“I don’t understand.”
“I don’t want to be away from them half the time, and away from you guys the other half.”
Bev narrowed her eyes with keen interest. “What do you have in mind?”
I sat back, took a breath and folded my arms across my chest. “Now that I’m back here on my own, this house feels way too big for just me. I think I should sell it. That would free me up to buy a principal residence in Halifax—something with a yard. Maybe on the water.”
Bev’s eyebrows lifted. “A house. So…” She paused. “Would you settle here full-time?”
“Yes. I can run my consulting business from anywhere, as long as I can fly to Toronto when I need to.”
“There are flights from here every day,” she replied. “That wouldn’t be a problem.”
I studied her expression and strove to get a read on how she truly felt about this. “Are you sure you’d be okay with that, Bev? You wouldn’t feel like I was encroaching on your territory?”
She laughed as if I were crazy. “Not a bit. And Louise would love it. You and I could be co-parents. You could be with her fifty percent of the time if you wanted to be. Although, we’d probably have to get lawyers involved to work out the details, just so there’s no confusion or misunderstandings about how this is going to work.”
I sat forward. “I haven’t called a lawyer yet. Have you?”
“Not yet,” she replied. “I’ve been waiting to see how the cards might fall before I started paying someone three hundred dollars an hour to figure out where to place those cards.”
I nodded. “You are a wise and frugal woman, and I like it. At least now we know that the cards are falling in Halifax.”
She gave me a dazzling smile, and it nearly knocked me out of my chair. I felt like I was back in that crowded, noisy dance club five years ago, seeing her for the first time and thinking she was the most beautiful woman I ever laid eyes on.
I realized that without me really knowing it, my anger toward her had subsided over the past week. She was just so darn reasonable, and I appreciated how open and honest she had been with me. She was apologetic and empathetic. But more than anything else, I loved the way she loved Louise. She was a perfect mother. That’s what really wore me down.
“So, what happens now?” Bev asked.
I leaned very close to the screen. “You should go and put our daughter to bed, and I’m going to go online and see if I can find some houses that might look promising.”
Bev’s face lit up. “Call me tomorrow and keep me posted?”
“I will. And can you give Louise a kiss goodnight for me?”
“I’ll kiss her twice,” Bev replied. “One for you and one for me.”
I grinned. “I wish I was there.”
“I wish you were here, too.”
We stared at each other for a long moment, still smiling. It was difficult to believe she was thousands of miles away. It felt like she was right there in the room with me.
If only she were. I couldn’t guarantee I wouldn’t want to kiss her good night too.
“Good night, Bev,” I finally said.
“Good night.” She blew me a kiss before she disappeared from my screen.
As soon as it went black, I had the distinct feeling that I was falling for her again, and I didn’t mind one bit.
Chapter Twenty-two
Bev
This was it. Today was the big day.
It had been three weeks since Luke left us at the airport. Louise had sobbed inconsolably in my arms and I had wanted to cry, too, because that was the moment I knew I loved him. I loved him with all my heart and wanted to chase after him and beg him to stay with us.
Why is it that we don’t we appreciate the best things in life until they’re gone?
But he wasn’t truly gone. I kept telling myself that, and I focused on the promise of his return because I had confidence in the depth and sincerity of his love for Louise. And I prayed that one day, if I was fortunate, some of that love might spill over and flow in my direction.
Now, here we were. It was two o’clock on a Tuesday afternoon and Luke was in the air, flying across the country to take possession of a house he had purchased in Halifax. He hadn’t even set foot in it. He told me that he’d made an offer based on the photographs and descriptions online because he simply knew, at first sight, that it was the right one. When I asked where it was located, he refused to divulge that information because he wanted to surprise us. He wanted the three of us to walk through the front door and see it for the first time together.
This left me waiting for his arrival with feverish anticipation and bated breath.
While Louise was at school that day, I ran a bubble bath and soaked for a long time. I closed my eyes, lay my head back on the rim of the tub, and relaxed while I thought about the future and what might be possible. Then I washed my hair and used the loofah with a coconut-scented body gel.
Luke’s flight was due to arrive from his Toronto connection at 4:20 p.m. My plan was to pick Louise up at school at 3:00, then bring her home for a quick snack and drive to the airport to greet him when he stepped off the plane. I could hardly wait. I missed him desperately and had every intention of hugging him and telling him so.
I had just gotten out of the tub and was wrapping my hair in a towel when the telephone rang. It was 2:10 p.m. I quickly tied the belt on my terrycloth bathrobe and padded to the kitchen in my bare feet, leaving wet marks on the floor.
I picked up the phone and said hello.
It was my mother. She was at home, listening to the news.
* * *
“He’s supposed to arrive at 4:20,” I said as my heart began to race and my veins filled with fire. I hurried to the living room, hunted through the sofa cushions for the remote control, and finally found it. I turned on the TV and saw the coverage.
My stomach burned as I stared with wide eyes at an amateur video of a plane falling out of the sky and crashing to the ground somewhere outside of Chicago.
“No. That’s not his flight,” I said with relief. “He’s not in the U.S. He’s on a connecting flight from Toronto. But still, I’m going to call him.” I ran to get my cell phone on the kitchen table and dialed his number. It rang and rang and rang. “He’s not answering, but if he’s still in the air, he’d have his phone on airplane mode anyway.”
I ran back to the living room to watch the coverage. The newscasters were debating the possibility of a terrorist bomb, but they didn’t know for sure. No one seemed to know anything at this stage.
All I could think about was the fact that it could have been Luke. What if it had been? I was desperate to hear his voice.
“Don’t worry, he’s fine,” I said to my mom. “I’m sure of it.” I continued to stare at images of a charred, smoking wreckage in the distance and emergency response vehicles in the foreground. A female reporter tried to describe the situation, but there was very little information. She kept repeating the same headline descriptors over and over.
“I think I need to hang up,” I said to my mom. “I’ll call you back.”
Tossing the phone onto the coffee table, I strove to take deep, calming breaths, because I couldn’t bear to think about how I’d be feeling right now if it had been his flight. What would I do?
I picked up my phone and tried to call him again, but still, there was no answer. My mind was reeling with what ifs.
Then my doorbell rang. I leaped to my feet, thinking it might be Claire or Scott. Leo followed me to the door and I unlocked it and pulled it wide open.
There—standing on my veranda with a big smile on his face—was Luke.
Luke!
I stared at him in openmouthed shock, wondering if this was a dream. He looked impossibly gorgeous in a brown leather jacket, black wool turtleneck and jeans. His hair was thick and wavy around his face. A few colorful autumn leaves had dropped from the oak tree and blown onto the veranda at his feet.
“Hi,” he said,
spreading his arms wide.
I could do nothing but burst into tears. Still wearing my bathrobe and a towel on my head, I pulled him inside my house, threw my arms around his neck, and pressed my cheek to his chest. “I’m so happy to see you. I didn’t want to think about never seeing you again!”
“What do you mean?”
I drew back and looked up at him. “A plane just crashed outside Chicago. I knew it wasn’t your flight, but it made me think…what if it was? But wait a second. What are you doing here? You’re early. And why didn’t you answer my calls just now?”
“I switched my flight to catch an earlier one,” he replied. “And if I’d answered my phone, you would have known I wasn’t on the plane, and it wouldn’t have been a surprise.” Then his brow puckered. “But there was a plane crash?”
“You didn’t hear about it?”
“No. I’ve been driving from the airport, listening to music. What happened?”
I took him by the hand, led him into the living room, and pointed at the TV. “They’re talking about it now.”
We stood holding hands while we watched the coverage.
“That’s awful,” Luke said, frowning.
I nodded. “But what made you come early?”
“I was impatient to get here,” he explained. “I didn’t want to wait any longer.”
My heart nearly burst open with love and relief that he was here and he was safe. I was so thankful—just like I was that day in the helicopter when Louise had begun to breathe again.
“It made me think about losing you,” I said. “I don’t know what I would have done if…”
Operating on pure adrenaline, I tore the towel from my head, rose up on my tiptoes and wrapped my arms around his neck. He smelled like leather and coffee. All my senses began to hum. A breathtaking warmth filled my body and I couldn’t get enough of him.
Suddenly, his mouth caught mine. Holding me snug in his embrace, he backed me up against the wall and kissed me passionately. Desire heated my blood as his hands slid down the length of my back, then up under my damp hair, cupping my head until I was weak and trembling with need. His kiss was electrifying. I was so happy, big salty tears streamed down my face.
“I missed you so much,” I said breathlessly as he dragged his lips across my cheek and down my neck while I clung to him, my arms tight about his shoulders. “I can’t lose you again.”
“I don’t want to lose you either,” he said.
“I know you came back here for Louise, but is there any chance that…?”
He drew back and looked me in the eye while he stroked my cheek with the pad of his thumb, rubbing away my tears. “Bev. I’m here for you, too. I want to be with you.”
I started laughing and crying at the same time. “Why didn’t we call each other five years ago? Why did we just let it all go?” I glanced at the television. “When you see something like that…” I sucked in a breath. “It makes you realize how precious life is. We were so stupid, wasting all that time.”
He nodded. “But we’re smarter now, and I’m not going to walk away again. Not this time. I want to be where you are.”
I rested my cheek on his shoulder. “Thank God you weren’t on that flight, Luke. For a minute, I imagined all of this ending like a Nicholas Sparks novel.”
He laughed softly in my ear. “Not a chance.”
Eventually I realized I was still wearing my bathrobe and no makeup, and I needed to put clothes on.
“I should go and get dressed,” I said, backing away and giving him a flirtatious look before I glanced at the clock. “We’ll need to get Louise soon. She’ll be so excited to see you.”
“I can’t wait to see her, too,” he said, taking a few steps forward, his eyes full of desire. He looked as if he wanted to follow me.
“You stay right there,” I said with a grin, wagging a finger at him, “or we’ll be late.”
“All right,” he replied with amusement. “But after we get Louise…” He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a set of keys. “Would you like to come and see my new house?”
My eyebrows lifted and my whole being lit up with joy. “Yes.”
* * *
The home Luke had purchased was located five-minutes away from my house and was situated on a private wooded lot overlooking the Northwest Arm—a picturesque ocean inlet with yacht clubs and parks on either side.
The house itself was a brick mansion built during the Edwardian period. It boasted original hardwood floors and exquisite craftsmanship throughout. The staircase railing and antique fireplace mantel were show stoppers. At the same time, it had been recently renovated to include every possible modern convenience—a gourmet kitchen with granite countertops and high-end stainless steel appliances.
Upstairs, a luxurious ensuite off the master bedroom impressed us with a claw-foot tub and a large, separate shower enclosed in glass and marble.
Louise ran through all the empty rooms and called to us from the top of the stairs. “I picked out my bedroom!” Her voice echoed in the unfurnished house.
Luke and I smiled at each other. “You might need to arm wrestle her for the master,” I said.
He held up his biceps and squeezed his left arm. “See these guns?”
I laughed. Then Luke opened the sliding glass doors off the kitchen. This took us outside to a stone patio that overlooked the Northwest Arm where the odd sailboat was tacking against the cool breeze.
It was late-afternoon, mid-October, and the sun was low in the sky. The water was calm and gleaming, reflecting the rich and vibrant hues in the autumn forest.
Louise joined us at the rail and I slid my arm around her. “This looks almost as pretty as one of your paintings.”
“That’s because it’s here,” she said.
I looked down at her, my brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”
“Don’t you see it?” she asked.
“See what?”
She grinned, as if I were teasing her because I must already know. But I didn’t know what she was trying to say.
“How beautiful it is!” she replied. “And it’s right here.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Heaven! It’s here. It’s just different. You can’t really see it because you’re not there. You’re here. But it’s here, too. It’s all around us.”
It wasn’t easy to make sense of how a five-year-old explained the unexplainable. “I thought heaven was above the clouds.”
She shook her head. “No, it’s everywhere.”
“Like…a different dimension?” Luke asked.
“I don’t know what that word means,” Louise replied. “I just know that I walked across a bridge to get there and it wasn’t very far. Just beyond what we can see. But you’ll see it someday, and you’ll be happy when you get there.” She noticed a flower garden at the edge of the grassy lawn below. “Can I go down there?”
“Sure,” I replied. “Just stay where we can see you.”
We watched her walk down the stone steps and explore the yard. Then she waved up at us. “Look! There’s a birdbath!”
Luke bent forward and rested his elbows on the railing. “Can you believe we made a whole person? An amazing little person?”
I leaned forward as well. “We did all right.” I turned to him. “What do you think we should do with her paintings? I feel like they’re too beautiful not to share with the world. But I don’t want to profit from them either. That wouldn’t feel right.”
“We should think about that,” he said. “You could always donate them to an art gallery, or maybe offer some of them to be displayed in your church hall?”
“I’d hate to part with any of them,” I replied. “I like looking at them. They make me feel happy.” I turned to gaze back at the house. “You have a lot of empty spaces to fill in there. Would you like me to bring some of them over?”
“Absolutely. You know I’d love to have whatever you’re willing to part with. The front hall wo
uld make a terrific gallery.”
We faced the water again and I breathed in the salty scent of the sea mixed with the fragrance of fall leaves in piles on the ground. “It’s incredible here, Luke. You found the perfect house. I’m so grateful that you’re here.”
He turned to me. “And I’m grateful that you were born, Bev. And that I met you in the bar that night. And that Emma dumped me, so that I could find you again and end up here, where I belong—with you and Louise. This feels like home already.”
I laid my hand on his shoulder. “I’m so glad, because I want you to be happy here, Luke. I want you to know that you’re surrounded by family now—me, my mom, Claire, Scott and Serena. It’s going to be good for all of us.”
He pulled me close and kissed my temple. I closed my eyes, basking in the desire I felt for him, and opening myself to the possibility of more. In time.
“I’m not sure what the future holds for you and me,” he whispered in my ear, “but I don’t want to lose you again.”
I laid my open hand on his chest and smiled up at him. “I don’t want to lose you either.”
“Then let’s promise each other we won’t.”
Louise stood at the edge of the lawn, waving exuberantly at a sailboat as it passed by. All the passengers waved back at her, and the captain shouted across the water, “Ahoy there! It’s a heavenly day!”
“It sure is!” Louise shouted in return, then she swung around and faced us. “Did you hear what he said?”
We both smiled and nodded, and went to join her in the lush and colorful garden over the water.
Epilogue
Emma
One year later
It was one of those magical evenings at the playhouse in the forest, where the sun beamed down from behind the clouds after a heavy rainstorm. The air was still. Hazy rays of light reflected off raindrops that dripped from the ferns. Insects floated like fairy dust in the vapor, and the air smelled of fresh pine and damp earth beneath the moss.
The Color of a Silver Lining Page 20