and knelt in front of him as I had so many times before. I could see William's face now, lit up by the flame coming from a burning log. He looked at me, and this time I could see the love coming from his eyes.
"Marianne, I love you very much. Will you marry me and become my submissive wife for life?"
"Yes, Sir. I love you too, and I would be honored to become your submissive wife for life."
William reached into his pocket and brought out a small box, from which he produced a ring with the largest solitaire diamond I had ever seen. He placed it on my finger before drawing me up towards him and kissing me passionately. I wondered how many women had received a proposal of marriage while naked and on their knees. Just as long as he didn't expect me to walk naked down the aisle.
As I lay in bed that night, waiting for sleep to overtake me, I thought about my life and how it had started out so badly, with me being let down by the all the men who should have cared for me—the father I never knew, the step-father who tried to molest me, and the lover who beat me until I bled. And then I thought about the good men I had known since then, who had loved and cared for me and who had removed the pain that was in my heart. There was Chad, a man I would adore forever. Then Robbo, who was so sweet and fun-loving, and now William, whom I loved so much, and whose wife I was about to become. I felt truly blessed in my life as I drifted off to sleep, to dream happy dreams. I had come out of the despair of darkness and into the hope and optimism of the eternal sunshine.
Out of the Darkness Page 12