by Diana Fisher
“I wouldn’t let him play yet. It’s the right decision, Keri.” His voice softened as he glanced at the girls and then back to me. His eyes shifted down to my red lace tank top and the black dress jacket, causing them to darken.
Heat enveloped me as I glanced over my shoulder, looking for somewhere else to hide. In no way was my top sexy, but under his eyes, I felt completely underdressed. I would just have to remember to wear a sweatshirt each time I came to his office. “Can he catch up? I know that he’s pretty far behind.”
“Well, I can work with him to get him up with the rest on Tuesdays and Thursdays. It shouldn’t take him long. I would rather work with him one on one to get him up and ready before I send him out in a game.”
Nodding, I swallowed hard. “What do I have to sign?”
“It’s all there. I have to check on the boys and get them going. Go ahead and have a seat.” His large body vacated the chair and he walked closer to me. My heart flew high in my chest as I looked up at him. He was so big, and the scent of a soft cologne that swooped and swirled with the icy building aroma made my mind fog. Nothing else came out of his mouth as he walked past, and I caught a glimpse of blue jeans hugging the muscular backside.
Making my way to the chair, I plopped down as my shaking legs were about to give out. That cologne. Damn. It was everywhere, and heavily intoxicating. My head swam, thoughts dancing around, swaying to the beat of Kane’s drum. It had been so long since a man touched me. Well, in a nice way.
Opening the folder, I pulled out the pages on the left hand side that had notations on where I needed to sign. The other side had schedules and packets of information for the league; stuff that Jordan would have to read over. I picked up the pen that was on the desk and began to fill out the papers as best as I could. When I reached the last page, my heart sank into my empty, food deprived stomach. It was two hundred dollars for the season ice pass and the fees. I had some money left over, but not that much, and our emergency fund was getting lower by the day.
I could pay it … I had to pay it, but there was his equipment. He would need his own skates and pads and stick … and whatever else. How was I going to do this? How was I going to swing this?
Monday, I would start my new position and my raise would be kicking in. That would help, and then I could start putting some back into our emergency fund. Jordan would need proper and safe equipment. I could swing it, but then we would have to really watch our spending, even on groceries for a little bit.
I finished and looked at the girls working on their assignment together. When Kane came back into the office, I put the pen down with my check on the folder and stood.
“Sky, we should wait in the hall for your brother.” I sucked back my tears, not wanting her to see the panic in my eyes. Yesterday, she handed over the money that she earned and I felt completely worthless for the first time in my life. I was an adult and I made my bed.
Sky gathered her school stuff and put it all back into her backpack. Waving a goodbye to the girl, she followed me with a smile on her face. “That’s Alicia. She played on last year’s basketball team. She said that it was a pretty good team and that I might have a chance.”
“Good. When tryouts come up, get on the list.” Another sport. Another physical. And another fee to pay. But, the kids needed to do these activities, and if it took a part time job, then I would have to find one.
“Do you think that I can?” The hope and excitement was filling into her dark brown eyes as I looked at her.
Angst and hatred for what Joe did to us swirled the guilt and the pain in my empty stomach. The hopes she had, the wants … I couldn’t tell her no. “Of course you can. You can do anything as long as you try, Sky. Sometimes you might not succeed, but at least you gave it a shot. Not many people even do that.”
Her arms wrapped around me as she hugged me tightly. “Thanks for not sending us away. I’m really glad to have someone like you.”
“Me, too.” I smiled as I let her go. Everything would all work out in the end. My mom said it always had a way to do just that. “I was thinking that tonight with it being Friday, we could rent a couple of movies and order a pizza.”
“That would be great!” Her eyes brightened as she held the straps to her bag, pulling on the excess to tighten it up to her back. “Do you think we could do that Friday night thing like you had mentioned; you know do the Friday dinner thing with a restaurant?”
The contents of my gut swirled into a tornado, destroying everything in its path and blazing a trail of cuts where the acidic debris settled. If I had the money right now, I would. I had just enough for a couple of movies and a large pizza from the cash that I didn’t spend from harboring my lunch money. Tonight was for Jordan. He was going to be on the hockey team, and I wanted him to feel special about it. “I think that we might be able to. We just need to get ourselves into the swing of everything first.”
“This must be really tough for you.”
“What?” I pointed at the bench along the wall where we could wait for Jordan and stay out of sight of that beautiful beast of a coach.
“My dad left you in a really hard spot, didn’t he?”
Glancing at the parents that lingered around, I shrugged as I bit my bottom lip, hoping the searing burn of the tears would subside. It wasn’t just a hard spot he left me in. He left me with his two young teenage children. But, I was glad he did. I got the two kids who would finally have a parent in their lives who actually wanted them. “We will manage.”
“My dad said that you didn’t want anything to do with us and you wanted us to go away. How come you are doing—?”
“Sky, I never once said that. I was upset that he didn’t tell me about you two, but I wouldn’t have cared.” A lump filled in my throat, packing full of the anger Joe shed onto these kids. Determination thumped through my veins. We would make this work, no matter what. “I know what it’s like to have your dad walk out on you. Mine did, and there was three of us. I’m not going to walk out on you two. You’re stuck with me, so you better just get used to it.” Her arms wrapped around me as she rested her head on my shoulder. “I’m new at this whole thing, too, so you have to help me with what you want and need. Just don’t be afraid to come and talk to me.”
“I wish that you were my mom.”
If that wouldn’t have broken someone’s heart, I don’t know what would have. I wanted to just cry. I wanted to cry for her. What little girl should go through something like that?
I hope that I was doing the right thing by keeping them. Sending them away might have given them a better life, a better home, and more than what I could provide for them, but it could be worse, also. There were stories all the time about the mistreatment in foster homes and group homes. I couldn’t let them go through anything more than what they already had been through. I would never forgive myself.
Jordan came out of the locker room with his black backpack slung over his shoulder. His jaw was relaxed, dark circles shading around his eyes, and the exhaustion was pushing down on his shoulders. The practice was hard on him and wiped him out, but from what I noticed of Kane’s coaching, he was going to make the boys work. And Jordan was worked over more than just the little equipment duties he was limited to.
My heart fluttered, catching no sign of anger, but something new, something different inside of him. Almost as if he were … happy. Now I know that making the call to Kane was the first right thing I’d done since those two moved into the house.
Chapter 11
The day slammed into my body and my muscles sagged, refusing to work anymore than what they had to for me to change into a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. My bed was chanting, calling me to crawl under the covers and allow my body to rest, but it was Friday night and I promised movies and pizza for Jordan’s congratulatory dinner. For his first hockey practice, I wanted him to know that he was doing something good for himself. Now, I just had to get them to choose a pizza and order so we could watch the two movies we r
ented.
I went around the corner of the dining area and put my clothing into the laundry room, taking notice of the growing clothing pile and the two seated at the kitchen table with their books spread out. Tomorrow was another day, and the laundry and homework could just wait until then. “What are you two doing?”
“Homework.” Jordan grumbled as he opened his notebook, hunching over it.
“My mom had this thing where Friday nights, there wasn’t any housework, homework, or anything except for family time.” I smiled as I checked over the soap, making sure that I had enough for the laundry. It was getting low, but I should have enough to take down the pile.
“Well, your mom isn’t here right now, is she?” He bit back as his brows pinched in the middle of his forehead as Sky was getting ready to pack up her stuff. “Start your homework.”
A pit opened in the bottom of my stomach, large enough for my heart to drop into without making a splash of any contents inside. No. My mom wasn’t here right now, and she never would be. Lately, I was missing her more and more every day. Sometimes, I just stared at her picture in my bedroom, wanting to hear her voice telling me that I was doing the right thing for these kids.
Sky said something, but the growl came from Jordan a lot louder as he slammed his hand down on the top of his notebook. “Her mother isn’t even coming around because even she knows this is a mistake. She’s not going to keep us. Stop dreaming and do your damn homework!”
My heart was heavy in my chest as I rubbed my eyes. The hot and salty waters were swelling up in my eyes, blurring my vison. But what would crying do? I would still have the stress along with a pounding headache. In all the years that my mom struggled, I had never seen anything expect for a strong and beautiful, proud woman. Everyone always said that I had taken after her. Maybe it wasn’t just the looks. Maybe I had her strength, too. I had to be strong and proud, and for them, that was what I was going to be.
“Why don’t you think that she’s called her then? She doesn’t want us, Sky.” He cursed as he slammed his book closed and started to shove all his items back into his bag.
Sky’s bottle of hurt finally overfilled and the cries bellowed out. “Because her mom’s dead, that’s why, Jordan. God. Sometimes I really hate you! You are going to ruin this for us! I like her! Don’t you see that she’s doing everything that she can—?”
“She called them to take us! They are going to come and get us any day now!”
“No. She didn’t! She called to get you on the team! She didn’t call to send us away! You are just going to ruin this!” Her chair was pushed across the floor, and I could hear her feet pounding around to the staircase, up to her room, and the door closing hard.
Walking out of the laundry room, my chest tightened as I saw his head in his hands and his elbows on the table. A curse poured through his lips as his jaw tightened and the few tear drops plunked onto the tabletop.
I pulled the twenty out of my pocket and put it on the counter by my phone. I always left my phone on the counter for us all to use. It was the only phone we had, and I wanted them to be able to call friends if needed or wanted until things got a little better for us. “Here’s some money to order pizza. Go ahead and call when you want. It’s…” I pulled back my tears as the lump filled my throat. What in the hell was I doing with these two? They were better off with two people that could provide for them better than I could. “It’s Friday night, so it will take a little longer to get here.”
He didn’t move and didn’t say a word. His hunter green shirt hung from his slumped shoulders as he just sat there, not even wanting to look at me.
I went upstairs to the small room and knocked on the door. Listening to the muffled cries urged my knee joints to shrivel up and shake.
“Go away, Jordan! I don’t want to talk to you! All you’re going to do is ruin this, and I don’t want to go away! I like it here!” Her sorrow began to eat up her words and they tapered off into a strong, yet breathless cry.
“It’s me, Sky. Can I come in?” The tears were filling in my eyes as I slowly opened the door and looked around. This was no bedroom for a girl. Her clothing was neatly folded on some crates that she emptied and used to keep what she did have neat.
My chest closed in to the point where my lungs were depleting oxygen. What could I say? I didn’t want my life brought onto those kids. My life was the past, and this was the present. I couldn’t change what happened with Joe, but I could learn from it and grow and try to give these kids something they needed. “He’s scared, Sky. He’s scared just like you are. He’s scared just like I am.”
“You’re not scared. You’re so … strong.”
“I’m scared to death.” Taking a seat on the edge of the twin mattress, my legs were scrunched and the walls were closing in on me even more. I needed to get her moved to that other room. That was what I should have done before, whether or not Joe liked it.
“Of what?” She sat up with the tears raining down her innocent face, gluing the shattered pieces of my heart back together.
“Everything, Sky. This is all new to me, too. I didn’t expect this to happen.” Cupping my head in my hands, I let myself cry a little. “But, I wouldn’t change it at all. I can’t let anything else happen to either one of you again.”
“Keri, I like it here. And I don’t want to leave.” She crawled over to me, wrapping her arms around my waist. Her soaked cheeks were being dried by my t-shirt. “I don’t want to ever leave. I like it here with you.” Her cries had come harder and faster until the fury of the storm finally unleashed, drenching my cotton covered shoulder.
I held her. I wrapped my arms around her and silently cried with her. “I’m so sorry that I can’t give you everything. I am so sorry that he walked out on us. Sky, I am so sorry. I just want you to be safe and protected. I never want anything to happen to you again.”
Getting our crying calmed down, I brushed away my tears as I let out a little giggle. Wrapping her in my arms, pulling her tight to my chest, I gave her another hug.
She rested back on her legs and used her fingertips to wisp away her salty valleys. “What was your mom like?”
“She was…” The salt burn was coming forth again. How I missed that woman. She was an older version of me, so beautiful, and I still remembered how gorgeous she was all dressed up and her hair perfect in that twist. The dress that she wore on the last night I saw her was long and sliver; clung to her womanly curves. Her makeup was light and accented the strong, graceful features of her face; the beautiful higher and well defined cheekbones, and the bright gunmetal eyes that were lined with just the right amount of liner and decorated with just a simple touch of dark brown, the same color as her perfectly wrapped hair. When she came out of her room, sliding her hands down her hips to smooth out the dress, I swore that I was looking at one of the actresses from a nineteen-thirties when the women were impeccable. “She was beautiful and strong and graceful. I still remember her when she left that night. She was nervous and thrilled and happy. I wanted to hug her, but I was afraid to wrinkle her.”
“Do you have any pictures of her?”’
“I do. There’s one on my dresser of her, and I have some more in my closet that I will bring out someday.” Taking those photos out of the container would open the healed wound I was left with on the day we buried her, and picking off the scab wouldn’t help matters right now, either. Not when I needed her to help me follow through with my decision on keeping the two kids. “I’ve been thinking...”
“About what?”
“This weekend … why don’t we move your room across to that other one? This is just way too small for you.”
“This is fine, Keri.” Her eyes scanned over her neat piles of clothing, her favorites on top and displayed to where she could easily get to them.
“No.” Shaking my head, I forced a smile and swallowed down the heavy, thick, and sticky guilt lump. “No, it’s not. And it never should have been.”
The teary sm
ile widened on her innocent face, her eyes lighting up with the new hopes of finally finding a family. “I would really like that.”
“Okay. Then that is the plan.” My voice cracked as the cries tried to poke their way through the plastic wall I threw up in the tousle of thoughts about my mom.
Retreating to my bedroom as fast as I could, I pushed the wood door closed and sat on the edge of my bed. The slow brewing storm swung back around for another round-about as I looked at that beautiful, poetic face of my mother through a sheet of salty rain. Picking the brass frame up, I brushed my fingertips over her well-defined cheekbones and her ruby red lips. If I could just hear her songbird voice telling me that I could do this, the strength would rise and I would be able to stand up for these two and myself.
“Keri?” Jordan’s head peeked in the half-ajar door. “The pizza’s here.”
Grabbing the blanket, I started to fold it, making him think that I was just cleaning up. I let Sky see me cry, and I really had to watch it. Showing my weakness and vulnerability would only allow his wolves to attack, assuring him I was in no shape to take them both in. No matter what I told him, he was never going to believe that I would do anything to protect them and take care of them. “I’ll be right out, but go ahead and start.”
His lips parted, but no words spewed out, lashing his anger into the air. Though, his rich, dark eyes eased back as he slunk into the confinements of the hall and disappeared.
Gaining my composure, I walked out and saw the very large pizza on the coffee table with three glasses of soda waiting. Sky was wearing her black tank top and her black ruffled pajama shorts, cuddling into the one corner of the couch. Jordan walked in from the kitchen, changed into his green and black pajama pants with a black tee shirt. Scratching the back of his head, he glanced at the doorway past the staircase.
“I got the special with the free two liter of soda. It was twelve dollars.” Clearing his throat, he took a seat next to the coffee table and glanced over at Sky. Carefully, he placed a piece on a plate for her and passed it over with a napkin. “We should eat while it’s warm.”