by Mark Hayden
‘Sorry, but as soon as we leave this side-street, we’ll be on CCTV. Do not think that Morton won’t track our journey back at some point. If he sees you in disguise, it’ll cause problems. You can borrow my coat if you want.’
She wrinkled her nose. ‘No thanks.’
No joke, no sarcastic comment, just No thanks. Oh well.
I got out my cigarettes and said, ‘Which way?’
‘Left at the end, then right, then left for the railway station or right for the trams.’
‘Excellent. You have no idea what it’s like to work with people who have no sense of direction.’
16 — Fall Guy
Conrad had wondered why I had bought a new saree for this trip to the Alchemical Society, but as usual he was too polite to ask. He thinks that I would look good in a bin liner, and has said as much on several occasions, which just goes to show that he is either very much in love with me or that he just wants a quiet life. Or both, I suppose.
I hope that some of you are already saying, ‘Why shouldn’t Mina have new sarees? It’s her money!’ and you would be right, but that is not the whole story. The whole story is that I wanted to set myself apart and be something more exotic than an accountant from London with no magick. It worked, too.
When Conrad and Karina swept out of the Agora, I suddenly found myself the centre of attention in a most unwelcome way. Meredith Telford at least had the decency to ask straight out. ‘I didn’t know Conrad was on an active case,’ she said.
‘For such a tall man, he can normally move about quiet stealthily,’ I replied. ‘He doesn’t normally rush out of social occasions quite so dramatically, or leave me on my own in a strange place, miles from home.’
‘If he hasn’t come back when we’re finished, my daughter can give you a lift home,’ said Meredith. ‘She almost passes the gates of Middlebarrow, so it’s not an imposition.’ She noticed that both Seth and Lois were coming over and raised her voice, ‘Now you two, don’t forget that Mina doesn’t have a vote and that she will be impartial at all times.’
Seth and Lois stood about six feet apart, which seemed like a good idea to them. To me, it meant that I had to keep turning my head. Seth spoke first. ‘But you and Conrad have friends in high places. A little bird tells me that you even had royalty at your party recently, Princess Birkdale, no less, along with the Keeper, the Constable and the Mistress of Masques and Revels.’
I smiled, but before I could think of something to say, Lois picked up on his little list. ‘And how is my old pupil? Or should I say, how is my potential rival?’
I tried to remember who that might be. Aah. Conrad told me that Lois Reynolds is an expert with all forms of illusion. ‘You mean Selena? She enjoyed letting her hair down and afterwards she helped with the washing up. She is more than welcome to come back next time.’
‘Mina’s got our measure, Lois,’ said Seth. ‘I don’t think we’re going to get any gossip out of her. It is intriguing, though. Princess Birkdale and Lady Selena go to your house on Saturday, then on Monday morning, not only does Cora Hardisty pull out of the race, the Constable announces that we have a new Deputy. Makes you think.’
It was time to fight back. ‘This is so not fair, Mr Holgate. You have pictures of my party, yet all that Conrad could find out about you and Ms Reynolds was that you live here.’
Seth kept a straight face. ‘One of us does.’
‘What he’s trying to say,’ said Lois, ‘is that I live over the Pennines in Yorkshire. Between Haworth and Hebden Bridge. It seems to matter to him.’
Seth’s comeback was cut short by Meredith. ‘At last, the buffet is ready. I’m going to take poor Mina away and make sure that she gets something to eat. You two can save your speeches for the hustings.’
‘And when are they going to be?’ I asked Meredith. When I’d discussed the elections with Judge Bracewell last week, she’d said that she wanted Conrad, Erin and me to run the hustings ballot as a dry run for the real thing.
‘Salomon’s House aren’t happy about us having a hustings at all, not with them fielding two candidates. It’s their own fault.’
‘How come?’
We arrived at the buffet, and I felt a pang of sympathy for Conrad and Karina. It looked very good.
‘Some of the bright sparks on the Board at Salomon’s House insisted on transferable votes for Warden elections. That was before they realised that Northern Mages would be able to vote here. When the real election comes, either Selena Bannister or Heidi Marston will come third and their second choice votes will probably go to Seth or Lois and hand them the election. Now let’s forget all about those two and I’ll introduce you to some normal people. They do exist round here, I promise you, and you may even enjoy yourself.’
The marked police car was waiting for us on the double yellow lines outside Kearsley Station. We walked to the car with as much space between us as the footbridge would allow: Karina was not in a good mood. Her only verbalised comment had been when we got off the train: ‘It’s like coming back from a festival with my dad.’ She was not a happy Watch Officer, though to be fair we had been getting a number of very odd looks from the good people of South Lancashire.
‘Constable Clarke?’ said the nice policeman when I flashed my ID.
‘That’s me. Where are we heading?’
He drove off quickly and took us into a residential estate. ‘Through here, over the River Irwell and into the woods, and before you ask anything, I was pulled off preparation for the Bolton Wanderers match to pick you up. All I know is that there’s been a suspicious death.’
‘Thank you for collecting us. Sorry you got diverted.’
‘I don’t mind. It’s not as if we’re expecting hordes and hordes of Trotters fans. There’s usually more people in the retail park than in the ground these days. Here we are. Follow the track and look for the ghouls.’
‘Ghouls?’ said Karina.
‘Concerned members of the public with nothing better to do than gawp,’ I told her. It’s not her fault that when she hears Ghouls she thinks of corporeal ghosts. She really does need to get out more.
‘And bloggers and so-called internet journalists,’ added our driver.
I thanked him and we set off up the farm track that led away from the river. A group of half a dozen citizens had seen that we’d got out of a police car and were getting ready to intercept us. Karina saw them and stood still.
‘Surely we shouldn’t be all over the internet, sir.’
‘I doubt we’ll be all over the internet, Karina, but you’re right. How about a light Glamour to change our appearance?’
She looked even more uncomfortable. ‘For both of us? I don’t think I could do that without physical contact.’
‘Then I’ll hold your hand. You can make me really look like your dad. Or your boyfriend. Whatever works best.’
‘That’s gross.’ She shuddered and took a deep breath. ‘Take my hand and look straight ahead at all times. Please.’
I held my hand out and fingers gripped mine. I felt the magick and kept my eyes riveted on the trees ahead of us. ‘Okay,’ she said. We set off, and I let her dictate the pace.
‘Are you with the police?’
‘Can you tell us what’s happened?’
‘Is it true he was killed by a pack of wild dogs?’
I almost stumbled at the last question. That was not what I’d expected, and Karina almost dragged me through a field gate where a female constable was keeping the onlookers at bay. ‘Straight ahead,’ she said.
Once past the dry stone wall, I could make out white shapes flitting through the trees. I kept hold of Karina’s hand until we were into the wood, then let go. ‘Well done,’ I said.
‘We’ll see,’ was her less than enthusiastic reply. ‘What now?’
‘We’ll talk to that man with the clipboard. He’s a crime scene technician and he’ll take our names. After that, I have no idea.’
Once logged at the outer perimeter, we moved through more trees
and I could see the blue and white tape of the inner perimeter. There must have been half a dozen more white-suited technicians inside it, and outside it were Morton and Elaine.
Elaine did a double-take when she saw us. ‘Where have you two been? Or shouldn’t I ask?’
Karina looked down at the trainers poking out from her robe (she’d hitched it up when we left the Alchemical Society). I tried to keep it light. ‘I was literally sitting down to lunch with Mina when Tom rang, and I should warn you that I am now hungry. Karina was meeting fellow practitioners. In private, but she’s too polite to make pointed remarks.’
Morton poured some oil. ‘There’s little enough private life in our jobs. With luck this will turn out to be someone else’s problem. You didn’t bring your dog, then?’
‘Scout is on probation at Doggy Day Care. I had to sit with him for half an hour before we left to make sure he didn’t get into any fights. Fingers crossed they let him back. If you don’t mind me asking, Tom, how come you’re here?’
‘A good question,’ said Elaine. She looked no happier to be here than Karina was. ‘Tell them, sir.’
‘I made the mistake of telling Major Incident Control that I was interested in suspicious deaths and that I was in the area, so they called me first. There aren’t many DCIs without a regular case-load. As soon as I heard the details, I said I’d take command of the crime scene.’
‘We,’ said Elaine. ‘You said we’d take command.’
‘I get the message, thank you.’ He paused then continued more briskly. ‘Right, Elaine, tell them what we’ve got.’
She lifted a South Lancs Constabulary tablet computer (complete with snazzy branded case) and unlocked the screen. ‘A member of the public was walking her dog through the woods when he went mad and started running in circles. When she went to see what the fuss was, she found a badly mutilated body and dialled 999. According to the witness, her dog didn’t touch the body.’
Elaine looked up and a troubled look came over her. ‘You’ll see why that’s important in a minute. First responding officers escalated the incident and set up a perimeter. We arrived shortly after the police surgeon, who pronounced life extinct at 12:07. The CS photographer finished about quarter of an hour ago, and the crime scene manager has had a first look at the body.’ She looked at Karina. ‘Has Conrad told you it isn’t like it is on the telly.’
‘Not much point,’ I said. ‘Karina’s not a big watcher of TV drama, but I did tell her not to expect a forensic pathologist to turn up and solve the case.’
‘I do watch TV sometimes,’ said Karina defensively. ‘So, why not?’
‘Because they’re very, very expensive,’ said Morton, ‘and they only work with dead bodies in mortuaries. We have much cheaper crime scene technicians who will bag and tag everything. I can tell you that the deceased wasn’t carrying a wallet or any ID or a phone, but he did have a selection of condoms in his suit pocket.’
I raised my eyebrows. ‘A selection, Tom?’
‘Correct,’ said Elaine with a straight face. ‘Flavoured, thin feel with anaesthetic, ribbed and regular.’
‘Well, well, well. When can we have a look?’
‘As soon as you’re suited and booted,’ said Morton. ‘The crime scene manager is over there. She’ll sort you out and brief you. Don’t worry, Conrad, she always has extra large suits in stock.’
The CS Manager was large enough around the middle to need at least XL herself, and was holding out Tall and Petite sets of coveralls before we even got there. Karina had been looking more and more panicked as we got closer, and the manager was giving her a boggle-eyed who the F* are you? Kind of look.
Aah. The robes. Not good with coveralls. I’d already seen that she had leggings on. Fingers crossed. ‘Please tell me you have a top on under there, Karina.’
‘I do,’ she hissed, ‘but it’s a sports crop-top. I can’t get changed here.’
I stepped forward and took the suits. ‘Would you mind terribly turning around while my partner gets changed. I’m Conrad Clarke, by the way.’
‘Tracey Kenyon.’ A light came on behind her eyes. ‘Haven’t I heard of you? I normally work out of Cairndale.’
‘Then you may have heard my name.’
‘The Driscoll case! I processed the Coffin from Nowhere. It was so clean of trace evidence you’d think it wasn’t made by human hand.’
‘It wasn’t, and don’t ask me for details.’
‘I won’t. It would spoil the magic. Let’s get on. Dave! Come here.’
Another technician came over with an iPad. All three of us turned away and made a barrier so that Karina could have a modicum of modesty. While she got changed, Dave entered our details into the crime scene record.
‘We’ve got you on the system, sir, but not Lieutenant Kent. We’ll need her prints and DNA for exclusion purposes, but we can sort that out later.’
‘Not if I can help it,’ I muttered under my breath. I moved the mask away from my mouth and said, ‘Ready, Karina?’
She came round and presented herself for inspection. Tracey Kenyon gave her the once-over and said, ‘Once you cross the tape, follow the green markers until you get to the metal plates. Walk on the plates and only the plates. We’ve swept two metres around the body, so you can do what you like there. I’ll be around, so shout me if you want to touch the victim for any strange reason. And no pictures. If the SIO gives you authority, you can access all the reports and images on the HOLMES system. Any questions?’
‘No, thank you, Tracey. Very clear.’
‘Good. Knock yourselves out, guys. This is a bad one, I’m afraid.’
I ducked under the tape and held it up for Karina. It had been wrapped round a series of trees forming a rough circle about thirty metres in diameter. Five metres in, a series of square aluminium plates led to the centre. I walked slowly, taking in the surroundings and looking for inspiration. Nope. Nothing. And then I got the smell, and I can now report that non-humans smell different when they’re dead as well as when they’re alive.
Karina was four steps behind me. I turned round and said, ‘The victim is definitely a Calabrese.’
‘That’s not good, sir.’
‘It’s not. Is this your first time with a violent death?’
Under the suit and mask, I saw a tiny flinch. ‘First time with any actual death. I didn’t even see Ioan’s body when Colwyn shot him.’
‘Then you should think carefully before you follow me, Karina. Once you step off the metal brick road, there’s no going back.’
‘It’s what I signed up for, sir.’
‘Good.’ I took five more steps and I was there, and what a mess. I was suddenly very glad we’d missed lunch, because something had definitely dined here today, and Gnome was on the menu.
The deceased was wearing a fine suit, leather soled shoes and was now lying on his back. I couldn’t see his face because of the ski mask, which was a shame, because then I wouldn’t have had to look at the rest of him.
‘By the Goddess, in whose name has this been done?’ said an appalled Karina. When the shock had worn off, she heaved twice and put her hand on my shoulder. Somehow, she kept it down and didn’t vomit into her mask. I stepped off the last plate and squatted down. Tracey was right: this was a bad one.
Something with very sharp teeth had torn into the Gnome’s shirt and then ripped open his abdomen to get at the tasty bits. There was bowel everywhere. You don’t want to know. You really don’t. They’d also eaten great chunks of his right thigh, stripping the meat down to the bone. I forced myself to check the whole body. Aah. There. ‘What would you say was the cause of death, Karina? Specifically? I’ll give you a clue: I know how he felt.’
She stepped off the plates and moved round to squat opposite me. ‘Throat ripped out,’ she said.
‘Precisely. Exsanguination. Sadly, I think he knew a bit more about it at the time than I did.’ I stood up. ‘Tracey!’
She came down the metal path. ‘Seen enoug
h?’
‘Not yet. Has anyone opened his shirt at the top to look for jewellery?’
‘You what? That’s for the post-mortem pre-processing. Is it important?’
‘Very. If you can’t open his shirt, could you at least feel round the chest and what’s left of the neck for me? Or let me do it myself?’
She eyed me steadily over her mask, then shook her head. ‘If you’re so desperate to find out you’re willing to get your hands on a corpse, it must be important. I’ll do it. Stand back. No, don’t. Stay there and give me a hand to hold on to.’
I stood next to the deceased Gnome while Tracey held my arm and knelt down to feel his chest. ‘Pull me up. I really should join Slimming World again.’ I heaved. ‘Thanks. There’s nothing, I’m afraid.’
‘Thanks, Tracey. I think we’re nearly done here. To save me asking, have you found anything else yet? This rain must have been good for footprints. Or paw prints.’
‘We’ve found a lot of blood spatter, and the lie of the body says that he was definitely killed and dismembered here. Trouble is, this wood is so sparse that there’s grass everywhere. The only paw-prints look like they’re from the witness’s dog.’
‘Any idea of time of death? Has he been here all night, for example?’
‘Some time this morning. Probably around eleven, but don’t quote me on that.’
‘Thanks.’
Tracey was about to go, and then Karina spoke up. ‘See over there, sir, away from the path?’
‘Yes?’
Karina steeled herself and made the effort to talk directly to Tracey. ‘Erm, ma’am? Ms Kenyon? Has anyone checked down there?’
Tracey looked interested. ‘Why?’
‘Because that’s the only place I can see brambles, and there’s tears on his trousers and scratches on his leg. See?’
Without asking, Tracey grabbed my arm again and bent to look. ‘How much are you on, love?’
Karina flinched back. ‘I’m not on anything. I’m clean.’
Tracey laughed. ‘I’m sure you are. I meant, how much money are you on?’