‘He can keep his money.’ She mouthed the words at the mirror, in case he was outside, listening. ‘We can do without it.’
A tap sounded at the door. ‘Jess?’
She jumped guiltily and whirled round. Another tap, louder this time. ‘Jess? Are you waiting for me to break the door down?’
She couldn’t help smiling. A part of her wanted him to do just that. Pull her into his arms and protect her from all the monsters that were out there in the dark. Take her to live in his gilded castle, where he’d make her his queen and love her always.
She gulped in a breath. ‘Yes. I mean no. Don’t do that, I’ll be out in a minute.’
She pulled the bath robe tighter around her, knotting the tie firmly and took a deep breath. Unlocking the door, she stepped out into the bedroom.
He was perched on edge of the bed, his legs stretched out in front of him. He looked so… He looked like the man she’d always wanted. Jess’s courage failed her.
‘You’re pregnant.’
She supposed that he could hardly fail to come to that conclusion from the amount of time she’d spent in the bathroom. Jess nodded her head.
‘Hey. It’s all right Jess. We’re in this together and we’re going to deal with this. I think we both need you to say it, though.’
The stress lines were back on his face. This was no walk in the park for him either.
‘I’m pregnant. Seven weeks.’
He nodded. ‘How do you feel?’
Jess swallowed hard. ‘Fine. About the same as I did half an hour ago.’ Apart from the fact that everything had changed.
His gaze had never left her face. ‘Seven weeks. I guess its heart will just have started beating by now.’
‘Yes. And its head is forming. Little bumps for its arms and legs.’ Jess almost choked.
‘Hey, there.’ He was on his feet, holding her tight, before she even realised that she was shaking. ‘I told you, we’re in this together. I can provide whatever you need.’ The words sounded hollow, almost like a business deal.
‘I can look after myself.’ However much it cost her, however alone she felt, she couldn’t use this as an excuse to bind him to her.
‘I know. I’ll just tag along, then, while you’re looking after yourself.’ He smoothed a strand of hair out of her eyes. ‘I can be your second-in-command. Hold your hair while you’re being sick.’
‘You will not.’ She dug him in the ribs and heard his sharp intake of breath. ‘I can hold my own hair, thank you very much. You can do the mopping up.’
He chuckled. ‘That’s the spirit. Look, let’s give ourselves some time to let this sink in. What do you say I make some breakfast? Unless you are feeling sick again.’
She was feeling sick and terrified, exhilarated and somehow serene. ‘No. I’m fine. And, yes, breakfast would be great.’
‘Good.’ He was halfway to the bedroom door and he stopped. ‘Jess. You don’t have to say anything, right now. But when you know… when you know what you’re going to do… ’
‘I’m keeping my baby.’ That was the one thing she was stone-cold certain about.
He nodded. ‘Thank you.’ He turned, as if he didn’t want to show her what was on his face. Closed the bedroom door behind him, leaving her alone again.
Greg wiped the tears away. He was completely unprepared for this. When she’d said she was pregnant, all he’d wanted to do was to hold her. And although he had been torn by almost every emotion he could think of, when Jess had pulled herself up to her full height, faced him and with more than a trace of defiance in her eyes, had told him that she was going to keep her child—his child—his heart had almost burst with relief.
He would make things right. He could learn how to be a father. He could afford to give Jess and his child everything they might need or want. That he could promise right now. As to the rest—he was unclear about the scope and detail of that, but it was early days. He’d work it out as he went along.
His finger tapped on the kitchen counter as he waited for the kettle to boil. Two beats for every one of his own heart, a little more maybe. He could almost feel that tiny heartbeat, racing away, powering the prodigious growth of a seven-week embryo.
He prepared breakfast, and was gratified to see that Jess ate all of hers. They took a walk in the park, talking about anything and everything. Everything but the thing that was so palpably on both their minds. Then lunch and he waited, with only a trace of impatience, for her to settle herself down to watch a film so that he could open his laptop and spend a couple of hours answering his emails.
Four hours later he found her asleep on the sofa, the DVD looping through the opening credits.
‘Jess… Jess, honey, wake up.’
She opened her eyes, and smiled at him. Stretched, yawned behind her hand and then sat up. ‘What’s the time?’
‘Nearly five. How are you doing?’
‘Fine. You?’
‘I’m good.’ He sat down next to her on the sofa. Maybe he should have checked up on her, thought to cover her up while she slept. But the flat was warm and it seemed that all she needed right now was to get some rest. And what he needed to do was to take care of business. Make sure that he could provide for her.
She nodded. ‘I suppose I should be getting back home.’
‘Stay a while. Unless there’s something you need to do.’
‘No. There’s nothing.’ She shrugged. ‘Well, nothing that can’t wait. Today’s been… ’
‘Yeah. Nothing much else matters, today, eh?’
‘No.’ Her gaze flipped to his laptop, closed now on the coffee table, where he’d dumped it when he’d come in here to find her. Then back to his face. ‘Greg, I’ve been thinking.’
‘Yeah? Not dreaming?’
She grinned. ‘That as well. But before I fell asleep, I was thinking.’
Her cheeks were still flushed from sleep, her brown and gold eyes reflecting the light. Greg laid his finger against her lips, feeling the echoes from that one soft touch reverberate across his skin. ‘Tell you what, why don’t we have something to eat, and then I’ll take you home. Let’s make a time to talk next week, when we’ve both collected our thoughts.’
She twisted her mouth wryly. ‘You mean you’re making a plan.’
‘Aren’t you?’
She shrugged. ‘Do I need a plan?’
‘I think so. And you should take your time over it, decide what you really want.’
‘That’s easy. I want to have this child, look after it and love it the best I can. That’s the only plan I need, isn’t it?’
Perhaps it was. Perhaps he wasn’t going to get a say in what happened from now on. ‘I was thinking more about a plan for how I can help you do that.’
A flash of defiance. This wasn’t going to be a walk in the park but, then, Greg hadn’t expected it would be. ‘Yes. Yeah, I’m sorry.’
‘Don’t be. However you feel is okay. Just don’t stop talking to me, Jess.’
‘No, I won’t.’
‘Good. That’s all I ask.’ Greg had a feeling that this was going to be much more complex, more daunting that he could imagine right now. He’d deal with the emotional side of it, he had to. For the time being he’d do his best to help her with the practical things.
He’d started to pace now. It was what he generally did when he had something to think through, but Jess wished he’d stop for a minute and come and hold her.
‘I think you should speak to Gerry. He’ll be able to give you the support you need work-wise.’
‘I will. It’s a bit awkward.’
‘He’s not an ogre, you know.’
‘I know. But he’s not just my boss, he’s your best friend. I need to think carefully about what I’m going to say to him.’
‘You’re pregnant. You’re not going to be working any more double shifts. What more is there to say?’
Jess couldn’t look at him. She appreciated what he’d done today, supportive without being pushy
, never once questioning that the child was his or that he shared a responsibility towards it. But he was unnerving her. All this sudden talk about shared decisions, practicalities. Her first, unthinking reaction was that she was going to be doing this all by herself.
‘He knows about you and me. He’s sure to put two and two together.’
‘Just tell him, then. It’s my child.’ His Italian ancestry broke through his English reserve, his shoulders straightening and his proud head held high. For a moment Jess thought he was going to challenge her to a duel. ‘You tell Gerry or I will. In fact, I’ve got a better idea, I’ll meet you tomorrow and we’ll go and tell him together.’
‘We will not.’ She wasn’t going to put herself in that position. Taking each one of them on separately was challenging enough. Both at the same time was obvious insanity. ‘I’ll speak to Gerry.’
‘If that’s what you want.’ A flash of that luminous, slightly wicked smile. ‘I imagine he’ll call me out for playing above my league.’
Jess snorted with laughter. Greg had a habit of taking the world and abruptly turning it upside down, making her feel that anything was possible. He didn’t have a league, he was one of a kind.
‘Right. Please tell me you weren’t born that charming. I’ve suddenly got an interest in your genetic traits.’
‘I wouldn’t worry. I expect your genes are all dominant.’
She wrinkled her nose at him. ‘I’ll go and see Gerry tomorrow morning.’
‘And I’ll meet you at lunchtime.’
‘Yeah. Only I might be a bit late.’
He sighed, as if he was dealing with a recalcitrant teenager. ‘Not too late. You need to take your breaks.’
‘Have it your own way.’ His stubborn insistence on her welfare might be irritating, but she couldn’t help liking it a little. ‘And talking about food, I thought you promised me something to eat.’
‘How does pasta e fagioli sound?’
‘Just right. How do you make yours?’
He grinned. ‘Nah. If I tell you… ’
‘I know. You’ll have to shoot me, or challenge me to a duel.’
He nodded. ‘And as I’m not going to follow through on either, I’m just going to have to keep my mouth shut.’
CHAPTER TWELVE
GREG HAD BEEN up since six, even though he wasn’t due on shift until this afternoon. Partly because there was no point lying in bed when he couldn’t sleep. And partly because tussling with the non-stop drip-drip-drip of emails into his inbox was about the only thing that made any sense at the moment.
His mobile rang and he punched the answer button irritably, without even looking to see who was calling. ‘Yeah?’
‘Good morning to you, too.’ Gerry’s voice sounded down the line, and Greg considered hanging up on him. Who knew whether Jess had seen him yet or what she’d said?
‘What is it, Gerry?’
‘First of all, try not to sound so grumpy when you answer your phone, it puts people off. Second, I hear congratulations are in order.’
‘Thanks.’
Gerry paused, just in case Greg wanted to volunteer any more information. He didn’t. He was in the middle of reading a report, and his eyes were still flipping back and forth across the words on the screen in front of him, although not much was registering.
‘Greg!’
He’d lost the thread of the report’s argument now anyway. Greg sighed and snapped his laptop shut. ‘Yeah. Sorry, Gerry. I was in the middle of something there.’
Gerry snorted. ‘Get used to it, mate. Babies are world champions for interrupting things.’
That was as may be. Gerry seemed to thrive on the loving, noisy chaos that seemed to erupt at his house at the unlikeliest of times. ‘I can handle it.’
‘I’m sure you can, and I wish you the very best of luck with it. Maura and I are always on hand for any parenting tips, though. Or you could borrow Jamie if you wanted a bit of practice. Actually, you can borrow him until he’s eighteen if you feel that’s of any help.’
‘Keeping you up nights, is he?’ Greg wondered whether he’d have the chance to roll out of bed and stumble to the nursery to hold his own child.
‘Ah, not so bad.’ Gerry chuckled. ‘And even if this is as worry-free as both of you seem to be making out, I’ve still got a bottle of the good stuff in the cupboard if you decide you’ve got the time to pop in.’
‘Thanks, mate. There was something I wanted to talk to you about, actually.’ Greg knew he probably shouldn’t be doing this but he did it anyway. ‘Did Jess mention anything about her shifts to you? She looked pretty tired yesterday and if she’s been working double shifts… ’
Gerry laughed. ‘Fussing already, eh? Pregnancy isn’t an illness, you know.’
‘I know.’ Did it really sound as if he was fussing? ‘Look, Gerry, I know I shouldn’t ask, but I’d take it as a personal favour.’
‘I don’t do personal favours. All my staff get treated the same, and I’ll be reviewing Jess’s shifts with her this afternoon, just as I would with anyone else in her situation. Anyway, this is something you should be talking to Jess about, not me.’
‘Yeah, I know.’ Easier said than done. Greg looked at his watch and groaned. ‘Listen, thanks for calling, but I’ve got to get going. Catch up with you later?’
‘Sooner would be better.’ Gerry’s chuckle sounded in Greg’s ear and then he cut the call.
Even though they’d made no solid plans to meet up, Greg had made sure that he caught up with Jess every day this week. Sometimes for a meal break, sometimes just for ten minutes snatched from a busy shift. He didn’t need to, but Jess couldn’t deny that she appreciated it, or that she looked forward to seeing him.
She hadn’t seen him yet today, Fridays were always busy. that meant he would be looking for her, wouldn’t it? That he would notice she was gone. Jess closed her eyes, wondering if that would make the darkness around her seem any less menacing, and pulled her cardigan around her. He would come. He’d find her.
Greg’s phone rang and he ignored it. Gerry was going to have to wait, he had to concentrate on composing a particularly tricky email, and he only had fifteen more minutes left before his meal break was finished.
‘There you are.’
Gerry’s voice broke his train as he entered the room and Greg rolled his eyes. What did a man have to do to get some time to himself around here?
‘What are you doing here?’
‘Trying to get a bit of peace. I’ve got to get back to the London office before the end of today.’ Greg sighed and snapped his laptop closed. It was about time he got back to work now anyway. This would have to wait until he got ten minutes for a coffee break.
‘Have you seen Jess?’
‘No. Why?’ He supposed that Gerry had noticed that he was hanging around Cardiology rather more than usual and had divined that he’d been keeping an eye on her.
‘Because she should have been back from her lunch break nearly an hour ago. Jess is never late.’
Suddenly the demands of the first and the second job shot into insignificance. ‘Well, where is she? Didn’t she say where she was going?’
‘It’s not my practice to get my team to tell me where they are for every waking moment.’ Gerry’s voice was calm, but Greg could hear the note of concern. ‘Otherwise I’d have cottoned on to you a lot earlier than I did.’
‘Yeah, right. Thanks for that, Gerry.’ He had to think. Ignore the other things that constantly seemed to be crowding in on him and concentrate. ‘Has she taken her coat?’
‘No. She must be here somewhere, but I’ve paged her and called her mobile and she’s not answering. Her sandwiches are still in the fridge.’
‘Hmm. She wouldn’t have gone far without them.’ His groundless, lingering fear that Jess would simply not turn up for work one day, that she’d disappear along with his child, was looking less and less like an explanation for this. No one did a runner at lunchtime, leaving their coat and san
dwiches behind. ‘Do you think she’s gone somewhere to put her feet up and fallen asleep?’
‘I’ve checked all the common rooms and overnight accommodation. And the canteen. She’s not down in A and E and she isn’t in the admin offices. I had Beverly look in all of the ladies’ lavatories and I’ve put a call out to all departments for her.’ Gerry shrugged. ‘I don’t know where else to look.’
The knot in Greg’s stomach was twisting tighter and tighter, as each possibility was ticked off an everdimin-ishing list. ‘Perhaps she’s been kidnapped.’
‘Leave off. This is a hospital, not a gangster movie.’
True enough. But Greg could—would—pay any sum to keep her safe. He wondered vaguely what safeguards his father had put into place on that score, and decided to shelve the matter until he got a chance to talk to Pat.
‘Yeah. I just can’t think. You don’t suppose it’s something to do with this history project she’s doing on the hospital?’
‘Maybe. She had a load of old photographs and was taking new ones for a “then and now” the other day.’
‘Yeah, but she’d take her coat for that, wouldn’t she?’ Greg hoped with every fibre of his body that none of those old photographs had taken her into disused parts of the building. ‘What about the basement? That’s where the records are kept, right? She told me that there was an old safe down there… ’ For a brief moment Greg and Gerry stared at each other. Then Greg was on his feet and running for the stairs.
He almost stumbled on the steps down to the boiler room, and made the records room breathing hard. Pulling the door open, he called for her.
Nothing. In the far corner he could see a large metal door and he ran down the narrow corridor between the stacked boxes, dislodging one and letting it spill unheeded onto the floor behind him.
‘Jess!’ He tried to open the door and then beat on it with his fist. ‘Jess are you in there?’
‘Greg!’ She sounded about a million miles away, but he could hear her.
‘Are you all right?’
‘Yes, I’m all right. Just locked in.’
‘Sit tight, baby. I’ll get you out of there.’ Greg looked around for something that he could force the door with and saw nothing. In any case, he doubted whether the heavy security bolts would respond to a man’s strength.
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