by Helen Lacey
On Friday, Layla managed to get through the morning and was in the staff room taking a break around eleven when Hailey walked in.
“You look terrible,” the other woman said.
“Gee, thanks,” she said, and sipped her tea. “I haven’t had much sleep this week.”
“Something wrong with Erin?” she asked, her brow furrowed with concern.
“No,” Layla replied quickly. “She’s fine. It’s...you know...other stuff.”
“Man trouble?”
“You could say that.”
Hailey perched on the edge of the table. “Look, Layla, you can tell me to mind my own business if you want, but I’m going to say this anyway.”
“Say what?”
“That I know we’ve only worked together for five months, but I think we’ve become friendly and I feel like I know you quite well. And it’s been impossible not to notice how different you’ve been these last few weeks. Like, happy. And since that’s how long you’ve known Kane, it’s easy to make the conclusion that he’s what’s making you happy.”
Except that right now I’m miserable.
“He does,” she said quickly. “I mean is, or was, I don’t know...it’s sort of complicated at the moment.”
“Is it because he doesn’t come across as the settle-down type?” Hailey asked.
She frowned. “What do you mean?”
“Well, Kane’s a great guy, right, but from what I hear, he’s not known for wanting the family and white picket fence. But I’m sure that will change. Look, when Dillon and I first got together he was really hard to read and incredibly closed off. It’s not always easy loving a Fortune...in fact, sometimes it’s downright impossible, but it’s worth it. So hang in there and let him come around at his own pace.”
Layla laughed softly, the gesture hurting her ribs. “It’s not like that at all.”
“It’s not?” Hailey’s brows crept higher.
“No,” she replied. “It’s not him. It’s me. I’m the one who’s closed off. I’m the one who’s hard to love. Kane has made it very clear about what he wants.”
Hailey smiled. “And what’s that?”
“Me,” she said simply. “And Erin. And a white picket fence.”
Hailey sighed. “Really? I’m so happy for you.”
“That might be a little premature. To be honest, I’m pretty sure I’ve screwed things up with Kane.”
“I’m sure it’s nothing that can’t be fixed,” Hailey said and touched her hand assuredly. “And you’re wrong—I don’t think you’re hard to love, Layla. Or closed off. I’ve seen you with Erin—you’re a wonderfully loving mother and you’re so great with the customers here at the spa. That kind of thing can’t be faked. Do you love him?”
She couldn’t answer directly. Didn’t want to admit to something she hadn’t been able to fully admit to herself. “I let him go. I thought we were getting in too deep, too quick. I thought Erin was getting too attached. I was getting too attached,” she said, and sighed. “I freaked out because I’m scared.”
“Have you told him that?” Hailey asked.
“He knows,” she replied. “But he’s not someone to do anything in half measures.”
“Sounds like you know him pretty well,” Hailey commented. “Go and talk to him, Layla. If I’ve learned anything from falling in love with Dillon, it’s that communicating honestly is the key to a good relationship.”
It sounded easy, Layla thought. But she and Kane were not Hailey and Dillon. She wasn’t as emotionally available as Hailey. She was as closed off as a clam. And Kane knew it.
On Sunday, after more days of simply going through the motions and nights of little sleep, Layla did something she hadn’t done for months—she went to the cemetery to place flowers on Frank’s grave. Erin walked around the headstone, picking up pebbles, clearly oblivious to her surroundings, and Layla stifled a sob. Erin didn’t remember her father. Grief washed over her and the guilt came, rushing through her at a galloping speed.
“I’m sorry, Frank.” She whispered the words to the wind.
Standing there, Layla realized what a mess she’d made of things. And then she admitted to herself how angry she’d been since his death. It was a startling revelation and not one she’d truly faced before. Because it meant facing herself. Facing all she’d lost. It meant coming to terms with everything she was afraid of. Kane had seen through her and called her out and she’d battled him every step of the way. But he was right.
She was a coward.
She’d learned to internalize her fears from an early age, shielded behind her wall of emotional distance. Frank had known it, too. Right from the beginning he’d been patient and considerate, courting her slowly, not making any hard demands and not asking her for anything more than what she was prepared to give. She’d wanted to be friends first, to be sure he was genuine and not going to break her heart. And he’d agreed without resistance. She wanted a small wedding without any fuss, so they eloped. She wanted to wait a couple of years to have kids, so they did. And the one time he’d needed her support, she’d failed him. She’d recoiled into her shell, using resentment to keep her distance from their problems and to keep herself safe. For the first time she wondered, if he hadn’t died, would they have gone the distance? He never asked much of her, because he seemed to know she didn’t want to give much. Even when he’d suggested she put off college and studying when they were first married and then planned on their family, she’d capitulated easily enough. Because she already knew what she wanted.
And then resented him for it, as it turned out.
Which made her what? Petty? Mean? Bitter and just a little self-centered? Or a lot, depending on the situation. And about as big a coward as anyone could be.
Do you think I haven’t figured out that you’re scared to death at the idea of being in love again?
Kane’s words came rushing back with astounding clarity, and my God...he was so right.
Because she’d been scared her entire life. She’d watched her mother fall in and out of love, saw the wreckage it left in her wake, and decided from a young age that she was never going to be like that. She was smarter, tougher, stronger—impenetrable. And nothing like her mother. The flip side was, Layla knew that all her mother really wanted was to be loved for who she was.
Like I do.
Like I am.
Layla looked at the ring on her left hand. She’d kept it in place to honor the man she’d married. To honor how much she’d loved him. But Frank was gone...and now she had a chance to find real happiness again. To be loved again and to love someone in return.
She eased the ring off and slipped it onto the finger on her right hand. Now all she wanted was to talk to Kane, to explain herself and then, if she could find the courage, ask him to forgive her for being such a fool.
And tell him what was in her heart—that she was deeply in love with him. That he was the most amazing man she’d ever known. That she loved the way he loved her and Erin. That she felt safe in his arms.
She bundled Erin in the car and drove into town, heading for Kane’s bungalow, her heart racing. His Ranger was outside, but she didn’t want to simply turn up unannounced on his doorstep, so she grabbed her cell and sent him a message.
Hi, I’d really like to see you.
She waited for several minutes for the reply to come through. And when none came, her insides sank. She called his number and it went to voice mail.
She looked at the truck. Right...so he didn’t want to see her. Disappointment quickly churned in her belly. But she figured she deserved to be ignored a little since she’d behaved so badly.
Except when he didn’t call her by Sunday night, Layla’s racing heart was hurting like it had never hurt before. By then she’d convinced herself she was too late. He’d decided to forget about her. To move on. To find someo
ne else to love. And she would be alone forever because she would never love anyone else with the depth of feeling she had for Kane Fortune.
And that night, alone in her bed, she cried. She cried tears of grief and despair. She wept for Frank and Erin but mostly, she wept for herself. Because she’d had real happiness at her fingertips and she’d been too much of a coward to reach out and take it. Even when he’d told her so rawly, so earnestly and with such profound honesty that he loved her, that he wanted her, that he needed her, that he wanted to be Erin’s dad and love them both, she’d pushed back. She’d rejected him and his love.
By the time she got to work on Monday, Layla was convinced she’d ruined it for good. She managed to get through the day, making appointments, canceling appointments, handling difficult customers with a smile, and was surprised to see Laurel Fortune arrive around two o’clock.
“Hi, Layla,” she said when she got to the counter. “I know I don’t have an appointment, but I’m desperate for a brow shape and tint. Any chance I could be squeezed in? I have a couple of hours free this afternoon.”
Layla checked the schedule and nodded. “Sure, we’ve had a cancellation this afternoon, so if you don’t mind waiting for about half an hour, I can fit you in.”
Laurel nodded eagerly. “Yes, great.”
“Do you need to be out by a certain time to pick up your son from day care?”
“Oh, no, Adam is picking Larkin up at two thirty and then they’re driving to Houston to drop Kane off at the airport.”
Airport?
“Oh, the airport, really?” she asked in a purposely modulated voice.
“I think the flight to New York is at around five, so that will give them plenty of time. And Larkin just loves seeing the airplanes.”
Layla zoned out. He was going to New York. Leaving Rambling Rose. Leaving her.
Fear swiftly clung to every cell she possessed. And she knew if she didn’t do something fast, she would lose him forever. Like she’d lost Frank. Only this time, she had a chance to do something about it.
Once the panic surging through her had abated, a sense of calm washed over Layla, and she looked around for Hailey and summoned her to the reception desk. “I have to go,” she said quickly, and grabbed her tote from the drawer, seeing a bewildered Hailey and equally surprised Laurel as she checked her watch. “Right now. It can’t wait.”
“Is everything all right?” Hailey asked, clearly concerned.
“I’m not sure,” she said, and looked at Laurel. “I hope it will be. Two thirty?” she asked.
Laurel nodded and smiled warmly. “That’s right.”
Then she raced out to her car as though her heels were on fire.
* * *
Kane was loading Larkin’s diaper bag in the rear of his brother’s sensible sedan when he saw Layla’s car heading into the parking area at the day care center.
“Someone’s in a hurry,” Adam said.
“That’s Layla’s car.”
Adam checked his wristwatch. “Right on time.”
“What does that mean?” he asked, his suspicions rising as Adam placed Larkin into the baby seat.
“It means I’m sick of you moping around like an orphaned puppy,” Adam said as he closed the door. “You’ve been driving everyone crazy all week, pining over her. Someone had to do something about it.”
“What did you do?” he asked as her car pulled up a couple of spaces away.
“Very little,” his brother replied as he leaned against the hood. “Just got my wife to set this little meeting up. The rest is up to you.”
He wanted to believe it. The last few days had been hell. He felt empty inside.
Nothing filled the gaping hole where his heart was.
“She’s obviously here to pick up Erin.”
“Obviously, you say?” Adam’s grin broadened. “We’ll see.”
Kane scowled. He didn’t want Layla being manipulated by anyone. “And you’re just gonna stand there and watch?”
“Yep,” Adam replied. “Should be interesting.”
She got out of the car and walked toward him. In her skirt and floral blouse and low heels and with her hair pulled back in a neat ponytail, she looked effortlessly beautiful—but the flush on her cheeks and the emotion burning deep in her brown eyes gave away her mood. She wasn’t there for Erin. He knew it down in his bones. She was there for him. For them. And his love for her suddenly intensified tenfold.
“Layla, are you—”
“Please don’t go!” she said on a rush of breath, her gaze darting to the suitcase packed in the open trunk. “Please don’t leave, Kane. After everything I’ve been through in my life, I don’t think I could bear it if you left.”
Kane’s entire body stilled and he glanced at his brother, who was still leaning on the car and looking very amused by the whole scene. “What?”
“I know I’m afraid of getting hurt,” she admitted, her beautiful brown eyes filled with tears. “I know I’m afraid of feeling anything because I think I’ll end up losing what I have. I know all that...but I still need to ask you, no, beg you to stay. Don’t go to New York. Don’t leave Rambling Rose. Don’t leave us. We need you.”
He swallowed hard, fighting the emotion burning through him. But he pushed her some more. “We?”
“Okay,” she said, and exhaled. “I need you.”
“Why, Layla?” he asked, not sure how he was managing to speak.
“Because,” she said, her hands open, her expression so raw and vulnerable he could barely stop himself from hauling her into his arms, “I’m lost without you. Because I...because I love you.”
Relief pitched in his chest and warmth flowed through him like a wave. “I know you do,” he said, and reached for her hand. “But I needed you to say it.”
His brother cleared his throat and they both turned. “Well, you gonna catch this flight or not?”
Kane looked at Layla. “Not.”
Adam grinned. “Okay,” he said, and took out Kane’s bag before he closed the trunk. “I have to get my son home. I’ll call the folks and tell them you’ll be rescheduling your visit, okay?”
Kane nodded and tightened his fingers around Layla’s. “Yeah, fine.”
Adam got into his car and drove out of the parking area.
“You were visiting your parents?” she asked. “That’s what you were doing?”
“Yes,” he replied.
“Not moving back to New York?”
“No,” he said, and led her back to her car. “Just a visit, with a return ticket.”
“I thought...” Her voice trailed off. “I thought you were moving back to New York for good and that I’d lost my chance. That I’d lost you.”
Kane drew her toward him. “You haven’t lost anything, Layla, I promise. I was planning a visit to my parents and then I was coming straight back. My life is here. My work is here. You and Erin are here. That’s all I want, all I need.”
“I’m sorry for making things so hard and for being so afraid to love you.”
“It’s okay to be afraid, Layla.” He grasped her chin, tilting her face upward to meet his. “It’s okay if you need to lean on me. That’s what people do when they love each other. And I love you very much.”
“I love you, too...so much it’s terrifying.”
“Layla,” he said gently. “I know you’re scared of loving me because you’re scared of losing me, and I can’t promise not to die. But I can promise that I will always love and protect you and would never intentionally hurt you.”
She hugged him and neither of them noticed how several cars were now parked in front of the center. He kissed her and she sighed, accepting his kiss as though she were starved of him.
“I’ve missed you so much this past week,” she said against his mouth.
“I’ve mi
ssed you, too,” he said. “But I think you needed this time apart, right?”
She nodded. “I think so. I needed to get things straight in my head. I needed to let go of all my insecurities. And I needed to forgive myself for letting Frank down.”
More cars came and he suggested they sit in her car for a few minutes so they could talk.
“You didn’t let him down, Layla,” he assured her gently.
“For a long time it felt like I did, in here,” she said and tapped her chest. “But I have forgiven myself,” she said and sighed. “That’s how I know that I’m ready to move on.”
“I’m glad,” he said gently, holding her hand as they sat side by side in the front seat. “I think you’ve always been way too hard on yourself. Frank knew you loved him and you didn’t cause the accident that killed him. It’s called an accident because that’s exactly what it was. Nothing you could have said or done would have made things turn out any different. He loved you. You loved him. And you should always keep a place in your heart for the life you shared and the memories you have.”
“Thank you,” she said, and brought his hand to her lips and kissed his knuckles. “For being so understanding. For loving me. For not giving up on me. Although I did text you last night and when I didn’t get a text back—I thought you were ignoring me.”
“Larkin threw my phone in the bathtub,” he explained, and chuckled.
She laughed. “Really?”
He nodded. “So I wasn’t ignoring you. I wouldn’t have been able to resist calling you if I’d known you’d left me a message. I can’t resist anything about you, Layla, surely you know that by now.”
She touched his face. “Did you really fall in love with me that first day?”
“Yes,” he replied. “Right in there, through those doors. I think I knew the moment we bent down to pick up your stuff and our heads banged together.”
She smiled tenderly. “I was a little smitten myself, you know,” she admitted, and gave him a seductive and sexy once-over. “I mean, those shoulders of yours should be illegal.”