Secure Love

by Lexy Timms

  “I don’t want my private life splashed across the tabloids, Ash. I’m not welcome in the ranks of the rich and famous. You and everyone else at that party—minus Stanley—made that perfectly clear to me. All I want to do is build my business and be left alone.”

  “You don’t mean that.”

  “I do,” she said. “We don’t work well together. We have great sex, sure. But our personalities don’t work. I’m trusting to a fault, and you aren’t capable of it. I see the best in everyone, and you always look for their worst traits. And to round it all out, you run from people before they can get the best of you. You’re right, Ash. You do need to work on yourself. But not at the price of trying to get me back. Because there’s nothing to get back.”

  “Kallie, ple—”

  “Stop with the begging,” she said. “Just ... just stop.”

  Watching him hurt was too much. She wanted to reach out to him. She wanted to wrap him up in her arms, pull him close, and tell him everything was going to be okay. But she had to look out for her happiness now. She had to repair what was left of her life before she could take on anyone else’s. She had a broken heart that had been shattered twice, which meant she had to sew the broken pieces back together as best as she could. She had a business she needed to keep growing if she ever wanted to get out of her small apartment and live any sort of decent life. She had to keep a low profile until all of this stuff with the media blew over, and she still had to implement tactics to keep her business afloat if the delayed effects of James’s interview did hurt her clientele and her reputation.

  “You need to leave,” Kallie said.

  But Ash didn’t budge.

  “I’ll call the police if you don’t,” she said.

  “You won’t,” Ash said. “You wouldn't call them on me.”

  “Don’t challenge that,” she said breathlessly. “Don’t do it. I’m capable of a lot when it matters. Just leave, Ash. You never should’ve come here in the first place.”

  “Were we a mistake?”

  Four words that crashed over her mind and halted it in its tracks.

  “What?” she asked.

  “Were we ever a mistake? In your eyes, do you think I’m a mistake?”

  “No,” she said. “You could never be a mistake. You helped me get through one of the darkest heartbreaks I’ve ever experienced.”

  “You want to focus on the bad, and I get that,” he said. “But we had a lot of good too. Are you going to discard that because of this bump in the road?”

  “It isn’t a bump in the road, Ash. You humiliated me. Twice. To my face.”

  “And those are actions I completely own up to, Kallie. And I admit, I had you on a bit of a pedestal. In a way, I idolized you. I held you to an unfair standard, but you have to admit that you did the same with me.”

  “What?” I asked. “What the hell are you talking about?”

  “I was a rebound. And then I wasn’t. I went from being a rebound to being someone who outweighed your ex in every form.”

  “Just to point this out, it doesn't take much to outweigh James at this point,” I said.

  “All I’m getting at is that I believe the good we experienced together still outweighs the bad.”

  “Then you’re the only one that believes that,” she said. “Because I don’t.”

  Chapter 10

  Ash

  Ash didn’t like what Kallie had to say, but he wasn’t leaving here without a proper conversation. Or at least a genuine fight. He knew he was in the wrong and he would admit that as many times as he needed to, but he wasn’t going to let Kallie paint him to be this villain. He was broken, sure. Hesitant to a fault. But he wasn’t a villain. He cared about Kallie. He loved her. And she was worth every fight and every struggle and every mountain he had to climb in order to get her back.

  “Kallie, I can’t help who I am. I can’t help the fact that the press is obsessed with the rich and famous. Just like you can’t help who you are. I left New York City for many reasons, but one of those reasons was that I hated being treated as if I was special. As if my money garnered me some sort of special privilege that others weren’t worthy of because they didn’t have as much money as me. I’m not bucking against any of your arguments, because they’re all true. But mine are as well. Yours are true, and mine are true.”

  “So then we’re at an impasse,” Kallie said.

  “No, we’re not. I left the city and went to the island and found the life I wanted to live. The only reason I came back here was because of you. To find you. To ask you for another chance. And I’m still here, in your office, because I’m still asking for that chance.”

  “You already got that chance,” she said.

  “Then I’m here asking for it one last time. One last time to prove to you that I can be the man you want me to be.”

  “It’s not about who I want you to be, Ash. It’s about who you are and who I am.”

  “You know what I believe?” he asked.

  “What?”

  “I believe I saw the real, true, unadulterated Kallie Semple on that island. The vulnerable, playful, throw-caution-to-the-wind kind of girl that lives and breathes within you. That you cover up with this business and this office and those clothes and your words.”

  “So what? You want me to run away with you?” Kallie asked.

  “Why not?” Ash asked. “We could leave together. Go back to the island. We’ll take your business with us if it means that much to you. I’m sure there are plenty of people all around this globe who could use your sympathy and expertise in matters of organization.”

  “I can’t run away with you, Ash. Are you insane? Running away got me into this position with you in the first place. Running away got my name plastered all over the tabloids. Running away got me two broken hearts instead of only one. I’m not going anywhere with you.”

  “Have you thought about the fact that how we ended up isn’t because of us, but because of our surroundings? There press anywhere else in the world like there is in New York City, Kallie.”

  “I need you to get out,” she said.

  “Just listen to—”

  “I’ve listened to enough!”

  Ash was shocked at how loud Kallie screamed that phrase.

  “I’ve listened to you and Eris and Jeremy enough!”

  “Okay,” Ash said. “Okay. I’m sorry.”

  “No, no you’re not. You’re not sorry unless it’s convenient for you to be. We don’t know each other, Ash. I don’t know who you are. We haven’t known each other long and so far? We’ve failed to sustain any sort of a relationship for longer than week. And now you want me to give up the life I’ve built in New York City to run away on your dime? After calling me a fucking gold digger all weekend!?”

  Ash pushed himself off the wall before Kallie picked up a pencil and threw it at him.

  “Kallie, wait a second.”

  Ash kept getting hit with things. Pens. Paper clips. Balled-up pieces of paper. Anything Kallie could get her hands on at her desk. Ash stood there, taking her assault as tears streamed down her cheeks.

  He watched the result of the roller-coaster ride she’d been on finally come to a head.

  And it broke his soul into pieces.

  “You are the most infuriating, confusing, most ridiculous man I’ve ever met!” Kallie exclaimed. “I’ve got a real life here! A real job here! I’ve got bills to pay and an apartment to pay rent on and a beat-up car to drive around while I pray the engine doesn’t fall out! I can’t just push pause on my life and go gallivanting around the world with you. You might have enough money to live outside of reality, but I don’t!”

  She stopped throwing things at him, her chest panting for air. He watched her lean against the wall and it took everything inside of him not to approach her. He didn’t want to make her angrier than she already was, but he wanted to hold her. Feel her. Pull her into his chest. He knew she wanted to be held. He knew Kallie better than she thought he knew
her. But he forced himself to stay put as Kallie gathered herself.

  “I can’t pause my entire life just to go play with you for a little while, Ash,” she said.

  “I understand,” he said. “But that doesn’t mean I have to accept it.”

  “Fuck me, you and Eris would be the best of friends.”

  “And with the fire I’ve seen in her life, I’ll take that as a compliment,” he said.

  “I really need you to get out, so I can work,” she said.

  “What makes you think you aren’t looking at a client right now?”

  His mind was turned on full bore. A plan was in the works in his mind. One he hoped would pay off in his favor. If he couldn't get Kallie away from the city so they could focus on what they had on the island, then he would bring the island to her. He would re-create what they had in St. Barts and pull her from this fishbowl she felt the two of them had slipped into. They needed time to focus on each other again. To get out from underneath the prying, watchful eye of everyone and rekindle what they once had. He knew it was real. He knew it was true.

  He just had to get Kallie to see that again.

  To feel that again.

  “What?” Kallie asked with a whisper. “What the hell are you talking about?”

  “Take me on as a client,” Ash said. “My life is a mess. In shambles. In complete disarray. You rattled off just a couple of things a little while ago. It’s obvious to you that my life needs reorganization.”

  “I don’t help people stop drinking, Ash.”

  “Organize my life, Kallie. I’ll pay you whatever you quote me.”

  He watched her shake her head, her facial expression nothing short of incredulous.

  “I’ll hire you to get my life back into shape. Then I’ll give you the best testimonial you could ever ask for. It will make your business. It’ll raise you to the prestige I know you want to be at. Those rich and famous you say you’re not welcome around? They’ll open their lives up to you. They’ll be at your service, not the other way around. If you can take the mangled man I am with the fucked-up life I had and transform it, you’ll have your pick of who to help next. They’ll be banging down your door and blowing up your phone within days. And you know it.”

  He watched Kallie stop shaking her head, but he could tell she still wasn’t convinced. She was considering it, but still hesitant. So he took the only chance he had and strode across her small office. He wrapped his arm around her and pulled her in for the kiss of a lifetime. Kallie’s hands pressed against his chest before her body collapsed. Her knees gave way and her body sank into his, and for the first time in what seemed like decades, he felt whole again. His tongue slid across her lips and she gave him access. The kind of access he would give her to his life. He held her close and steadied her onto her feet, memorizing the way she tasted one last time.

  He pulled away and could feel her panting as his eyes opened to meet hers.

  “Okay,” Kallie said breathlessly. “You’re officially a client. But you should know that I don’t kiss my clients. So doing that again will void the contract you will eventually sign.”

  “I’ll follow every order you give me,” he said.

  Kallie pulled away and cleared her throat before she took a seat. Ash made a formal appointment to come in and talk with her, then she would produce a quote he would obviously agree to. He promised to show up ready to be organized, then he took one last look at Kallie before leaving her office.

  If he couldn't get her back, the least he could do was help her business skyrocket, so she could take care of herself.

  It was the very least he could do after the torture he’d put her through.

  Chapter 11

  Kallie

  Kallie sat in her office, waiting for Ash to show up for his morning appointment. If he was serious about what he asked of her, then she was going to treat it as professionally as possible. That meant no kissing, no sleeping together, and no attempts to woo her in the process. Ash’s life needed reorganization in a bad way. That much was for certain. She could tell just by looking at him over the weekend that he had spiraled. But as the minutes ticked past ten in the morning, she wondered if he was going to show.

  Then, a knock came at her door.

  “Come in,” she said.

  Ash stepped into her office and he was clad in a bespoke suit. It was hard for her not to stare. But she put on her professional face and leaned back into her chair, ushering for him to sit down. She had her laptop recording their conversation, so she could review it at a later date if they ever got sidetracked, and she turned it so he could see it.

  “What’s that?” Ash asked.

  “I record every initial conversation with my clients and keep it until their organization is complete. It goes nowhere and no one else touches it. It isn’t uploaded to a cloud or downloaded anywhere. It is simply for my reference. I’ve drawn up a standard NDA form that I’ve already signed. If you want to take a look at it and sign it, feel free. All it states is that you can hold me liable for any slander or libel that comes from someone obtaining this recording.”

  She slid the document and a pen toward Ash, and he signed without even looking at it.

  “What comes next?” he asked.

  “Now for the questions,” Kallie said.

  “I’m an open book,” he said as he crossed his leg over his knee.

  “What areas of your life do you feel are most out of control?”

  “My love life,” he said.

  “This is serious, Ash.”

  “And I’m being serious. My love life and my familial life are the two most discombobulated areas of my existence.”

  “Okay. When do you feel like you’re most out of control? What emotions are you experiencing and who are you interacting with at the time?” Kallie asked.

  “My desire for you,” he said.

  “Ash...”

  “You want me to be honest, so here it is,” he said. “It’s not my fault that it makes you uncomfortable. My desire for you flips me on my head. My need to be near you sucks the air from my lungs. I can’t control those needs at all whenever I’m around you. It throws me for a loop I don’t know how to manage.”

  Kallie bit down onto the inside of her cheek to try and hide the smile creeping across her face.

  “Talk about your family a little bit. When do you feel yourself spiraling with them?” she asked.

  “Whenever I talk to them. My mother is a selfish, Botoxed bitch, and my father is a narcissistic, womanizing billionaire.”

  “And when you engage with them physically, it makes you upset.”

  “Very,” he said. “I have a plan for my life. Would you like to hear it?”

  “I’d be interested in anything like that, yes,” she said.

  “I want to uproot my life from New York completely. I want to find somewhere that I can be treated like a local. With certain perks, of course. I want a simpler life, but still a first-class one. And it’s possible. Many people with statuses similar to mine lead those kinds of lives. Stepping out and living on the island was my way to try and jumpstart that life.”

  “So your solution to all of these issues you’re experiencing is to run away and live a topical life,” Kallie said.

  “I wouldn’t consider it topical. But it did work. I plan to give up the city altogether and put roots down somewhere new.”

  “Roots. That’s good. It implies permanence,” she said.

  “I want to be somewhere new. Somewhere secluded, with wonderful surfing opportunities and the freedom to be myself without everyone knowing who I am and how much money I have sitting in banks around the world.”

  “Like you had on the island,” she said.

  “Like I had on the island.”

  “My next question then is this: If you already have your plan in place, then why ask me for help?”

  “Because I’m terrible at the execution,” Ash said.

  “From personal experience, you seemed to
be thriving well on the island. Why not just go back there? You have a bungalow. You have people who know you but treat you how you want to be treated.”

  “The island is a little tainted for me,” he said.

  Kallie nodded her head as she chewed on the inside of her cheek.

  “Any more questions?” he asked.

  So many more, Kallie thought.

  “So we’ve pinpointed two facets of your life that you want reorganized. Your love life and your family life. Now we pinpoint goals within the two. We need to talk through three major goals for each section. So, six in total,” she said. “What are your three goals for your love life?”

  She watched Ash squirm in his chair. She knew something was up, but she didn’t know what it was. If he thought he could use this as a way to convince her to leave with him, he was sorely mistaken. This was a professional endeavor. Not a passionate one. If this was the only way to get honest answers out of him, then so be it.

  “I want to plant roots with someone,” Ash said.

  “So you want to dedicate yourself,” Kallie said.

  “Yes, but not in the city.”

  “Okay, so you want dedication. We need two more goals.”

  “I want to learn how to trust,” he said.

  “Dedication and trust. We need one more goal and try to make this one tangible. Not emotional. Sometimes sifting through the emotional can get overbearing, so having a tangible goal with visibly measurable results helps to take the edge off when we refocus.”

  She watched Ash take a deep breath before he cleared his throat.

  “What do you tangibly want to gain from your love life, Ash?” Kallie asked.

  “You,” he said.

  Kallie sighed as she reached over and stopped the recording.

  “Two out of three goals isn’t bad, Kallie.”

  “Two out of three goals isn’t what I strive for, Ash. You’re setting me up to fail just like you set yourself up to fail. This is a professional endeavor, remember?” she asked.

  “And you asked me for honesty. So I gave it to you.”