by Aaron Kite
Closing her eyes tightly, Gwen concentrated on the most terrible, horrible thoughts she could think of, directing them all towards the young man standing beside her. She pictured Gavin burning, bleeding, shrieking in agony. Gwen envisioned him in her mind’s eye, visiting unspeakable horrors upon him in her imagination, and picturing herself as the source of his torment.
She cut him, stabbed him, tore off his limbs and ripped his still-beating heart from his chest, laughing merrily all the while. Some of the things she dreamt up were startling both in how specific and how horrific they were, and more than once she found herself having trouble believing these thoughts were actually coming from her own mind. They were frightening in their fury and intensity.
Deep down, she began to wonder if she was a horrible person after all.
Yes, she thought, furiously. She was a horrible person! She had to believe she was. If the Goddess was going to believe it, she had to believe it, too. Gwen renewed the intensity of her hate-filled thoughts, the vicar’s words receding into the background. The seconds stretched themselves into minutes.
After a while, she felt a gentle nudge against her arm, and she opened her eyes. The vicar looked at her a little strangely, and she saw her crystal was being held out for her to take.
Gwen stared down at it for a moment, then took the proffered crystal in both hands. Gavin already had his, she saw, and was holding it about mid-chest. She couldn’t tell if he was staring down at it, or simply hanging his head.
At the instruction of the vicar, they both turned to face those in attendance. A moment later two small children seemingly appeared out of thin air, placing two small satin pillows on the floor before them so they might have something to kneel on. Both Gwen and Gavin slowly went to their knees and held their crystals aloft.
“Oh Eirene, Goddess of Wisdom and Courage, creator of all things and mother to us all,” the vicar intoned solemnly.
Gwen focused on her crystal a moment, then closed her eyes and bowed her head, as though in prayer.
I’ll kill him, she thought viciously. Once married, I’ll take off my gloves and grab Gavin by the arm, and I won’t let go! I’ll burn the flesh from his bones! I’ll force him to endure suffering that no man has ever experienced, suffering that would make the heavens weep! I will ensure that his shrieks of agony echo through the walls of this castle, and grown men speak of the day they heard his screams in hushed whispers! And I’ll laugh! Do you hear me, Goddess? I will destroy this gentle, innocent man you’ve sent here, and I’ll enjoy it!
A part of Gwen that wasn’t thinking furious thoughts could still hear the vicar’s voice reciting his prayer, beseeching the Goddess to make her will known. She closed her eyes even more tightly, focusing as hard as possible on the violent images of pain and suffering her mind was offering up.
Beside her, she thought she could hear Gavin murmuring something under his breath. It sounded a bit like please.
Gritting her teeth, she concentrated on her angry, scarlet thoughts, her fingertips practically digging into the hard surface of the crystal as though attempting to pulverize it. All the while, in the very back of her mind, Gwen silently pleaded with Eirene to save Gavin from this predicament they both shared, begging that she be spared having to fulfill any part of her father’s cruel plan.
Deafening cheers and applause erupted from somewhere beyond her tightly-shut eyes, and jaunty, triumphant music began to play. Gwen opened one eye, but the familiar warmth in her hand told her she needn’t bother. She’d received the blessing of the Goddess. Her crystal was glowing.
So was Gavin’s.
There had been no malice in his heart, just as she had none in hers.
She hadn’t really meant any of those things she’d thought — some part of her had known it even as she’d been thinking them. Despite the ease with which her imagination had provided her with vivid, torturous images, she knew deep down inside that she wasn’t truly capable of such things.
The tears wouldn’t come now, either. She was too tired to cry.
Gwen felt her shoulders slump a little, and she was suddenly more exhausted than she could ever remember being. She lifted her gaze to the ribbon-filled ceiling, looking through them and into the heavens.
How could you, Goddess? How could you allow this to happen? How could you not see?
The Goddess of Justice was said to be blind. Today, perhaps she’d decided to lend her blindfold to the Goddess of Wisdom and Courage.
Both she and Gavin slowly rose from their knees and turned to face the altar. Chances were Gavin still wasn’t looking at her at all, but Gwen couldn’t really tell, having chosen to look away from him as well.
The balding vicar busied himself with smiling hugely at them, his gaze periodically flicking towards the jubilant crowd, looking as though this were the most exciting thing to ever happen to him. Quite possibly it was, she thought. He was most likely country vicar with a small congregation, hand-picked by her father to oversee a seldom-performed royal marriage ceremony. She imagined that every country vicar probably dreamed of something like that happening to them.
At least one person’s dreams weren’t being dashed to pieces tonight, Gwen mused bitterly.
She’d find a way, with or without the help of the Goddess. There was still time.
The cheers that had erupted at the sight of the two glowing crystals hadn’t abated in the slightest, though Gwen suspected their cheers were more for Gavin, or simply the prospect of someone other than Gwen or her father ruling over them. Whatever their reasons, the cheers went on long enough that the vicar was eventually forced to raise his hands and motion for quiet.
Reluctantly, the cheering transformed itself into a low, excited rumble of approval.
“And now, fellow Children of the Goddess,” the vicar said, his voice cracking slightly, “you share with me the honour of having been witness to this extraordinary event, blessed by Eirene herself! I present to you King Gavin and Queen Gwenwyn of Rhegar-Calderia. Husband… and wife!”
When the vicar uttered that final word a strange feeling filled Gwen, and a familiar sensation of pins and needles washed over her. Alarmed, she looked down to inspect her arms, then turned to her left and—
All at once, everything seemed to stop.
Gavin was suddenly so beautiful that it hurt her just to look at him. In fact he almost seemed to glow, as though he were some magnificent statue the sunlight had caught in just the right way.
The crowd continued to roar approvingly, but to Gwen the room may as well have been silent and empty. All she could register suddenly were the sights and sounds being provided by this achingly irresistible man standing next to her. She had to force herself to breathe just being this near him, and was almost overcome with the need to throw herself at him… to press herself against him, wrap her arms around him and kiss—
Oh no!
The geis. This is what Anifail had been talking about, back when he’d smugly suggested that she might know what to do. This was the second part of her geis, the one Anifail had put on her weeks ago. The vicar had said husband and wife, and suddenly she was so enamored with Gavin she could barely think. The final trap in her father’s plan had been sprung!
Gwen shut her eyes tightly, trying to clear her head. She could hear people talking and cheering all around her, and she vainly attempted to block out the voices and focus on her thoughts, a task made more difficult by the blood she could feel thrumming through her temples, as well as the sick and anxious feeling that had taken residence in the pit of her stomach.
There were butterflies there in her stomach, too.
She realized that at some point her gloved hand had been shoved into Gavin’s, and that both of their arms had been raised above their heads to even more deafening cheers. Even through the glove, just having her hand held by this man was enough to make her knees go weak.
&nbs
p; Her arm was eventually lowered, and then she found herself being led forward by her new husband, who now had a firm grip on her hand. Gwen’s eyes fluttered open involuntarily, and she saw that the world around her was lifeless and dull save for Gavin, who resembled some sort of god made up of colour and sunshine. He was a bright, shining jewel amongst the dirt and grime that was anybody and everybody else in the entire world.
She wanted him, wanted him more than anything. Gwen wanted to kiss him so badly her arms trembled, and her skin seemed to tingle. Visions of the two of them together appeared in her mind’s eye, unbidden, and the thoughts and feelings those visions inspired made her ache in delicious ways…ways she’d only read about in books and stories. And he was hers, she realized. Her heart practically leaped out of her chest at the thought. They were husband and wife! Gavin was hers and nobody else’s, and… no!
There was more chattering around them, but she could barely even register where she was, never mind the voices around her or who they might have belonged to. Her hand still gripped his, and he gently led her here, then there… through an adoring crowd and to a place where the voices and cheers became even louder. Everything became a blur of motion except for him, for it didn’t seem there was any room in her world for anything or anyone else suddenly, like he was everything that mattered, or could possibly ever matter. She’d try focusing on where they were, or what hallway they were walking down, or a nearby face, and she’d eventually discover herself focusing on Gavin instead… how handsome he looked, or how fluid his movements seemed. In fact, Gwen barely even noticed when her veil became caught on something and was pulled off her head.
She almost tripped on an uneven floor stone, which made her realize she hadn’t been paying any attention at all to her feet or what they were doing. It honestly felt like she was floating, whirling through this crowd and that, down a hallway, light-headed and dizzy from the sheer intensity of what she was feeling. Every now and then she’d realize what was happening and attempt to shut everything out and think, but it seemed to last no more than a couple of steps before she was once more overwhelmed by the very notion of Gavin and how unbelievably perfect he was.
Down another hallway they went, encountering fewer and fewer faces along their way. Gwen knew every nook and cranny in the castle, and yet she found it so difficult to concentrate that she hadn’t the faintest idea where they were right now.
She briefly glimpsed a guard she didn’t recognize who was standing at attention, and who gave the two of them a crisp salute as they breezed by. A second one did the same, and then a third, until at last they came upon a large, dark, wooden door. Twisting the handle with his free hand, Gavin pushed the door open. Then, head bowed, he led her through into the room beyond, seeming to pull her along with a little less gentleness than he’d displayed during most of their trek.
Then, Gavin let go of her hand.
Gwen caught herself almost stumbling over her dress as she was practically hurled forward towards the huge expanse of plush, silky pillows on the luxurious bed that had suddenly appeared before her. She righted herself, then looked around the room with wide eyes.
A bedroom — one full of spectacularly opulent furniture, elegant drapes, and other decoration that spoke of both excellent taste and a tremendous amount of wealth. One of the castle’s old storage rooms, she realized… probably in the area of the castle where the Rhegarans had been staying. Had they brought all of this stuff with them all the way from Rhegar just to furnish a single room? For a wedding night?
Gwen didn’t recognize a single stick of furniture around her, but everything was wonderful and perfect, like in a dream. The bed was positively huge, and was practically littered with down-filled pillows and other soft, silky things — bedding and other comforts fit for a king and queen. And they were alone, finally! And here she was, a queen, standing in this bedroom with her new husband, a king. This beautiful man who was hers to love and cherish and— … no no no!
She had to keep her head, for both their sakes! She had to!
Though the look on his face suggested he wished to slam the door shut behind him, Gavin carefully eased it closed. The soft sound of the door lock clicking into place had a feeling of finality to it.
Eyes closed, Gavin slowly rested his forehead against the massive wooden door, as though mourning the loss of something that lay on the other side.
“Well,” he said bleakly, his deep, gentle voice making Gwen’s knees weak despite its tone of bitterness and regret, “I suppose we’re married now.”
Chapter 21
The two of them remained frozen in place — he by the door with his forehead pressed against it, she still standing by the bed, torn between rushing over to him, and getting as far away from him as she could. Gwen felt like she was being pushed and pulled in several directions at once.
Her gaze never left him, not for a single moment.
There was a long, uncomfortable stretch of silence.
Gavin sighed.
“This is really awkward,” he said, finally, turning and giving her a look that was both apologetic and distressed. “Look, I know this isn’t exactly something you were hoping would happen, and it’s probably not what you wanted at all. You don’t really want someone like me, and I understand that.”
Oh, how unbelievably wrong he was. Gwen fought to remain standing where she was, holding herself as still as possible.
“I’m not even a very good prince, really,” he continued, running his fingers through his hair in a way that seemed self-conscious. “And I… look, a girl like you could do so much better than this. I know that. You probably wish I wasn’t even here right now. It’s okay, you can tell me. Just saying it might make you feel a little better, to be honest.”
He stood up a little straighter and looked at her expectantly for a moment, as though waiting for her to say something.
Still unable to make a sound, Gwen could think of little to do but force herself to refrain from throwing herself across the room at him, something that seemed to require more effort as time passed.
Gavin sighed once more and looked back to the door.
“Let’s just talk, okay? I’m not going to make you do anything you don’t want. Really, I mean it. Nobody should be forced to do something they don’t want.” His expression hardened. “All this supposed power we have, and yet we’re powerless to change things. Slaves to what is required of us, or what is necessary. Game pieces moved around a board, like we’re commodities, no matter whose lives end up getting ruined in the process.”
The way he said those particular words caused a memory to bubble to the surface of Gwen’s thoughts.
Gavin had a girlfriend.
Jealousy stabbed at her heart like a white-hot sword being driven clear through her chest. She discovered she hated this unknown, faceless girl, and with a ferocity that frightened her. Part of her was already frantically making plans, coming up with ideas regarding how she would find this girl, and what she’d do to her for daring to put herself between Gwen and this man, her husband! Why, she’d—
Gwen shut her eyes and took a deep breath, forcing her thoughts to quiet. It was like these feelings were coming out of nowhere now, like she was suddenly forced to feel things that didn’t even belong to her!
“I’m probably ruining things for you, all of the dreams you had. You can tell me so,” he continued. “I don’t mind, really. You probably wish I’d just go away, or something, and that’s fine. I’ll understand. It’s good to say these things. Just tell me that’s what you wish. That I was someplace far, far away.”
These things he said weren’t helping at all! She desperately wanted to tell him — to show him — how wonderful he was. It was like his gentle, self-depreciating words were somehow making him even more perfect in her eyes, despite his protestations.
“It’s just that someone like you shouldn’t have to do anything like
this, or settle for someone like me. You’re incredible! Goddess, when I saw you in that field, squaring off against that monster of a dire wolf, I just… wow. I’ve never seen courage like that before — never met anyone who didn’t run at the sight of one of those things. And you faced it down with nothing more than a couple of rocks! You’re amazing, Gwenwyn, not to mention beautiful, and it’s not….” Gavin closed his eyes and sighed once more. “You deserve so much better than this. Better than me, anyway.”
Why couldn’t he just stop talking? Doing anything else would be infinitely preferable. Looking out a window, bemoaning his situation, sitting down and running fingers through his tousled brown hair, walking over to her and confidently wrapping his arms around her, finally letting her see the charming grin that had become the talk of the castle, then slowly bowing his head and leaning in close, as he— … no, no, no!
He was still standing by the door, and hadn’t moved away from it. Though it felt like torture being so far away from him, the part of her that was still able to think clearly was very thankful. She was trying not to look at him, but it seemed like such a hard thing to do.
Gavin cleared his throat.
“I don’t understand why you haven’t said anything. Are you upset? Or angry? You can tell me; I just want to talk, honest. That’s all I want to do right now.”
That wasn’t all she wanted to do right now.
Gwen gritted her teeth. It was maddening! Here he was, sounding as if he’d require hardly any convincing whatsoever to flee the kingdom, and she couldn’t say anything. Her geis of silence would only be broken if she kissed him, something she was desperately trying not to do!
She had to find another way to communicate with him — one that could preferably be done at a great distance. Aside from getting dragged in here and standing around like some lovestruck dimwit, she hadn’t done anything at all.