by Ash, Nikki
Afraid of him seeing what is under my dress, I grab his hand to stop him and he stills. I must have sent him mixed signals by doing this because he completely freezes and drops his gaze to mine. I know I have to save this without explaining so I do the only thing I can think of and take control.
I slide out from under him and push him down onto his back. He looks confused but once I move my hands down his shirt and to his pants his expression goes from confused to pure want.
I move his shirt up enough so I can undo his belt and unbutton his jeans. I unzip his pants and look up at him, silently asking him to lift up so I can pull his pants down. He understands what I want and lifts up while I grab the top of his jeans and yank them down, taking his boxers with them.
Once his cock is free it springs up hard as steel. So many times, I got myself off remembering the taste of this perfect cock in my mouth.
Taking his shaft in my hand, I bring my mouth down on to it to get it wet, taking the entire member into my mouth until it hits the back of my throat causing me to gag for a second.
He goes to stop me when he hears me gag but I shake my head no and go back down again. I start bobbing my head up and down, getting it soaking wet with my saliva until I feel him getting harder. I know he must be close because I can taste the precum on my tongue.
Entwining his fingers into my hair tightly, he pulls my face up to his. “Slow and easy, baby. I have been fantasizing about this very moment for too damn long for this to end so soon. I need to take my time and get to know your body all over again.”
When he says shit like this my body comes alive.
“I need to be inside of you, baby. Please.”
His words have me dripping wet. I remove my panties and get up on top of him bunching my dress up so it isn’t in the way but it is still covering my belly and scar.
Since I haven’t been with anybody but Cooper I know I am clean, and although I don’t consider Bella a mistake, I decided that getting on the shot would ensure I never get pregnant until I am ready to again.
I hover above his cock, waiting to see if he wants to use protection when he grabs ahold of my waist and slams me down onto him, my core expanding and stretching, and burning, taking me a second to adjust to his size.
“Fuck, Liz! You are so tight. It is like you were made for me.”
If he only knew that he is the only guy that has ever been inside me.
I lean forward a little bit, putting my hands on his shoulders to steady myself when Cooper stills and then raises his hand up from around my waist to my neck.
“You are wearing it. You are wearing the necklace I gave you five years ago.” He says this with such amazement in his tone.
“Yes,” I choke out. “I have worn it every day since the day I received it.”
Pulling my face down to his, he kisses me with such force that when he pulls away I swear my lips are bruised.
He moves his hands back to my waist and uses his ass to lift up, pumping into me from underneath. The feeling of him in me is amazing. I don’t know how I went five years without this.
“Baby girl, you are too tight and too wet on my cock. I am not going to last. I need you to push on your clit. I need you to come for me.”
I move my thumb to my pussy and gather up the wetness he has created and move it to my sensitive nub. I begin rubbing it in circles while he hits some crazy spot deep within me with the tip of his cock.
“Oh, my god, Cooper. Right there. Please don’t stop.” Between the friction of my finger to my clit and his cock filling me so completely, I know I am about to have a huge orgasm. It keeps building up and what feels like seconds later I lose it. My body tightens up before it releases, and it feels like I am going to blackout from sensory overload. I scream out Cooper’s name over and over again clearly forgetting where we are.
He must suddenly remember because all too quickly, he is pulling my face down to him and swallowing my cries with his mouth.
Cooper waits for me to ride out my orgasm then flips me over onto my back, his hands on either side of my face, as he starts drilling his cock into me with a punishing rhythm. Within minutes he finds his own release, pulling out, and coming in his hand.
I look down at him and he chuckles. “We didn’t have the whole protection conversation so I didn’t want to assume you are covered. I wouldn’t be much of a gentleman to knock you up the first time I get back between your legs.”
He gives me that damn wink and stalks off to the bathroom that is attached to the room. A few minutes later he comes back with a small wet washcloth and wipes between my legs to clean me up. I can feel myself blush at this action, feeling like him doing this is even more intimate than what we just did.
“C’mon baby, don’t get shy on me now.”
I smile at him and then get up to go use the bathroom. I grab hold of my panties and put them back on while I go pee. I flush the toilet and wash my hands. Looking in the mirror I see my reflection. My face is flushed, my hair is a mess, and my eyeliner is smudged but I can honestly say I can’t remember the last time I looked and felt this content and satisfied and… taken care of. I know what, or I should say who it is that caused this look and this feeling in me. Cooper. He invokes these feelings inside of me that nobody else ever has.
I just want to cuddle up in his arms and never lose these feelings. Now I just have to pray when I tell him about Bella he won’t run the other way.
I walk out of the room slowly, not sure of what’s to come to find him sitting on the end of the bed dressed again. I take a second to watch him and I notice his head is in his hands and he is slumped over. My initial thoughts are did I do something wrong? Does he regret this?
He must sense my presence because he looks up and tries to play it off by smiling way too big but it’s too late because I already saw. I wait for him to explain and when he doesn’t, I go over and sit down next to him. I want so badly to put my arms around him or take his hand but I have no idea where his head is at so I sit close but refrain from touching him.
I swallow the thick lump in my throat and summon up the courage to ask what I am thinking. “Cooper, did I do something wrong? I-I mean, do you regret what we just did?”
His head flies up to face me and his expression softens. “Baby girl, why would you even think that? Of course, you didn’t do anything wrong. I could never regret being with you. It was perfect. You are perfect.”
I hear the words he is saying but the thickness of his voice tells me something is wrong regardless of him trying to convince me otherwise. Now my mind is running all over the place. Does he have a girlfriend? Did he just cheat on her? Oh, God. Am I a home wrecker?
Going against my initial instincts, I take his hand and put it into mine, needing to touch him in some way. He looks at our joined hands and gives me a small smile.
“Liz, there’s something…”
“Cooper, I need to…”
We both laugh but I can feel the uneasiness between us. It’s like a wall is being put up and I can’t get over fast enough to get to his side.
“You go first.” He is clearly upset and I think I will explode if I don’t find out why he has done a complete one-eighty.
He sucks in a deep breath and releases it with a sigh. This can’t be good. I feel like my heart is going to explode out of my chest while I wait impatiently for him to speak.
“Liz, when we met five years ago I wasn’t looking for love. As you can see now, I am a fighter. It is my entire world. I told you a little bit about my dad during our time together but there’s so much more to it. I won’t get into all that but what you need to understand is, I can’t give you what you deserve.”
My hands begin to shake and the lump in my throat is back. I can see where this is going and it’s clear we are not on the same page at all. Even if he doesn’t want me, all I can hope for is he will at least want our daughter. I hope he doesn’t think I was trying to trap him. What if he doesn’t want her? How will I tell her, her
father doesn’t want her? I need to calm down. I am getting ahead of myself. He hasn’t said anything yet.
“I never thought in a million years I would ever see you again. The connection we shared in Miami ruined me, baby girl. You ruined me. If I was looking for love, I am pretty damn sure you would be it. No, I am sure you would be it. You are beautiful and sweet, and so damn innocent. How you are still single is crazy. Some guy is going to figure out how amazing you are one day, and when he does, he will grab ahold of you and never let go. The problem is I’m not looking for love and I’m not the guy for you. I don’t do commitment and I am not husband or father material. I don’t plan to ever be in a relationship where the girl requires either of those roles from me.”
The entire time he is saying all this, his head is down like he is ashamed of himself and he can’t look me in my eyes. Finally, he looks up and gives me the saddest smile I have ever witnessed, and my heart plummets to the pit of my stomach. My heart beats erratically, making me feel as if I am having a mini heart attack. He doesn’t stop there though so I just try to remain calm to hear him out.
“When we hooked up in Miami we both knew it was a one-time thing, but then when I saw you tonight at the fight, my head started to spin. I never thought about what I would do if I saw you again. I reacted without thinking. What we did tonight was wrong. The fact is you deserve the entire world. You deserve the husband and kids and goddamned white picket fence and the happily fucking ever after, and I can’t give you any of that. I never should have touched you knowing I have no intention of being with you in any way but physical.”
“Why can’t you?” That’s the only thing that comes out of my mouth in response to what he just said. Is it that he doesn’t want any of that or is there something stopping him from being able to have it all?
He lets out long sigh and says the words I was praying he wouldn’t say. “I don’t want any of that.” I can feel a panic attack coming on, my heart breaking. I can feel the air leaving my lungs, and it’s hard to breathe. I need to get out of here before he sees me lose it.
He doesn’t want it.
He doesn’t want me.
He doesn’t want our little girl.
He doesn’t want to be a part of our lives.
I get up slowly from the bed and will my body to hold back the tears I feel forming. “I understand.”
As I head out of the door, I pray he doesn’t try to stop me because I don’t think I can hold my emotions in much longer.
I’m out door and hear him calling my name but I don’t stop. I can’t stop. I don’t know how I read this all wrong. I am definitely no expert in the love department but I was way off. We aren’t just on different pages; hell, we aren’t even reading the same book! I don’t even think we are browsing the same genre at this point. It’s like I am in fantasy and he’s in non-fiction.
I walk quickly through the house looking for Kayla. I need her and I need to get out of here now. I need to go pick up my daughter and hold her.
I find Kayla standing outside with Bentley by the bonfire. She is laughing and touching his chest while he rubs his hand up and down her arm. Are they on the same page? They are both smiling and laughing but apparently, that doesn’t mean anything because Cooper and I were laughing and smiling and now my heart is breaking. At least he was honest with me and didn’t lead me on but maybe he should have told me all this before we had sex. At the same time, I am glad I had this time with him. I refuse to regret it.
The truth is I’m not even mad, I’m just sad. I really just need to get out of here. Just a few more minutes I think to myself. I just need to hold it together for a few more minutes and then I can let go.
Bentley spots me coming over and nods my way. Kayla looks behind her and I know she can see the pained look in my face because she drops her hand from Bentley and runs over to me.
“What the hell happened, Liz? What did he do to you?”
“I can’t talk about this here. Please. I need to leave. If you want to stay it’s fine. I don’t want to ruin your…”
Kayla doesn’t even let me finish the sentence before she cuts me off. “Stop! Stop it right now. You know damn well I have your back and there is no way I would ever stay at this party or anywhere else for that matter when you need me. Let’s go.”
She takes me by the hand and pulls me along side of her to the car in silence.
As we are walking down the driveway I hear Cooper scream my name once again. I attempt to run but he is catching up to me too quickly. I get to the car and turn around to see him standing right in front of me. I can’t say anything. I am choking back the tears and if I say a single word I know the tears are going to release.
Cooper looks at me like I am the one who just broke his heart as he lifts his hand up to my face to touch it. It is then I feel it, the wetness he is wiping off my cheek. Damn traitor tears. He wipes one on the other cheek away and chokes out an, “I’m sorry.” No sooner are the words out of his mouth, his back is turned to me as he walks away.
I want to scream at him. I want to run up behind him and pound on his back. I want him to take back every word he said to me in the last ten minutes. I can handle him not wanting me. I can handle not having him. Yes, it hurts but I can handle it. I am strong and I know I can make it through anything; but the fact he doesn’t want our daughter drives a sword right through my heart.
However, I don’t go over to him and I don’t scream at him. I accept his decision because I would rather know now how he feels then take a chance of him hurting our daughter. It’s for the best that it’s over before it even began.
I get into the car and wait until Kayla is out of the driveway to cry. I cry for my little girl. I cry for the fact that she has a father who doesn’t want her. I cry for my innocent sweet angel who will never know a father’s love. For years, I wished to run into him so I could tell him he has a daughter. Well, you know what they say, be careful what you wish for…
While we are driving, Kayla tells me it is probably best to leave Bella with Ashley for the night. It is already after two in the morning and picking her up would mean waking everybody up in the house. As much as I want Bella in my arms I agree with her, so we head to our apartment.
We get home and I am surprised Kayla hasn’t jumped on me to tell her what happened yet. I get in the shower and let the hot water burn my skin. I grab my loofa and squirt some soap onto it, scrubbing down my body and wishing I could scrub away all the hurt I feel inside me right now.
When I can’t take the pain in my chest anymore, I sink down to the floor of the shower letting the water beat into the back of my skull. I close my eyes and let the tears fall as I make a new wish; to go back five hours and not see Cooper because then I can have it in my head that my daughter’s father doesn’t see her because he doesn’t know about her, not because he doesn’t want her. I make a deal with myself. When I get out of the shower I am going to start fresh. Looking back its almost like I put my life on hold in hopes one day Cooper would come back. Now that I know how he feels, it’s time to move forward. I refuse to be some pathetic woman who wants a man who doesn’t want her back.
Kayla begins to knock on the door and I realize the water has gone cold. I stand up to turn the water off and get out. I look in the mirror and promise myself I will never cry over Cooper again.
Hearing the knocking stilling coming through the door, I yell out that I will be out in a second then I grab a towel, dry myself off, and put on some comfy pajamas.
I take several deep breaths and head out to the living room where I find my best friend sitting on the sofa with two pints of our favorite Sorbet ice cream and a bottle of sweet white wine. She hands me a spoon and pours us each a glass. Ice cream and white wine is our thing. For a second I feel like I am going to cry again but when I look at Kayla, I remember that while Cooper may not want us, I am surrounded by people who do.
We sit in comfortable silence eating our ice cream and sipping our wine when she finally
brings the subject up. “So, what happened? You guys were practically dry humping each other in the living room before you went to the bedroom. You come out and it’s like somebody just told you there’s no Santa Claus.”
I have to laugh at that and then I look at her and scowl, which makes her laugh. When we were nine years old, I spent hours writing my letter to Santa. When Kayla came over to play one day she saw it on my desk. I asked her if she wrote her letter yet and when she said no and she isn’t going to, I asked her if she believed in Santa. Kayla told me flat out she didn’t believe and that he was fake. It was the first and only fight we ever got into. I told her she was a liar and that I couldn’t be friends with somebody who lies. Santa was real. She told me I was acting like a baby and kept insisting there wasn’t a Santa. I went to my mom and demanded to know the truth. She admitted there was no Santa and I swear I cried for like three days.
“Remember after my mom admitted there was no Santa what you said to me?”
She thinks for a minute. “Yeah, I told you I wish I would have lied and said Santa was real because I hated to see you cry.”
“Well, right now I am wishing I could have been lied to.”
She waits for me to continue but when I don’t, she prompts me. “Lied to about what?”
I start from the beginning when we went into the room. I tell Kayla how he said he missed me and wished so many times he would have gotten my information. I tell her about us making love and how attentive and sweet he was the entire time. She laughs when I tell her how he pulled out and came in his hand because he said it wouldn’t be gentlemanly of him to knock me up.
“Boy, if he only knew that ship has already sailed! Wait, does he know about Bella?”
I breathe in and let out a cleansing breath as I prepare to get to the hard part.
“I never got a chance to tell him. After we got cleaned up and dressed he got all weird on me. It’s like a switch flipped in him and he went from sweet and flirty to depressed and sad. Before I could tell him about her, he flat out told me he can’t… no, he won’t and doesn’t want to offer me any type of future. He said I deserve everything he can’t give me. When I asked him why, he said he doesn’t want to be a husband or a father. I didn’t even know what to say. My heart just broke thinking about one day having to tell Bella her dad isn’t around because he doesn’t want her and so I decided not to tell him. At least then I can be honest and say he doesn’t know about her. I just got up and left, and that’s when I found you and you know the rest.”