"But, you never looked at Mark the way you do Luke. You didn't blush every time his eyes met yours, and you certainly didn't allow him to whisper dirty things to you at the dinner table."
"You heard that?"
"Yes, I did. But, I'm not judging."
I put my head in my hand, embarrassed.
"Honey, do you understand what I'm trying to say?"
I thought about everything she had just said, and she was right. Being with Luke was different than being with Mark. I didn't know why really. I didn't understand it at all, but the simple fact remained, being with Luke felt good, and exciting, and strangely, like home.
"Mom, I never thought I would find anyone else after Mark, and then Luke walked back into my life and... Everything has changed," I breathed out. My mother reached over and patted my knee. "I want to open up and let him in, I just don't know how."
"Caroline, I suggest you just follow your heart."
June 29, 2013
Saturday morning I woke up from an incredible dream where I was reliving my time with Luke in the cabin. All my nerve endings were pinging as I threw back the covers to cool myself down. Tomcat was curled in a ball next to me, and I nudged him off the bed because he was creating too much heat. I looked over to see the other bed wasn't slept in last night. Anne Marie and Eva must not have come home.
I climbed out of the bed, went to the bathroom and then back to my room to get some clothes. While I was digging in my bag for some shorts and a tank top, I heard footsteps in the hallway.
"Hello?" I called, but no one answered. I walked to the doorway and peeked out into the hall in time to see the back of someone disappear into the room at the end of the hallway. Then I heard a creaky door open and shut.
I had turned around and pulled off my camisole when I heard someone in the hallway again. Covering myself with my shirt, I peeked around the door jamb again, and jumped out of my skin when I almost ran smack into Luke's broad chest.
"Shit! You have got to quit sneaking up on me like that. What are you doing up here snooping around?"
Luke didn't say anything, but I could see his pupils dilate as he looked at me and then let his eyes travel down my body. Suddenly I realized I had dropped my shirt and was standing there in only my panties. My first instinct was to cover myself, but with my dream so vividly fresh in my mind, I thought I'd entice him instead.
"See something you like?" I asked him sweetly, repeating his earlier words to me, and putting my hands on my hips, pushing my breasts out towards him.
His eyes slowly raised to mine and he swallowed hard. "Savannah, I suggest you put some clothes on before I throw you on the bed and have my way with you."
My skin was starting to tingle, as it always did when Luke was near. I could feel the heat building low in my belly and I knew exactly what I wanted. I was out of my mind, but I didn't care.
"Touch me Luke."
Before I could finish saying his name he was on me. His mouth came crashing down on mine. Hard, his tongue easily gaining entry into my willing mouth. His hand came up to cup my breast, and he rolled my nipple between his fingers, causing me to whimper.
He pulled back from me and looked into my eyes. For a moment I thought he was going to say something, but he didn't. Instead, he leaned down, kissing me again. This kiss was different, it was slow and sweet and I could feel myself melting into him. His hand slid from my breast to my waist, and then down to the outside of my panties.
"Damn baby, you're soaked," he whispered gruffly against my lips.
"I was dreaming and woke up wanting you."
Luke groaned and pulled aside my panties, sliding his fingers through my folds, but not touching the sensitive bud of my desire. I undulated against his hand, urging him not to stop.
"Please Luke."
"Please what, sweet Savannah?" He whispered into my ear. "Tell me what you need."
"I want... I want you to make me come," I moaned out just as his thumb rubbed over my swollen clit.
"It would be my pleasure."
His hands came up to grip my shoulders, gently pushing me backwards until I fell onto my bed. He yanked my panties down and knelt between my knees, pulling my bottom to the edge of the bed and then lifting one of my legs over each of his shoulders.
"I need to taste you," he whispered.
Fuck yes!
I swallowed hard as he slowly placed soft kisses along the inside of my calves, working his way down my inner thigh. My heart was pounding and heat was swirling through my core. As he lowered himself even further his tongue darted out, flicking the tiny nerve center that protruded from my folds.
I writhed against the bed, trying to feel more. A moan escaped my mouth as Luke lowered his lips and pulled my throbbing clit into his mouth. The building pressure coupled with the wet warmth of him was almost my undoing. His tongue slid out and licked the moist slit at my entrance and I bucked off the bed.
"You taste so sweet, I could do this all day," he said against me.
And I would let you.
His words were turning me on as much as his mouth as he continued his assault. Soon I started to feel the pressure increasing, my nerve endings were crying out for release. I whimpered and he dragged two fingers through my swollen folds and inserted them in me. He pumped them in and out as his mouth continued to lick and suck at my clit.
Just when I thought it couldn't get any more intense he curved the fingers inside me and grazed the most sensitive area of my upper wall while grinding his mouth and tongue over me. I cried out his name as I rode the waves of ecstasy pouring over my body.
"Oh. My. God," I said as I looked at Luke through my lashes.
He placed a few more kisses on the inside of my thigh as he rested back on his feet.
"You are even more beautiful when you come."
I blushed what, I'm sure, was a deep shade of crimson, and brought my hands up to my face. Luke pulled my legs off his shoulders and I quickly scooted up on the bed and tried to bring the sheet over my naked body.
"Don't cover yourself, you're gorgeous," Luke said, pulling the sheet from my grip. He moved towards the bed and leaned over me. "Don't be embarrassed. You never have to feel that way with me."
"I'm sorry Luke. I don't know what came over me this morning. It's just that when I saw you there, I couldn't even think straight."
"Stop apologizing. I love pleasing you." He stood and I noticed the bulge in his pants.
"Ohmygosh! Do you want me to help you with that?"
"No sweet girl, don't worry about me. This was all about you," he said, and smiled a devilish grin. Then he leaned down over me and kissed me senseless. I could taste myself on his lips and I grew warm all over again.
"Now, get your sexy ass dressed and meet me in the kitchen, I brought coffee and donuts," he said, standing.
I nodded to him as he left the room. Then, I rolled over and dragged my pillow over my head thinking about how much I wanted him inside me again. Definitely not a good idea right now, but I loved looking at him and knowing he was as affected by me as I was by him. I loved feeling wanted again.
~~~~
Laughter rang out from the kitchen as I made my way down the stairs. When I walked in I saw Anne Marie, Eva and my mother bent over, clutching their sides.
"What's so funny?" I asked.
"Luke was just telling us about the time he took you and Mark in the canoe out to the mud bank for clams and got stuck," my mother laughed.
I turned my attention to Luke who was leaning against the countertop eating a donut. His eyes were filled with amusement.
"What's so funny about that story, Luke?"
"Oh, maybe the way you looked with mud covering your entire body. The only parts of you that were clean were your teeth and the whites of your eyeballs."
"I seem to remember a certain someone pushing me down," I said as I walked over to him, poking him in the side, and snuggling up against him.
"I didn't know your feet were stuck in th
e mud. I expected you to catch yourself and get some mud on your knees and hands, not to fall face first in it," he said, bringing his arms around my waist.
The girls and my mother started laughing all over again. Just then I realized I had no idea why he was even there. He walked in on me this morning and my sex crazed brain went into overdrive without even realizing it.
"What are you doing over here anyway, besides coming to laugh at my expense?"
He lowered his voice so no one else could hear him. "I just wanted to spend some time with you before you go back to Savannah tomorrow."
"Luke, that's really sweet, but I'm going to be working here all day. I won't have any time to get away."
He smiled mysteriously. "I knew that's what you were going to say, so I came to help. I just want to be near you. It doesn't matter what we do." He then stepped away from the counter and placed a kiss on my forehead before addressing the rest of the group, "So, what room do you want me to start in?"
My mom sent Luke and me to the study to work. There wasn't much furniture in the room, but one side of it held some built in cabinets, and there was a closet that was packed to the brim. In fact, when Luke opened it a bunch of stuff fell out and landed at his feet.
I sat on the floor in front of the first cabinet and opened the door. I found a small brown box and set it down in front of my folded legs. Slowly I lifted the hinged lid. Inside were several items. The first was a clam shell with a piece of leather threaded through it to make a necklace. The second was a glass marble with a purple heart shape inside. There was also a dried yellow rose, a pearl, and a piece of notebook paper folded into a small square.
I unfolded the piece of paper and read what was written there.
Savannah,
I found this clam in the bucket the day after we went to the mud bank. You were covered from head to toe, but you didn't complain once. You laughed and smiled at me and I was taken aback by your carefree innocence. I put it on a leather band for you, so you can hang it in your room and remember our adventures every day until we meet again.
Roses are your favorite flower, and I wanted to make sure you know I was listening to every word you said, every day we spent together. I chose a yellow one because you entered my life like a ray of sunshine, warm and comforting, bright and cheerful. You've turned my entire world upside down, but I wouldn't have it any other way.
This marble represents my heart. You now hold it in your hand. It's glass and it's fragile, but I know you'll protect it and keep it safe. Hold it close as a reminder of my feelings for you when I'm not around.
Lastly, the pearl. I also found this in the clam bucket. It reminds me of you with it's perfect imperfections, like the freckles across your nose and cheekbones. Each freckle is a blemish on your otherwise perfect skin, but I adore every single one.
I have never met anyone like you before. You accept me for who I am, and you make me feel special, like I'm the only friend you have in the world, even though I know you have many.
Please write to me. I'll be waiting to hear from you.
Yours Truly,
Luke
He had listed his address at Clemson under his signature. I lifted the clam necklace out of the box and over my head, letting it hang around my neck. I picked up the pearl in one hand while running the tip of my index finger over the surface, noting it's imperfections, which did nothing to mar it's beauty. Luke had compared me to it all those years ago. He had thought I was special then. Now he was here cleaning out my grandmothers closets just to be close to me. I needed to give Luke a chance. I owed him that much, even with my dreams of Mark still haunting me.
I stood with the box and walked over to stand behind him. "Luke?"
He turned away from the closet he was digging through to look at me, and noticed the clam hanging from my neck.
"She really never sent it to you huh?" He asked. I went right into his chest and he folded his arms around me. "I just assumed you didn't feel the same about me back then, and that's why you didn't write."
"I'm so sorry you felt that way. I told you, if I'd have known, I would have written you every day."
"At least we're together again now," he said, kissing my head before bringing his attention back to the task at hand.
As we sorted through everything I couldn't help but steal a few glances in his direction. I caught him looking at me more often than not and every time I did I felt butterflies in my stomach. It was still, even after the intimate time we'd spent together, an unfamiliar, and yet welcome, feeling. I felt wanted again, and cared for. Finally the shattered pieces of my heart were slowly reforming into a stronger, more resilient self. Even with knowing that Luke and Mark were brothers, I didn't regret the time we spent together.
"Savannah?" Luke asked, taking my hands in his.
"Would you let me take you out tonight?"
I didn't hesitate for a moment. If I was going to give him a chance, I knew I needed to get to know the man underneath the buff exterior. "I'd like that very much, Luke"
~~~~
I borrowed the cream sweater that Eva had picked up at Mimi's and the jeans that Anne Marie bought. I curled my hair and pulled it all up into a high pony tail that hung to the middle of my back. Slipping on the black peep toe wedges I left there last week I checked my reflection in the mirror and headed down the stairs. As I rounded toward the kitchen I heard a knock at the back door before it opened.
Luke stood there looking incredibly handsome. My pulse picked up at the sight of him. His dark jeans were almost black and hugged his hips perfectly. He had on a silvery gray button down shirt with the sleeves rolled up to reveal his tanned and toned forearms. He looked delicious. Thank you universe!
"You look amazing," Luke said to me, taking me in his arms for a hug.
I relaxed into his hold, breathing in his woodsy cologne and relishing his strength and warmth. "You're not so bad yourself," I laughed, smiling against his chest. As I pulled back and looked up at him I asked, "So, where are you taking me this evening?"
"That's for me to know and you to find out." He winked at me as he placed a hand on the small of my back and led me out the door.
We drove to Hilton Head and pulled up to an old building right on the beach. Luke opened my door and helped me out of the truck.
"This is one of my favorite places to eat, it's really small inside, so you have to get reservations well in advance, but it's well worth the wait," Luke told me.
"How did you get reservations then?"
"I might have gone to high school with the owner," he said, and beamed at me.
As we walked toward the front door, I saw an old sign hanging from a wrought iron post. Eli's. The white washed brick exterior was covered with rose vines, and the door was heavy and wooden. I wouldn't have known the place was there if I weren't looking for it.
There were only about ten tables inside, but the view was amazing. The entire back wall of the restaurant was folding glass doors. When they were all open, there was no barrier to the deck, allowing the roar of the ocean and the sea breeze to drift inside. Off the deck was a staircase leading down to the sand.
"This is beautiful," I commented, watching the waves crash on the beach.
"Not as beautiful as you."
I looked at Luke and blushed, casting my eyes downward as butterflies soared in my stomach.
"Look at me," he commanded, and I raised my eyes back to his. "I'm serious. You are gorgeous."
"Thank you Luke." I smiled at him as the waitress approached.
After ordering drinks and food Luke asked me about my job and how I liked working for my father.
"It's great, actually," I started. "I wasn't sure if I would like it at first because it's hard to leave work at work when you live with your boss, but my dad likes to unwind as well, so we rarely ever talk about it at home."
"Why don't you have a place of your own?"
"Well..."
"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to," he a
ssured me.
"No, I don't mind. It's just that I haven't ever really talked much about Mark and what happened afterwards. I kind of closed myself off and wouldn't let anyone get close to me for a long time."
I looked up at him, wondering if I said too much. Maybe I shouldn't have brought up Mark. We were supposed to be on a date, so I should have been focusing on us instead of bringing up old boyfriends. Even if Luke was his brother.
"Go on," he urged.
"I'm sorry, we shouldn't talk about this. I'm sure it's awkward for you to hear me talking about my past relationship."
He reached across the table and placed his hand over mine. "Caroline, if you had been with anyone else I may not want to hear all about it, but you were with Mark. As much as I hated watching it happen, he was my best friend, my brother. Looking back, I'm glad that he had you while he did. You made him happy. He died happy because of you."
I wiped away a stray tear with my napkin before laughing and smiling at Luke.
"When the accident happened I was planning to move to Atlanta, just for a little while, and look around for a job. I couldn't imagine going back to Savannah and only seeing Mark a couple times a month. But after everything that happened, I didn't really have any other options. I was depressed and closed off and I needed the only support system I had, which was my family," I told him.
"After about six months," I continued, "my dad said he had a job opening in marketing. He didn't really give me a choice. He had to wake me up every morning and drive me to the office to even get me to go, but after a couple of weeks I found that I was really enjoying myself. I finally had something to focus on besides the overwhelming sense of loss. That's when I finally started to heal. Now, if I could get through those dreams, maybe I would be able to put it all behind me."
"Savannah, Mark was a part of your life for a long time. You needed time to grieve. I don't expect you'll ever stop thinking about him, or loving him, even if you do allow someone else to be a part of your life. I just want you to know that as long as I'm around you can always talk to me about him. I loved him just as much as you did, maybe not in the same way, but I felt his loss equally and I understand what you went through. Even though things were tense between us for a while you never have to hide your feelings about Mark when you're with me. I need to talk about him as much as you do. It's the only way to keep his memory alive."
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