“You’d know it if I was.” Max sighed. “I don’t want this.” Taking the first step away he found the second one just as hard, and all the others until he reached his car that he parked a little further down the street. He drove for half an hour towards the airport before having to pull over because he couldn’t see through the tears.
***
“Now we need to dress up nice for daddy.” Félix explained as he shimmied Mila into her new sundress, pure white and decorated in tiny bumblebees. “I hope he likes it.” Another week had passed and he had no idea how to fix the mess he had created.
“Hello.” He’d been to Félix’s before, but this time he felt like a stranger. “Hey there.” Taking Mila from Félix straight away he knew Félix had seen the car seat. “You said I could.”
“I know but…”
“I rented a place nearby.” Max explained as he nuzzled in close to Mila’s face, her pudgy cheek feeling so soft against his nose. “A private villa, it’s got a pool and a nursery.”
“Oh.”
“I’m not going to let her swim.” He replied brusquely as he crouched to pick up her bag.
“You’re not going to stay?”
“Why would I?”
“Just thought you’d want a drink before you left, and you could look at her new dress.”
“Ah yes, hmm, well isn’t that a funny thing.” He’d indulged himself whilst back at home and went out to buy a couple of things. “I bought the same one for you.” He loved it as soon as he saw it, it reminded him of a dress his mum used to wear when he was a child, it had bees all over it.
“That’s nice.”
Max wasn’t sure if he had ever heard Félix say nice before, the awkwardness was making him skin itch, he never put up with this in his life before, he never had the patience for it. But Mila was telling him to get on with it. And for her he would do anything. “Right then, I’ll be off, will see you on Friday.”
“What are you going to do?”
“Hang out, I’ve got my parents over to meet her.” He announced.
“Are they coming here?” Félix’s heart raced at the prospect.
“No, they don’t know where you live.” He reassured, although it was definitely for the health of his parents rather than Félix’s. “We’re off.” Walking away from Félix was so much easier when he had Mila in his arms.
“We’re back.” Max declared as he opened the front door one handed, the other holding the car seat, and immediately he heard the hurried footsteps of his mum and dad.
“Oh wow, Max, you have a daughter.”
He smiled softly as his parents stayed close as he walked to the large airy living room, their gasps and sighs made him yearn for the time they all missed. “She’s gorgeous isn’t she.”
“She’s so big Max.” George breathed, not saying the words he really meant, that she was a shock to see her big because they hadn’t seen her since she was born. However now they were face to face, it didn’t matter so much because Max was right, she was gorgeous. “I need some cuddles.”
“There’s plenty of time for that dad.” Max smiled as he put the seat down to get her out. “I guess I should make this official.” As he handed Mila over to his now seated father, he loved how normal it felt. “This is Mila Isobella Garcia.”
“Garcia-Weston at the very least.” Deidre heard the annoyed puff of air from Max and saw him dip his head for a second. “No more of that, I promise.”
“Thanks, I just want this to be us enjoying her.” Max explained.
“And it will be.” George smiled. “She’s so precious, aren’t you?” She giggled at him and sinking back into the cushions he marveled at her. “Bet you’re going to be wild on the field, I bet you are, all those football genes.”
It was how they spent the rest of the day, just passing her around between them, watching her try to crawl on her playmat, her attempts getting closer to the real thing. Max loved how his parents weren’t shy to point out their similarities, reminding him each time that she was just as much a part of him.
The morning routine was a new experience, but making sure his parents had their lie in to combat jet lag he tiptoed into her temporary room and found her wide-eyed and ready for the day. “Hey there Mila.” He whispered with a huge grin before scooping her up to get her ready for the day, a fresh nappy and a brand new outfit for the day.
Breakfast was the same for the both of them, although Mila’s was a milky porridge and his was a bit more substantial, but he mashed up blueberries to swirl into both. Taking it in turns Max fed them both together, the sun streaming in wonderfully, but as great as it was he knew there was something missing.
“Morning.”
Deidre smiled at seeing her son feeding Mila on his lap, feeding her a small spoonful of baby porridge, scraping off the excess from around her face before trying again. “Morning. Would probably be a bit easier from the highchair.”
Glancing up he saw his parents beaming with pride, and it wasn’t the same sort he saw at football field, it was softer, they looked happier. “I know, I just like holding her”
“You haven’t touched yours yet.”
“It can wait.” He dismissed his mum’s concern before pooling his focus on Mila again.
“How about.” George began. “You keep hold of her and one of feeds her, then we can all get out and about.” They had tentatively planned a trip to the beach depending on the weather.
“I could do with a shower actually, how about that Mila? Your gran and grampy feeding you?” Although he never wanted her to leave his sight, he knew he had to relax around his parents, they weren’t trying to do anything other than love and get to know her..
“If you’re sure.”
“She’ll be in great hands.” Max reassured himself as he wolfed down his cold breakfast. “Won’t be a minute.”
George knew better than to say ‘take your time’, but he gave Max a nod to tell his son to take it easy. “Right then Mila.” Plonking her in the highchair he made sure she was secured in before handing his wife the rest of her breakfast. “What do you fancy for breakfast?”
“Toast will be fine.” She replied after a moment, Mila was grinning at her.
“I’ll put some tea on too.” He knew how important it was to her to do this, she had worried herself sick since they found out about the new addition, so despite being desperate to fuss over Mila watching Deidre coo and smile at her was so much better.
Brewing the tea George was shocked out of his daydreaming by knocking at the door. “Who can that be?”
“No one else knows we’re here. Maybe it’s the letting agent?” Max had been making noises about moving to Spain so he wouldn’t need to travel so much.
“I’ll get it.” George volunteered, putting the teaspoon down he wandered off to the front door, whoever it was knocking again. “Félix?” Blocking the door with his body he gave Félix a moment to explain. “What’s this about?”
“I need Mila back.”
“It’s not going to work like this I’m afraid, you’ve put an…hey!” Félix had barged past him roughly and was striding through the house. “Deidre!” he called ahead as he rushed to catch up. “Don’t let him…” Entering the kitchen he saw Deidre had Mila in her arms.
“I don’t care Félix, you’re not taking her.”
“I can and I will, is nothing you can do.” He replied smugly.
“What are you doing here?” Max was seething.
“I need Mila, my parents are on their way over.”
“And?” Max questioned.
“So I need her.”
“We agreed, this weekend is mine, and my parents have travelled halfway across the world to see her.”
“Legally…”
“Get out.” He couldn’t believe Félix was being so cold. “Get. Out.” Through gritted teeth he got Félix to leave the kitchen so they wouldn’t spook Mila. “I can’t believe you, you can’t mess her around like this, and it isn’t fair on
me or my parents.”
“Don’t care.”
Max gambled. “They don’t know, do they?”
“I…they do.”
“Fucking hell Félix, this is insane.” Running his hands through his hair Max paced about. “I don’t know who you are anymore, you are not the Félix I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, you’re not the Félix I told my secrets to, you’re not the man I thought you were.”
“They don’t need to know.” Crossing his arms over his chest he tried his hardest to keep a lid on his emotions, he was lost as to how to ever mend things.
“They do, and they will. I don’t think you understand how easily and quickly everyone will find out. I’m not going to be the one to do it, but I am sure as hell not letting you confine Mila to a life indoors. She needs to socialize with other kids Félix, she’ll be going to school too. She can’t ever think you’re ashamed of her.”
“I’m not!”
“I know you’re not, but don’t you want to walk down the street with her in a pram? Take her to the beach and let her get sand in between her toes? Have people tell you how gorgeous she is, how much she looks like you?” Max sighed as how passive Félix was being. “I do, I want to be her proud dad and know so, because I am. I know this didn’t have the ideal start, but my god she is my greatest achievement. And I mean the absolute greatest.”
Félix closed his eyes so he could concentrate on breathing properly. Everything Max was saying was true. “You hate me.”
Max huffed. “I never thought I could, but I do. For what you’ve done to me. I do.” Tears were streaming down Félix’s face. “If I understood why you did this to me, then maybe…”
“No.” The word came out before he considered what Max asked.
“Look, I’m trying to make things easier here. Why are you fighting me so hard?”
“I don’t know!” He shouted.
“Then fucking figure it out alright, you’re not taking Mila with you end of.”
“But legally…”
“I swear to fucking god! Fine state all that legal shit at me, but I can do it right back at you. All it takes is a DNA test and I’ll be able to sue for custody, and then it will be all over the papers, and Félix, you will be the bad guy.” The darkness had gnawed away at him when the lights went out, and instead of keeping it locked away he just let it flow out of him.
“How?”
“Not telling me, then playing.” He swallowed his guilt at bringing it up. “Then telling me she was mine before keeping her away from me purposely. And now this, letting me see her but then taking her away less than twenty four hours afterwards.”
Félix chewed on his bottom lip. “I want to make it right.”
“Then fucking do something about it!” Max yelled back.
George and Deidre had taken Mila off into the garden as soon as Max had dragged Félix away, they both knew it wasn’t going to be pleasant, and although Mila wouldn’t be able to understand, they didn’t want her hearing the raised voices. And they didn’t want to hear the hate.
Walking away from a now silent Félix he found his parents looking very worried in the kitchen. “Laura?” He stomach dropped, fearing the worst instantly.
“Mama and papa demanded to know where you were.” She spoke directly to Félix who had appeared behind Max. “They waited outside your house for over an hour.”
“What did you say?”
“She said she couldn’t lie anymore.” Mathieu cut in.
“Papa.” His blood ran cold.
“You need to explain now son, has been long enough.” He said sternly. “Now.”
“Max is…the father.”
“Then Max, I am sorry for my son’s behavior.”
“He’s not a child, the only apology I want is an explanation from him.” Max stated plainly as he took Mila from his mum. “All I want to know is why.” He pleaded, but could see the fear in Félix’s eyes, he wanted to flee. “Go stand outside.”
Félix dashed outside and sucked in breath after breath, hands on knees and bent over the last person he was expecting to see standing next to him was Max. “I can’t.”
“You’re going to have to, but let’s start small.” He waited for Félix to stand upright. “Our parents can’t see us.”
“Where’s Mila?”
“With my parents, ours.” Max explained. “We need to bash this out ourselves. Alone.”
“It’s…hard.”
“I don’t doubt that.” Max replied softly as he wandered off to sit on one of the metal chairs beside the house. “Come on, we need to do this.”
The same sick feeling he got at school rose in his throat. “I know.” He relented as he followed Max to sit next to him.
“Take your time.” In his mind this was the last chance before he took the more serious steps to secure himself in Mila’s life, Félix was being too flighty and it scared him that he could turn up one day and he would have taken her to god knows where in the world.
He knew he had to tell Max something because he was aware of how loyal he was to his family, and how far he was willing to go to protect them. “Do you hate me?”
“Not you, because there’s got to be some reason, and I hope there is one because then I’m lost as to what to think about you. But I hate what you’ve done.” He was a little shocked himself that he couldn’t hate Félix, not truly because he was sure he was entitled to.
Bringing his legs up to his chest he rested his heels on the edge of the seat so he could shield himself off from the large expanse of garden. And so leaning his forehead on his knees he realized that this was it. “I know I say things about Kyle, and then about not wanting to come out.”
Max sat in silence and waited.
“And those things are a little bit true and why I keep everything to myself, but at school…” He shuddered at the memories rising to the surface. “ At school, when I was at school…we were taught…that being fertile is a freak of nature. In science they tell us is a glitch, is not normal and there was another boy and everyone calls him names and beat him up, he left.”
He was never so heartless as to not feel for sorry for Félix.
“And when I find out I am, I know I had to not tell anyone, so I do it all myself.” Letting one foot reach the floor he pressed his cheek to his knee to glance at Max. “It was scary because I do not know a lot and have to guess, the books in the library were not so helpful.”
“There was a boy at my school, wasn’t very common back then like it is now. Must have been scary.”
“Uh huh, and it sticks with me. I almost tell you when you told me you were gay.”
“I wish you had.” Max soothed. “But then I would have used protection, and we wouldn’t have Mila.”
“You would have still liked me?”
“Yeah, no doubt, it’s not any real issue is it?”
Letting his other leg down he punched his thigh. “I’m so stupid.”
“You were scared, why do you think it took me so long to come out? We’ve all got our hang ups.”
“But mine did all of this.” The mess was unsalvageable now.
“Mmm.” They sat in silence for a while, just getting used to being around each other again. “Oh god.”
“What!”
“I was looking up stuff about male fertility, that thing in Spain, that was the same time, when you were a kid.”
Throwing his face into his hands he nodded slowly, it was what kept his mouth shut right up until he had no choice. A campaign was started and was legislated when he was a teenager to sterilize all fertile men, something his parents hadn’t brought up because they probably had forgotten. But for him it felt like life and death.
“Oh Fél.” Rubbing his back he scooted closer to comfort him. “It’s not the same now, you know that.”
“It’s hard to trust people.” He sobbed.
“You have to be able to trust me.”
“I do, and it’s why don’t know I didn’t say. I thoug
ht you’d be ashamed.”
“Never.” Max stated confidently. “How could I be ashamed of the man who gave me the most amazing gift?”
“We created a life.”
“Yeah.” Max replied breathlessly. Yeah we did.”
Félix heard his voice break. “I wish I could take it all back.”
“I wish that could happen too, I really wanted to see her when she was tiny, and be there for you as well, how the hell have you done all this on your own?”
“Andre helped a lot, and my sister too.” Max nodded along. “Were really good, Andre did so much for me, I don’t know how to thank him.”
“Holding Mila is probably enough.”
“It’s what he said.” Félix chuckled softly.
“Can I ask about the name?”
“Of course, something else I took away from you.” He sighed.
“Félix, just promise me you’re not going to take her away from me again and I can start to forgive you.2
“Do not deserve forgiveness.” He pouted.
“I can’t hold a grudge forever, so to be honest I’d much rather forgive and enjoy raising Mila with you.” Max spoke softly.
Félix blinked back the tears, not knowing how Max could be like this, so calm. “It means miracle, is what Mila means.”
“Perfect.” Max smiled. “How big did you get?”
“You want to know that?”
“Yeah, been thinking about it a bit.”
Cupping his imaginary bump he saw Max’s eyes go shiny. “Are okay?”
“Uh huh, bet you looked cute.”
“No, definitely did not.”
“Bet you did, I’ll ask Laura.” He smirked triumphantly. “And in the name of honesty, I want to move to Spain to be closer to her.”
“Si, makes sense.” He nodded. “You can see her so much more.”
“I was hoping that, I don’t want to miss a thing.” It felt so good to get that off his chest in a calm environment. “Let’s draw a line under today and move forward, shall we?”
“I do not deserve such kindness, but I would love that.”
“It’s settled then, should go back inside and let them know we haven’t killed each other.” He laughed as he stood up.
Something Greater Than Yourself: An Omega Mpreg Romance Page 10