“If you have been expecting me, then you must know what I have come to discuss with you, gentleman to gentleman.”
“I have a fairly good idea.” Milagros settled back into his chair, slouching in an attitude of evidently benign indifference, while in reality, his heart pounded. His fingers pinched at his lower lip while he assessed his opponent. Suddenly he spoke. “Let me make this somewhat easier for you, Colonel.”
Fitzwilliam was confused. He had been prepared for mental and mortal combat; however, the man before him did not appear as one whose affections for another were being threatened or challenged. This man seemed totally indifferent to that situation. In fact, as the minutes ticked on, Fitzwilliam began to feel uneasy, anxious, exposed. He shifted uncomfortably, crossing his legs as Anthony’s gaze drifted downward, taking in all of his body, from his boyishly disheveled hair, the rumpled colonel’s uniform jacket that emphasized the muscled arms and large chest, then down to a perusal of the tree-trunk legs encased in his white uniform trousers, and his well-worn boots.
Milagros sighed and muttered something.
“I told Amanda you would come here.” He spoke in a very matter-of-fact manner, drumming his fingers on his chair arm. “I told her it was a ridiculous story, but as you may or may not know, she can often be very stubborn. Dios mio, to call her stubborn is an insult to mules.”
Fitzwilliam sank slowly onto the settee. “What in blazes are you talking about?” In total bewilderment, he watched as the doctor stood to pour out a brandy from the decanter next to him and then down it in one gulp. Richard waved off one for himself. Anthony shrugged, finished off that second one also and sat down, holding tightly onto his third drink.
“Are you in love with Amanda, Colonel?” Milagros’s eyes peered at him from above his brandy glass. That second drink had given him a slightly more courageous tongue.
“Goddamn you to hell! Of all the impertinent, rude questions! Listen to me, Milagros, a man would have to have lost all common sense to get involved with a woman in possession of that sort of temper! She has no conception of restraint, does she?”
“Normally I would defend her with my very last breath. However, no, she does not. But that did not answer my question, did it? Do you love her?”
“Ha!” Fitzwilliam snorted his derision. “You must be insane! She is a good deal too unpredictable for my tastes. No, no, no, that’s too kind of an assessment. Actually, I suspect she is mentally unstable. Yes. That’s a more accurate description of her true personality. She possesses serious mental impairments.”
“But do you love her?”
“Well, yes, dammit! Of course I love her, you idiot! Do you think I’d be here making a bloody fool of myself for any other reason? Now, I want to know from you what is going on, because I cannot get a sensible word from her mouth. Are you bedding her? Have you made her an honorable offer?”
“You English aristocrats are so amoral that you are unable to entertain a thought above your waist.” Anthony huffed. “It is extremely unromantic.”
Fitzwilliam slowly turned his head, and then with a menacing look, he leaned on the table, resting his weight on his fists.
“I always make the mistake of saying exactly what I am thinking at the moment. Very unfortunate…” Anthony’s voice shook as it rambled on into silence. He passed a hand over his eyes. “You realize that if you kill me, someone will figure it out. I bleed profusely.”
“One last time, Milagros. Are you and she betrothed? I have been making inquiries. Those who know of you believe you are secretly involved with someone, although no one seems to know whom. Was Amanda married when you began this affair? Is that it, Milagros? Is she the reason none of the ton ’s mamas can lure you into an alliance? Is it she who has been your secret lover?” Fitzwilliam’s voice was now barely above a whisper.
“ Dios mio.” Anthony ran his fingers through his hair. “You are going to make me say this out loud, aren’t you?” Anthony’s voice quivered, and his stomach roiled, but Fitzwilliam continued to glare, his fury barely under control. He finally had enough.
“Answer me, damn you!!”
Anthony leaned forward, all the color drained from his face. “Please understand, Colonel, that what I tell you now could have me imprisoned or worse.”
Startled, Fitzwilliam eyed him suspiciously. “What is going on here, Milagros?” He had not anticipated this line of argument.
Anthony angrily began muttering something in Spanish about Amanda, his hands poking wildly at certain emphatic declarations, then mopped at perspiration running down the back of his neck.
Fitzwilliam was listening intently, trying to grasp a word from the too-rapid Spanish, when he suddenly heard a sneeze from the hallway. He stiffened and spun toward the closed door. “Is she here?” He spoke low, but his mouth had set into a cruel, clenched line.
Anthony’s head shot up quickly as he too turned toward the hallway. Alarmed and tense, he began to rise.
“Colonel, listen to me! You are under the impression, I believe, that you and I are in some sort of competition for the affections of Amanda, are you not?” Fitzwilliam said nothing but continued to glower. “ That is your mistake. You see, in actuality, it would be Amanda and I…” Glancing at the door, Anthony swallowed hard and lowered his voice. He coughed and cleared his throat. “It was Amanda and I in a competition for you.”
Fitzwilliam heard a muffled male voice spit out the words “bloody hell” from the corridor, followed by running footsteps, then a door slamming. Anthony groaned and started toward the doorway. “Edmund, wait!” he called just before another door somewhere deep in the house slammed shut. Within moments, a carriage raced from the back of the house and onto the street.
Fitzwilliam and Anthony stared at the closed door for several minutes, then both turned to watch through the French doors as the carriage careened wildly down the driveway. Anthony dropped into the chair, his head falling backward onto the headrest.
“Merde!” he whispered miserably.
Fitzwilliam’s eyes were huge as saucers as he turned slowly in stunned silence. “Beg pardon?” he managed finally to say.
Chapter 12
Anthony’s second nightly delight after his warmed brandy—the superb meal that his chef had prepared with such care—was quickly relegated to the trash. It was now near midnight, and the two men sat silently before the fireplace, each wallowing in his own lovelorn misery. Emptied bottles of wine were scattered amidst the tobacco pouches and cheroot ashes.
“Why doesn’t she want me, Milagros?” Fitzwilliam was slumped far down in his chair, his shirt disheveled and his cravat loose around his neck. He tried to rub the burning from his red-rimmed eyes. “Bah! That’s an unfair question. I am certain this is as much a mystery to you as it is to me, because, obviously, I’m a perfectly pleasant fellow. The ladies adore me, usually.”
“What?” Milagros turned a bleary eye to his companion. The poor doctor did not look like the same fine fellow who had begun the evening with such anticipation. Liquor had dimmed his glamorous eyes, his cravat was now askew, his hair a bit tousled, and he sat loose-limbed, his shirtsleeves unlinked and turned back. Already a heavy, dark beard was beginning to appear on his face. All in all, it was the most slovenly Dr. Milagros had looked in nearly four years. He had been staring intently at the end of his cigarillo, turning the burning cylinder slowly between his fingers. “What are you blathering about now?”
“My God, what a pathetic pair we make.” Fitzwilliam shook an empty bottle, then another, finally finding one half full. Anthony automatically held out his glass. “Listen, Jose, I want you to know that your secret is safe with me. I apologize to you for forcing the issue, pushing you to tell me the truth. Shouldn’t have pushed, should have minded my own business. But then I would have needed to kill you. However, I imagine I did you a favor, actually. It felt good to admit everything out loud, what? A load off, as they say.”
After slanting him an evil look, Milagros flicked
his ashes at him. “No, Dickie, it did not feel good. It felt like shit, which is how I now feel. But that is fine. I imagine that I will survive this, no thanks to you.”
“No one will learn of your deep, dark secret from my mouth. I swear on my brother’s life that I will go to my grave with this knowledge.” A slightly inebriated Fitzwilliam poised one finger before his mouth and emitted a soft “sshh.”
“Well, if you really feel so badly about this I would appreciate your doing exactly that as soon as possible—go to your grave, that is, Ricardo. It will save me years of anxiety.”
“Nonsense, Manuel. My lips are sealed. I have been trusted with worse secrets about many others, much, much worse, ghastly secrets, people you know well, famous people, people of the Empire. Remind me to regale you with them someday, always popular fare at parties. You will be astounded. It will curl your hair.”
Anthony groaned, and Fitzwilliam chuckled.
“Seriously, Anthony, I do apologize. Did you care for this person very much? I mean, will you be able to explain to him what happened?”
“That a bloodthirsty, murdering, bastard of a soldier knows our secret? Of course, I am certain he will be thrilled. No, what I will tell him will be some sort of lie, and he’ll believe me because he wants to believe me. He really is a good fellow, you know. I am certain that when he stops to logically consider this, he will find it highly unlikely that I would choose you over him, and he will come back to me.”
They stared at each other silently for a moment.
“I believe I have just been insulted.” Fitzwilliam puffed on his pipe, and they turned to study the fire again, continuing in companionable silence for a time.
Richard was the first to speak. “So, tell me, Carlos, why doesn’t Amanda want me? I can almost understand your rejection of me, but why hers?”
“No, no, no, my dear friend, you are not approaching this the right way. It is not you she is rejecting, although now that I know you better, it would be the path I would recommend.” Fitzwilliam grunted his protest. “No, no, she is restricted by the custody issue of her child, as I have explained to you at least three times by now.” Anthony stubbed out his cheroot and lit another. “Hearing is the second thing lost to old age, or so I am told,” he mumbled under his breath. Fitzwilliam scowled.
“Shall I tell you how I met her?”
“I really wish you would not.”
“Very well, then, I shall. I met her almost directly after her marriage to Augustus…”
“It’s very late. Will this take long?”
“Yes, it will. Be quiet, and maybe you will understand better. Open up that bottle of red substance, whatever it is, and listen. Now you will learn all.”
***
“I knew who Amanda was before even meeting her. As you might suspect, a part of my social life is centered among a rather select and discreet circle of the aristocracy.” Anthony held out his glass for Fitzwilliam to refill. “Amanda’s husband, Augustus, was a well-known, if not particularly well-regarded, figure at many of our social gatherings.”
The room became quiet as a tomb as Anthony allowed that particular revelation to settle. Fitzwilliam’s raised eyebrows were the only indication of his shock. Anthony nodded. “And, Richard, that is something which she must never know.
“He had been involved with another for many years, a devoted couple, as if married in every sense of the word; however, there could obviously never be an heir from their union. It was the incessant harassment from his mother that sent him to America in search of a wife, both mother and son feeling it too dangerous to choose from among the upper classes here and thereby risking exposure. Amanda’s father was physician to one of Penrod’s American relatives, and she would oftentimes accompany him. Augustus requested an introduction, courted her, easily impressing her with his title and manners. She was so very young, unsophisticated by ton standards, but all he really required from her was an heir. In his defense, I believe he did care for Amanda at first, but not in the way she deserved, more like one would love an adorable child or pet. Do not become offended at what I am saying, Colonel, please.” Richard’s eyes had narrowed dangerously. “He also quickly became embarrassed by her.
“I personally grew to know her later, when she came to worship at St. James Chapel on Spanish Place. There are so few places here where Catholics are allowed to worship that we all eventually become acquainted with each other, no matter what status or rank. My own ancestors headed the Spanish Court that founded this same chapel centuries ago, and now I sit beside poor Irish potato farmers and displaced French counts. It is all very odd, but what can one do?
“I found I liked her very much. She was exceedingly spirited, enormously pretty, and quite tenderhearted. We became very close friends, the best of friends. She began to volunteer at the hospital, confiding in me a great deal. She realized she had married in haste without knowing her husband’s true character, said he had grown cold and unfeeling. I knew better than she that her marriage was doomed to failure. When she did begin increasing, it was a huge relief to them both. They could now go their separate ways. In the end, sadly, Augustus turned his back on her and the child, hating them both for the rift that had developed between him and Andre. I am afraid he was very vindictive and harsh.”
Fitzwilliam rubbed his hand over the back of his neck. “It makes me heartsore to think she has been so mistreated. I am grateful to you, Anthony, for being a friend to her all these years.”
Anthony shrugged. “I, too, love Amanda, Colonel. She was there for me when no one else came forward. Four years ago, someone I cared for deeply was killed in Portugal. He was a courier for Wellington when he was captured and… tortured. Och! Terrible business—war. It destroys so many more lives than is obvious.” Anthony cleared his throat and continued. “I received a letter telling me that Mario had been killed, telling me how bravely he died. He is… he was, my life.” Tears began to slide down his cheeks, tears which he quickly swiped away.
“I locked myself in this room and cried for hours, the poor servants terrified I would do something rash. My butler, Bascome, sent word to Amanda, and she immediately came.
“I unlocked the door, and she walked in as I threatened to kill myself. I was extremely dramatic in those days.” He laughed softly at the memory, rubbing a hand over his eyes. “ Dios mio, but she was angry with me! By that time, she knew the truth about my life, had lectured me to death about it, and still does, I might add. She was quite forthright with me, saying I was behaving dangerously and that I would soon be exposed by my behavior. She was patient but firm.” He sighed deeply and smiled for a moment.
“I believe it was his mother who prodded Augustus into suing for sole custody of the child, considering Amanda an encumbrance. He accused her of kidnapping their child when she returned to America to nurse her father. Eventually he applied to parliament to sever any privileges she might have. He was actually on his way to America to claim his son when his ship went down.
“It was not until her return to England that she was informed she had lost custody of her child. She was told to either leave the child immediately or risk being imprisoned.
“Well, the child became so hysterical that the mother-in-law had to relent, allowing her to remain. That is where she stands today, a sort of tenant at sufferance, a poor relation. If her mother-in-law even suspects that she has interest in another man, she will consider it a final insult to her son and throw Amanda out.”
After a long time sitting in silence, both staring into the fireplace, Fitzwilliam relit his pipe, stood, and walked toward the windows. It appeared that in a matter of days his universe had changed focus, centering now upon one exasperating but adorable young woman. He resented the people who had laughed and taunted her, evaluated her unfairly, and found her wanting.
And they would never accept Amanda or any other person without the requisite familial associations, proper ancestry, certainly would never acknowledge someone whose family had physical
ly worked to provide hearth and home, even a physician and teacher as her father had been.
“You know, Anthony, I have begun to yearn for a home and a spouse, children.” He puffed on his pipe absently. “I had actually meant to properly court Amanda toward an eventual offer for her hand.” He shook his head sadly.
“No, she would never leave her son, Colonel, not even for you, and she would think a liaison the height of sinfulness. What a coil. You would have made a good husband for her.”
“Who said I won’t marry her?”
Anthony’s lips twitched a little. “Ah, you perhaps also have difficulties with the English language? I seem to have just wasted an inordinate amount of time and energy explaining why she will never marry.”
“I must have missed that. All I heard is that she won’t leave her son, perfectly natural and understandable. I simply won’t ask it of her, but we shall marry.”
At a loss for words, Anthony began to laugh, shaking his head in mild amazement.
They sat for quarter of an hour listening to a gentle rain outside before Fitzwilliam spoke again. “You know I had a similar conversation to this not long ago. My God, was it only weeks ago I swore that I would never marry, that it was something that held no interest for me? What a pompous ass I am.”
Anthony grinned devilishly, and Fitzwilliam cocked one eyebrow in mock hauteur. “May I know the reason for your amusement, sir?”
“I hope I do not offend you; however, I cannot but wish you had a brother I could meet.”
Fitzwilliam’s eyes wrinkled in humor, and he turned to his new friend. “Well, actually, I do have a brother, and we have been wondering why he has no interest in marriage and in producing the requisite heir. I wonder…”
***
“Is all well, your lordship?” The ancient butler, who had fallen asleep in Anthony’s chair, attempted to rise as his master walked into the bedroom’s dressing room.
Darcy and Fitzwilliam: A Tale of a Gentleman and an Officer Page 21