If I Break #4 Shattered Pieces

by Portia Moore

  Except his family therapy doesn’t include me. His new doctor there stressed that in order for him to heal fully that I couldn’t be a part of the equation. She put it more politely than that, but it still felt like a sledgehammer to my heart. I couldn’t believe the jealousy I felt when the Scotts would come and pick up Caylen to go see him. Aidan has been around a lot getting their car restoration business set up. He says he’s doing good, but I don’t get any more details than that. Raven could even see him if she chose to, but me, I’m not allowed. I’ve fantasized about driving up there and running past the guards and throwing myself into his arms but his mental health comes before my loneliness, my ache for him. Everyone’s picked up on my loneliness because they don’t mention their visits and barely say his name anymore. I pull out my journal and I start my letter to him. These are letters I don’t plan on sending because communication is a no-no between us, but I’d go crazy if I couldn’t get everything out. If it weren’t for Caylen, I would have checked myself in there just to be near him. Insane right?

  “Hey sweetie,” Mrs. Scott calls out to me, with a warm smile. Whether she says it or not she sees what is hidden behind my mask.

  “Hey.” I reach out for her hand to squeeze it. “I think I’m going to grab a cocktail. You want anything?”

  “Just a lemonade please.” Her phone vibrates, and she looks down at it and sighs.

  “Lauren, can you run back to my room. I left the little thingy there that charges my phone,” she asks.

  “Of course,” I tell her. She hands me her room key and I trek my way back through the villa to our rooms. This was my first splurge in such a long time. The three bedroom, four bathroom villa overlooks a private beach. I swipe the key and walk in and spot the portable charger on the coffee table and grab it, ready to fill up on a Long Island Ice Tea.

  “Hey babe,” his voice steals my breath. I’m afraid to turn around, afraid it’s a dream because if it is, I will melt right into the floor in my own puddle of tears when I wake. I turn around and when my eyes land on him, my face breaks out into a smile, and one spreads across his face to match. It’s beautiful and brilliant, and I missed it so much. My first instinct is to run over to him and jump in his arms and breathe in his scent. I want to study his face, every perfect inch of it and run my hands through his hair which is perfectly messy, similar to how it was when we first met, but my feet are frozen.

  “Are you okay? You didn’t escape did you?” My voice is only above a whisper and his eyes crinkle at the ends, and he lets out a deep glorious laugh. His dimples are deep and they wink at me.

  “I signed myself in, gorgeous. No escape plan needed.” His eyes take me in like I’m his most favorite gift, and I start to tremble when he begins to approach me. I’m afraid to move. The sun is hitting him, making him look ethereal. His eyes are grey with a green back drop.

  “Are you better?” I ask him my voice breaking as I look up at him. I close my eyes and pray that it’s yes. I couldn’t bear it if he says this is just a visit, that he has to go back. He lifts me up by the waist, so we’re eye to eye. His presence envelops me, causing electricity to shoot through me but peace, too, wraps it’s way around my skin.

  His eyes narrow in on mine and the mischievousness in him causes me to bite my lower lip.

  “Better than ever.” My lips gravitate to his, and they enrapture mine. I feel the tenderness of Chris’s soft kisses, the expertise of Collin’s tongue, and the domination of Cal’s grip on my waist holding me against his hard chest. I wrap my arms around his neck as one of his hands moves widely through my hair and the other holds me up. When I break away I’m breathless, light-headed, and I feel high like I’m dreaming but if I wake up I’ll scream. I lean my head against his, and I want to ask so many questions. But the moment I feel the signature trace of his name on my back, and his lips on my neck, and he sings a part of my favorite song— tears of joy fall from my eyes. He sets me down, and goes in his back pocket to pull out a ring. My hands cover my mouth as he gets down on one knee.

  “I was supposed to wait, but I want another run at this. A fresh start where you have the man you should have had from the beginning.”

  I shake my head. “No,” I tell him, and he frowns but he’s wearing an amused grin. “You’ve always been perfect.”

  …Almost 2 years Later

  “Oh my gosh, I think they’re having a soccer match in there.” I rub my stomach to try to calm the twins down. My standard position has been sitting with a pillow behind my back since it feels like a watermelon is tied to my stomach.

  “Mommy, can I kiss the babies,” Caylen asks sweetly before puckering her lips and kissing my stomach before I can even answer.

  “She’s so cute…” Lisa says watching Caylen and Willa run around the gallery, playing some new version of cops and robbers I’m guessing. We closed an hour ago, and the gallery has become a second home for me since I spend so much time here. We have been so busy that we expanded to the lot next door.

  “So you’re sure that all that you’ve told me, you want to share with the world? And you want me to be the person to write it?”

  “You’re the perfect person, Lisa. You actually can convey who he is so people will understand.”

  “You might as well since you made my family’s story a best seller,” his voice is sarcastic, but that’s a step-up from how upset he was when Lisa’s story hit the best sellers list. Names were changed to protect the innocent and the guilty but feelings were hurt, and memories that were buried that we had learned to mourn in silence, were brought back from the dead.

  “You’re an amazing writer, babe. Who better to tell the story than someone who was smack dab in the middle of it.” Aidan flops down next to us on the sofa and lays his head on Lisa’s lap.

  “I wasn’t in all of it, Aidan. I got left out of the last chapter,” she teases him, with an elbow to the chest and he gives her a quick kiss on the lips. I smile at them, glad that they found happiness with each other. I can’t say that I saw that coming but once she moved in with Aidan and I saw him starting to look like a sad puppy whenever her name was mentioned, I knew where it was going.

  “You have love, romance, family drama, and a little bit of suspense after Dexter Sr. went to jail,” Aidan adds.

  “If you call that soft, cushy federal prison punishment,” Cal grumbles, and I pull him by the neck to me to kiss him. There’s a knock on the door.

  “We’re closed,” Cal yells out as if they can hear him. “Go get the door, Aidan. If I see you swap spit with Lisa again, I’m going to throw up.” He says inhaling a bag full of Skittles, and then picks up the Harry Potter book he had read to the girls earlier.

  “Chris, old buddy you’re closest to the door.” Aidan teases him.

  “Babe, can you go see?” I pout to him. He throws his head back and grumbles before getting up. Lisa grabs her phone and hits record.

  “I’ll get it, so we don’t have to hear him bitch about it all night,” Aidan teases him, and I don’t warn him in time before Cal stretches his leg out to trip him. He catches his fall and snatches Cal’s bag of Skittles. Lisa and I trade amused glances at how childish they are.

  “I think the best place to start… is… after Cal pulled a gun on his step-dad,” she says casually.

  “Well… after Cal came home, he was distraught. I’d never seen him like that. I couldn’t sleep, my heart felt like it was in my throat the entire night…” He rubs my stomach spelling out his full name.

  “How can we help you?” I hear Aidan ask.

  “I-I’m looking for Calvin Scott.” All of our attention turns to the door. A beautiful girl is standing there, long dark hair, tall, and striking. I swallow the lump in my throat as my eyes dart to Cal who gives me a questioning look because he doesn’t know who she is. He better not. I push myself off the sofa and stand.

  “I’m sorry, who are you?” I ask as politely as I can, trying to keep the worry and jealousy out of my voice.

 
“I know this might be… it might seem strange but…. I’m pretty sure I’m his sister.”

  Fin…

  Afterword

  I can say thank you a million times and it wouldn’t be enough but still I’ll say it once more. Thank you for reading and following along with the crazy lives of the Scotts. I thank God for each and every one of you. Special thanks to my girls in the Twisted Party Possee and Kelly Giannini for spit shining this for me.

  Want to be kept up to date on all news related to them and my other new releases? Join my reader group on Facebook here

  https://www.facebook.com/groups/Portiaspartyposse/

  Follow me on Instagram here

  https://www.instagram.com/portiamoorewrites/

  Email me personally at portiacmoore@gmail.com

  Continue to read for a sneak peak of Portia’s next book. He Lived Next Door….

  He Lived Next Door Bonus - Prologue

  Bryce

  Five Years Ago

  I knew I was in love with her the second I heard her voice.

  It was meant to be. Fate that Jax left his book at our apartment and I felt like not being a jerk-off and brought it to him, fate that I arrived early to his class and stepped in the lecture hall out of boredom, and fate that I came in at the exact right time to hear her words. Words I’d replay in my mind well after today.

  “You can’t know someone’s story without reading the pages of their book.”

  They were so simple, but they imprinted on my thoughts. Her voice replayed in my mind even when I wanted to shake her from it.

  It was a moment.

  The moment, the slice of time in life, when you know, its existence will change the course of every moment after.

  I stay the rest of the class. I want her to speak again. I’m anxious as others ask questions and the professor drones on, everything that comes after is unimportant, and each person that speaks does so with words that aren’t as eloquent as hers; their voices aren’t as beautiful. I’m about to risk looking like a crazy stalker and walking right down to where she is when the professor ends class. When Jax comes out I corner him and ask him about her. He looks at me as if I’m crazy, so I run toward the crowd of students leaving his classroom. He grabs my arm to stop me. “I heard her say it in your class and you don’t know who she is, so I have to find her,” I tell him manically.

  He lets out a frustrated groan because he knows I’ve gone from zero to a hundred. That doesn’t happen often, but when it does, that’s it. I’d run through a wall. We’ve been best friends since our sophomore year of high school, so he knows when there’s no stopping me and he might as well jump on board.

  I hurry down the hallway, trying to catch her even though I have no clue what she looks like. The hall is flooded with students leaving their classes. I rush out the main door and stand by it, hoping she’ll be talking and I’ll recognize her voice. I search each girl’s face as they pile outside. Some smile at me and I make sure to give each one my best charming smile in case it’s her.

  “You’ve lost it.” Jax chuckles, and when I don’t answer, he looks at me as if I’ve lost my mind.

  Maybe I have lost my mind, because you’re crazy to come to a dead stop on one of the busiest streets in Chicago—not to mention on a Monday, where even a slight stroll can get you trampled or knocked over.

  “I’ve got to find whoever said that,” I tell him again.

  He covers his face as I search through the crowd. “I told you I could just ask at my next class.” He sounds annoyed but slightly amused.

  “No, you’ll only half-ass it.” I wave him off, and he nods in defeat.

  “You didn’t even get a glimpse of what she looked like. She could be dog-faced, man.”

  I give him the middle finger and weave through the crowd of people. But the voice is gone, disappeared into a sea of conversations and street noises.

  “Ugh!” I yell in frustration, gripping my head and avoiding people rushing to their next destination.

  It’s a cold day here in Chicago, and being close to the lake has made the cold wind bone-chilling. That makes it worse for me, since people are not only in a hurry to get where they’re going, but to get off the street to somewhere warm. Panic creeps up my chest. What if I never find her? It’ll drive me crazy.

  “I’ve got to find her,” I tell Jax again, feeling anxiousness course through me. I look around and spot a mailbox and newspaper box. I slither through the crowd and climb on top of it. “Attention, everyone, attention, please! In…”

  I turn to Jax and ask his professor’s name. He tells me, begrudgingly.

  “In Professor Garrison’s class, who said, ‘You can’t know someone’s story without reading the pages of their book’?”

  Of course no one says anything.

  “You can’t know someone’s story without reading the pages of their book!” I yell again.

  I get a couple of glances and giggles from the crowd, but most people keep walking. People in downtown Chicago are accustomed to outrageous, outlandish behavior, and most don’t pay me any attention. I shout it again, and soon Jax is shouting it with me. Even if he is shaking his head in disdain, he’s used to my ridiculousness, and what’s a friendship if you can’t be ridiculous together?

  “If you said that, I have to talk to you,” I shout, and I sound desperate even to myself but I don’t care, I have to know her.

  We shout together, this time garnering more attention. After about five minutes, I look at Jax, whose face is red from the cold. I begrudgingly get down off the mailbox.

  “We’re done, Jax,” I tell him.

  He looks completely relieved. “What were we just acting like two maniacs for?”

  “You know me. I’m an idiot sometimes.” I sigh in defeat.

  “Uhm, I think you guys were looking for me maybe?”

  It’s the voice! My blood warms up, but I hesitate, because I’m almost afraid to see who said it, whose voice grabbed my heart and didn’t let go. Am I really ready to hand it over to someone? I haven’t even let a girl borrow it, but this girl stole it and had it in her keeping before I’d even seen her face. Jax is facing her already and his eyebrows are raised, his smile big and goofy as it always is when he sees a cute girl, and I know she’s not a ‘dog-face’.

  “This guy here, actually,” he says begrudgingly, patting my shoulder.

  I take a deep breath and turn around. My heart slams against my rib cage. She’s beautiful, totally and completely. Her cheeks and nose are red, but the rest of her skin is flawless, not one blemish. Long blond hair pours from underneath her hood. Her eyes are big and bright and the color of honey, and her lips are exactly how I imagined them, perfect, plumped and curved into a grin. Next to her is an older woman who has to be her mother. They have the exact same eyes, and her mother’s hair is just a tad darker. She looks annoyed and skeptical, her gaze darting between Jax and me.

  “Say something, Romeo,” Jax says in my ear before giving me a hard elbow to my ribs.

  “You, you said that, what I was yelling earlier?” I ask even though I know it was her.

  She nods nervously. Her pink lips have a gloss over them and they’re pursed, lips I imagine kissing a thousand times. There’s a hint of a smile on them, and I’m praying she doesn’t smile fully because it might stop my heart.

  “What do you gentlemen want?” her mom chimes in. She sounds completely irritated and that should scare me out of what I’m about to say next, but it doesn’t.

  “I-I had to know whose voice said those words because I fell in love with it.” I feel her mother scowling at me, but it doesn’t matter. She smiles, and I have to remind myself to breathe. Our eyes lock, and she stares into mine, studying me. I want to be her open book.

  “Do you guys want money? Is that what this is about? Because there are much easier ways,” her mother interjects angrily.

  “We don’t want any money, ma’am. If we were paid to do this, I’d have made sure he came up with a much
better line.” Jax is trying to lighten the mood using his easygoing charm, but I don’t even know if it’s working because all I see is her.

  She glances at Jax briefly before her eyes return to mine.

  “I’m Chassidy.”

  She stretches her hand out and I take it, gripping it in both of mine. I feel it, what my dad said I’d feel when I met the one. It’s a culmination of excitement, euphoria, and fear all wrapped up in one, traveling to every part of my body, making me light and dizzy.

  “You have to let me take you out,” I say, realizing how desperate I sound.

  “What if she’s married, young man?” her mom asks.

  My heart drops. Why wouldn’t she be married? She’s beautiful and smart. She looks about twenty, but still, I know it’s possible.

  “Then my heart would be broken.”

  She rolls her eyes, but Chassidy squeezes my hand.

  “I’m not married.”

  With her words, my face breaks into one of the biggest smiles I’ve ever experienced. She blushes, her skin turning the color her nose and cheeks are from the cold. I want to make her blush like that every day.