Lauren had thought about ringing Billy’s parents. In the end, she’d decided against it, but she felt so bloody helpless.
‘I’m not going back to that school,’ Skye had said dully, the first night Lauren was home.
‘You don’t need to,’ Dean said. ‘We’ll find you another one.’ He and Lauren had already discussed this.
Today, Lauren had made a couple of phone calls to schools in the city. She thought she might have found a good one.
The doorbell rang. Lauren went to answer it and found Holly standing there, a grim look on her face. ‘Hey, how are you going?’ she asked, after Lauren said hi.
‘Getting there. It’s uncomfortable.’ She pointed to the lumpiness under her arm where the drain was inserted.
‘It looks it. What does that do, exactly?’
‘Keeps the fluid away. Lymph nodes usually do that, but there aren’t any left in that armpit. It settles down in time. Anyway, come in. What’s news?’
‘Not great, unfortunately. I wanted to come and tell you in person.’
Skye appeared at the doorway. Lauren glanced over at her and noticed how pale she was.
‘Hi, Skye,’ Holly said with a large smile. ‘I hear you haven’t been well. How are you feeling?’
‘Not too bad, thanks.’
‘We’re looking forward to seeing you back at school.’
Skye turned and disappeared up the stairs without another word.
Holly watched her go with a slight frown on her face, and Lauren wondered how much gossip there had been at the Goose. Schools were like those small country towns on TV—everyone wanted to know everything about everybody. And if they didn’t, they made it up.
‘So, what’s this bad news?’ Lauren asked as she led the way into the lounge.
‘It’s about Dirk. He has a form of childhood leukaemia.’
‘Oh no,’ Lauren said softly. She let out a sigh. ‘That’s so unfair.’
‘It’s horrible. The family are distraught.’
Lauren felt a surge of dejection. ‘Why should this happen to a beautiful little boy who has his whole life in front of him? To a family that can’t have any more kids?’ Her voice rose in frustration as she sank onto the couch. ‘Is there a prognosis?’
Holly sat in an armchair. ‘I’m not sure. I just know that Dirk’s in hospital—he’s had to have a couple of blood transfusions, but they’ll start chemo as soon as possible.’
Lauren’s mind started buzzing with ideas. ‘Okay, well, we need to get the kids to make cards, so we can take them in when we visit him. If his parents are okay with that, of course. But however we do it, we should involve his classmates somehow.’
‘I agree. It’s important that they understand.’ Holly gave Lauren a long look. ‘How’s Skye going?’
‘Looking in from the outside . . . not good. What’s the word around school?’
‘Do you really want to know everything?’
Lauren thought about that. Of course, she didn’t. She wanted her daughter to be a happy girl who had fun with her friends. Not the butt of gossip and innuendo.
‘Not really,’ she said. ‘But you’d better tell me. I can’t help her if I don’t know the full story.’
‘Alright. According to what I’ve heard, Billy asked her out at the beginning of term. A few of the older girls have told me that he’d been dared to date Skye by one of his mates. You know, because she’s a teacher’s daughter.’
Lauren took a short, sharp breath through her nose.
Holly kept talking. ‘The night you found out you had to go to hospital, Skye must have snuck out and met him somewhere. Apparently they had sex, and then his part of the dare was done. He was able to discredit her straight after that.’
‘Oh my God.’ Lauren stared at Holly. ‘She’s fourteen!’
‘And he’s seventeen, so he’s underage as well.’
‘I’ll kill him. Dean will kill him.’ Lauren pressed her hands to her chest.
‘I’m sorry, Lauren. I know this is awful to hear. As for Billy showing the Snapchat photo to his mates—unfortunately, it happens regularly, but we never think it will be our own child.’
‘Does it really happen regularly?’
‘Oh yeah. More often than you’d realise. Snapchat, in particular, is a horrible medium for this type of thing, because the photo disappears so quickly. The kids make the mistake of thinking that no one but the sender will see it.’
Lauren nodded and sighed. ‘I wish we had more control over what technology the kids use. It’s impossible to monitor.’
‘Do you know if she’s had any contact with Billy since?’
‘I certainly hope not. Dean and I talked about stopping her from going online, but we need to build trust with her again. We can’t keep her away from the internet forever. Anyway, Jasmine has called the landline a couple of times—of course, Skye says she doesn’t want to talk to anyone from school. But because Jasmine’s never done that before, I’m guessing that Skye is off social media.’
‘That’s a good thing.’ Holly paused, took a breath, then seemed to make a decision. ‘Lauren, can I recommend a service to you? You mentioned counselling, but this might be even better.’
‘Of course, what kind of service?’
‘Skye might really benefit from a kids’ youth group. There are a couple of options—if you and Dean are keen, give me a call and we’ll discuss it. I’ve seen these groups do a lot of good for several kids at the Goose.’
A youth group? Lauren couldn’t imagine Skye going to anything like that, unless she was dragged there kicking and screaming. But Lauren didn’t want to seem rude. ‘Sounds interesting. I’ll think about it.’
She got the feeling Holly could see right through her, because her friend nodded and then immediately changed the subject. ‘So, have you had any word back about your adoption?’
‘No, but that’s okay—it’s only been a week.’
Holly tilted her head to one side thoughtfully. ‘Did you know you can send your DNA in to Ancestry.com and they match it with swabs that others have sent in?’
Lauren had read about that on the site, but for some reason it had never crossed her mind to do it—maybe because it sounded like something from a science-fiction movie, too complicated for her tired brain to handle right now. But why not try it when she was ready? ‘That’s a really good idea. It’ll give me something to do while I’m waiting for the government to get back to me.’
After Holly had headed back to work, Lauren lay there on the couch, staring at the ceiling. She thought about Skye. About Dirk. About her birth mum. Holly was an excellent psychologist, because suddenly everything seemed to click into place.
Lauren needed to talk to Skye.
‘Skye!’ Lauren called.
Her daughter was lying listlessly on the old couch on the back verandah, earbuds in, while she tapped her foot in time to some music.
‘Skye?’ This time Lauren waved her arms about to get her attention.
She looked up and took her earbuds out. ‘Do you need something?’ she asked.
‘Yeah, to talk to you.’
Skye frowned. Then she slowly swung her legs onto the wooden floorboards and sat up, as though she’d been expecting it.
‘Look,’ said Lauren, ‘I don’t even know how to start this conversation. Uncomfortable ones are always hard to have, but we need to do this.’ She paused. ‘You’re going through a dreadful time, and I wish I could take that away from you. It breaks my heart when I see how sad and mixed-up you are.’ She took a breath and paused. She didn’t know what else to say.
Skye sat there, her hands folded in her lap, staring down at them. Somehow Lauren had to get some eye contact.
‘Skye, please look at me, darling.’
Slowly she raised her eyes—they were filled with tears.
‘Come here.’ Lauren sat down and held out her arms, and Skye leaned into her. ‘I love you. Dad loves you. We hate seeing you like this.’
; Skye’s shoulders heaved as she sobbed into her mother’s chest, while Lauren stroked her hair and let her cry. It would be good for her to get it all out.
A little while later, Skye lifted her face. ‘Why didn’t you want me, Mum?’
Lauren was stunned. ‘Not want you? What on earth do you mean?’
‘The age gap between me and Stu. Adele told me she thinks it means I’m an accident. Plus, you’re always saying how good he is and how I’m so disorganised and can’t be trusted.’
‘Oh, Skye, that’s not how it is at all.’ Lauren smoothed Skye’s hair back from her face and held her face in her hands. ‘Sweetie, I had four miscarriages before I managed to stay pregnant with you. We were so excited when you went to term and thrilled when you were born healthy. You were very much wanted. I would have had you sooner if I could have.’
‘But . . .’ Skye sniffled. ‘But you’re always picking on me! Telling people I don’t do the right things. You don’t do that to Stu.’
Lauren was silent, absorbing this. ‘I’m sorry,’ she said after a while. ‘You’re right that I do that sometimes. I just didn’t think about it. You’re both so different, but not in a bad way! The world would be very boring if we were all the same. Perhaps you don’t remember, but Stu got a little—how should I say?—guidance from your father and me when he was your age.’ She smiled, and Skye gave her a watery smile back.
‘Look, I want to be the best mum I can be, and I’m sorry that you think I’m not. Because I didn’t know my birth mum, I always swore I wouldn’t let any child of mine feel like they weren’t wanted. I can’t tell you how sorry I am that you’ve been feeling like this. I know I get so busy with the kids at school, especially at report time, but those kids could never replace you and Stu. You’re the most important people in the world to me and your father.’
Lauren could see that Skye was digesting everything she’d just said. There had been enough talking for the time being. She just sat there with her arm around Skye, making sure her daughter knew how much she loved her.
‘Why do you want to find your birth mum so much?’ Skye asked Lauren. They were still on the couch together, drinking lemon cordial, Lauren’s arm wrapped around her daughter’s shoulders. ‘It’s because you’re going to die, isn’t it?’
‘No! The melanoma was just . . . what they call a catalyst. A wake-up call. It’s not because I think I’m going to get sicker—you must understand that, Skye. Michelle is really positive I won’t even need chemo. There are just so many pieces of me missing. I often look in the mirror and wonder where my eyes came from. Are they my biological mum’s or dad’s? Who do I look like more? What about my nose?’
Skye smiled, nodding. ‘Yeah, I think things like that sometimes too.’
‘The thing is, searching for my biological parents is risky. It could disrupt so many lives—and until now I wasn’t sure I wanted that for everyone involved. I guess I’ve been thinking about how everyone else will react and not my own feelings or needs. And I’ll still tread very carefully in doing this, but I would like to know who my birth mum was and what she looked like. And my dad too, if that’s ever possible.’
‘I thought maybe you wanted a whole new family,’ said Skye.
‘No,’ Lauren said immediately. ‘I love your grandparents and the life they gave me. When I was younger, I worried that my birth mum hadn’t wanted me, but now I understand there may have been circumstances in her life that prevented her from keeping me. I don’t need her to be my mother now.’ Lauren sipped her lemon cordial. She was exhausted talking about all this emotional stuff, but it needed to be done. ‘Did you want to talk to me about Billy?’
Skye stiffened. ‘No.’
Lauren nodded. ‘You lied to us, though, didn’t you? You snuck out of the house? Please don’t lie to me again, Skye.’
‘Yes, I snuck out.’ Her voice was low. ‘He told everyone, didn’t he?’
‘That’s got to be addressed at some stage, Skye. Soon, but not now.’
‘Okay.’ She paused. ‘Have the doctors told you that your melanoma is genetic?’
‘Possibly. Another reason to find my birth mum is to learn more about our medical history. If other family members have melanoma, then your and Stu’s chance of getting it is higher too—it’s called Familial Malignant Melanoma. But we’ve always known that we need to keep an eye on your skin.’ Lauren watched Skye processing that. ‘Don’t panic about it, just be wary.’ She smiled and sang, ‘Slip! Slop! Slap!’
‘Mum!’ Skye answered with a wide grin, rolling her eyes.
‘Look, sweetie, I’d love to keep talking but my eyes are about to shut. I really need a sleep. Do you mind? We can keep chatting later.’
‘All good, I’ll watch TV. I’m getting addicted to Days of Our Lives!’
They both laughed, then Lauren got up from the couch and kissed Skye’s head. ‘It’s really good to talk to you properly again, darling. I’ve missed the real you.’
Chapter 25
In her room, Skye went on her iPad. She realised how much her mum loved and cared for her. And she’d remembered Tam’s suggestion about going online to look for her mum’s birth mother. Imagine if Skye actually found her! That would make her mum so proud and grateful. Stu would eat his heart out.
First Skye went to Google and looked up her mum’s birthday plus ‘adoption’, but nothing came up and she didn’t know what else to put in.
Her fingers hovered above the Facebook icon. She didn’t want to go on there—she knew what would be waiting: heaps of notifications, messages and tags. Things that would remind her of that fuckboy Billy and what he’d done to her, and her stupid fuck-up in sending him that photo.
Just ignore all of that, she told herself. You can’t never go on Facebook again. And there’s got to be a group with adopted people looking for their families.
There would be public groups, though, so maybe she didn’t need to log on to see them? But then if she wanted to post something or reply to a post, she’d be stuck. And she wouldn’t be able to log back in—she’d forgotten her password again.
She stabbed at the blue icon and saw what she was expecting: two hundred and ninety-three notifications. She didn’t bother to touch the world symbol and see who’d tried to contact her. In the search area she typed ‘adoption’.
The first in a long list of hits said: ‘Adoption and Family Reunions within Australia’. That looked pretty useful. Skye clicked it and read some of the posts.
Looking for my brother. Born Kyle Dugan in 1987 in Royal Adelaide Hospital, Adelaide. Please PM with any details you might have.
My sister has stage four bowel cancer. We are desperately searching for a brother we have only just found exists, before she dies. The information we have is that he was born Peter Wheeler, on the 9th of July 1968. His birth mother’s name was Jeanette Mary Darkin. If you have any information, please PM us as soon as possible. We would like to reunite our family.
This looks like the perfect spot, Skye thought, scrolling through all the messages. There were so many! She read about desperate mums who were searching for the babies they’d given up, and people who’d spent their whole lives wanting to meet their biological parents. There were even missing persons reports. Some people posted photos in the hope that someone would recognise them.
How should Skye word her own post? Into the heading bar, she typed: ‘Wanting to find my mum’s birth mother.’
My mum has been diagnosed with melanoma and would like to find her mother. Mum is forty-seven and was born at King Edward Memorial Hospital, Perth, in 1969. Her adoptive parents are George and Connie Ramsey. She has red hair, blue eyes and very fair skin with freckles. If you have any information, please PM me.
Skye re-read it and hit ‘update’.
Then she decided to clear all the notifications so that she’d know if someone commented on her post. There were also seven private messages waiting for her to look at—she’d need to clear them too.
She check
ed out the names of the people who’d tried to contact her. Adele: no surprise there. She’d be wanting to gloat. Skye felt sick just looking at her name. Then there were five names that Skye didn’t recognise: all older boys asking if she was keen on being their fuck buddy. That made her feel even sicker.
The last PM was from Jasmine. Skye held her breath and clicked on it, then kept holding her breath while she read it: ‘Hey, this sucks, but you’re going to be okay. Call me when you want to talk. xx’
Skye smiled slightly.
Glancing at the time on the iPad, she realised she needed to go have a shower. Her shift at Angelic Threads started in an hour, and she had a lot to tell Tam.
‘Can you hang these up at the sale rack, please?’ Tamara asked.
Skye took the armful of clothes and walked to the front of the shop. Tamara watched her start to hang them with the efficiency of an old hand.
She’s a fast learner, Tamara thought.
‘Hey, Skye?’ a loud voice called out from the throng of people walking past the shops, and Tamara’s stomach dropped. She walked to the front of Angelic Threads and saw two girls in uniform jeering at Skye.
‘That’s enough!’ Tamara gestured for Skye to go back into the depths of the shop, then she went over to the girls. ‘If I see you two around here again, I’ll be finding out your names and calling your parents.’
‘Ooh, we’re so scared,’ one of them said with a laugh.
‘Come on,’ said the other, looking a bit more worried. ‘Let’s get out of here.’
Tamara watched them go, her arms crossed. When they turned back to look at her, she indicated for them to keep going. A safe distance away, the one who’d laughed gave Tamara the finger.
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