by Helen Lacey
“That’s how long it took you to reply to my text.”
He shrugged loosely. “And?”
“Making me suffer, right?”
“Maybe,” he admitted, and stepped toward her, to stand in the doorway and rest one broad shoulder against the jamb as his gaze roved over her with clear appreciation. “But I didn’t mean to. I just... I wasn’t sure what to say.”
“I guess I deserved it?”
He didn’t respond; instead, his eyes bored into hers. “You look sensational.”
Layla pulled the screen wide and invited him to cross the threshold. He dropped the bag at their feet and she was in his arms in one long stride, kissing him a second later, and didn’t think about anything else but Kane for the next two hours.
* * *
“You’ve been in a better mood this week.”
Kane was at Adam’s on Thursday afternoon, as his brother was looking for premises to start his boutique beer business and wanted to talk over his options. He ignored his brother’s comment and flicked through the pages of properties on the table. “This one looks like it would suit your needs,” he said.
“How are things going with Layla?”
“Fine,” he replied, and flipped the page. “And this one has possibilities.”
“Why don’t you both come around for dinner Saturday night?” Adam suggested.
“I’ll see if she’s free,” Kane replied, although he already knew she had no firm plans for Saturday night other than spending it with him. That’s how it was. He hadn’t spent a night in his own house all week. “We’ll need to bring Erin.”
Adam’s mouth twitched. “No problem. I’ll see if Brady wants to come—make it a real family night.”
Kane heard the humor in his brother’s voice. “Stop being a jerk, will you.”
“Stop denying the obvious.”
“I’m not denying anything,” Kane said flatly.
I’m in love with her. She’s not in love with me.
The reality was a kick in the gut. They hadn’t talked about it again. Hadn’t mentioned it. They talked about work, Erin, her studies, the weather and his family, and they had sex. Lots of sex. But they avoided the hard conversation—the one where she was afraid to make a commitment to the status of their relationship and where he was certain they’d break up if she didn’t. Because for the first time in his life, he wanted it...needed it, like he needed air in his lungs and the ground beneath his feet. It was quite the revelation and he was feeling a mixture of excitement and bewilderment. Particularly when Layla was so obviously holding back.
“Have you talked to Mom recently?” Adam asked, changing the subject.
“Not this week, why?”
His brother shrugged. “I told Brady that we should probably think about going for a visit. She misses us and I think she’s having a tough time at the moment. I’m not sure if I can get away in the next month, though. Provisions has been busy and with Laurel doing extra hours at the gallery, plus having Larkin, time is short these days.”
Guilt pressed down on his shoulders. Since both Adam and Brady had kids, if anyone was going to have to drop everything to fly to New York, Kane knew it would be him. “I’ll get Brady to call Brian. You talk to Josh and I’ll call Arabella. Once we know if anything else is going on, I’ll call Mom and try to get back home to see her.”
“Tell her you’ve got a girlfriend,” Adam teased. “That’ll cheer her up.”
“I’ve already spoken to Mom about Layla,” he said flatly.
“I know,” Adam replied with a grin. “I’m just dissing you. She called me up last week and asked me all about it.”
Kane scowled. “How about you mind your own business?”
“Nah,” Adam replied, and chuckled. “What’s the fun in that?”
Kane ignored him, spent another fifteen minutes talking about his brother’s business plans and then headed home. He had a meeting with Callum the following morning, so he grabbed a change of clothes, checked the mailbox, threw out a few questionable items from the refrigerator and headed to Layla’s at six.
As always, Erin was delighted to see him and raced down the hallway when he arrived. He took her in his arms and kissed her forehead.
“I really am convinced she now prefers you to me,” Layla said with mock disapproval as she closed the door behind him. “She’s been looking out the window for you since we got home.”
Kane’s chest tightened. “She’s a sweetheart.”
“Dada!”
It had quickly become her favorite word and she said it at every opportunity. Kane knew Layla wanted to correct her, but didn’t know how. Oddly, he didn’t want that. He was quite happy for Erin to call him Dada, or Dad, or Daddy. Whatever she wanted. For the rest of his life.
He shifted his thoughts off the idea and told Layla about Adam’s invitation. She agreed, although not very enthusiastically, and he said they didn’t have to stay too long. She said she had a headache and took some aspirin after they finished cleaning up the kitchen.
There was a weird energy between them that night and when she emerged from the bathroom around ten, he noticed she was wearing a sensible cotton nightgown and did the math quickly in his head, figuring it was that time of the month for her.
“Do you take anything for period pain?” he asked quietly when he noticed her grimace as she sat on the edge of the bed and rubbed lotion into her hands.
Her eyes widened a fraction. “Ah...sometimes. I probably should have mentioned my period came this morning, in case you wanted to stay at home since we can’t—”
“Is that the only reason you think I’m here?” he asked irritably, cutting her off. “To get laid?”
“Of course not.”
“Then don’t say that kind of stuff. Do you need anything?” he asked, calming his temper as he pulled back the covers on what had quickly become his side of the bed. “Maybe a heating pad?”
“I’m fine.”
He took off his sweatshirt. “If you like, I could make you that chamomile tea you—”
“Do you know what I would like?” she snapped, and thrust back the covers. “I’d like you to stop being so damned perfect.”
Kane stilled, the sweatshirt still in his hands. “What?”
“You,” she said sharply, and sighed. “You’re like perfect at everything. Perfect with my grandparents, perfect with Erin, perfect at knowing I feel unwell tonight because I got my period, perfect at fixing things, perfect in bed...you’re like this perfect boyfriend. It drives me crazy,” she added with a huff and got into bed, quickly flipping off the bedside light and lying on her side, her back to him.
Kane remained where he was for a second, admiring the curve of her waist and hip and long shapely legs, before she pulled up the covers. Then he stripped down to his boxers and slipped into bed, sitting up, leaving the bedside light on for the moment. “So, I’m your boyfriend?”
She let out a long and impatient breath and then turned around. “Is that all you heard from what I just said?”
“Pretty much.”
She flapped her arms, and it occurred to him that it was more proof that while he’d been thinking she was quiet and controlled, Layla McCarthy actually had a pretty bad temper and a flair for the dramatic.
“You’re impossible!”
Laughter rumbled in his chest. “You know, you’re not exactly a walk in the park.”
Her eyes darkened to a deep chocolate brown. “What does that mean?”
“I think you know.”
She didn’t give an inch. “Oh please, enlighten me.”
Kane exhaled. “It means you’re emotionally out of reach.”
The words were out before he could stop them. Well, too bad. It was said and she had to deal with it. He’d been treading on eggshells all week and was tired of trying to scale
the wall she had built between them.
“That’s not true,” she denied.
“Yes, it is,” he countered. “You’re impenetrable, Layla.”
She didn’t look happy, not one bit. “I don’t know how you can say that, not after this week and all the time we’ve spent together.”
He waved a hand between them. “You mean here? In this bed? Having sex? With your dead husband’s picture staring at me every time I touch you?” The moment he said it, Kane knew he sounded petty. But there had to be some give and take, some compromise. “Look, I know you’re scared, Layla, but for the record, you’re not the only one. Five days ago I told you I was in love with you and you pretty much dismissed that out of hand...and all week we’ve tiptoed around it, pretending it didn’t happen. But it did happen,” he said. “Just so you know, I didn’t say it because I like to hear the sound of my own voice.”
She sucked in a breath. “You’re mad at me because I didn’t say it back, is that it?”
“I’m not mad at you,” he assured her, seeing the tremble in her lower lip. “I’m in love with you.”
For a moment he thought she was going to get up, to run from the words she clearly didn’t want to hear. But she stayed and met his gaze. “I didn’t dismiss it,” she said softly, swallowing hard. “I know how difficult those words are to say.”
“You’re right,” he replied. “They are. I’ve never said them to anyone before.”
She nodded fractionally. “Then I’m sorry that I can’t say them to you right now. I think you’re amazing. And besides being annoyingly perfect, there’s something special about you. You’re kind and sweet and funny and make me feel as though I can be happy again. But I need time,” she added, drawing in a sharp and heavy breath. “I’m not someone who rushes—and I’ve rushed into this thing with you because I couldn’t stop myself. Just be patient with me,” she pleaded.
“Layla, I—”
“Please?”
Kane grasped her hand and drew her knuckles to his mouth, kissing them softly. “Layla, I’m not about to bail on you. I’m not that guy when I’m with you. I’m not that guy who used to avoid commitment like the plague. You changed that. So of course I’ll do my best to be patient.”
She moved across the bed and curled up against him. He flicked off the light and took a long breath, settling her into the crook of his arm.
“I’ll take the picture away,” she said softly.
Kane grimaced. “Don’t do that,” he said, feeling like a complete jerk. “You have every right to have your husband’s picture anywhere you want it. I was just being an oversensitive idiot.”
“I keep it there to remember what he looked like. To remember that he always made me feel safe.”
“That’s important to you, feeling safe?” he asked, pushing the hair from her face.
She nodded. “I don’t know why.”
He did. She’d been rejected by her father, left to her own devices by an uncaring mother who allowed her to live with her grandparents at just fifteen. Kane considered his own happy childhood—his loving and attentive parents and siblings. He’d never felt unwanted or unsafe as a child. Never questioned if he was cared for. Never had to go looking for love. And Layla, he suspected, had been forced to fight for every bit of affection she got from her mother from the beginning.
“Get some sleep,” he whispered against her hair. “I’ll be here in the morning.”
The thing was, Kane wanted to be there for her every morning for the rest of his life. He just didn’t know if she’d give him, or them, that chance.
Chapter Twelve
Layla had to admit that Kane had a nice family. Picture-perfect, really. Big and robust and clearly filled with love and affection. Hanging out with them on Saturday night gave her the opportunity to get to know Adam and Brady a little better, even if she felt as though her relationship with their brother was under intense scrutiny. Laurel and Adam cooked a marvelous meal and she sensed that Erin was in her element. The truth was, her daughter was flourishing, and she knew Kane was the reason. She simply adored him and it was plain for anyone to see.
She’d borrowed the changing table in the nursery to clean Erin’s face after dinner and check her diaper and was returning to the living room with her daughter in her arms when she heard the brothers talking among themselves and lingered by the doorway.
“Well, I tried talking to Dad and he brushed me off,” Adam said with a sigh.
“You know how Mom gets when Dad starts on about the past,” Brady said. “Dad thinks we’re the only Fortunes worth a lick, and it doesn’t matter what I say to him about Callum or Dillon or Steve, he just wants to think the worst. I don’t think he’ll ever come around.”
“Perhaps it’s not our place to try to make him,” Kane said, clearly the peacemaker among them, and a surge of respect washed over her.
“He wants us to move back,” Adam said, his voice breaking a little. “Said we were choosing sides by living in Rambling Rose.”
“That’s his passive-aggressive side coming out,” Kane remarked. “He’s more like his Fortune half brothers than he realizes. The fact is you both have lives and jobs here, and kids now, and this is your home. Dad’s gonna have to accept it. I wouldn’t beat yourselves up trying to change his mind.”
Layla noticed the way he didn’t include himself in the conversation and experienced a weird feeling in the pit of her stomach. Of course he’d talked about New York to her, about missing his family and friends, but she’d believed he was as settled in Rambling Rose as his brothers. Was she wrong? Had she been imagining it? Believing it because she didn’t want to face the alternative?
That he might leave?
She plastered on a smile and entered the room and Erin demanded to be put down, and then immediately raced toward Kane. He hauled her into his lap and she snuggled close. Her daughter was weary and Layla watched in amazement at how settled she was in his arms. Erin loved him, no doubt about it.
Just admit it...you love him, too.
The truth hovered inside her, somewhere between fear and logic, if there was such a place. If she told him, the words would be out there forever and could never be taken back. And she would have nothing to hide behind, no defense.
He smiled at her and her belly did a dive. He had a way of both calming her nerves and setting her on fire. A way of making her crave as she never had before. And something else—a kind of quiet acceptance of who she was. Of course, she knew her feelings could be just the great sex putting her brain in a haze disguised as an emotional reaction. Still, she didn’t want to believe she was that shallow. Sex had never clouded her judgment before.
On the way home, later that evening, she asked him about the conversation she’d overheard. “Do you think your father’s feelings will ever change?”
“I don’t hold out much hope. Dad is fairly set in his ways. He and Mom took a big hit in the global financial crisis all those years ago, and he’s had trouble accepting that loss ever since. Added to that, finding out he’s Julius Fortune’s son only fueled his resentment.” Kane sighed. “I don’t know. Maybe it’s because the Fortune name doesn’t have quite the pull in New York as it does down here. We were—we are—a working-class family.”
She nodded agreeably. “I’ve realized something—in your family, you’re the glue, the one who keeps it all together, right?”
“At times.”
“And they’re missing that, with you being here.”
“I guess they might be.”
She sat for a moment, twisting her hands in her lap, then asked the question that had been hovering on her lips all evening. “Are you planning on going back to New York?”
He glanced sideways. “No, I hadn’t planned on it,” he replied quietly. “Why, are you looking for an easy out?”
Was she?
“No,” she
denied, but something skittered along her nerves. The deeper in she got, the less control she felt. “Are you staying tonight?”
“Probably not,” he replied. “I have some chores to do around the house.”
That was all he said—in fact, they barely spoke again until they got back to her house and he carried a sleeping Erin directly to her room. They lingered by the crib for a moment.
“I had a nice time tonight,” she said softly. “Thank you.”
“Sure,” he said, and turned on his heel.
Layla followed him out, catching up with him by the front door. “So, I’ll see you tomorrow?”
He nodded vaguely and crossed the threshold. “Good night.” He got three steps across the porch and then turned back to her. “Damn,” he said on a heavy breath.
“What?” she asked, aching inside.
“You know what,” he said as he strode back toward her and took her in his arms. “You. This. Us,” he said raggedly, and then took her mouth in a hot, deep, mesmerizing kiss. “For the first time in my life I’m completely at the mercy of my feelings,” he admitted, dragging his mouth away from hers, still holding her close. “It’s undoing me.”
The vulnerability in his voice made her ache inside. “I’m sorry if I’m hurting you or confusing you, Kane. It’s not intentional.”
“I know,” he said into her hair. “But it’s still a kicker.”
Then he left.
* * *
Layla went to see her grandparents the following day and Maude noticed Kane’s absence immediately.
“Something wrong?” her grandmother asked as they walked around the garden, watching Erin play with a ball.
“No,” Layla lied. “We’re fine. He’s got things to do today. So have I,” she added. “I have an assignment due and have to attack the ironing this afternoon.”
“We’re really proud of you,” Maude said, “for going back to school and getting on with your life. We should have tried harder to send you to college years ago.”
“Nonsense,” Layla dismissed gently. “It was my choice not to go to college.”