by Pam Weaver
‘No. I haven’t spoken to Johnnie since before I left,’ Ruby answered confidently. ‘We weren’t friends of long standing, there was no need to keep in touch.’
‘No, of course there wasn’t,’ Betty said with a hint of a smile.
The two women made some light conversation about her husband and the children for a while longer before Ruby decided it was the polite time to leave. She could see she was making Betty feel uncomfortable.
‘It’s been nice to see you again, Betty. Maybe we can catch up again next time I visit.’
Betty smiled as she held the front door open but she didn’t answer.
As Ruby left the house she noticed a green Ford Consul parked just up the road. As she got closer she looked at the registration plate and was sure it was the same car she’d seen Johnnie and his family driving away in. She was so busy looking at the car itself she didn’t notice the man in the driving seat until she was right beside it.
‘Hello, Ruby Red.’
‘Hello, Johnnie from down the street,’ she replied, feeling the familiar thump start up in her chest
‘I don’t want Betty to see us. Cut through the alley and I’ll pick you up by the High Street.’
Before she could answer he quickly drove away without a backward glance.
She stood stock-still watching the car disappear down the road. There was no question in her mind that she should just go back to her own car, get in it and drive away. That was the right thing to do. Johnnie Riordan was a married man with two children, and she was newly engaged to Tony Alfredo. Her head told her to carry on going but her heart said otherwise, and her legs took her straight to the familiar alley.
Johnnie Riordan leaned over and opened the passenger door from the inside and Ruby got in. He quickly pulled away and, without saying anything, drove to the edge of Epping Forest, pulled off the road and tucked the car out of sight of passing traffic under the cover of the trees.
He turned to face her. ‘Well, Red … what can I say? Long time no see.’
‘How about saying that we shouldn’t be here? That you’re a married man with two children and I’m engaged to be married?’
Mentioning the children was hard for Ruby. She wanted to tell him all about Maggie, the beautiful little girl they had made together, but of course she didn’t.
‘You could say that, but …’ he trailed off.
She twisted in her seat to look at him and was surprised to see him looking so very sad.
‘How did you know I was here?’
‘I didn’t. I pulled up as you turned into Betty’s gate. Nearly had a heart attack. But anyway, tell me all about yourself,’ he continued. ‘It’s been so long, I’ve often wondered about you.’
‘It’s not been that long … A few days back you were sat on the beach outside my hotel.’
‘That was a stupid thing to do. Crazy. I shocked myself afterwards but it had seemed like a good idea at the time,’ he laughed. ‘I thought I might get a glimpse of you, see how you were doing. I never expected you to all but climb over my legs to get to the bloody water. Dancing in the mud … what were you girls playing at? That was so crazy, I couldn’t believe it was happening.’
Ruby smiled. He still had the ability to make a good joke out of anything. ‘The joy of living at the seaside. I love it there so much. Your wife didn’t take too kindly to it, though.’
‘How did you end up in Southend?’ he asked, but Ruby ignored the question.
‘I came back today for the first time, I was looking for the family but no-one was in. Nosy Norah said Nan’s in Whipps Cross. I was all fired up to walk into the lion’s den and it was empty.’ She laughed.
‘I didn’t know that. Your brothers never said anything.’
‘Why should they?’
‘Come on, stop snapping like a crocodile. I’m not the one in the wrong here. You came to see me however long ago it was to borrow your train fare and that was it. Gone. You were never seen again, not even a postcard. You just disappeared.’
‘You’re right. I’m sorry. I never paid you back.’ She laughed, feeling the old easiness of his company again. ‘And speaking of postcards, Betty told me you got one. Whoever sent it to you, sent one to Ray as well. It can’t be someone who actually knows you because neither of you lives at the old address any longer; it must be someone who knows me and is stirring it.’
‘Did Ray cause a problem?’
‘Long story! He turned up by coincidence at the funeral reception of a very close friend. But it was all smoothed over. A bit of a shadow of himself really.’ She stared at him. ‘Just like you, in fact. Where’s the “I’m going to rule the world” Johnnie gone? Surely marriage can’t be that bad?’
Johnnie Riordan didn’t answer. He simply looked miserable and shook his head.
‘You said you’re engaged?’
‘You didn’t answer my question. Where’s Johnnie Riordan?’
‘I think he died a little when Ruby Red left without a word and never came back and he had to settle for something else that he didn’t want.’ He sighed. ‘I can’t complain though because it was all my own fault. I made an idiot of myself, Ruby Red. I did what Bill Morgan wanted instead of what I wanted. Now he owns me and my life. He chose Sadie and I married her, I work for him, live in one of his houses and drive one of his cars. I don’t have anything that’s mine.’
He leaned across and pulled her towards him gently. She relaxed and let herself fall into his arms as he kissed her fiercely with a passion that ignited everything in her again. She responded eagerly – she just couldn’t help herself – but when he tried to take it further she pushed him away.
‘No … we can’t. You’re married, I’m engaged.’
Reluctantly he pulled away. ‘I know. You can’t imagine how much I wish we weren’t.’
‘There’s no going back, Johnnie, and we shouldn’t be trying. It’s wrong – you know it is – and neither of us is like that.’
He loosened his tie and rolled the window down, and for a few minutes neither of them said anything.
‘We’d better go back,’ Ruby whispered gently. ‘If you could drop me somewhere nearby. My car’s back in Elsmere.’
‘What car have you got?’
‘Morris Minor’.
‘Hmm, not bad for a woman.’
Ruby picked up her handbag and playfully swung at him with it. The heat of the moment had passed.
‘Can I see you again? Just so that we can catch up.’
‘I’ve already said, you’re bloody well married; I’m engaged to be married. It’s playing with fire …’
‘I know. Next Friday, I’ve got to go see someone up in Essex to collect some rents for Bill Morgan. I’ll be with you at lunchtime. Shall I come to the hotel?’
‘OK.’ The word was out of her mouth without her even realising it.
Ruby looked at her watch and decided she still had enough time to go and see if her mother was back, so when Johnnie dropped her off she walked through the alleyway. But just as she went to turn onto the street she saw her mother and a man walking down towards the house. He had his arm around her and she was leaning her head on his shoulder. She was just about to say something when she noticed that her mother was crying. Big fat tears rolled down her cheeks as she sobbed loudly. As they got to the house Nosy Norah came out of her gate.
‘What’s happened, Sarah? Is it Elsie?’
‘Yes. She passed away this morning,’ the man said. ‘We didn’t know until we got there.’
‘Oh, I’m so sorry, my love. Come on in and I’ll make you a nice sweet cuppa for the shock. Your Ruby was here just now looking for you,’ she heard Norah say.
‘Ruby? Do you mean my Ruby?’
‘Yes, dear. Very elegant, she looked, all grown up and driving a car. I saw her getting out of it. Mind, I didn’t know it was her until she came knocking.’
‘What did she want?’ the man beside Sarah asked, his strong Scottish accent telling Ruby he was indee
d Donald the new husband. Her stepfather.
‘She said she was looking for you,’ Norah said. ‘I told her you were visiting at Whipps with Elsie. I thought she might go there.’
‘Well, she left it too sodding late if she did,’ Sarah cried.
Ruby took a step back, unsure what to do. It was an all-or-nothing moment; she knew if she turned away she would never go back there again.
She stepped out and walked towards them.
‘Mum.’
Sarah, Donald and Norah all turned towards her.
‘If you want me to go I will. I’m so sorry about Nan …’ She felt her eyes prickling and then suddenly two big fat tears rolled slowly down her cheeks. ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t know, I’m sorry …’ she sobbed.
‘And so you should be,’ her mother said without moving.
It was Norah who made the first move. She stepped forward and put her arm around Ruby’s waist.
‘Come on now, dearie, no need for that. Elsie wouldn’t want you crying over her any more than she’d want you all fighting.’ She looked directly at Sarah.
‘Shall we all go inside?’ the man beside Sarah said calmly.
The deep timbre of his voice suited him perfectly. He was tall and broad, with tanned leathery skin that told of a life working outdoors. His hair was mottled black and grey, as was the full beard and moustache that framed his jaw. At first glance the man looked intimidating but Ruby had already noticed the kindly dark green eyes that looked at her sympathetically. She took to him immediately.
As Sarah turned on her heel and walked up to the front door, so Donald McIver stood back and motioned for Ruby to follow, leaving Norah standing alone on the pavement. Ruby turned and smiled and mouthed ‘Thank you’ before walking cautiously into the once-familiar house that used to be her home.
It wasn’t very different from when she’d left. The runner in the hall was new, as was the stair carpet, and the paintwork looked brighter, but the biggest difference was that Ruby didn’t feel intimidated as she walked down the hall towards the back of the house. The constant niggle of fear that had always been there when she entered the house was gone.
‘I’m sorry about Nan … I just don’t know what else to say.’
‘Well, you should be sorry. She missed you and now she’s gone, not knowing if you were dead or alive.’ She looked Ruby up and down. ‘You look like you’ve done all right for yourself so you could start by telling us where you’ve been.’
‘I’ll put the kettle on … By the way, I’m Donald.’ The man held his hand out to Ruby and she took it gratefully. She could see he was going to be a good mediator between her and her mother.
‘I’m Ruby, though you know that already,’ she smiled, then looked back to her mother, who was pulling out the chairs from the familiar dining table.
‘Didn’t Ray tell you?’
‘Tell me what?’
‘About me?’
Ruby stared into her mother’s eyes and then laughed humourlessly. ‘He didn’t tell you. Same old Ray. He found out where I was living and came to see me a few months ago. I thought he’d changed, I really did!’
‘I don’t believe you. Ray would have told me. You’re just trying to put the blame on him because you got here too late for your nan.’
‘OK, try this for size. Donald is your husband now. He’s a gardener, works with you at the big house, Ray had an accident and married his nurse, Bobbie’s in lodgings and Artie’s been looking after Nan since he got the sack from the butcher’s shop … Oh, and Ray and Bobbie have to behave themselves at work now. No more dodgy dealings.’
‘How do you know all that?’ Sarah asked suspiciously.
‘I told you, Ray found out where I was and came to visit. I just thought he’d tell you. Shall we all sit down and have a talk? I’d like to clear the air, I really would.’
‘Then that’s what we’ll do, won’t we, Sarah? Life’s too short for grudges,’ Donald said purposefully.
‘Yes, Donald.’ Her mother looked at him and smiled, and Ruby could feel the tears prickling away again. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d seen her mother look content.
Twenty-Seven
Ruby was distracted to the point of losing track of what she should be doing. Her brain was spinning constantly, she couldn’t sleep and she was losing weight, but what she did know was that Gracie was worried about her and that Tony was angry with her.
However much she tried to explain her feelings about her grandmother’s untimely death to him, he simply couldn’t understand how she could be so upset over someone whom she hadn’t seen for so many years, and then he’d compounded her misery when he’d told her it would be for the best if she didn’t rekindle family relationships. She’d been especially surprised at that, considering how close he was to his own parents.
But she tried to be understanding and make allowances for his behaviour because she could see why he was frustrated. At a time when they should have been happily planning their wedding together she was having trouble even thinking about it, let alone doing anything.
They were newly engaged yet she had already lost interest, and for this he blamed her reconnection with her family.
An element of that was true. Ruby was upset that she had missed seeing her grandmother for the last time by just a few hours and she hated herself for it. She hated herself for not going straight to the hospital when Nosy Norah had told her that her grandmother was there, but most of all she hated herself for having absolutely no willpower when it came to Johnnie Riordan. She had betrayed Tony and he had betrayed his wife, and it was wrong.
‘But, Ruby, how were you to know about your nan?’ Gracie asked impatiently as they talked about it while going through the booking forms for the new season. ‘Did Norah tell you she was dying? No. Did Ray let you know she was in hospital? No, and he should have done – and, yes, he should have told her he’d seen you – but none of it happened and none of it can be changed so stop feeling so bleeding guilty about everything.’
Ruby leaned back and closed her eyes to try to ease the tiredness caused by lack of sleep that was overwhelming her.
‘I should have gone to see them all after Ray came here. I’d built it into such a big thing, but I was sixteen when I left, a kid who didn’t know better. Now I do. I was such an idiot. I should have gone back …’
Gracie looked at her and shook her head in frustration. ‘You’re telling me all this, but I know there’s more to all this guilt than your nan dying. So what is it you aren’t you telling me this time?’
‘There’s nothing,’ Ruby said vehemently. ‘Just leave it alone. You keep going on and on all the time and I just want to work in peace. Our bookings are down and I have to think about getting the decorating done.’
‘I thought the decorating was going to be done early next spring?’
‘Yes, it was, but Tony said that’s too late. It needs to be started right away, then we can get the carpets down.’
‘Oh, bugger Tony and what Tony said. This is your hotel … and I bet he doesn’t know that yet, either!’
‘That’s not the point. Anyway, he’s coming over later so I want all this paperwork done first. We’re going to discuss the wedding. And he wants to schedule the engagement party. He wants a big fancy do at Garons in the High Street.’
Gracie huffed loudly. ‘Oh, come off it, Rube. You’re not still going to go through with this fiasco, are you?’
‘Of course I am. I agreed to marry him – how can I possibly call it off almost as soon as it’s happened?’ As she said the words so her face crumpled and she started to laugh and cry at the same time. ‘Oh God, I’m sorry. You’re right, this is one big mess and I don’t know what to do. Why do I get myself into these situations, eh?’
She was standing at the reception, leaning on her elbows with her head in her hands, pretending to study the columns of figures in front of her.
Gracie put her arm over her shoulders. ‘Stop feeling sorry for yourself
and let’s go upstairs. I’ll just tell Edith she can be in charge for a while. That’ll please her no end. She doesn’t often get the chance to be out front and scare the guests.’
Ruby laughed. ‘She is a bit of a battleaxe, isn’t she? But she works hard.’
Making sure the door to the flat was properly locked this time, Gracie made a pot of tea, then sat quietly beside Ruby and waited. It wasn’t long before she told Gracie everything about bumping into Johnnie and what followed.
‘He said he’s coming to see me on Friday, just so that we can catch up, and then put it all behind us. A sort of Last Chance Saloon visit.’
‘Catch up, my eye. He wants more than a catch-up else he wouldn’t have been sat on the beach outside here looking like an abandoned puppy dog.’
‘He did look a bit sad, didn’t he?’ Ruby cracked a smile. ‘But that wasn’t because of me, it was because of that silly Sadie.’
‘Ruby, Ruby, listen to me. I can guess how you feel about Johnnie just by listening to you. You can’t marry Tony, you can’t. It’s not fair. Not that I care about him, of course – you’ll be well rid – but if he ever finds out … Honestly? You are playing with fire. You’ll not only get burned, you’ll be bloody torched,’ Gracie said.
‘But there’s no future for me and Johnnie. He’s married with kids, and you’ve seen the wife. And married is married in my book. Adultery isn’t for me. I just feel this pull to him … OK, dammit, I want to see him just once more, then that’s it: he can have Sadie and I’ll have Tony.’
‘First love and all that shit, it never really goes away,’ Gracie said.
‘Hmm. Not quite how I’d put it … But I’d almost forgotten about him. I’d inherited a bloody hotel, I was starting to feel content with Tony, and I know Maggie’s happy even if she isn’t mine, as such. Johnnie was just a memory …’ She clenched her fists. ‘I could kill the bastard who sent those postcards and disrupted my life. Everything was fine until then.’ She stood up and walked out onto the balcony. ‘Until Leonora died.’
Gracie walked out and joined her but this time she kept an eye on the door, even though she knew it was locked. She didn’t trust Tony Alfredo one bit.