by Ciara Graves
Chapter 9
Rori
Muscles searing with pain, I grunted and forced myself to get out of bed. Staying in bed would be preferable, but that wasn’t allowed, not anymore. After overhearing what Chas and Brogan said about my abilities, I had no choice but to prove to them, to everyone, that I was my father’s daughter. That I could handle the power inside me. I was the first one up every morning and the last one to finally turn in, no matter what outpost or safehouse we were staying at.
Ever since the Cleansers decided to attack at Four Point, then again at the town, my life had been flipped upside down, turned inside out, and then stomped on. Repeatedly. By some assholes I didn’t even know. I wanted to blow them up, see how they liked it. Wanted to make them watch their closest friends almost killed. Every night when I closed my eyes, all I saw was Brogan on the ground, not moving, not breathing while Chas fought to bring him back.
Then there was me, letting myself lose control as I killed those soldiers, stole their life, and gave it over to Brogan like it was nothing.
Killer. I was turning into a cold-hearted killer. I hated myself for it. Worse, was realizing I wasn’t the only one who noticed. Brogan and Chas wanted to help me, I knew that, but how could they expect me to turn my back on part of who I was? Especially when I had no idea if I would be strong enough to do so. I hadn’t spoken to them, not one word since our last major sparring session. Since then, I’d been on my own, with only Merlin to challenge me. A few times he came to me during sleep, encouraging me to talk to the others and accept their help.
And each time, the shadow figure loomed over his shoulder, saying I was doing the right thing by keeping them at arm’s length. Keeping them safe from the enemy and from me.
Not that we had much time to talk, anyway. We were constantly on the move now. Moran’s plan to flush out the traitor was working, but not well enough. We had been at our latest location for two nights and as far as I could tell, would be staying here for another few. This outpost was not small and judging from all the Vanguard running around, we were at a major headquarters of a sort.
At some point, I would have to leave my room and face Brogan and Chas again. Not telling them what was going on with me was hard, but until I showed them I could handle this, I didn’t trust myself to talk to them without going off on them for what they’d said about me. As if that wasn’t bad enough, then they pushed me too hard. And the backlash was obviously my fault, too. Not Chas’s for challenging me. No, it was all my fault for not knowing my limits. But we were at war. I couldn’t have limits. If the attacks kept coming, then we would have to keep fighting.
The non-users in this country didn’t seem to notice the attacks, or at least, that’s how it seemed. Completely oblivious to the droves of magic-users that were being attacked, buildings set on fire, cars blown up, and those were just the more recent events. Most of the incidents were carried out by the fanatics, but we all knew the Cleansers were behind them, trying to draw out the Vanguard.
It was insanity on a level I never thought I’d see in this day and age, but apparently, society was not as ready for magic-users as hoped. The last few decades had all been a lie.
Mom, at least, was safe. She wasn’t a magic-user, so she would be left alone. I texted her and assured her I was fine a couple of days ago, but hadn’t called to tell her anything else. For one, because Moran told us after the attacks that Brogan, Chas, and I were on lockdown. No communication with anyone unless it was face-to-face. He’d let me text Mom after I’d woken up, then he took my cell.
I looked at my reflection in the mirror in my quarters and picked up a lock of my hair. It hadn’t turned fully back to black since I fully tapped into my necromancer side. Streaks of white strands were scattered here and there. I was beginning to think Chas and Brogan were right, that I couldn’t control my powers as well as I thought I could.
If I willed it to be true hard enough, I believed it would finally be a reality. Admitting the others were right, that I was not strong enough to handle both paths, that was a failure in my eyes. It would weaken our team, and after nearly losing Brogan, that was unacceptable.
“Rori? You up?” Brogan knocked on my door.
The familiar whisper in my ear told me to tell him I was, and then to wait until he went away.
A longing to talk to Brogan overrode the whisper, and I made for the door, yanked it open and offered up a small smile to his obvious surprise. “Yeah, I’m up.” I walked back to the bathroom mirror as he entered my room. “Any news?”
“Same as always, nothing good.” He sat on the edge of my cot, seeming hesitant.
Not that I blamed him. This was as much as I’d spoken to him since that day I pushed myself too hard.
He cleared his throat. “This trap of Moran’s might be working. Vanguard reported several known associates of the Cleansers moving closer to us. Nothing definitive.”
“Great. So I guess we’re still playing hide and seek,” I muttered.
“Guess so.” He fell silent.
I met his eye in the reflection of the mirror.
“We need to talk about what happened.”
I ground my teeth as I ran my fingers through my hair, puffing out my cheeks in annoyance, I pulled it back in a tight bun.
Brogan got up and leaned in the doorway watching me with a scowl.
“What?”
“Your hair will change back, just give it time.”
“You heard Agnes. Dad had to dye his hair.” I tucked a few loose strands behind my ear, then rolled my stiff shoulders. “And we don’t need to talk about anything.”
“Yes, we do. You’ll put yourself in a tough situation if you keep training this hard.”
“What choice do I have?” I snapped.
“You can talk to us.”
“What for? I already know what you both are going to say. I heard it loud and clear.”
I leaned on the sink, taking in the bags under my eyes and the violet sheen my irises took on, joining the blue. I was changing in ways I wasn’t ready for, but unless time decided to stop, there was nothing I could do. My necromancer powers had been awakened forcefully. They weren’t about to fade away soon. The shadow’s threats echoed in my mind again, that I would regret suppressing it. After realizing I’d drained those soldiers of their lives, I’d put on a brave face that my actions hadn’t bothered me. But they did, on so many levels. The shadow told me they got what they deserved, that they would have done worse to me, but that only made me feel even more horrible.
The end justifying the means. I was not that person.
“Rori? You know, the other day, we were only worried about you. That’s all we were talking about,” he said quietly.
“You were talking about being weak,” I said, the colder side of my personality moving closer to the surface no matter how hard I worked to keep it down. “Now I have to prove I’m not.”
“Or you can talk to us, and we can figure something out together.”
“No. I am not turning my back on who I am. Not happening.” Whether I was saying it or the shadow, I couldn’t be sure. I pushed past him toward the door.
He followed behind, grumbling under his breath, but I tuned him out.
I opened the door, then cursed, regretting my decision to let Brogan in to start with.
Chas stood in the hall outside my room, leaning against the wall. He arched his brow at the sight of us exiting my room together.
I rolled my eyes and kept on going.
“Nice to see you are speaking to at least one of us again.” He pushed off the wall.
“Briefly,” I replied, without glancing back. “And no. We’re not talking about it.”
“How long do you plan on keeping this up, Rori? We’re a team for a reason. Remember?”
“A team. Huh.” I whipped around to glare at them both. “Then tell me why my two teammates are content to decide my fate without any input from me? You two could have talked to me directly, told me about
your worries, but instead, you talk about me behind my back, and decide I can’t handle two paths.”
“That is not what we were saying, and you know it,” Chas growled.
“Sounded like it to me.”
“Why does it matter?” Brogan shook his head, looking at a loss for what else he might say to make me understand. “We care about you, and you’re tearing yourself apart. You can’t keep going like this. You’ll burn out and then where will you be? We can’t do this without you, Rori, and you can’t do it without us either so don’t even think to try.”
I spun back around and marched onward, not trusting my face to hide my current train of thought. Clearly, that would only serve to solidify their fears.
“Have you lost your mind?” Chas yelled as they caught up to me. “Stop for one damned minute and look at us.” He grabbed my arm and forced me to turn. “You can’t go after them on your own. They’ll capture you. Or kill you.”
I shrugged. “Better me than you two,” I said so quietly I was surprised they heard me.
“And what makes our lives more important than yours?” Brogan looked ready to strangle me.
“I’ll do whatever is necessary to stop you two from getting hurt again.”
“No. That is not you. That’s the damned shadow inside your head.” Brogan gripped my shoulders, lowering his face, so his gaze locked onto mine. “You know we are meant to do this together, as a team. You cannot go out there alone.”
“Who’s going where alone?” Moran snapped.
I hung my head.
“Rori?”
I gritted my teeth as Brogan let me go and slowly pivoted to face Moran. “Sir?”
“Explain to me in one sentence why you think you are going to walk out of this outpost alone to take on the Cleansers?” he snapped, barely holding his anger in check. “And how you plan on finding them?”
I held my hands behind my back, not sure what to say to him without biting his head off, which would only get me into more trouble.
“I’m waiting.”
“Because I have to, sir,” I said lamely.
“You have to,” he repeated, his brow arching. “And you honestly think your teammates would let you walk out of here?”
“No,” I replied quietly. “Not that I planned on telling them.”
“Do you have a death wish, is that it?”
“What? Of course not,” I argued.
Brogan and Chas eyed me.
I glared at them. “I don’t, alright? But how else am I supposed to show you all that I don’t need to shun one path.”
“And who said you would have to do that?” Moran’s gaze shifted from me to Chas then Brogan. “Right then, Blade mentioned you three were having a spat of some kind. Out with it, what’s going on, and do not make this a long story.”
I shrugged. “Ask them.”
Chas and Brogan launched into exactly what happened and why they were worried. With every word, my anger slipped out of my grasp and the cold shoulder I’d been giving them both seemed stupid and childish. The shadow tried to reinstate its opinion quite loudly in my head, but I mentally screamed at it to shut up.
At least I thought I had.
“Oh, sorry,” I mumbled when I realized Moran, Chas, and Brogan were all looking at me like I was, in fact, a crazy person. “Can I uh, can I have a second?” I rushed back down the hall and around the corner, then I pressed my back to the wall and shut my eyes.
What was happening to me? Why did I ever think I could go after the Cleansers alone?
“Rori,” Brogan whispered.
My eyes fluttered open. He and Chas were in front of me.
“I’m sorry,” I mumbled and fell into his chest.
He hugged me close, Chas squeezing my shoulder in comfort. The last few days had passed in a blur, what with the cold logic I’d given into, telling myself if I kept pushing, if I trained hard enough, I would be what they needed me to be.
“I don’t think I can do this.”
“You can,” Brogan assured me as he set me back from him. “But you have to let us help you.”
“But you both already think I can’t handle both paths.”
Chas shook his head. “If you’d talked to us, we would’ve told you that’s not what we think, not completely. You need to search for your true balance is all. If you can’t, for your sake, you need to make a decision. It’s not for us, Rori. We trust you. We always have. You’ve lost faith, and therefore balance, in yourself.”
“Powers change people,” Brogan added. “You’re no exception. And it’s not like you’ve had time to come to terms with what is in you.”
I laughed bitterly. “You have a point.” I let out a heavy sigh as Moran came around the corner. “Sir?”
“Well, if this doesn’t look like the worst functioning Elite Guard team I’ve ever seen,” he muttered. “However, they are correct. You show extraordinary power, but until you have the balance without it changing who you are, you cannot use it. Understand? You put yourself at risk.”
I nodded, but standing there, the presence of the shadow hovering over me, tried to override what I was thinking. “Do you have any suggestions? Because it’s not exactly leaving me alone here.”
“Agnes. She may have a way to help you. It won’t be too soon. The Cleansers are on the move, ten miles away from here.”
“What?” I asked sharply. “Do they know where we are?”
“We don’t know. The intel just came in a few minutes ago. Several of the faces we picked up on our surveillance when they attacked were picked up.”
The shadow’s voice rose again, telling me I was an idiot and I needed to prepare to take them all out. That I was strong enough to drain them of their lives and make them pay. I grabbed hold of Chas and Brogan’s arms to give myself the strength I needed to shut it up, until we found a more permanent solution. Chas growled, but shifted closer. As did Brogan. In an effort to protect me from myself. I wasn’t sure they could.
“Any sign of the other Elite Guard traveling with them?” Chas asked.
“Nothing yet. We’re hoping they’re still alive, which means we are running out of time. You three need a priest who is compatible. Well, once Rori has herself under control. I have three more candidates waiting for you. I’ll have Agnes find you.”
As Moran walked away, I sagged back into the wall again. “How did I let it get this bad?”
“Fear will do that to anyone,” Brogan said with a shrug. “But we’re taking care of it now, somehow. What do you think Agnes will do?”
“That is a good question,” Chas replied and nodded down the hall. “From the look on her face, I’d say it’s not going to be all that pleasant.” He straightened when she approached. “Agnes.”
She narrowed her eyes at him, then focused on me. “Rori, come along. You guys also.” She kept on walking, passing us by. “We do not have much time.”
There were a few times when I’d been growing up that I’d been called into the principal’s office. This felt exactly like that. Agnes walked ahead of me, not saying a word. Chas and Brogan were talking quietly behind me, but I was too lost in thought to ask them what they were discussing so heatedly.
The more we walked, the more I wondered if Agnes wasn’t going to take us down some deep dark passage somewhere in this outpost, and lock me in a room so she could lecture me about being an idiot. Which I’ll admit, I had been one. The shadow whispered in my ear again, but I hummed loudly, tuning it out.
“Rori, you alright there?” Chas asked.
“Perfect. Just you know, trying not to listen to myself is all.”
Agnes said nothing, but picked up the pace. Eventually, she came to a stop outside a steel door requiring a passcode. She typed one in, pressed her hand to the pad, and when it lit up, the door slid open, allowing us entry.
“What is this room?” I asked, not stepping inside.
“Armory. Hurry now, Moran, and I have to be leaving in half an hour.”
&n
bsp; “What?” Chas asked, alarmed. “Where are you two going?”
“Follow up on a lead of our possible traitor. It would appear someone from the government side may have been in contact with one of the fanatics’ leaders. Moran does not wish to waste time.”
“Why aren’t we coming with you?” Brogan asked.
“Because if we’re wrong, he is not willing to have you three out in the open. In case things go south. We’ll see what we can find out and be back by morning. You three, however, have homework.” She moved quickly around the small armory, checking tags on crates that had come from our Four Point Facility.
“What are you looking for?” I asked.
“An item I realize I should have given you when you first saw it,” she said, flipping open a black crate. “Come here, Rori.”
I joined her and peered into the crate. “This?”
“Yes. This should be yours.”
“Why?”
She reached in and gingerly pulled out the staff I’d picked up the first time I’d gone to see her. The one I knew called to me… the one she said was for a necromancer. “Whose was this?”
“It belonged to Trevor Griffith.”
“But I thought he never came back from his last mission,” I said, not taking it yet. “How did you wind up with it?”
“Chas’s parents retrieved it, and returned it to me. To keep it safe.”
I held my breath as she offered it to me.
The shadow inside me whispered with excitement at the sight of the staff.
Somehow, my magic was connected to Dad’s, and part of me feared the second I picked up it up, it would completely take over, and there would be no chance of holding onto myself. No chance of finding that inner balance.
Chas and Brogan watched with encouraging smiles.
Holding my breath, I finally took the staff. The same sense of rightness struck me all over again the moment it made contact with my skin. The sapphire nestled at the top winked, and I realized I hadn’t been seeing things the first time it happened.