“I wasn’t going to let her go through that alone. But that entire first year after we got married she wouldn’t even see me, and she wouldn’t let me see our son until I left the military and bought a house for us. Once that happened, we shared a bed for a few months, but we still didn’t share a bed most of that time. After those first few months of living together, we went to separate rooms, and it’s been that way since.”
“You have a kid?” I breathed.
A dark look fell over Brody’s face, and he slowly shook his head back and forth. “No, I don’t.”
The pain and hardness in his voice had my body tightening, and I knew it was a sensitive subject for him. Whatever had happened, it was clear that Brody wasn’t ready to tell me. “Then if you don’t have any kids, why are you still with her?”
“Because I married her, and there’s been a lot of hard times for us. I couldn’t just leave her.”
A harsh breath left me, and my eyebrows slammed down. “Then once again, Brody, what is the point of all this? If you’ve stayed married to someone like her, and just admitted to me you couldn’t leave her before, why are you here? Why are we doing this—whatever this is? I don’t know what I was expecting from you, but from what you said the other day, it wasn’t this. I’m sorry, but I’m not okay with being someone’s mistress!”
“Kamryn, no! You’re not getting it. Yes, I stayed with her even though my life has been hell over the last five years since I’ve been back in Oregon, but I thought it was my punishment, and it was a punishment I would have gladly paid for the rest of my life if I’d never met you. But I did.”
“Punishment?” I whispered, my voice barely audible.
Brody continued as if I hadn’t spoken. “Kamryn, if—if I’m not the only one feeling this, needing this, then I’ll leave Olivia to be with you, and not once for the rest of my life will I regret my decision in doing that. But it’s going to take time. Olivia has some issues, and there are things I have to work through with her first to make sure she’ll be okay when I do leave. She spends most of her time with her parents anyway, but I just need to make sure she’ll go to them rather than do something stupid. Her family is vicious, so we’ll need to be quiet until I can file for divorce. I know this is asking a lot of you—to be patient with me before we can be completely together. If you can’t do that and you want to wait until I’m already divorced, then we’ll wait. But if not, I told you on Monday, this isn’t going to be an affair, for me this is all or nothing.”
My mouth opened, but no words came out as I stared into his sincere gray eyes. I believed he wasn’t the type of guy to normally do this, and if he said he was all in, then there wasn’t a part of me that worried he was lying to me about leaving Olivia. I still didn’t want to be the person who broke up someone’s marriage, but I had to agree wholeheartedly with what he’d said earlier this week . . . I would be insane to walk away from this.
The old Kamryn would have run in the opposite direction as fast as she could, and I knew Barbara and Kinlee would never approve, but I also knew that going through life and never again feeling the way he made me feel would be the opposite of living. No matter how happy I’d been here in Jeston before I met him, I could never go back to the way I’d been.
“I can’t believe I’m about to say this,” I whispered and lowered his head so his forehead was pressed against mine. “If it’s with you, Brody, then I want it all. I agree we need to be quiet about it. I don’t want to be seen as the girl who ruined your marriage to anyone. Your family, friends, Olivia, her family . . . I don’t want to be that person.”
“You’re not, and you won’t. I wouldn’t do that to you, and I’ll protect you from any fallout from leaving her, all right?”
“This is crazy,” I breathed.
“I’ll be right there with you through all the crazy.”
I worried my bottom lip, and it felt like we both stopped breathing in those few seconds before I nodded my head and said, “Okay, Brody.”
His eyebrows shot up, and his grip on my waist tightened. “Okay?”
“Okay.”
He pressed his lips against my forehead, then moved back to look me in the eye. “That word has never sounded so good.”
WE STAYED LIKE that before eventually making our way to the couch, where we talked for hours into the morning. Now that we knew what we were doing, we were trying to make up for all the getting-to-know-each-other time we had lost. He told me all about his childhood and time in the Army, and I shared stories of Barb and what made me want to open the bakery. Not once did our hands leave some part of each other, and never once did we go past that. And when I rested my head on the back of the couch and rubbed my eyes under my glasses, he stood up and pulled me up with him.
“I’ve kept you up way too long, I’ll let you get some sleep.”
I grunted my dislike for that idea. “No, it’s all right. I’m not ready for you to go.”
He pulled me into his arms, and I felt more than heard his chuckle. “Your accent gets thicker the more tired you get.” When my body stiffened, he ran his hand over my back and leaned away to look at me. “Why is that a bad thing? I love it, you have no idea how sexy your drawl is.”
“Because it’s a part of home,” I answered after a while. “And I don’t like or want anything from there.”
Brody’s eyebrows pinched together, but he nodded instead of prying. “Maybe one day you’ll tell me why?”
A yawn interrupted my answer, and I was thankful for its timing. I buried my head in his chest, and he rubbed at my back.
“Come on, you need sleep.” Following him over to the table in the kitchen, I watched as he put the rest of his uniform back on, then walked with him to the garage. “Can I come see you tomorrow night?”
“I was hoping you would.”
He smiled and pulled me back into his arms, one hand going up to cup my neck, his thumb brushing along my jaw. “Then I’ll be here after work. Thank you for tonight.”
His breath washed over my mouth, and my lips parted in anticipation. I watched his eyes darken as the movement caught his eye. His chest rose and fell heavily as the air thickened around us, and I was close to begging him to kiss me. The hand at the small of my back pushed me closer to his body and the thumb at my jaw stopped moving—and I swear I stopped breathing until his eyes snapped back up to mine and realization hit them.
“Sweet dreams, Kamryn.”
I suppressed my whimper when his arms released me and told myself that we needed to keep this slow.
Offering him a small smile, I leaned up against the doorjamb as I watched him walk to his Tahoe. “Drive safe, Brody. I’ll see you later tonight.”
It shouldn’t have been that hard to watch him walk away. It shouldn’t have felt that wrong for him to leave at the end of the night. But it did, and I just had to hold out until I saw him again later. Already the hours separating our time together felt like they’d never pass.
6
Brody
May 19, 2015
RAKING MY HANDS over my face, I groaned and tried to focus on the cars passing in front of me. I was running radar at a little speed trap for the last thirty minutes of my shift since it had been quiet for the past few hours, but I wasn’t seeing the cars driving by me. I was seeing Kamryn. Flashes of the past three nights had been torturing me all day, but God, I didn’t want the torture to stop.
Her full lips parting in anticipation, my mouth claiming hers, her heated eyes locked on my own as we tried to stay away from each other, the way her body felt pressed against mine, that sound she made when I bit down on the soft skin of her neck—all of it played over and over again in my mind. The memories had me straining against my pants, and I hoped like hell I didn’t have to pull anyone over because, if I did, it was gonna be fucking awkward.
The second night I’d gone to her house, we hadn’t been able to keep ourselves from kissing each other. But even through the agonizing hours of trying to keep ourselves awa
y from each other, we’d managed to only kiss when we were away from any surface either of us could’ve been pushed down on or up against. And even though we’d both kept repeating that was as far as we would let it go, last night had been a different story.
With only two minutes left of my shift, I pulled out of the spot where I’d been running radar and started in the direction of my house. Images of her chest rising and falling harshly as she pinned herself to the opposite side of the couch last night hit me, and I welcomed them. I’d lost count of how many times we’d already broken apart, repeating the words “slow . . . we’re going slow.” And I remembered that, as I sat there taking in her erratic breathing and heated stare, I couldn’t think of why we’d even agreed to that. Because slow when it came to Kamryn was painful. Not just sexually. Everything about taking our relationship slow was killing me.
But then I’d remembered—I’d remembered why. Because I was married to a broken woman who needed me to get her help.
Never once in the last five years had I thought about actually leaving Olivia. Through all the bullshit, heartache, and grief, I’d remained faithful to a wife whom I no longer loved . . . and who had probably never even loved me . . . because I felt like I owed it to her. But the second I saw Kamryn everything in my life changed. To find someone who could change me so completely before I even heard her speak was a gift that I would have been blind to not accept.
Finding someone who made me feel alive, who had me willing to actually leave Olivia and ready to change my entire life just so I could spend the rest of it with her—that was what made it impossible to remember to go slow. Physically. Emotionally. Mentally. I wanted all of her, and I wanted to give all of myself to her.
I don’t know who had reached for the other again first, but she’d moved toward me at the same time I’d gripped her waist and pulled her onto my lap. She’d quickly pulled my shirt off before bringing our mouths back together, and I hadn’t been able to stop myself from pressing her harder against my erection as her fingers trailed over my shoulders and chest.
When we’d pulled away from each other minutes later, she hadn’t gone back to the other side of the couch like she already had so many times that night. She’d stood up and backed away from me, and it was clear that she was fighting against the urge to continue or trying to go slow—like we’d said we would. Making it easier for both of us, I’d left, not knowing when I would see her again. Olivia was coming back into town sometime the next day, and neither of us thought we could see each other a fourth night in a row and continue to stop ourselves from what we both wanted.
But like I was being pulled to her, I turned to head toward her place instead of mine. She was my gift, and I wasn’t going to pass up on our already rare, stolen moments.
Kamryn
May 19, 2015
MY PHONE STARTED ringing as I stepped out of the shower, and I hurried to dry off before running to the nightstand. A wide smile crossed my face when I saw his name on the screen.
“Hey! I didn’t think you were going to call.” Even though I hated not knowing when we would get to see or talk to each other again, the surprise of hearing from him almost made it worth it.
“Can I come over?” he asked hurriedly.
I frowned and glanced at my phone quickly before bringing it back to my ear. “Of course. Are you okay?”
“I am, I just need to see you.”
My smile came back, and I took off for the door leading to the garage. “Okay, I’ll have the garage door opened, and the other one unlocked. Just come in.”
“Be there soon.”
Running back to my bathroom, I threw the towel on the floor and started brushing my teeth, cutting it short when I heard the door shut.
“Kam?” his deep voice called from the front of my condo.
“Shit!” I hissed and rinsed out my mouth before running to my room. “Be out in a sec!” Throwing on the first tank top and shorts I could find, I took a few seconds to settle my breathing before walking calmly out to meet him.
He already had his shirt and vest off, and the way his dark eyes raked over my body had my stomach heating. There was a determined look on his face as he took long steps to meet me, and just before we got to each other, he shook his head and said, “I can’t do ‘slow’ anymore.”
His arms went around me, and he brought his mouth down to mine. The minute our lips touched, something in me ignited, and a small groan came from Brody when I opened my mouth to him and his tongue met mine. His large hands slid down my sides, his thumbs barely grazing the sides of my breasts before continuing down to rest on my hips, pulling me closer to him. I let the tips of my fingers trail down his chest until I hit the bottom of his undershirt and lifted it—letting him finish taking it off and drop it on the floor.
“If you want to stop, you need to say it now.”
“I’m not saying anything,” I whispered against his lips.
I couldn’t. We’d agreed to go slow, but nothing about what we were doing was normal. Even though we’d kept the last three nights pretty chaste, the charge between us had been growing steadily, and we’d been in some sort of unspoken agreement that it was getting too hard to stay away from each other. We’d been silently moving away from each other when the electricity between us grew, both pulling away breathlessly from kisses that had our resolve quickly slipping.
Just before his mouth slammed down on mine, he mumbled, “Thank God.”
The force of his kiss surprised me, and a high-pitched moan slipped from my chest. Brody laughed softly as one of his hands left my hip and went to my back and under my shirt, his hand leaving a trail of fire on my skin.
Turning us so the backs of his legs were hitting the couch, I pushed back and followed him down, planting myself on his lap and stifling another moan when our new position had his erection pressing against me. Brody brought our mouths back together, and when I rocked against his hard length, he took my bottom lip between his teeth and tugged gently. When he released me, I sat up straighter so my chest was directly in front of his face and went back to rolling my hips against him.
With a growl, he leaned forward and pulled the stretchy material of my tank top down to free my breasts and sucked one nipple into his mouth. I whimpered when he bit down before resuming his torturous licking; when my eyes were finally able to flutter open again, I looked down to see him looking up from under his dark eyelashes, and goose bumps covered my body at the sight. It was strangely erotic, and I couldn’t stop watching him tease my nipple now that I’d started. The hand that wasn’t caressing my breast was gripping my hip and I reached down to slide his fingers under the thin material of my shorts.
He released my breast with a soft pop and brought my face to his, staring intently in my eyes. “You sure you’re okay with this?”
I sat up on my knees, giving him better access, and leaned in to whisper, “I was stupid to think we could take it slow.” I pressed my lips softly to his once, but didn’t move away. “Don’t leave tonight, Brody, please. Stay with me.”
His response was to kiss me deeply while his fingers moved to stroke along my soft folds. “Christ, Kamryn,” he groaned, and slid one long finger deep inside me as his thumb rubbed against my clit, and I couldn’t stop the whimper that bubbled from my lips from having him touch me like this.
I ground my hips against his hand as he continued to move his fingers in a way I’d never experienced with Charles—not that Charles and I hadn’t done numerous sexual activities, but he was always pushing for the ones that benefited him, and sex with him didn’t last long. More often than not, I ended up frustrated or excusing myself to go to the bathroom to finish myself. The muscles low in my stomach tightened, and my entire body was warming. I was close to begging him not to stop when he slipped a second finger inside and my body exploded. Hard. My head fell back as a breathy cry left me, and I rode out wave after wave of the most intense orgasm I’d ever had.
His fingers didn’t still, but soften
ed and slowed as he pressed his lips against my throat. “You’re so beautiful.”
Bringing my head back down, I rested my forehead against his as I fumbled with the zipper and button on his uniform pants. My hands were shaking so much from the aftereffects of my orgasm that it took two tries just to pull the zipper down, but the moment I finally succeeded Brody’s hand left my shorts and his large fingers curled around my wrists.
“I don’t have condoms.” He looked to the side and blinked a few times, his brow furrowed. “God, I can’t even remember the last time I bought any.”
Brody’s hands preventing me from continuing only made me want this more. I flexed my fingers and knew that this stop was a good thing, something we should probably take advantage of. But I didn’t care. “Are you clean?” I asked softly.
“Yes. Are you?”
I nodded. “And I’m on the pill.”
I’d barely finished my sentence before Brody had both of us off the couch, my legs around his hips, and was walking away. “Room, Kamryn, where is it?”
“Down the hall, last door on the right.”
His mouth captured mine again as he turned toward the hall and began taking long strides. Not two feet from the bedroom door his pants fell the rest of the way down and he tripped, sending us crashing into the wall. Our kisses never faltered, even through our laughing, but I unwrapped my legs from his hips as he hurriedly stepped out of his boots and pants. When he kicked them to the side, he grabbed the backs of my thighs and pressed his hard-on against me as I wrapped my legs back around him.
“Bed . . . bed,” I pleaded around his lips, and once again he was walking us toward my room.
Making it the rest of the way without incident, we fell onto the bed in a mess of searching hands and tearing clothes. My tank top was somehow on the floor before I was fully on my back, and I reached up to crush our lips together as his hands pulled my shorts off at the same time I reached for the waistband of his dark boxer-briefs.
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