by Ash, Nikki
He smiles and says, “Ok, done.”
After we confirmed we were going, I called Liz to invite her and the family, and then she called everybody else to invite them.
Now I am lounging out on the amazing back patio of a huge ass house Bentley’s parents are renting, listening to music, drinking a Mike’s Hard Lemonade, and holding my baby girl while I watch everyone play in the water. Cooper and Bentley are teaching Bella how to chicken fight. Cooper has Bella on his shoulders and Bentley has Ashley’s son, Tristan, on his shoulders, as they are explaining the object of the game. The problem is Tristan is refusing to push Bella, saying it’s not nice.
“You are raising him right.” I say to Ashley who is lounging in the chair next to me.
“God, I hope so. With me as his primary role model I worry every day.”
“Where’s his dad?”
“Kayla! Don’t be so rude,” Liz chirps in.
“Sorry.”
“No, it’s ok. Umm… Tristan’s dad isn’t in the picture. He left when Tristan was born. Trust me it’s a good thing. It’s been hard raising Tristan on my own but it’s better this way. I don’t make a lot teaching but it’s enough to support us and my parents help out when they can.”
Her comment makes me think about Bentley and me. I know I could raise Faith on my own but these last couple weeks watching Bentley with our daughter has changed the way I see things. He is so loving and protective, and after she goes to bed every night he lies on the couch and watches television with me. It feels nice to not feel so alone. I am just so afraid that if it turns bad I will have to call my mom up to draw up the custody papers.
Nobody says anything and luckily Hayley breaks the awkward silence. “So, I totally have a crush on Caleb and he won’t give me the time of day. I think he’s gay.”
We all bust out laughing at her comment.
“Just because somebody doesn’t want you doesn’t mean he’s gay!” I say through my laughter. Faith stirs in my arms but quickly goes back to sleep.
“Ugh… hello? Have you seen me? I am hot and a doctor. What’s not to want?”
We all start laughing again.
“Honestly, I have never seen Caleb with anyone,” Liz says and I think back to all the months I have lived here and the truth is I don’t think he has ever brought someone home.
“Just keep trying. Bentley hasn’t given up yet and he is starting to wear me down, although I would never tell him that.”
The ladies all chuckle until Kathleen walks over.
“Am I interrupting?”
“Oh no! Just boy talk,” I say with a wink.
She sits down at the end of the lounge chair and reaches out to grab Faith. I hand her over and then pull my phone out to snap a picture of her cradling her in her arms. I wish my mom were loving and supportive like this.
When I called my parents, they told me it would be weeks before they could come and visit and practically blamed me because I had the baby early.
“Kayla, I don’t know why you left during your third trimester to go to that wedding. Now you are stuck over there for six weeks.”
“It was my best friend’s wedding! I wasn’t just going to miss it.”
“Yeah well now you are shacking up with Bentley and I wouldn’t be surprised if you two are back together soon, which would be a huge mistake. He’s going to break your heart and then when you come crawling back home once again, I will be the one helping you to figure out the custody arrangements of your daughter. I understood you not going to law school because let’s face it, you didn’t have the drive, but to keep making these same mistakes with men is just ridiculous.”
Ryan, Bentley’s dad announces the food is ready bringing me back to the now. Everyone scurries over to the buffet they put together to grab their food. As I go to get up to get my food as well Bentley stops me.
“I got it. Just stay here.” He grabs the back of my face and before I can stop him he gives me a big, wet kiss soaking me… from his wet bathing suit! Get your mind out of the gutter…
Bentley’s mom looks at me with a smile. “He loves you, you know.”
“I know… Has he told you anything about my parents or our arrangement?”
“Yes, you know we are close. I hope that’s ok. He’s given me the shortened version I am sure.”
“I just don’t know how to love like you guys do.”
“Sure you do, sweetie. You just have to open your heart and let him in. He told me you were once hurt. I understand. Ever think maybe everything happens for a reason? Sure, you were hurt but everything from that point on led you to where you are right now, with a beautiful baby girl and a man who adores you both.”
“And what happens when it doesn’t work out? What happens when we are just another statistic? Did you know that seventy-percent of all marriages fail?”
She laughs softly and then pats my leg. “Oh sweetie. You can’t think like that. All you can do is open your heart and let the ones you love in. Nothing is ever certain, but if you don’t even try you won’t ever know.”
Geez! Where was she when I was a teenager and needed advice on love?
When I don’t say anything, she reaches over and touches my cheek. It makes me want to cry. I can’t even remember the last time my parents actually showed me affection.
“Just think about it. No matter what, you have me. I will always be here for you, even if it’s just as the grandma to Faith and a friend to you.”
“How long are you guys staying for?”
“We have decided to buy this place. As much as I love Colorado, I love being near you guys more.”
The tears that have been welling up spill over and she looks at me with concern. Before I can explain, Bentley comes over with our food and sees my tears.
“What the hell happened?” His voice carries and Faith startles at the loudness and begins to cry.
I take her from Kathleen and put her over my shoulder patting her bottom to calm her down glaring at Bentley.
“Sorry. I saw you crying. Is everything ok?” I think he is directing the question to me but he is looking at his mom.
“Hey there! Chill out. Your mom told me she is buying this place and it made me happy to know she will be around.”
“And that caused you to cry?” He asks incredulously.
“Yes! Ok, I guess it’s the new mom hormones but when she told me she is staying here it made me think about the fact that my mom hasn’t even made time to meet my daughter yet and your mom is moving here like it’s nothing.”
The tears start flowing faster and I try to wipe them off my face but it’s no use. They are falling faster than I can catch them.
Kathleen reaches over and wraps her motherly arms around Faith and me and holds me while whispering in my ear that it’s ok, and for the first time in a long time I feel like it actually is. It also makes me realize that in my twenty-five years my mother has never held me or hugged me like this. If I had to pick a kind of mom to be like, it would definitely be a mom like Liz or Kathleen. It also makes me wonder why the hell I care what my mom thinks. Why do I keep trying to live up to her expectations? Yeah, I was hurt once but I was young. What if this time around it works out and we live happily-ever-after?
Faith begins to squirm letting us know she is ready to eat. Kathleen lets go of me and wipes my tears. I look around and see everybody staring at us and suddenly feel self-conscious. She takes the baby from me and offers to feed her while Bentley and I eat.
The rest of the day is so enjoyable and I feel like I am seeing things in a different light. I want to be more like Kathleen and less like my mom. I want to fall in love and I want to be happy. Bentley announces that its time to go. I don’t want to leave but it’s nearing dusk and Bentley is hell bent on keeping Faith on a schedule, and since he’s so adorable about it I can’t say no.
We get home and I jump in the shower while Bentley gives Faith a quick bath and then lays her down in her crib. I get out to find him laying dow
n watching Sports Center in nothing but his boxers over the comforter. In my towel, I walk over to the dresser to get my pajamas out of the drawers before I head into the closet to get dressed.
Up until now I have been sleeping on the couch. I have said it’s because it’s easier to get to the kitchen and bathroom at night but the truth is I am afraid to sleep with Bentley. I know his ass isn’t going to play fair.
After getting dressed I lie down on the opposite side of the bed. He rolls towards me and laughs.
“Finally deciding to join me in bed? Any closer to the edge and you might fall off.”
“Yeah well, my back is starting to get stiff and since I can walk around now better and I am less sore I don’t need to be close to the kitchen and guest bathroom. As for sleeping on the edge… any closer to you and you might try to have your way with me.”
“Kayla, I already told you this before. I don’t want you for sex and when we do have sex it will be you begging me. Now get over here and I will play with your hair until you fall asleep.”
Well I am sure as hell not going to argue with that. I scoot closer to Bentley, grab a pillow to put against his hard stomach and lay my head down on it. He runs his fingers through my hair until I pass out.
Fourteen
Kayla
Holy hotness! Just when I didn’t think Bentley could get any hotter he did… Because apparently the hot as sin body, being able to fight, and being able to sweet talk a woman isn’t enough. Oh, and don’t forget that he has a great relationship with his mother and puts my every want and need before his own! But now add in being an amazing freaking dad and I am about ready to jump him. He has been so amazing with Faith since she was born that he has given me no choice but to fall for him even more. He seriously takes being a stay-at-home dad to a whole other level.
Take right now for instance; I just got out of the shower… by myself… and was able to shave my legs. Most women complain they can’t even shower by themselves because of their babies but not me because Bentley always makes sure I have time to myself to shower and get ready. He is seriously putting all these other men to shame.
I sneak over to the nursery in my towel before I go back in my room to get dressed and see my man sitting in the rocking chair holding our daughter in his arms while he reads to her.
Oh shit! Did I just say my man? What I meant to say was that man. He’s not mine! Since the first night after the barbeque when I started to sleep in his bed he hasn’t tried anything. Don’t get me wrong he sneaks in an occasional kiss here and there but he hasn’t tried anything major. He has been a complete gentleman. I am actually starting to wonder if he wants me anymore.
I watch Bentley and Faith for a few minutes and they are so precious together. Bentley is sitting in the rocking chair holding Faith while reading to her. She has no idea what he is reading but she stares at him like he’s hung the moon. He stops every so often and smiles at her like she’s his entire world.
We are going out to dinner with our friends and family tonight. Liz has officially reached her due date and wants to have one last dinner before they become a family of four. On top of that my parents and brother all came in this morning and are meeting us as well. While Bentley’s parents have been completely hands-on and have both been a huge help, my family hasn’t even met Faith yet.
I get dressed and then feed my precious angel while Bentley gets ready. I could hold her forever. I am definitely going to miss her when I go back to work soon but luckily Cooper is letting me work the hours I want so I won’t have to be away from her for too long. And knowing that she will be here with Bentley makes me feel even better.
Oh that’s right, I forgot to mention I am staying here in Vegas. Bentley and I sat down one night and talked and decided it is for the best if I stay. I haven’t told him I am seriously considering giving us a real chance yet but I know that regardless of what happens my home is here in Vegas with Liz and Bentley and our friends. Faith deserves to see her daddy every day and I loved my job at the gym. I can’t wait to watch Faith and Liz’s son grow up together. I also love being close to Kathleen and Ryan. I didn’t realize how unfilled I felt until everybody around helped fill in the voids.
We arrive to the restaurant and are shown to our seats. Everybody is already seated. My mom and dad stand up to give me a barely-there hug and an air kiss. It brings me back to the barbeque when Kathleen held me tight and hugged me showing me what a real mother’s hug should be like. I offer to let my mom hold Faith but she declines.
“That’s ok. Babies are rarely good in restaurants. We don’t want to mess with her. It will be quite embarrassing if she starts crying and ruins everybody’s meal. Honestly, I am surprised you brought her. Have you not found a nanny yet?
“Um… no, not yet.”
Bentley tenses up but keeps quiet. I haven’t really spoken to my mom about our plans. I just don’t want to listen to her tell me how wrong I am. I walk around the table and say hello to everyone. Liz gives me a look of sympathy and I walk over and hug her extra tight. We all have a seat and after the waiter takes our drink orders the conversation begins. Of course, my mom is the one to begin it…
“So, Bentley. Kayla tells me you have been home with her since she had the baby. Are you planning to go back to work or just apply for unemployment?” She chuckles at her joke but her tone suggests the question is one meant to be answered.
“Actually, Nancy. I am not going back to work. At least not any time soon.”
I hear her gasp as she asks, “What do you mean by that?”
I can visibly see Bentley begin to get aggravated so I cut in. “Bentley has decided to stay home with Faith. I am going back to work part-time in a couple of weeks. I have decided to stay living in Las Vegas and go back to work at the gym, and instead of getting a nanny Bentley wants to stay home with her.” I smile big hoping this answer will suffice.
The entire table sits in silence darting their eyes back and forth like one would do at a volleyball game or tennis match.
“So, your plan is to just live off my daughter?” She aims the question at Bentley but continues to glare at me.
Bentley’s mom cuts in with an “Excuse me but Bentley does not need to live off of anyone…”
I am not sure what she means by that but Bentley shakes his head quickly and asks her to please stay out of it. She nods once and takes a sip of her water.
Bella, in all her innocence says, “Bentley, you can be a stay-at-home mom like my mom! Daddy said she isn’t allowed to go back to work after my baby brother comes. He said he wants her in the kitchen…with no shoes on… cooking… and pregnant again.”
Everybody laughs and the awkwardness has been lifted.
“Yeah well I might be staying home but I will not be cooking or getting pregnant again any time soon.” Liz chimes in.
I feel a lump in my throat when Liz says this. She will at least have the option. I will never be pregnant again. Don’t get me wrong; I am not jealous of Liz but just sad that I won’t ever have that experience again.
Bentley puts his hand on my thigh and leans in close. “Stop thinking like that. We have a beautiful little girl and whenever you want another baby, I will make it happen.”
It’s when he says shit like this I just want to go all in. My mom glares at me pointedly and I know she heard his comment.
The rest of the meal goes smoothly and soon everyone is saying his or her goodbyes. I give Liz a hug and remind her to call me when she goes into labor. She laughs and says she will. Bentley offers to take Faith home so I can spend some time with my family and I say ok.
We head to the bar and I order a Jack and Coke. I know I will need alcohol to get through this.
“Honey, have you thought about all this?” my dad begins.
“Thought about what?”
“Bentley seems like a great dad but him choosing to stay home and not work doesn’t bode well with me. Men don’t stay home. They work. Are you on his lease? What if he loses hi
s apartment? Please tell me you at least have your own bank account.”
Then my mom jumps in. “And what is with his comment about giving you another baby? I thought you told me your relationship is strictly a mutual arrangement.”
Before I can answer either of them, Zach speaks up. “Jesus Christ! Do you guys ever stop? Kayla isn’t an idiot and everything in life isn’t about money. Damn, this family is so fucked up. Everything isn’t a business deal. Just let her be. The guy isn’t going to steal her money and take off. Maybe if we were raised by parents instead of nannies Kayla and I would be able to be in an actual relationship instead of pushing everyone away!”
We all are frozen in place. All this time I thought Zach felt the same way as my parents and I am stunned to learn he doesn’t at all. It gives me the assurance I need to allow myself to be open to the possibility of being in a relationship based on feelings. I thought maybe it was just me who was having these ill feelings to towards our parents but clearly, he feels the same way.
“To answer your questions, Bentley doesn’t let me pay a dime for anything. My income goes to whatever I want. He won’t even let me split any of the bills. We are not together in any way other than raising Faith together but he does want more and I am definitely considering it.”
My mom nods her head. “Ok, well that’s good that he is somehow paying his way. Just take things slowly, please. I really think you should consider writing up a custody agreement and child support arrangement in case things go awry.”
I don’t even bother to respond because I don’t feel like arguing. We move the conversation to the weather and my parents’ talk about their practice and how busy they are.
We all finally say goodnight and my parents take off to their hotel. They are flying back out in the morning because they have court. Zach and I stay sitting at the bar after they leave.
“So, were you speaking from experience?” I ask my brother who is currently nursing his Budweiser.
He shakes his head a little and then says, “Yes… No…I don’t know. It’s just been drilled into us for so long not to get into a relationship with feelings that I feel like I second-guess every move I make.”