As soon as I emerged from the car, the front door of the house burst open, and Claire came running across the front lawn. Her eyes were wide with surprise and her mouth was opened with a gleeful smile. She had a measuring tape draped around her neck and her light auburn hair up in a bun. She’d lost weight and looked healthy and young.
“Zoe! Why didn’t you tell me you were coming,” she said with a little humph as she came through the garden gate and tackled me in her arms. Bradley barked from the door and ran toward me, sniffing around my butt until the mutt finally recognized me and began whining instead. Claire let me go and I leaned down to give Bradly a hug and a pat on the head.
“Come in! Tell me what’s going on in your world, Zoe. I’ve missed you so much.”
A school bus screeched to a halt in the road and a little girl with curly blond hair came bouncing down the stairs. When she saw me, she grinned so wide she looked like the Cheshire cat. She ran toward me with her pink backpack on her back and her My Little Pony lunchbox in her hand.
When she reached me she enveloped my waist with her little arms. I bent down and gave her a strong hug. Little Rose. I’d missed her so much. My heart felt that pain again. I’d missed so much of Rose’s life, only coming home a few times a year. But I’d been a huge part of her life when she was an infant. And she had been a huge part of mine. Since she’d turned about four, she’d decided I was the coolest thing since glitter glue. Having an aunt who was a fashion model, put her on the A-list in the preschool.
“How was school today?” Claire asked her, giving Rose a pat on the shoulder.
“We studied dinosaurs. Did you know that t-rex was as tall as the firehouse? That’s pretty tall.” We walked into the house and Rose dumped her things on the couch before spying a jar full of fresh baked cookies. “Can I have a cookie? Please!”
“One and then your homework.”
Claire handed Rose a cookie and the active little girl dutifully sat down to do her homework at the family’s ancient oak dining table. Claire reached out and took my hand. “I’m so happy you’ve come home. I’ve been worried about you lately. That mess with your ex. But you look good. I hope everything is okay.”
We moved into the living room, and I sat down while Claire poured us glasses of iced tea and brought them out. I took a sip of her homemade herbal iced tea and smiled. I could taste the fresh mint from the garden and a hint of honey. Claire had retained so much of who we were growing up, the things I’d lost along the way. In a way, I envied her.
We chatted about Rose and the house until Damien came home, and we all had dinner together. It was nice to watch their family. Everyone loved each other so much. Claire and Damien teased each other gently and made each other laugh until Claire’s face lit up like a candle. Damien was a tattooed biker but underneath all that, he was sweet and kind of goofy.
After Claire put Rose to bed, Damien opened a bottle of old scotch that had been a gift from the leader of his bike gang. After he’d only had one shot, someone called and he had to leave. He gave Claire a deep kiss on the lips and road off into the night on his Harley.
Claire picked up the ice filled glasses and the bottle and took it outside to the Adirondack chairs facing the garden at the back of the house. The air smelled of green things growing. The rosemary bushes Claire had planted three summers ago had grown lush and bushy around the garden fence. The herbal aroma mixed with the earthy smell of the forest beyond our family’s land.
Claire poured us more shots and leaned back in her chair. I sipped my drink, letting the warm liquid burn down my throat and into my stomach. It felt good to relax under the stars with Claire. Bradly wagged his bud around our chairs. He was getting older, but was still a rascal.
A moment of clarity hit me as I drank my third shot. “Do you remember five years ago when I came for Thanksgiving, right after I moved?”
“Yes. You didn’t seem happy, but you never told me why. I always felt like I’d lost you after that.”
“You never told me that,” I whispered.
“I always wanted to be supportive. You know that. But I missed you a lot.”
“Do you use OpenPortal?” I asked.
“Who doesn’t? Regan told me you introduced her to William Black. I can’t believe you know him. But what does that have to do with Thanksgiving five years ago?”
“The thing is, I’d been dating Billy. William. Back then. It was a short but very intense relationship. So much so that I never forgot him. I never really got over him. I don’t know how to say it, but I need to get it off my chest. When I came for Thanksgiving that time, I’d been pregnant.”
“Oh Zoe. Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I know it’s stupid, but I didn’t want you to think I couldn’t take care of myself.”
“Of all the people I know, you are the last person I would think that about. But what happened?”
“I was going to get an abortion. Billy was talking about marriage, but I just didn’t want to tie myself down so soon. I was only eighteen. I couldn’t do it. He’d been in the middle of getting investors for OpenPortal and giving his Master’s presentation.
“I probably blindsided him. I admit that now. But I was angry. I thought he got me pregnant on purpose. He wanted me to wait, and I didn’t want to. So he broke up with me after I called him from the clinic.
“It wasn’t fair of me, I know. He was about to go into an investor’s meeting. I couldn’t think straight, I wanted his support. Billy can be so oblivious to other people’s feelings.”
Claire reached around my shoulder and pulled me into an embrace. I felt a tear threatening to creep out of my eye, but I kept going. “I started crying so much after he broke up with me that the nurse told me to go home. A few days later, I had a miscarriage. I never told anyone, not even Billy, for five years.”
“Oh Zoe,” she said, rubbing my back. “That must have been so hard for you. No wonder you’ve been so distant all this time. And to think, he became one of the richest men in the world. It must feel horribly humiliating. And you had to bear it all alone.” She sounded closer to tears than I even felt. I reached over and hugged her tight. The weight that had been on my chest for so long, felt a thousand times lighter. “So you’re seeing him again?”
“I was. Kind of. I was hesitant to get back into a relationship with him. When we were together, it consumed me. I could barely think of anything but him. I couldn’t stand to be away from him. When we broke up, I barely survived. I dropped out of school and almost lost everything. Like when mom died. It was bad. I didn’t want to go through that again, but I still… I still loved him.”
“What happened?”
“He betrayed me. He hired me to do a nude photo shoot which ended up being pretty twisted. I didn’t know it was him until a few days ago. I haven’t talked to him since. I just can’t go there. I can’t play his sick games again.”
“Do you still love him?”
“I don’t know. I don’t want to. He somehow managed to get the DA of King County to sue my creditors to get all my money back. Now I’m sitting on a butt load of cash, and I have no idea what to do.”
“It sounds like you have a lot to think about.”
“I know. I can’t give it back, so I might as well do something with it. I’m ready for a change. I’m ready to do something with my life. Something I feel really proud of.”
“I think that’s a good idea,” Claire said.
I stayed with Claire for a week. Her motherly nurturing filled my soul. With the secrets I’d been keeping from her all this time out in the open, I felt light and free. I spent time at the Briar Café and bought tie dyed t-shirts and sterling silver jewelry from the shops in town. It all made me feel so young again.
Reflecting on my childhood in my hometown gave me a lot of perspective, and ideas for my future started to tumble in. A week later, I was back in Seattle making phone calls for my new plan.
Chapter Five: William
I hadn’t been
playing her. Why did she think this was a game to me? I had to admit, the photo shoot had been a mistake, a serious miscalculation. I’d prided myself on not making miscalculations with people anymore.
Apparently, I was not infallible. I’d become a deviant. I had to admit that to myself. All this time, I’d assumed she’d had an abortion. I’d been using that pain to allow myself to sink deeper and deeper into my fetishes and obsessions.
I could no longer blame her if I wanted to have any chance to hold on to her. It was time to take responsibility. Even if she’d had the abortion, I was as much to blame as anyone. I’d been the one to go on without a condom. I’d been, perhaps, purposefully irresponsible, and I’d expected Zoe to bear the burden of that choice for the rest of her life.
For the next two weeks, I poured myself into work, trying not to think about Zoe. I didn’t want to face that I’d blown it with the only woman I could ever imagine loving.
I didn’t call her or leave her messages on her cell phone. On Saturday night, I snuck into her burlesque show and found she wasn’t there. After the show, I asked one of the other dancers about her. The woman told me Zoe had been sick for several weeks and hadn’t shown up for any practices or anything.
I drove by her apartment in my Porsche and parked outside for a long time, trying to get the nerve to go inside. Instead of going in, I drove away.
A week later, I had another charity event to attend for my friend Lady Diana Saville’s organization. Diana was a French countess and the heir to a great European fortune, dating back to the time of Napoleon. She had been the one to introduce me to the greatest thrills and greatest debauchery I’d experienced since amassing my fortune.
The night wore on tiresomely, and I donated $100,000 to build wells in Africa. Lady Seville was hosting a party at a club downtown and asked me to join her.
I’d been hit with desperation since Zoe left. Every attempt I’d made to win her back had failed. I’d sued her creditors to get her money back. She was rewarded over a hundred-thousand dollars within just a few days. The money was safely deposited back into her bank account, but she still wouldn’t answer my calls.
Lady Saville’s offer to feed my fetishes felt like a balm for my wounded soul. I knew I’d been at fault with Zoe, but I couldn’t do anything to make it better. I’d been entitled. I’d been a prick. I’d always put my own needs above Zoe’s, and now I was paying for it in her absence.
Everything in me wanted to sink back into my old ways and join Diana at the party. I relented and we drove together across town in her limo. We stopped at the exclusive club and walked inside together. She wore a long shimmering black gown with a bundle of black glittery tulle scarfs around her head and shoulders.
The pulse of the music inside the club vibrated through my body, making me instantly horny. The stage show was already in full effect with blue and red lights flickering over the bodies.
A tiny woman was blindfolded. Her arms were stretched high above her as she knelt on her knees. A man in front of her buried himself into her face while a man behind claimed her ass.
I slipped into a private booth to enjoy the show. Diana sat beside me while champagne was poured.
“We have a room in the back, set up just for you,” she whispered in my ear.
“Lovely.” I didn’t really want to be here. I wanted to change. To be the man Zoe deserved. But there was nothing left for me to do. I’d failed. I’d lost her.
I swigged the champagne and followed Diana to the room she’d promised. We passed nude and seminude people in various stages of open copulation. Men in leather penis holsters, woman in leather masks. We made it to the room and slipped inside. A woman was tied down to the bed, blindfolded and gagged.
“She’s for you,” Diana said cheerfully. A year ago, this would have been exactly what I’d wanted. A submissive already ready for me. All I had to do was bring her to the edge of reason with pleasure and pain. She would take everything I dished out and I wouldn’t have to talk to her afterword.
Now, it repulsed me. I didn’t want this. I’d been so resentful about losing an imaginary family that I was too young and foolish to even start, that I’d let myself get dragged down into this dark addiction. This wasn’t me.
An alarm pierced the air and people shouted. I shot out of the room to see what the commotion was. A group of about a dozen Seattle police officers followed by the press burst into the club. This was a private event, they had no right to be here.
My instinct was to assert my rights and make them leave. I approached the oncoming tide of police and barked at them to stop. The music came down to silence as people hurriedly covered their nude bodies.
“This is a private event. What is the problem here?” I said, eyeing the first officer to approach.
“We’ve had undercover reports of drug sales and prostitution, and we have a search warrant. This party is over. Everyone will be taken downtown for questioning.”
Police fanned out around the crowd, escorting the participants into the night. Camera flashes popped around me, and I realized how bad this was. I’d be all over the papers in the morning.
I was taken to the police station and questioned about my involvement. My lawyers came and got me out instantly. Most likely, it’d be the pour working girls to bear the brunt of it.
I went home alone that night. The next day, I went into work at the office to deal with some issues about how people bought advertising on the site.
The gossip from the club bust was already all over the place. David and I had a serious meeting about the implications for our business. It didn’t look good. It was all really horrible PR and not at all in keeping with the company’s public image. In the long run though, we decided it would most likely blow over.
Chapter Six: Zoe
The idea had come to me in a flash while I’d been walking down the street in Leggitville. As a kid, I’d always wished we had a dance studio in town. The closest thing we had to that was a gym that taught a few ballet classes. I’d always wanted to learn jazz and tap and hip hop and there was no place to learn those things.
When I got home I immediately drew up a business plan to open an all ages-dance studio. In the day time we’d teach hip-hop and jazz and in the evenings we’d teach burlesque. My notoriety as a burlesque dancer would bring in enough clients to fund the other classes until we got on our feet. I’d have to hire some more instructors, but with my calculations, the business would be in the black within two years.
I took my plan to a local bank and they were willing to match my financial investment with a business loan. I’d found a location on Capitol Hill near my apartment. If I kept my lifestyle modest, and I saved half the creditor reimbursement, I’d be able to make the business a success.
The day I signed the lease on the studio and started talking with contractors about the reconstruction, I picked up a local news magazine to see William Black’s face plastered all over the cover. He’d been involved in some kind of scandal with prostitutes and a French countess. Typical William. I threw the paper in the trash and tried not to think about it.
I’d picked out a hardwood floor with a high sheen for the dance studios and worked with the contractors for most of the day installing the flooring and mirrored walls. Everything was shaping up well and as twilight fell over the city, I stood alone in the studio looking over our day’s labor. Everything looked amazing.
I stepped out onto the newly installed floors and moved through a new routine I’d been working on. It was modern and emotional, using more skill than I ever had to use in the burlesque show. I channeled all my pain through the movements. Everything that had happened to me since my mother took her own life, my relationship with William, and the loss of the baby channeled through my movements.
The thought of him brought me back to myself, and I came to a dead stop in the middle of a complicated jump. I fell to my feet and slid down to sit on the floor. Curling my knees into my chest, I began to cry. I hated that I felt
jealous about his stupid antics. It didn’t matter to me anymore. It couldn’t. I’d told myself for months that it was over. I never wanted to see him again.
In the middle of a quiet sob, I heard a knock at the front door of the studio. I sucked in a quavering breath and shot to my feet, wiping my eyes as I rose. I strode to the front door, squaring my shoulders, expecting a potential customer or one of the contractors from earlier that day.
When I reached the glass front door, my jaw dropped. Of all the people to wind up on my front door today, of all days, right when I was about to open my dance studio. I flung open the door and snarled.
Chapter Seven: William
“Hi Zoe,” I said, standing in the doorway of her new business, looking at her scowling face. I had no right to be there.
“What are you doing here?”
“You’ve probably seen the papers.”
“It didn’t take you long to move on, did it?”
“I was only there for a few minutes before the police arrived. I wanted to explain.” The last thing I wanted for her to know was that I’d been involved in clubs like that for years. But I’d have to tell her. I had to tell her everything.
“You don’t owe me an explanation.”
“Why don’t we go inside?” I said, hoping I could gather the courage to come clean about my lifestyle and about how I’d stalked her online for the last five years. Part of me didn’t want to do it, but I needed to at least get it off my chest. I needed to finally be honest with her, to give her the respect she deserved.
“Fine.”
I followed her into the studio and stood with her in front of a wall of mirrors. She crossed her arm and tapped her foot. Her strawberry blond hair was back in a braid and she wore capris cargo pants and a tank top with dust on her chest. She looked like she’d been working all day.
“I’m glad you are doing something like this with the money.”
Condoned (Beauty And The Billionaire Geek Book 3) Page 5