by Tia Siren
“Brad, we have to figure out the logistics though. We both have thriving careers. I don’t see how either one of us can pick up and move.”
“I was willing to do just that. I applied for the only job I could find out there, but I got shot down,” he mumbled.
“You did?” I asked in surprise. “When did you do that? I didn’t know you were even considering it.”
He smiled. “I told you when I was there that I was serious. Mia, I want this to work between us. We’re compatible. We get along and you cannot deny that we are fucking amazing together in the sex department.”
I felt a blush coming on and quickly calmed myself down. “I guess I didn’t realize you were already trying. That’s great. I’m so excited for you to live back in New York.”
He was shaking his head. “I said I tried, but I didn’t get the job. I can’t move without a job lined up. You’re going to have to move here.”
I blinked. “What?”
He shrugged a shoulder. “You’ll have to move here. You can move in with me, or we can find you your own place to rent for a while if that makes you feel more comfortable.”
“Brad!”
“What?”
“Are you serious? I can’t even believe you right now!”
“Are you mad?” he asked as if it were the craziest notion possible.
“Yes!”
He looked at me as if he truly didn’t understand why I was pissed. “Mia, you said you wanted to talk about the pact. Throw me a bone here. What’s going on?”
I stood up, needing to pace. “You are the one who chased me down. You are the one who brought up the pact and wanted to make it happen. Now you expect me to give up everything and move to LA to be with you? You get to stay in your home and at your comfy job while I’m forced to get in the unemployment line and house hunt?” I shrieked.
“Why was it okay for me to do that, but when I ask you to do it, it’s the end of the world?”
“Because you started this!”
I knew I sounded ridiculous. He had a point. I wasn’t thinking rationally. I took a deep breath, waiting for him to respond.
“Mia, I want this to work. I do, but I can’t live in New York if I don’t have a job. I’m not going to be a mooch.”
“Brad, my mom is in New York. I can’t leave my mom. The fashion world is in New York City. I wouldn’t be able to do what I love if I moved,” I said, feeling defeated.
“I understand. I’m sorry. I feel the same way about my job. I don’t know who I am without the radio. This marriage pact, it means something. We made a promise to each other a long time ago, and I’m serious about keeping it. It’s important,” he stressed.
“It was just something that was said on a night with too much alcohol. It isn’t important.”
He shook his head. “I meant it then and I mean it now. I don’t offer to marry everyone, and I don’t want to marry anyone else. I want to marry you.”
“I don’t think that really matters. Marriage is a mutual decision. I can’t get my head around the idea of marrying someone because of a drunken promise.”
He smirked. “I think about half the marriages I’ve heard about are because of drunken promises.”
I rolled my eyes. “My point exactly—made and broken once the shine wears off. Is that really what you want?”
“No, it isn’t, and it doesn’t have to be with us. We’ve known each other for almost twenty years. That is longer than most marriages. That has to mean something. We have what it takes to make it.”
I sighed. I wanted to believe his words, but the more practical side of me realized it was all a fantasy. “I don’t think we do,” I said softly. “I don’t want to end up hating each other.”
We both went silent, lost in our own thoughts. I laid my head on the table, covering it with my arms. I figured I may as well get everything out on the table. If we were going to even try to make it work, I wanted to do it with complete honesty.
“Brad, I’m suffering from baby fever,” I blurted out.
I looked up to judge his reaction. “You have what?”
“Baby fever. It’s the whole biological-clock thing. I’m running out of time to have a child. It’s making me a little crazy. I was fine until you showed up in my life and reminded me of all the things I had said I wanted. I was okay, and then you dangled the idea like a carrot in front of me. I didn’t think I cared. Then you left and a girl at work got pregnant, and now I’m freaking out.”
He was smiling as he extended his hand, gesturing for me to go to him. I did as he wanted, walking around the table to stand next to his chair. He grabbed me around the waist before pulling me onto his lap. I felt silly and completely ridiculous. I sat stiffly on his lap.
“Mia,” he murmured.
“What?”
His arms pulled me against his chest. “Relax.”
I scoffed. “I can’t relax. You put me on this speeding train and now I don’t know how to get off or whether I want to get off. You really threw a wrench in my life,” I said.
He chuckled. “Good. If you want babies, I’ll give you babies.”
His mouth moved to my neck, gently nuzzling it. I could feel myself relaxing into him. It felt good to be in his arms. It felt too good. It was then I realized something horrible.
I loved him. He had made me fall in love with him all over again, and he didn’t feel the same. He wanted my body and my companionship, but love was not part of the equation. I couldn’t do that. I wanted more. I wanted to feel loved and be loved. Sex was great, and having a warm body beside me in bed every night would be nice, but I wanted it all. I couldn’t settle.
“No,” I said, sitting up and pushing away.
His arms pulled me close again. “Come on, we both want the same thing. We’re great together,” he cajoled.
I shoved back and freed myself from the arms he had clamped around me.
“You don’t know what I want,” I mumbled, feeling trapped.
“Mia, you just told me you want kids. I do, too. Are you saying you don’t want to get married?”
I looked at him, wanting to shake him. How could he be so oblivious? I wasn’t going to spell it out.
“I think we both know that is stupid. This has been fun, but the real world is waiting for us. I had a good time. I’m glad we’re friends again,” I said, almost choking on the word. “We can still text and keep in touch, but that’s probably as much as I can offer.”
He was shaking his head, and I knew he was frustrated. I was hot and cold and just a total mess. I had thought I wanted to marry him and have the kids and the house. I couldn’t say exactly when it happened, but somewhere over the past few days, something had changed. I had fallen in love with him, and meanwhile, he was hung up on a no-feelings-attached marriage pact.
“Mia, I don’t know what you’re doing. I don’t like games. I’m not going to be your yo-yo,” he said, clearly frustration.
I shrugged a shoulder. “Then don’t be.”
I walked out and headed for the spare bedroom. Once again, our time together was ending on a sour note. He was right; games were for kids.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Brad
I hated waking up without her beside me. Last night had ended with her sleeping on the couch. I had a guest room but no guest bed. Why would I? Anyone who stayed over slept in my bed. No matter how much I had tried to convince her to come to bed with me, she wouldn’t budge. I rolled out of bed and walked into the living room in just my boxers.
She was sitting up, staring off into space. She looked so sad. I wanted to soothe away her worries and the stress I had caused. That had never been my intention.
“Hi,” I said, sitting beside her and pulling her onto my lap.
She reluctantly sat on my lap and leaned her head against my shoulder. “Hi.”
I kissed the top of her head and ran my fingertips up and down her arm in a soothing motion. She relaxed against me, and her soft body felt good agains
t my chest. It was where she belonged always and forever. I wasn’t going to let her go. She was mine. She owned my entire heart. I would never feel what I felt for Mia for anyone else. It was as if she lived in my heart. If she left me, I wasn’t sure I could live.
We sat in silence, simply enjoying the last of her visit. We didn’t have to talk. There had been plenty said. We were stuck in a circle, and the only way I saw things changing was if I changed them. I had to make the change.
“Are you all packed?” I asked softly.
She nodded. “I am. I have to leave in an hour or so.”
“I’ll go with you.”
“You don’t need to. I’m sure you have other stuff to do.”
“Nothing is as important as you. Mia, you are my whole life.”
Her breath hitched. “I know that’s not true. You have a great life here in LA. I’m not a part of that. I’m not upset—please don’t think I’m angry with you. I mean, I was last night, but I do understand. You have a great life here. I know how much you love surfing. I can’t ask you to give that up.”
I chuckled. “I could surf on the east coast.”
“You’d freeze.”
“There is plenty of surfing over there. I just never was interested in it before and never bothered looking into it. I know you love New York. You’ve been there your entire life. You live and breathe that city. I understand that.”
I gave a long sigh. “I have, and I do love it. It isn’t just because I’m afraid to move. I love the city and the opportunities and the fashion.”
I squeezed her. “I know. I understand.”
“I should finish getting ready. I need to call an Uber to get me to the airport.”
She leaned up to look at me, and I took advantage of it. I kissed her, softly and gently at first, trying to do everything I could to infuse how much I cared for her into the kiss. When she pulled away and looked into my eyes, I could see how sad she was. It felt like she was ripping my heart out. I had done that to her.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
She offered a wane smile. “I know. I’m sorry, too.”
I rode with her to the airport and we said our good-byes. I had never truly understood when people used the term “broken heart” until now. My heart hurt as we parted ways. It was an odd feeling. When we had said good-bye in the past, I had been bummed. This was different. I felt as if I were losing a part of me.
I couldn’t live with part of my heart missing. I had to beef up my efforts to find a job. It was up to me to move. I had Sunday off, which gave me a lot of time to search for jobs and homes as well as miss her. She would text me when she landed, but I immediately felt her absence. She was going home and back to work. She would settle back into her life—without me.
On Monday, I called Jaxon, asking him to carve out some time to meet with me. I dressed in business-casual attire and met with him in his office.
“You’re really kind of freaking me out,” he said as soon as he saw me. “What’s this about? You never dress like that or come to my office.”
I shrugged. “I want to talk to you about a proposal, and I need you to take me seriously. I want you to think of me as a guy with a successful show on the station you work for, not as your friend.”
“Oh shit. You want more money, right? You have to know that is not my department. I sell you to other people. I can’t sell you to the owners.”
I nodded my head and sat down in a chair. “Yes, you can. It’s what you do.”
He groaned and sat in the chair behind his desk. “What do you want?”
I smiled. “I want to move to New York.”
“Again? I thought you were over that.”
I shook my head. “I don’t think I’m going to get over it, and I can’t expect her to move here. Her whole life is in New York; it always has been. I can’t ask her to move here.”
He rubbed his eyes. “Brad, I’m not even going to try to talk you out of this. It’s obvious you want this woman. I’m only a little pissed I never got a chance to meet her.”
I chuckled. “We only had a few days together. The last thing we wanted to do was spend time going out for a meet and greet.”
“I’m not just a meet and greet.”
“Anyway, I need some help finding a job over there. I know you know people in the business. Can you reach out and sell me to them?” I asked sincerely.
“I can try. I have a few contacts out there. I make no promises, though.”
I nodded. “That’s all I can ask. Can you give me the stats for the show so I can use them when I apply for these jobs you are going to find me?”
He laughed. “I’m glad you’re so confident in me.”
“I have to be.”
He nodded and punched some buttons on the keyboard before his printer started spitting out papers.
“Here you go,” he said. “I’ll see what I can find.”
“I’ll check in with you tomorrow,” I said, standing, feeling a little better about my predicament.
“That’s not a lot of time.”
“I don’t have a lot of time,” I replied.
“Man, you got it bad,” he murmured.
I did have it bad. I went to my office and beefed up my resume with the new numbers Jaxon had provided. On paper, I looked good. I couldn’t understand why the other station had passed me up. I didn’t have any scandals in my past, and there weren’t any skeletons in my closet that could threaten my career. I was a solid bet.
On Wednesday, Jaxon called me in the morning to let me know he had exhausted all his leads. There was nothing out there. I thanked him and figured it was time for Plan B.
I once again asked for a meeting with Jaxon, and this time with the bosses too.
“You ready for this?” Jaxon asked as we waited outside the conference room.
I nodded. “Ready as I’ll ever be. This is my last chance. You’ve got to help me convince them this is a good thing. They’re still going to make money, and I won’t technically be going anywhere.”
“I get it, I do, but these guys are old school.”
I shrugged a shoulder. “Then now is as good a time as any to get with the times. Satellite is where it’s at.”
He laughed. “You were just bitching about the satellite gig.”
“This is different. I keep my show, my audience, and my home base.”
“Gentlemen, they’re ready for you,” the pretty young receptionist announced.
Jaxon smiled at her, and I knew he was about to lay on the charm. “Not now,” I growled, grabbing his elbow and pulling him away from the woman.
“You suck. She’s gorgeous.”
“She’s also your boss’s daughter.”
“Oh, shit. I didn’t know that.”
I nodded. “Trust me. I found out the hard way.”
Jaxon laughed. “Glad it was you and not me.”
“It wasn’t anything serious. I had just started flirting when he introduced her. It was a near miss.”
We walked into the conference room, and nerves instantly crept up on me. Thankfully, Jaxon was cool as a cucumber. This was his thing. On the water, I was the cool one with all the confidence in the world, but this was his arena, and I was more than happy to sit back and let him run the show. He was very good at his job.
“Satellite is the way to go. It saves operating costs while giving you maximum exposure. The show has the potential to grow bigger and better, but we have to branch out,” Jaxon said.
He looked at me and silently asked for permission. I nodded my head.
“You need to know that Brad has already been approached about moving to Sirius. If that happens, you are going to be the one buying the show to keep his audience here in LA happy. This is a win-win for you. Brad can work from New York, increasing your audience and, ultimately, your advertising dollars.”
I sat back and waited, watching the reactions of the men across the table. They were hesitant. There were obviously some logistical details
that would have to be ironed out, but it could work. I had to make it work. It was my last shot at keeping the show I had built and building my new life with Mia.
At the end of the meeting, I wasn’t given an answer.
As Jaxon and I walked out, he slapped a hand on my shoulder. “Don’t give up yet. Let them crunch the numbers. I think we had two of them convinced.”
I guffawed. “But not the one that counts.”
“Give it time. The old guy doesn’t like change. He’s always reluctant to do anything edgy or different. Don’t push it. Keep doing a good job and increase your listeners. You have to prove to him you’re a valuable commodity.”
“I am a valuable commodity,” I shot back.
He nodded. “I get it. Relax a little. We should know something by early next week. For now, focus on the show. If I hear of any jobs over there, I’ll let you know. You never know when the next scandal is going to pop up. One man’s grabby hands and potty mouth could mean you get your dream job.”
I laughed. “I never thought I would be hoping for someone to get fired, but I am.”
He shrugged. “There’s only one way to get to the top, and that’s by the top thinning out and making room for rising stars.
I nodded my head, thanked him for his help, and headed for my office. I hadn’t told Mia what I was doing. I didn’t want to disappoint her if I couldn’t make it work. I felt a little guilty for keeping something so big from her, but I wanted to make sure I could make it happen before I said anything. Honesty was important to her, and I understood that. I wasn’t lying; I just wasn’t telling her everything.
We had been texting. It was more a checking-in and sharing-our-days thing. I called her after my show every night and talked to her while she lay in bed. I loved hearing the sound of her voice, even if it was from three-thousand miles away.
Chapter Thirty
Mia
My heart felt like a steel ball in my chest pounding against my breastbone as I stared down at my bathroom counter. My world had tilted off its axis. I shook my head, not believing what I was seeing. It couldn’t be real.