It’d been four days since she told me she was going to kill herself, and even though she’d spent most of that time at her parents’ house, I’d refused to leave ours just in case.
And no, I hadn’t bought her a new phone.
“Saco, I know it’s been difficult for you ever since Tate passed,” he finally said, “and I know things at home have been, well . . . rocky. I respect that you want to get help for your wife, really I do. But you should maybe think about letting her family handle this.”
My head jerked back and I scrambled for the right words. “What—how could—what does that—what are you—what?!”
“Sometimes, as men, we need to know when—”
“Are you kidding? Did you not hear all I just told you? She’s with her family most of the time and she’s only getting worse. She’s telling them that she’s scared of me, and knowing the kind of people they are, they’ll believe that I’m actually beating her or something.”
“They do, Saco.”
I kept talking over him. “I need to get her help, I need to get doctors to see her. She won’t willingly go, when I suggest something she—”
“Brody!” he snapped. “They do believe you’re beating her.”
My chest heaved up and down quickly as I stared at him. “What?”
Chief sighed heavily and sank into his chair. “I didn’t want to have to tell you about this.”
When he didn’t expand on what “this” was, I slapped my hand down on his desk. “Tell me what?”
“The department received a formal complaint on you a few days ago. It was from Olivia’s parents. Stated instances where Olivia has called them, scared of you, where you could be heard yelling in the background, and times when she’s been able to escape you and come to their house, she’s been claiming you had hit her.”
I felt the blood quickly drain from my cheeks, and my head felt light. “Chief. No, you know I wouldn’t.”
He held up a hand to stop me, and I looked around the office for a trash can. “I know that. Which is why I hadn’t planned on telling you about it and hadn’t planned on taking any action against you. Besides, they even said they had no evidence other than hearing you yelling while she was talking to them.”
“She’s almost never home!” I defended myself unnecessarily as my eyes kept looking for something I could throw up in.
“I know. Saco, you need to breathe. Okay? Can is behind you if you need to hurl. Just breathe and listen to me.”
I nodded my head and gripped the arms of the chair I was sitting in.
“The complaint came in a few mornings ago. From what you were telling me, it was the morning after her latest episode. Now, you said you were out when she called, correct?”
My mind flashed to the hotel with Kamryn, and my eyes slowly met Chief’s. “Yes.”
“And that person will testify to that if needed?”
I nodded again, even as I knew I couldn’t put Kamryn in that situation.
“Because I know you wouldn’t do this to anyone, Olivia included. But if her family decides to send a letter like this to a judge or someone else who doesn’t know you like I do, then you’ll need to be able to fight your side. You understand?”
“Yes, sir.”
“That is why I said you might want to leave this to her family. Because even though she has threatened suicide to you, to others she’s saying you’re making it up. She hasn’t done anything suicidal yet, and until then, you can’t force her to be seen by a doctor. It has to be her decision. And if she’s retaliating against you this way when you are suggesting she get help, I don’t see this ending well for you, if you know what I mean.”
I ran my hands agitatedly through my hair and leaned back in the chair. “But I’m the one who caused this. This is all on me. I owe it to her to get her help.”
Chief was silent for a long time as he thought about how to respond. “I get it, Saco, I do. I just hate to see you doing this to yourself, and I hate to see her family trying to destroy you and your career even more. This is going to sound heartless and is to be kept between you and me, but just know that helping her now may hurt you more in the end. Like I said, it may be worth it to let her family deal with it.”
I thought about my relationship with Kamryn, but pushed that to the back of my mind for now. “I appreciate the advice, Chief. But I need to keep trying.” I stood to leave, then turned to face him as I reached the door and asked my original question again. “So there’s nothing I can do that you know of?”
“No, sorry. Unless she does something suicidal, or something we can arrest her for, it ultimately has to be her decision to get help. I’m here if you need anything, Saco.”
“Thank you. I’ll be back before my shift tonight, there’s something I have to do.” I didn’t wait for him to respond, I just turned and made my way out of the police department.
I drove to the familiar lot and parked in the same spot I always do. With a deep breath in, I got out of my Expedition and walked the too-familiar path until I was standing in front of the piece of marble with Tate’s name and dates on it. Squatting down, I moved the stuffed monkey I’d placed there for his fifth birthday and traced the letters and numbers as I apologized again to my son.
After he died, my family and friends had all said that one day the pain would slowly start lessening, that one day it would get easier and I’d start moving on with my life. They were wrong. I still hated myself, the guilt still ate at me just as much as it had the day it happened, and my grief was as strong as ever. Kamryn was bringing me back to life, but with Tate gone, and with Olivia constantly throwing his death in my face, I didn’t know how to even begin to deal and move on from the sorrow that was always waiting in the background.
Placing the monkey back in front of the headstone, I pressed my fingers to my lips before touching the cool stone.
“I love you, little man. I’m so sorry.”
Kamryn
June 9, 2015
DROPPING THE TAKEOUT on the island in my kitchen, I took off for my bedroom and rushed to get into my pajamas. Just as I was slipping the shirt over my head, the doorbell rang, and I ran back through my condo to answer the door.
“Did you get the food?” Kinlee asked excitedly.
“Just got home from picking it up. Did you get the stuff for the drinks?”
She held up a large brown paper bag. “Pfft. Duh!” Turning to look at Jace, she made a shoo-ing motion with her hand. “You can go now, slave.”
He rolled his eyes, but smiled as he looked at me. “Call me if she gets too trashed. Otherwise I’ll be back at eleven.”
“See you then!”
After kissing my cheek, he grabbed Kinlee’s cheeks in his hands and kissed her hard. “Call me ‘slave’ again and see who doesn’t get that thing she likes tonight.”
Kinlee whined, “Babe! That’s not fair, you promised!”
“I think I just threw up,” I whispered.
“You gonna call me ‘slave’ again?”
“No,” she said and pouted.
“Then start counting down the hours until I—”
“I’m still standing here!” I yelled, cutting Jace off. “Still losing my appetite rapidly. Please leave.”
He laughed loudly and with another quick kiss to Kinlee’s forehead, turned and headed toward his truck.
“Y’all disgust me,” I said when he left.
Kinlee looked at me with a mischievous gleam in her eyes. “Well, he sure doesn’t disgust me.”
“Oh, my God! We’re done talking about this. Mexican food. Margaritas. Movie. No more thinking about you and Jace.”
She shrugged as we walked toward the kitchen. “You could always join us.”
I stopped walking and my jaw dropped. “Kinlee!”
“Oh, my God, you need to see your face!” she somehow managed to say between hard laughs. “Aw, Kace, you know I’m joking. But that was too perfect an opportunity to pass up—I had to say it. And your expres
sion just shows me it was so worth it.”
I gagged and thought about anything other than Kinlee and Jace’s sex life. “Just make the freaking margaritas.”
Hours later, we had eaten way too much, were already well into being drunk, had finished one movie, and for whatever reason had thought it would be amazing to make our own choreography to songs.
“I need to sit! I need water, and I need to sit.” When I realized I was already on the couch, I laughed. “Okay, maybe just water.”
Kinlee flopped onto the couch and laid her head on my lap. “We’re amazing at that, don’t you think? I think we’re amazing. No one can dance like we can. We’re amazing.”
“Say ‘amazing’ again.”
“Amazing!” she yelled and attempted what I think was the running man . . . while lying down.
“I can’t move! I have never in my life been so tired.”
Kinlee quickly rolled onto her stomach and then up on her knees. “Kace! Where in the mother effing world are you from?”
I laughed and fell back into the cushions. “Why?”
She flipped her hair back and grabbed the glasses off my face before putting them on her own. “I have naverrrr, in mah lahfe . . . been so tard.”
Grabbing my glasses, I put them back on my face. “I don’t sound like that!”
“Yes, you do!” she yelled out, still trying to give herself a southern drawl. “I’ve known you almost a year—it’s about time you tell me.”
My laughter slowly died down as I took in Kinlee’s expectant expression, her eyes the most sober I’d seen them since our first margarita that night. I wanted to tell her, I wanted to tell her everything. Who I was, about Brody and me . . . all of it. But I couldn’t yet. Sitting back up, I grabbed on to her arm and looked her in the eye. “Lee, what if I told you I’m not ready for people to know about my life before I moved here?”
She pouted, but not because she wasn’t getting her way. “Was it really that bad, KC?”
“It might not have been as bad as you’re thinking it was. But it was something I hated, something I wanted so badly to get far away from. And now that I am away from it, I’m so happy. Happy to not have to be that girl or think about her anymore, if that makes sense. And I guess I’m not ready yet for anyone to even get a glimpse of who I was. I’m sorry if that hurts you, I want to tell you, Kinlee. I really do. I swear, when I’m ready to think about that girl again, you’ll be the first to know.”
A slow smile crossed her face, and she nodded hard once. “Now that is something I can deal with. As long as I know that someday I’ll know, then I’ll stop bugging you to tell me. But I’m never gonna stop bugging you about the way you talk.”
All expression left my face. “I really don’t talk weird.”
“Oh, yes, yes you do!” She stood, then had to steady herself for a few seconds. “Come on! One more margarita, and then I want to dance until Jace picks me up!” The bell rang, and she glared at the door. “No! Go home!”
“It’s open!” I yelled and waved at Jace when he walked into the living room.
“Hide me!” Kinlee whispered as she pushed me back and lay down on top of me.
“That is the exact opposite of hiding,” I said back to her and patted her back.
“Come on, drunkie. Time to go.” Jace lifted her off me and cradled her in his arms. “Looks like the two of you had fun tonight,” he said to me.
“Always.”
Kinlee smiled widely at me and waved as Jace carried her away. “Don’t forget, KC, you can always join in on the fun with Jace and me!”
Jace raised an eyebrow, and a horrified expression crossed my face. “Kinlee, go home and go to bed!”
“Do I want to know?” Jace asked.
“No. No, you don’t,” I assured him as I opened the front door.
With a nod, he turned and walked out the door with Kinlee still grinning in his arms.
Shutting the door, I went to the kitchen and began cleaning everything up from our girls’ night in, and just as I was finishing my phone chimed. I ran to get it, hope building in my chest as I pulled up the text.
B:
I can’t call tonight. I’m sorry. I miss you.
The hope that had been building quickly faded, and in its place was a feeling I felt myself drowning in, as I had so many nights before. One day, Kamryn, I chanted to myself. One day.
10
Kamryn
June 15, 2015
A LOW MOAN sounded in the back of my throat, and my head tilted back so it was resting against Brody’s shoulder as his lips and teeth tortured the sensitive spots on my neck. Pushing my bottom against him, my body heated as I felt his erection pressing against me.
“You need to go,” I said halfheartedly. It’d been a week and a half since we’d seen each other at the hotel. Now that I finally had him near me, I didn’t want him going anywhere. “What if Kinlee comes in and catches you?”
“She won’t.” He spoke against my neck. Goose bumps covered my arms as his lips softly brushed against my skin.
“You can’t know that. What if she sees your car?”
“Black Expeditions are everywhere. She isn’t going to see one and automatically think it’s mine.”
I started to speak again, but was quickly spun around, and then Brody’s mouth was on mine, effectively silencing me.
He parted my mouth, and I wrapped my arms around his neck when his tongue met mine. Never breaking the kiss, he searched blindly behind me until he hit the bowls I’d set down to wash and pushed them back before lifting me so I was on the counter. One of his hands stayed at the small of my back, the other traveled up and brushed against my breast.
“Brody.” I whimpered his name like a plea. What I was asking for, I still wasn’t sure of. He needed to leave before someone caught us. But I didn’t want him to stop.
“You should let your employees leave early more often.”
“They left because I closed up since I’m supposed to be finishing the cupcakes for Kinlee’s party.” Smiling against his mouth, I nipped at his bottom lip and kissed it softly as I pushed him back, only to grab his shirt so I could pull him back to me. “You’re going to make me late and cupcake-less.”
“And you’re not about to hear me apologize.”
“We can’t both show up late,” I said and pushed him away again.
“Okay, you’re right.” With a sigh, he nodded and grabbed a piece of the cupcake he’d been picking at earlier and popped it into his mouth. He grunted and went to pick another piece off. “Damn, these are good. Is this the kind you made for tonight?”
I didn’t think twice when he put the piece in front of my mouth. I was already in such an intoxicated state from his kisses after over a week of not seeing him that I just opened my mouth and let him place the sugary cake in there. My eyes fluttered shut, and I moaned my appreciation for the sweetness—too late realizing my slipup. I swallowed quickly, breaking off the noises I was making, and looked up to see him standing in front of me with an obvious hunger in his eyes.
“Oh, God. I—”
Brody quickly closed the distance between us and crushed his mouth to mine. His tongue invaded my mouth relentlessly, and I clung to him as he pulled me closer to the edge of the counter.
“We’re going to be late. I don’t give a fuck what anyone says,” he growled against my throat as he moved down to my collarbone. Moving my shirt to the side, he bit down gently and spoke again. “You can’t make noises like that and then expect me to just leave, Kamryn.”
With the way his mouth and hands were attacking me, I was forgetting the reasons to not let him take me right there. My hands pushed up under his shirt, and I lightly ran my nails over the muscles of his torso, causing him to shiver.
Simultaneously, the door chimed, Brody and I broke apart, and Kinlee’s voice filled the front of my shop. “KC,” she sang out.
Jumping off the counter, I straightened my shirt and apron and ran to the swinging d
oors. “Hey!” I said too brightly when I saw her.
Her eyebrows drew together, and I swear to God I stopped breathing. “Are you feeling okay? You’re really red. Do you have a fever?” She moved toward me and went to touch my forehead, but I caught her hand and laughed it off.
“I’m fine, honestly. I’m just trying to get your cupcakes done so I can go home and change before going to your house.” I hated lying to her, and yet it was all I seemed to do.
“Really? Ooh, can I see?” Her eyes brightened, and my stomach dropped.
“No, ma’am! You never accept anything I try to give you, so this is the only kind of gift I can make you take. Let me act like it’s a present until later.”
She pouted and crossed her arms under her chest. “But that’s not fair! You won’t let me buy you presents either.”
“Get over it. You can’t see them yet.”
Kinlee looked like she was going to make a run for the kitchen, but thankfully, she huffed and turned back toward the shop. “Fine, fine.” Turning her head to look at me, she winked. “I figured this was going to happen, so I won’t count your cupcakes as a gift if you won’t count this as a gift.” Bending down, she picked up a bag from her boutique from the other side of the counter and set it down.
“Kinlee! No. Besides, it’s not my birthday, so try the ‘nongift’ thing when it is.”
“But Aiden is going to be there tonight, you need to look hot for him, and we just got this in! It will look amazing on you.”
Oh, shit. There was no way Brody hadn’t heard that. The acoustics in my shop were insane. “Kinlee—”
“I don’t want to hear it,” she called behind her as she jogged to the door. “Just know you will break my heart and ruin my birthday if you don’t wear this tonight!” With a sly grin, she slipped outside and ran to her car.
She didn’t play fair.
With a deep breath in and out, I turned and went back into the kitchen. I didn’t even need to see Brody, the thick air in there was unmistakable. Chancing a glance at him, I cringed when I saw the angry expression on his handsome face.
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