by Renee Dyer
She turns away again and breaks into a run.
“Cammie!”
She keeps running and I still can’t get up to chase her. All I can do is watch her move farther away as my heart shrivels up inside my chest and becomes nonexistent. Without her, there’s nothing left to beat for.
“Cammie, come back,” I rasp out. “I’m sorry.”
I jolt awake, my body tense and my fingers gripping my sheets. “Fuck!” That dream felt too real. So real, tears are falling down my face. Cammie is supposed to just be my friend, but ever since Tucker started back at work yesterday, something has shifted in me. I’m worried what will happen between her and I.
Cammie did her second scene with Tucker yesterday and she didn’t falter, not one step. Whatever nerves got to her on her first day or however Tucker’s sadness affected her, that’s over now. She’s able to eye him down and act her ass off. Sooner rather than later, they’ll be doing sex scenes together and I’m afraid of what I’ll do when I see his hands on her. It doesn’t matter that it isn’t real.
It’s only matters that it’s Tucker touching her.
Just seeing them acting together is throwing me into a fucking tizzy. I need to get my head straight.
It’s more than the Tucker issue, though. I’m scared of what will happen if she finds out about the skeletons in my closet. Hello, nightmare manifesting my subconscious mind much? Cammie is the first person I’ve wanted in my life for years. Eventually, she’ll come to the realization that I’m evil and run away from me in terror. Losing her will crush me, but it’s inevitable. Despite the impending pain, I can’t walk away from her.
I hate that I’ve allowed myself to fall into this position.
I went against my own motto—mercy is for the weak.
I saw her and there was no way I wasn’t having her in my life. Now, I’m going to pay for that. Here’s to hoping I can somehow survive the avalanche that’s started falling.
Chapter Seventeen
Cammie
“I was thinking I should throw you a party for your birthday this weekend.”
He says it so matter of fact, I’m not sure whether he’s serious or joking.
“Um, that’s really not necessary. I’m sure I can find something fun to do.”
“Come on, Cammie. It will be fun. Besides, the crew loves a good party and it gives you a chance to get to know more people.”
“I don’t know.”
I look at the half of his handsome face I can see and try to figure out how to let him down gently. I’m not comfortable with him spending his money on me. I know we’re friends and yes, friends throw each other birthday parties sometimes, but we haven’t known each other that long. It feels kind of weird to accept this.
“Hey, Eddie…oh, sorry, I should have knocked. I didn’t know you had someone in your office. Hey, Cammie.”
“Hi, Tucker.”
“Great scene yesterday. Can’t wait to get back out there and see what you do today.”
“Thanks,” I say with a smile.
While Tucker was gone dealing with his emergency, I made a decision about the situation here. What happened on this set before I got here sucked, but we are all adults and we have to deal. Victoria and Grant were the most at fault, but from what I’m learning, it sounds like Tucker wasn’t a very nice boyfriend. Does that mean I condone cheating? Hell no. But I don’t condone someone walking all over his significant other either.
I weighed all sides of this situation and decided that Tucker was the one who was hurt the most. He’s the one everyone has probably been handling with kid gloves and pussyfooting around. Well, I’m not going to do that. I’m going to give him a bit of his balls back and treat him like the man he is. I’m his new co-star and that means I need to act like it—full eye contact and all—no matter how much he looks like someone kidnapped his puppy.
Great thing is, he came back not looking so depressed. It made my plan a whole lot easier.
“So, Tuck, I was just telling Cammie I should throw a party for her birthday this weekend.”
“That’s a great idea. I’m in. What can I help with?”
Shit! How do I say no to both of them?
I also decided while he was away that I was going to try to become friends with Tucker. He looked like he really needed one. Guess my friendly starts here.
“You two are so sweet. Where should we have the party?” I plaster on a big smile.
“Petey’s,” they say in unison.
“I’ll call Grace,” Eddie says.
“I know a balloon guy,” Tucker pipes in.
Do I need balloons at twenty years old? They look so excited, so I let them keep blabbing away. I didn’t know two men could enjoy putting a party together. Then Eddie asks how Grams is doing. I don’t know who she is, but the air shifts in the room. Tucker makes a comment about her still being weak, but gaining her strength daily and being feisty. They both laugh and I know she had something to do with his emergency.
“Is there anything I can help you guys with?” I ask, hoping to get my instructions so I can leave. They just had a personal moment that really has nothing to do with me and I feel like they should be able to talk about that more.
“If you’ve made any friends, feel free to invite them,” Tucker says with a smile on his face.
“We’ll know the time in about an hour. Grace is awesome like that.”
“Thanks for doing this, guys. I just want you to know I really appreciate it.” I smile at them and start for the door. Before I leave, I turn back. “Hey, Tucker. Can we get lunch one day this week? I think it would help us on our scenes if we got to know each other a little better.”
He nods at me and I nod back before walking out. A look passes between us that I can only describe as both of us feeling a tad uncomfortable about that first lunch. I know why I feel awkward. I’m attracted to the guy who messed up his life.
But what’s his deal?
Is he worried what the crew will say if they see us go to lunch together? They’ve seen me head out with Grant and Eddie several times this past week.
Man, that might look bad.
Could they be thinking I’m sleeping with both of them?
I guess I could do worse. They’re both smoking hot. I giggle to myself as I walk into the hallway in search of one of those men I wouldn’t mind doing the horizontal mambo with. As soon as Tucker mentioned inviting friends, he popped into my mind. Of course, thinking of the word ‘pop’ has me thinking of…
“Good morning, Cammie.”
The hairs on my arms bristle and stand at attention. His voice stokes my once sleeping nerves to life.
“Did you know my name is actually Camilla?” Why did I tell him that? I hate my name. I never tell anyone my full name. Dammit, why do I let him fluster me?
“That’s beautiful. Why do you not use your full name?”
Grant watches me so intently, I feel like he’s searching my soul for the answer. It’s like he believes there is some deep meaning to my answer when really…
“Ugh. I hate it. I got named after my two grandfathers. If you were a girl, would you brag about being named after two dudes?”
I can see him restraining his laughter. His lips are forced into a tight line, but his cheeks have lifted into the telltale signs of a smile. Bastard.
“Grant Andrews, are you laughing at me?” I tease.
“Absolutely not,” he barely gets out before clamping his mouth shut. He composes himself again. “Please, elaborate. This sounds like a fascinating story. Tell me how you came to be named after two dudes, I think it was you called them.”
“Well, since you asked me so nicely.” I smirk as I playfully punch him in the arm. “My gram married two Camille’s. Don’t look at me like that. It’s a true story. Cross my heart.”
“It sounds a little farfetched.”
“Thank you. That’s what I said growing up. Who the heck finds two men with that name and what’s the likelihood she’d fall
in love with both of them? But my gram did. My mom’s dad passed when she was a little girl. She tells all kinds of wonderful stories about him. She was a total daddy’s girl. She wasn’t nearly as close with her stepdad, but she respected him and he did right by his stepkids. My mom always said when she had a baby, she was going to name it after her daddy and she didn’t care what the sex was. So, Camille became Camilla.”
“Hmm. That was a good story.”
“Yep, and like I told you, I was named after two dudes.”
“Well, all I have to say to that is dude looks like a lady.”
“Ah, Grant. That’s a horrible joke,” I laugh out, pushing on his side. He laughs, too, until we see Tucker walking our way.
Their eyes meet and the animosity between them is apparent. It’s sad for me because I have a connection with Grant and I want to be friends with Tucker. I wish there was a way to mend this fence.
“I’ll see you around, buttercup.”
Grant winks and walks away, leaving me feeling uncomfortable under Tucker’s gaze. Tucker stands in place until Grant is completely out of sight and then walks over to me. I know I won’t like what he has to say.
“I don’t normally get involved in other people’s business, but you seem like a nice kid. Grant is bad news. I won’t get into specifics and I’m sure I don’t need to, but please watch your back around him. He used my ex-girlfriend to get at me. I don’t want him using my co-star.”
I don’t know which part of his warning I’m most offended by. The kid comment or that Grant may only want to spend time with me to get at him. I get that he’s hurting, but the world doesn’t revolve around Tucker Stavros. I guess to some fans it does, but mine doesn’t.
Biting my tongue on the lashing I want to give, I say the nicest thing I can. I don’t feel like getting fired already. “Thank you for the heads up, but as I already told Eddie, Grant has been nothing but gracious to me. He and I are ONLY friends. That’s all we plan to be. If, at any time, he does something that is inappropriate, in any way, I will let Eddie know right away. I do know what happened and I’m very sorry for what you went through. I would very much like for you and I to become friends, too, just like Eddie and I are becoming friends, but you should know that I believe people deserve second chances. We’re all human and we all make mistakes. None of us are perfect.”
My comment about not being perfect is about him as well. I don’t know if he catches it, but he looks at me as he thinks of what to say. I don’t know if I’m getting off on the friend foot very well here.
“How about lunch tomorrow?” His tone is clipped, but I guess this is a start.
“Sounds great. You can pick the spot. I don’t know many places yet.”
“I’ll let you know by tomorrow morning.” He nods and walks off.
That could have gone better.
As I stand by myself, getting my wits back around me, I realize I never told Grant about my birthday party. I’ll have to track him down later and invite him.
Wonder what it would take to get him wrapped up as my gift?
Chapter Eighteen
Grant
“So, you’re a sci-fi geek, huh?”
Cammie looks up at me from where she’s been nuzzled into my shoulder and smiles. My gut clenches at the familiarity we’ve gained in such a short time. Being her friend is ripping me wide open and causing me to bleed over everything in my path. She can’t see the wounds she’s inflicting because she doesn’t know the secrets I keep hidden from her and she never will. Not if I can help it. She’s too good, too kind and pure, to be tainted by my special brand of evil. I’ll continue to be this Grant—the one who says and does everything right because that’s what she deserves.
But it makes me wonder, am I really her friend?
She giggles and the way her face lights up sends slashing pain through my chest. I don’t know how much longer I can do this, but I also don’t know if I can walk away. For so long, I thought the only comfort I could find was in the darkness. It was my blanket of solace, but now…now I find myself wanting to bask in the glow of her beauty, her laughter, her sci-fi movies, and everything else that makes her uniquely her. Cammie Richards may bleed me dry, but I’ll walk into that knifelike pain each and every day if it means I can see the smile that graces her face, because her smile…it surpasses anything I’ve ever called beautiful before.
Isn’t that worth holding onto?
“Where does this love of sci-fi come from, Camilla? Is it imbedded in you from the two dudes you’re named after?”
“Ugh. Don’t call me that. I knew I should have never told you.”
I laugh while she pouts at me, needing to rid the thoughts of the pain she causes me. I need our playful banter to wipe away all the hurt I’m feeling.
“Now, you’re laughing at me. You wait, Grant Andrews. Someday, I’m going to find out one of your secrets and I’m going to tease you mercilessly.”
Mercy is for the weak.
My tattoo comes racing to mind and so do all the secrets I have locked away. I pray she never finds out about any of them. What we have will crash and burn and there will be no survivors.
“Avoiding the subject? Are you embarrassed about your love of sci-fi?” I raise my brow at her.
“What? No! And you obviously like sci-fi, too. Uh, hello. Avatar?” she huffs and throws her arms under her breasts, giving me an eyeful.
It takes a whole lot of effort to stay focused on her face with her tits plumped up in a perfectly presented “touch me” package. But I do manage, somehow. It’s like the sun—you know it’s there, but you don’t stare. I can say my mind is still very distracted by her milky mounds and how much I want to delve my face into them.
“My taste in movies isn’t in question, but we can go there next if you’d like. I’m secure enough in myself to talk about it.”
Challenge dropped.
Her eyes narrow on me and a fire burns behind her sapphire irises. I love when her spunk kicks in. Everyone at work thinks she’s just this sweet, little kid that needs to be handled like a toddler, but they don’t see the minx in her. She’s going to surprise them all and I can’t wait to see it happen.
“Okay, Mr. I’m So Secure. Yes, I love sci-fi movies. Totally a fan of Star Wars, even though it is way before my time. I love the originals way more than the new ones, even though I think Anakin is hot up until he goes all dark. I wasn’t feeling him so much then. I love trilogies. Lord of the Rings and Matrix are among my favorites. I would say Indiana Jones, too, but then they went and made a fourth one, so I don’t know what to say about that and I don’t know that people really call those movies sci-fi. I love them, though. Basically, I love all types of movies except horror. Can’t watch them at all.”
“At all? Why?” I’m curious by this. She plays a vampire on a TV show. How can she not watch horror movies?
“I’ve never been able to. They give me horrible nightmares and I don’t just mean for a night or two. I have them for weeks.”
“You’re kidding, right?”
“No, and thanks for being such an ass about it,” she says. I can see I’ve hurt her feelings. Shit.
“Sorry. I just don’t understand how you can play a vampire and then be freaked out by horror movies. You know it’s all fake.”
“I’ve always known it’s all fake. I’ve been acting since I was knee-high to a grasshopper. It’s never mattered. I can watch vampires, werewolves, that type of thing and not have a problem, but you put up a human tearing things apart and it’s a whole different story. I can’t watch that. My mind can’t separate the movie aspect from seeing a person doing it. Full-blown nightmares for weeks. I even change the channel when commercials come on.”
“Hmm. I’m glad you told me. I’ll be sure to never rent a horror movie for movie nights. I would have, because I like them. I just assume if someone can handle the things that go bump in the night, they like all other scary, too.”
“Thanks, Grant.” She stretc
hes her neck and places a kiss to my cheek, leaving a warmth on my face after her lips have gone.
“For what?”
“For not thinking I’m weird.”
“I wouldn’t go that far, buttercup.”
“Hey!”
We both start to laugh and I get up to grab another beer.
“Want another IBC?”
“Sure. You have any popcorn left to make?”
“Yeah.”
I don’t tell her that I keep that and IBC stocked just because of her. I never kept either of those in my place before, but now they are a permanent fixture as well as Junior Mints and Watermelon Sour Patch candies.
“Hey, Grant?”
“Yeah?”
“You ready to tell me why you call me buttercup yet?”
She sounds so curious, but it’s a story I just can’t force past my lips.
“Not yet, but maybe soon.”
“Okay.”
The apartment is quiet aside from the sound of the popcorn popping, but it’s not uncomfortable. My saying no to her doesn’t make her angry. She’s not one of those girls. Instead, she’s changing over the disc. I wonder what movie she picked for us to watch tonight.
I grab a box of each of her candies, place them on top of the popcorn, grab the drinks with my other hand, and head back to the couch. I can’t stop the smile from forming at how comfy she looks all curled up on my couch with the remote in her hand. It’s only been a couple weeks, but she fits in my apartment like she’s been here all along.
“So, what did you pick for us tonight?” I ask feeling a little…I don’t know if choked up is the right word. I’m not going to cry, but I’m definitely emotional. What the hell is the word for choked up for a guy? We don’t do emotions well and why am I standing here trying to figure this out when I could be sitting next to a gorgeous woman? Dumbass.
I put our bounty on the table in front of her and watch a twinkle enter her eye. I don’t think I’ll be enjoying movie night tonight.
“Twilight.”
This is her night to choose, but that can’t be what she’s going to make me watch. I want to call veto and ask her if I can get my balls back when she bursts out laughing.