“Tae!”
She’s screaming, tears running down her face, before someone, a tall, brawny man, comes up behind our fathers and snatches her away, his mouth capturing hers.
“Taegan!” I cry out. But then she is kissing him, and before I know it, he’s fucking her against the wall. His body flexing with each thrust as my love, my sweet, beautiful Taegan is screaming her praises.
Unable to watch, I look away, sucking in a breath as my father’s words cut me. “She isn’t yours.”
Waking with a jerk, I sit up, gasping for breath. My body is shaking with anger, my mind going a hundred miles a minute, and I don’t know how I am going to get over this.
Get over her.
Swallowing hard, I run my hands down my face before exhaling harshly. I reach for my phone, but then I stop. I don’t want to talk to her. I can’t. As much as I need to hear her voice, her side of the story, I just feel too deceived. Dropping my hands to my lap, I run them down my thighs before slowly standing and heading to the bathroom. I decide I have to get out of here. I could go down to the bar that my family owns, the Clandestine, but I’m really not in the mood. Maybe I can convince Jonas to go out somewhere else. Hopefully, he isn’t too mad at me.
Leaving my phone because it doesn’t have anything I need, I throw on a tee and then change into my jeans before sliding my feet into some tennis shoes. I really don’t care what I look like. I just want to get out of here. Heading out of my room, I start down the stairs just in time to see Jonas coming out of his room.
“Jo.”
My brother looks up, and I cringe. His nose is completely smashed to the left, and when his eyes narrow to slits, I know he’s still pissed. “What the fuck do you want, asshole?”
Yup, he’s a little angry. “Come on, I said I was sorry.”
“You broke my nose, and Father can’t fix it till tomorrow, so I’ll be mad at you until then.”
I grimace. “How about I take you out for a beer?”
He glares. “How about I break your nose?”
I scoff. “You can try.”
“I hate you,” he moans, shaking his head before walking off. I fall in step with him as he says, “You’re buying all the beer tonight.”
“See? You love me.”
“That and I know you need me.”
I suck my teeth as I slowly nod. “That obvious?”
“Everyone heard when you went after Father, so yeah, it’s obvious.”
Exhaling hard, I wince. “They heard?”
“Yeah, everyone. You’re the talk of the house.”
“Great.”
“No big deal. It won’t leave the house. But yeah, are you okay?”
“No,” I say honestly, and I can feel my brother’s gaze on me.
“What are you going to do?”
“What can I do?” I ask him, meeting his gaze, and he shrugs.
“Nothing.”
“Exactly.”
“Fuck, that sucks.”
“Yeah, it does.”
As we take the stairs down one by one, I wish I could come up with something. Where are my awesome planning skills when I really need them? I feel lost, and I hate feeling like that.
“I got it,” Jonas says then, and I look to him expectantly.
“What?”
“You go run off with Taegan, and I’ll take over.”
I roll my eyes. “In your dreams.”
“So you’ll choose the clan over her?”
“Isn’t that what she is doing?” He presses his lips together. “Plus, if I did try to marry her, it would start a war, from what Father thinks.”
“Oh yeah, for sure. I hadn’t even thought about that.” When he starts laughing, I look to him, confused. “It would be crazy, the wolves coming for you and the shifters for Rebekah.”
I slowly nod. “And the threat against Rebekah is much greater and not something we can avoid. I can avoid the one with the wolves.”
“Yeah,” he agrees before chancing a glance at me. “But what about you?”
“What about me? I don’t matter, only my family,” I say as strongly as I can, even though it’s like knives in my back. I want to be selfish, I want to love Taegan for the rest of my life as husband and wife, but how can I when the world is against us?
“True. It’s just shitty, though,” he says then, and I look to him, nodding.
“You have no clue—”
I hadn’t even realized we had reached the lobby of the Clandestine, when my gaze meets the one of the woman who has stayed on my mind for almost my whole life.
“Taegan,” I breathe, my voice unrecognizable.
Her eyes are bloodshot, her face is red, and she looks just miserable. “Oceanus, Jonas,” she says to my brother, and he nods.
“Hey, Taegan. Ever so gorgeous,” he compliments, but her eyes are on me, begging me, and I can’t take it.
Looking away, I hear her say, “Thanks. Um, Oceanus, I’ve been trying to reach you.”
Clearing my throat, I don’t look up, feeling like a fucking coward as I say, “Yeah, I shut my phone off.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah.”
Silence stretches between us, and then I look to Jonas, needing to get away from her. “Ready?”
Jonas looks completely out of sorts and holds his hands up in confusion. “Yes?”
But before I can move or even say anything, Taegan’s hand comes into mine. Like it did so many years ago. Like before, my breath stops, my mind goes wild, and I am stunned as I look down into her blue eyes. “I need to speak with you, please.”
“What is there to speak about?” I ask, my lip starting to tremble as her eyes plead with mine.
“A lot,” she says, her eyes killing me. “Jonas will wait, won’t you?”
“Yup. In the bar. Take all the time you need,” he says, and before I can break his nose once more, he is hightailing it into the bar.
“Bastard,” I call to him before looking back at the ground. “Taegan, I can’t do this.”
“Please,” she begs, and I feel her misery coming off her in waves. “I don’t want to do this here, but I will.”
I look around, and I see the guards are watching us, as are some of the patrons entering the bar. In a low voice, I warn, “Taegan.”
“Oceanus,” she demands, and finally, I look to her. “Just five minutes.”
She’s crying.
Her tears are more like knives twisting in my chest. Before I lose it, I pull her outside, out of earshot and away from unwanted eyes. But just being outside isn’t enough. I take her around the building to the alley where I know no one will be.
Turning, I drop her hand and then cross my arms, looking down at her. “So?”
Her brows touch as she shakes her head, looking away. “So you know.”
“Yeah.”
“I tried to stop it.”
“Did you?” I ask, looking at her, and she glares up at me.
“Yes! I don’t want to marry him!”
I try to seem so unaffected, almost as if I don’t care, but I can’t. “Oh, really? ’Cause if you didn’t want to marry him, you wouldn’t have to!”
“You tell that to my father,” she shouts, her eyes wild and full of tears. “You don’t tell the Kerrigan family no. Oceanus, you know this!”
I pause. Kerrigan? What the hell? Now she is lying to me. “Who in the Kerrigan family wants to marry you? Everyone is betrothed!”
“Marcello,” she yells, her face turning red.
“Taegan, really? You’re going to lie to my face? The last time we’ll be together, you’re going to lie?”
“I’m not lying,” she pleads, reaching for me, but I push her hands away.
“He’s engaged to Grace MacMartin. I have the damn invite in my office!”
“Well, the wedding has been canceled ’cause she’s dead.”
I pause, my brows pulling together. “What?”
“She was killed in a hunting accident. She was t
rying to get the best kill to wear with her dress, and the bear got her.”
“When the hell did this happen?”
“Last week.”
“I hadn’t heard anything of this.”
“Why would you? They aren’t part of the Works, but I bet your da knows.”
I look away, shaking my head. Why hadn’t he told me? Really, does it matter? Taegan isn’t marrying me. I glare. “So now you’re going to marry this douche?”
When I look back at her, her lip is wobbling, her tears falling in streams off her face and onto the white shirt she wears. “I have to. My da said yes before he even spoke to me because it will be so good for our family. They are the second-greatest wolf family in our world, right behind us. Since they have all been betrothed since the beginning of time, Da never considered them for us, but now…now, they want me. They are a great bloodline. It’s an honor even to be considered because I’ll be queen, Oceanus.”
“You were to be my queen!” I spit out, and she jerks back like I’ve hit her, but I would never.
Never.
“I know, and don’t you understand how much this kills me?”
“Kills you?” I laugh. “Tae, I’m dying here. I’m completely broken.”
“There is nothing I can do. Da says I’m marrying Marcello, that we can’t disrespect them.”
“Then marry him, Taegan. Who the fuck cares?” I bark, acting like a child, and I know that, but I don’t know how else to act. I don’t know how to handle this. I know what she is saying is all true. The Kerrigan family is up there, almost as big as the Conner family. Rich beyond words. And while the Conners have been the biggest and wealthiest wolf family since the dawn of time, they are stretched pretty thin right now, which is probably the reason Kurt needed money from my father. He has to put on a wedding that is worthy of the Kerrigan family, and that won’t be cheap.
“I care, Osh. Please don’t walk away from me.”
“I don’t want to speak of this anymore!”
I can’t speak of this, but I can’t tell her that. I have to seem strong. Though, I feel I’m breaking into pieces before her.
“We have to speak about this, Oceanus, it can’t end like this!”
“End it? Tae, this was over the moment you agreed to marry someone other than me. How dare you! And not tell me anything? I thought I meant more to you than that,” I roar, my whole body going into shock.
It’s over.
She just said it was.
Her voice is full of panic and pain as she yells back at me, “Oceanus, I didn’t do this. My father, he did it. He wants to bring the packs together, and I’m so sorry. I wanted to tell you, but he got to your father before I could get to you.”
“A phone—”
“No, I wanted to do it in person!” she cries, and I feel the tears stinging my eyes. They want to fall for her. For myself, but most of all for the end of this beautiful thing I thought I would have forever. “I don’t want this, you know that. Surely, you know that.”
“Then why are you doing it?”
“Because what choice do I have? We do what our families say, Oceanus. You know that most of all.” She pauses, her voice breaking. “And let’s be honest, it isn’t like you are asking me to marry you and want us to run off together. No, not you, Oceanus von Stein, next in line for the Patchwork. You care more about this damn legacy, this family, than me. So don’t make me feel bad for something you would do if the roles were reversed.”
I don’t even pause, my feet scuffing against the ground as I shout, “You’re right, I would do it. But I would make sure to tell you, to apologize for ripping your heart out of your chest and destroying it. I would apologize for not being the man you deserve, for hurting you, and breaking you—”
“You think I’m not broken? I love you, Osh, so much, and I can’t have you.”
Her tears come down her face faster, her body shaking with sobs, and I can’t take it. Clutching her in my arms, I cup her face as she wraps her arms around me, hugging me tightly as I tip her head back to look at her. Yes, this is ending, and I hate that, but I won’t let her leave without knowing how much I love her. “And I love you, my love, my heart. I hate this, I do.” When a lone tear rolls from my eye down my cheek to my jaw and then onto her face, her eyes widen as I close mine. “But what—”
“Run away with me?” she suggests then, so desperate, and everything inside me breaks even more. She’s not thinking clearly. Surely she knows we can’t do that.
“We can’t, you know that. They’ll find us, and no telling what will happen then.”
“But maybe they won’t. Maybe we can get away, just us, be happy—”
Gripping her face tighter, I shake my head. “No, Tae. Beautiful, no. We can’t. I’m sorry. I can’t— I can’t risk your life that way. He’d kill you if I ran away with you. He wants my family to stay together forever, and we can’t mix clans, you know that—”
“Did you care about that when you told me you loved me? No, we threw caution to the wind and love—”
“And maybe that was a bad idea, my love. I’m sorry, but as much as this hurts, as much as I can’t stand the thought of this dog touching you, there is nothing I can do.”
Her tears run over my hands as they shake against her face. She is begging me with those eyes that hold nothing but love for me, and there is nothing I can do. As much as I want to leave and never turn back, I can’t. I won’t do that to her. I won’t do that to my family.
“I love you, don’t ever forget that.”
“Then leave with me.”
“Tae, you know we can’t.”
“Then why did we even do this?” she cries before trying to push me away, but I hold her close to me, my lips right at hers.
“Because we are meant to be,” I demand, my eyes burning into hers. “No matter what, no matter who you marry, or where you go, you are mine. You may not be in my life anymore, Taegan, but you’ll always be in my heart. And I will never be with anyone else because I can never love another. Don’t you ever forget that.”
Letting out a sob, she pushes me away. “So you’ll let me marry him?”
“Whatever am I to do, my love? Tell me?”
“Be with me!”
“I always will be, but I won’t put your life in danger. I won’t let anything happen to you, and a war is bound to break out if we run. If that happens, your father will pull our security, and let’s be real, the wolves’ loyalty is to your father. It just won’t work.”
Glaring at me, she shakes her head. “You said we would, though. You promised I was yours!”
I try to reach for her, but she smacks me away, her eyes on fire. “And you are, but, my love, I was blind. I am recklessly in love with you, Taegan, and I didn’t see anything but you. Because of that, I apologize, but I won’t ruin your life any longer.”
“You make my life better,” she cries, covering her face, and I look away. “I love you, Osh. I don’t want this to end.”
Looking back at her, I reach out and, thankfully, she doesn’t smack my hand away, only leans into it as our eyes lock. “Nor do I, my love, but it is.”
“No,” she cries, and I know if I don’t walk away, we’ll never let each other go. “Don’t leave me!”
Turning, I start for the front of the house as her sobs follow me down the dark alley, begging me to come back, but I can’t. I wipe my face as I turn the corner to find Jonas waiting for me.
“That didn’t go well.”
“Nope, not at all,” I agree, going past him.
“There’s some new guy behind the bar with Rebekah.”
I almost stop. I do. But I need the confinement of my bedroom. “I’ll deal with it tomorrow.”
“Wait, no beer?” he asks, and I shake my head.
“No beer.”
While I really could use a drink, I know that nothing can help the burning hot pain in the middle of my chest.
Nothing at all.
Chapter Seven
I thought coming to my room was a good idea, that I needed the solitude. But when I open the door, I’m pretty sure I should have gone for the beer.
Maybe then I could deal with the very angry she-wolf that sits on my bed, her arms crossed, wearing a discarded shirt of mine. Her hair is up in her “I mean business” bun, and her eyes are still bloodshot. I’m sure mine would match if I actually allowed myself to cry.
“That shirt is dirty,” I say, shutting the door and leaning on it.
“Do I look like I care?” she snaps at me, and I shrug.
“Tae, what are you doing? You’re only making this worse,” I plead with her, and just like that, she’s crying again.
“I can’t let you go, Oceanus von Stein. I can’t.”
I scoff. “And you think I can? Tae, I’m dead inside, and I don’t know what the fuck to do about it. I feel fucking weak, something I never have felt in my life, nor do I know how to handle. That’s what you are doing to me. I want to say that, if I had known when I saw you back in school this was the pain that would come, I’d have stayed away, but I don’t regret anything. Nothing.”
When she stands, I hold my breath, looking away. “Do you think I do? I’d reverse time if I could, so we’d have it all over again. Then I’d do it again,” she says, her voice breaking with each step she takes. “I don’t want this to be over. It can’t be over, Osh.”
She’s saying everything I want, but this won’t work. “I don’t even know what to say right now because nothing will make this situation better. We’ll never be able to be together, and because of that, I’m a fucking bundle of broken pieces. And I know I’ll never, ever, be whole again.” When her tears come faster, I hold my hands out in apology. “I’m sorry, Taegan. I don’t know how to control what I’m feeling or saying. I’m a wreck. I’m sorry, so sorry.”
She stops in front of me as her head tips back, and her crystalline eyes that blow me into another dimension lock with mine. For that split second, I feel whole. But then her arms come around me, and she is squeezing me so tightly I can’t breathe. But I won’t stop her. I can’t. I need her.
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