A smile took over his lips. “I guess home improvements aren’t really my forte.”
Holding my laughter in my throat, I shook my head. “No. But you’re amazing at so many other things. Like fucking, for example.”
Holding himself above me, he looked at the mess in the room and then down at me. He shook his head, a burst of laughter escaping. “Fuck, I love you, duchess. You make everything right, you know that?”
Smiling up at him, I placed my hand against his chest. “Thank you for protecting me from the books.”
Dropping a lingering kiss on my lips, he whispered, “All I want is to protect you.”
I didn’t doubt the truth of that for a second.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
All On Me
Once Nate’s anger towards his family had cooled to a simmer, we headed out to Torquay, once again trying to make amends. It seemed to be the theme where I was concerned. Alesha fit into the family like a missing piece of a puzzle, and I was the burr in their britches, causing nothing but discomfort whenever I was around. Perhaps that was my fault for not trying hard enough. Perhaps it was theirs for not being genuine enough. Either way, I knew there was no way I could ever truly be comfortable around them. They’d threatened my life, for fuck’s sake. The best I could do for them was be tolerant for the sake of my relationship with Nate.
“Welcome, welcome!” Jasmine smiled, meeting us at the door and ushering us into the air-conditioned cool. Nate and I exchanged glances; that kind of greeting was over the top even for her.
“I’ve made cocktails,” she gushed. “Alesha said you like margaritas, Holland.”
I didn’t even get to respond before Alesha appeared and placed a drink in my hand, Sam by her side handing a beer to Nate.
“Brother,” he said with a formal nod. It seemed there was more going on than I knew about. Sam turned to Alesha. “Why don’t you take Holland to sit outside while the boys have a chat to Nate?”
Alesha placed a hand on my arm and smiled. “Sure. Come on, Holland.”
Nate gave my hand a squeeze and my arse a pat before I headed off, relegated to the WAG seating while the men did their thing.
“I’ve missed you,” Alesha said, nudging me with her arm when we took a seat by the pool.
“Really?” I asked. “You wouldn’t have known since you never call or text, and when we’re all together, you’re Jasmine two-point-oh. I don’t even know who you are anymore.”
Her doe eyes flashed. “That’s not fair. I’m just trying to make the best of things. You see where fighting against all this gets you.”
I closed my eyes against her truth. “At least I’m still me.”
“Maybe,” she said with a shrug, then looked away. “I’m going to see if Jasmine needs some help. Will you be fine out here on your own?”
“Sure.”
She couldn’t get away from me fast enough. I missed my best friend.
Dinner was, to put it in a word, strained. Everyone was so busy trying to act normal that they were overly nice, which just made things more uncomfortable. Toby spoke to no one but the dog, and Jasmine played Betty Homemaker, waiting on everyone hand and foot with Alesha joining in. The twins were oblivious as always, and Sam just seemed to think it was all funny. Nate seethed for the most part, glaring at Toby across the table and even growling like an animal at one point.
“Behave,” I said out the corner of my mouth as I squeezed his thigh.
His solution was to suck down a few too many beers. In a way, I was relieved, because it meant I could get out of there faster and go home. But when it came time to load him into the car, I realised it wasn’t going to be the easiest thing I’ve ever done.
“Why don’t you just stay here?” Jasmine offered when I asked Abbot and Kristian to help get him into the ute. “You won’t be able to get him out of the car on your own, and the room is already made up. It’s no problem.”
I didn’t think Nate would be happy staying there when things were so tense, but I also knew that Jasmine was right. He was too big and too drunk for me to handle on my own.
“OK,” I said, reluctance in my voice.
Once we got Nate settled in bed, I went to the kitchen to fetch him some water and painkillers for when he woke up.
I ran into Toby.
Alone.
Nervous after our last encounter, I looked past him to see if anyone else was close by.
“I’m not here to corner you,” he assured me. “I just came for water.”
Nodding briefly, I took my items and moved to leave the room, then stopped and turned to face him. “I’m sorry if I somehow gave you the wrong impression.” He shouldn’t have touched me regardless, but I did feel some guilt over the situation.
Shutting off the tap, he held his water partway to his lips and shook his head. “You didn’t. I’m the one who owes you an apology. I drank when I shouldn’t, and I behaved poorly. I shouldn’t have put you in that situation, and I shouldn’t have wronged Nate the way I did. This is all on me.”
“I… I didn’t know any of that. The stuff about how you felt towards me.”
“How were you to know?” he asked, taking a mouthful of water. “It’s not like I told anyone.”
“OK. But… I just want to make things really clear between us—I love Nate. There’ll never be anyone else for me. He owns my heart.”
“I understand,” he replied quietly.
“OK.” This is awkward. “Well, I’m glad we cleared that up. Have a good night, Toby. Sleep well.” I turned to leave.
“Holland.”
I paused. “Yes?”
“Did you tell him?”
“Tell him what?”
“About my plans.”
I shook my head. “I don’t betray confidences.”
He knitted his brow. “Thank you.”
I gave him a small smile. I didn’t hate Toby. He made me uncomfortable, but I didn’t hate him. Out of all of them, he was the only one who was truly honest with me.
“And Holland?”
“Yes?”
“Ask him to tell you about his investment. Before….” He paused to clear his throat. “You need to know what he’s into.”
It seemed so important to him, so I nodded and promised I would.
When I returned to the room, it was to the tune of Nate snoring his head off and smelling like a brewery. I placed the water and pills on the bedside table, then slipped into bed beside him, gently running my fingers through his hair as I studied his passed-out form.
“What are you hiding in that head of yours?” I asked. “Toby seems to think it’s important. Will you even tell me when I ask?”
His only response was a snorting grunt before he rolled over and flung his arm around my middle, pulling me close.
“I hope it isn’t too bad,” I whispered. “I love you too much to hate you too.”
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Cash or Cheque
“Morning.” I smiled when I opened my eyes and found Nate awake beside me. “How’s your head?”
“I’m afraid that if I move, my brain is going to explode.” His voice sounded sandpapery.
“Luckily you have a wife who came prepared for this exact moment.” I leaned over him, my chest pressing against his as I fetched the pills and held them to his lips. “Ibuprofen,” I explained. He took them, and the water. I liked that his eyes seemed happy. I’d really missed their sparkle.
“I tell you, duchess, I’m starting to feel better already.” He grinned as he looked down at my breasts pressed into his chest.
“I see your hangover doesn’t extend to Goliath or your sex drive.”
“They say an orgasm is a great cure for a headache.”
“Oh yeah? Who are they?”
He chuckled and shook his head. “I have no fucking clue,” he said, grabbing his head quickly before he winced. “Ow. No moving.”
“I think it’s best if you hand me the reins this morning,” I suggested, sliding on top o
f him so his length rested between my legs. “Don’t want people thinking I’m hurting you.”
“It’d be worth it.” He smirked, and I teased him a little further by thrusting my hips back and forth, alternately wincing in pain and then moaning in pleasure.
“Argh. Ohhh. Argh. Ohhh.”
He laughed and placed his hands on my thighs, squeezing gently. “Now they’re gonna think I’m hurting you.”
I leaned down and pressed my mouth to his, kissing softly. “You’d never hurt me,” I said with the utmost confidence. I understood that in the centre of my bones. He was a man devoted to my protection. It was part of what made me love him so dearly.
I moved against him slowly, my breathing changing along with his as my hands rested on his firm pecs. The movement was enough to take me all the way, his firm shaft gliding perfectly along my sex.
“Duchess.” He gritted his teeth, hands moving to pull my hair.
Sitting back, I took him inside me just as my climax hit, dragging him along for the literal ride until he came too.
“How’s your head now?” I asked, a little out of breath when we were finished.
He grinned. “What headache?”
With a laugh, I slid off him and went to clean up. He was still lying in bed when I returned from the shower. “How about you get in there to wash that beer stench off while I grab us some coffee and breakfast?”
With a slight groan, he forced himself to sit up. “We should probably go home first.”
Pulling on my clothes from the day before, I sat next to him on the bed. “Actually, I think I should probably tell you something first.”
Drawing his brow in tight, he sat up against his pillows. “Why do I get the feeling I’m not going to like this?”
“Because you probably won’t. I spoke to Toby last night. After you passed out. He apologised for what he did.”
“Good,” Nate grunted. “Still should’ve kept the fuck away from you.”
“He didn’t seek me out. We were just in the kitchen at the same time.” I watched the side of his jaw tighten and tic.
“Did he touch you at all?”
“No. He kept his distance the whole time. Like I said, he apologised. But… there’s a few things I think we need to talk about.”
“Like what?”
“Your investments, for one. Every time they get mentioned, your brothers get cagey and you deflect. I want to know what they are.”
He nodded, his jaw tightening so much that I was worried he was going to crack a tooth. “You told me you didn’t want to know anything about my work.”
“I know that. But I’m asking now.”
“What else?” He was deflecting again.
“The fact that you lied to me about prison. You did time as a juvenile. Sam did time too.”
“I said Cartwrights don’t do time, not that they never have.”
“You also didn’t tell me that your father is currently doing time.”
“That’s because I don’t think of the man. He was never good to us.” His eyes narrowed from what I thought was a bad memory, causing my heart to skip a beat. I slid my hand over his in comfort.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. What else?”
I frowned, knowing this one was the real kicker for me. “Is it true that even if we wanted to, we’d never be able to get out?”
He looked at me for a long while, then reached up and ran his thumb lightly along my jaw. “Why don’t you go get that breakfast? I’ll get cleaned up and we can talk properly when we get back home.” Leaning forward, he pressed his lips to my forehead.
“Promise?”
“Promise.” He smiled, then patted his hand against my thigh. I got up and headed for the kitchen, pausing in the doorway to watch that rock-hard arse of his as he sauntered into the bathroom.
“Food, duchess.”
I laughed. “I’m going, I’m going.”
Jasmine and Alesha were busy making waffles together when I made it to the kitchen, and I paused in the entryway to watch their interactions before they knew I was there. They had the radio on and were dancing about while one cut up fruit and the other whisked batter in a bowl. Sam sat across the bench and kept pinching fruit before it made it in the bowl.
Alesha swatted at his hand playfully, but he took the fruit anyway. “If you take all the blueberries, there won’t be any for anyone else.” He laughed and took another one.
It was the perfect happy family scene, and it struck me that Nate and I were the outliers. We were perfectly content in our own world, but whenever we merged with this one, problems arose. Was I the problem? Was Nate? Or was it us as a couple? I decided that it was probably because of me. I’d made it abundantly clear from the get-go that I was against their lifestyle choices, whereas Alesha had been much more accepting. She was fitting in, and I wasn’t. And because I was refusing to fit in, to let go of the notion that they should all quit their thieving ways and run their businesses like fine upstanding citizens, I was causing a rift between Nate and everyone else.
I am causing the tension.
Maybe it was a bad idea to ask Nate about his investments. Maybe it was wrong for me to keep pushing for him to get out of the family business. Maybe, just maybe, I should be trying to fix the tension my presence was causing. Maybe I needed to relax my moral compass. After all, I’d fallen in love with Nate with my whole heart. I could either accept him for the man he was—family and all—or I could keep pushing for a change he didn’t want and most likely ruin what we had for good. And I didn’t want to ruin us.
Seeing this happy scene playing out in front of me was the clarity I needed. I was going to have to swallow my pride and try.
“Morning,” I said as cheery as I could. “Something smells amazing.”
Jasmine looked up and smiled. “Hope you brought your appetite. How’s that husband of yours this morning?”
“A little hungover,” I said with a laugh. “He’s taking a shower.”
“Well take a seat. These will be ready in a few minutes.” She poured batter into two waffle irons that had been heating on the bench top, the sizzle and smell instantly filling the air. “Sam, go get your brothers,” she said as she picked up an egg flip and watched over her creations. “We’re going to have a family breakfast this morning.”
Once we were alone, I asked if there was anything I could do. Being told there wasn’t, I took a breath and decided to extend an olive branch of my own. “Jasmine, I want to say that I’m sorry about all the trouble I’ve caused,” I said in a rush. Apologising wasn’t easy, especially when both sides were at fault, but it was time for me to accept that my actions had caused their reactions. Jasmine was trying to protect her family, and she’d seen me as a threat. In turn, I’d demonised her, and I’d demonised Toby. Behind it all, they were just like most people, wanting to protect their way of life and their own happiness. It might not be a lifestyle I agreed with, but I could learn to see the truth in their hearts and focus on that in my interactions with them.
Turning to face me, Jasmine placed one hand on her hip and regarded me with an expression that was a mix between annoyance and understanding. It surprised me a little, but Jasmine was a hard woman, so I didn’t know why I expected anything different.
“I appreciate your apology,” she said after a breath, seeming to choose her words carefully. “I hope you can find a way to embrace us as your family instead of kicking out and creating waves.”
Her words caused a tight sensation in my belly. I’d already realised that they viewed me as a problem, but having her point it out still made me feel bad.
“I can do that. I don’t want to be the reason for tension. I just want Nate to be happy.”
Handing the egg flip to Alesha, Jasmine moved to stand in front of me, her hands on the edge of the bench. “Then you need to make a decision. Are you in or are you out?”
“What do you mean?” I glanced over at Alesha, who was pretending not to list
en while listening very intently. Her expression gave me no indication as to what was going on. The question had me confused.
They keep saying there’s no way out….
“I’m giving you a one-time offer, Holland. If you’re unhappy here, you can pack your things and leave. But you’ll need to leave for good and never speak to anyone about our family. We won’t exist to you.”
I gulped. “I don’t understand.”
Jasmine actually laughed as if I was stupid. “I’m offering you your life back. But you’d have to never contact my son again.”
Frowning, I shook my head. It was tempting—the lure of freedom was something I’d been wanting in the months I’d been involved with the Cartwrights—but I was in love. The idea of leaving Nate… well, that not only hurt my stomach, it hurt my heart too. How can Jasmine be so callous toward her son? He loves me.
“I don’t want to leave Nate,” I responded. My mind was at war with my heart as the words left my lips, but there it was, the truth, I was the kind of girl who was willing to stay with a man even though he was a criminal.
Love makes us do insane things.
She smiled. “Then you stay, and you give us something to prove you’re in.”
“I’ve already given you two cars and most of my possessions.”
“We took those, sweetheart. And you got most of your stuff back.”
“True.”
“What I want from you is a job.”
“A job? I don’t even know how I’d find one.”
“You work at a fancy school. Surely you have some sort of information on someone or something that could prove fruitful. You could be our inside man.”
I thought for a moment, my eyes meeting Alesha’s. She nodded, urging me to give up something, but I honestly drew a blank. I felt too sick at the idea to even think straight.
“I….” I shook my head.
“What about that fundraiser they do every year?” Alesha suggested. What? Shut up, Alesha! I shot her a look that said as much.
Jasmine’s eyes lit up. “Fundraiser?”
I cleared my throat and blinked a few times before I could speak. “Er, yes. It’s like a, um… festival, I suppose. They put on a fair, lots of games and stalls. There’s a silent auction, and the drama students put on a play. This year it’s A Streetcar Named Desire.”
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