by Tia Siren
“Tired?” he asked softly. I smiled at him.
“I think I’m going to be tired for a while. I’m happy. That’s what matters,” I assured him. He nodded and covered my hand with his. We walked Lucy to the door and got the house locked up before putting Elle to bed in her bassinet. I fell against the pillows in the master bedroom, completely exhausted from the day.
CHAPTER 21
Ryan
The alarm went off, and I reached out blindly to hit snooze. I could feel Brea beside me, breathing heavily on her side as she slept hard.
Newborns didn’t sleep. I knew that now. We were roused from a light sleep at least every two hours. Brea asked me to bring the bassinet right against the bed so she could put Elle down as soon as she fell asleep, but that never lasted. Brea finally piled up pillows and rested Elle on her chest so she couldn’t move and they both slept that way. I made sure she wouldn’t move before sliding a hand over Elle’s back to feel her there.
I was going into New York today to present the idea I’d been working so hard on. With my mother being in rehab and Brea’s father having his own issues, I’d gone ahead with an alcohol treatment center that was much more than just a glorified spa. I appreciated that my mom was in a good place to get help, but it felt so far away from our family. We could visit, but it was always a rushed couple of hours. It was awkward, as it would be in a hospital room no matter what the scenery, and I wanted to make something with a warmer environment.
My idea was a treatment center on the outskirts of New York City that offered as much support for the family as for the patients. I wanted to offer support and therapy to them during the harder times of recovery. I wanted to offer rooms where family members could stay a night or two once the doctors were comfortable with the idea.
I knew that for my family, one of the hardest parts of rehab was being separated. Mom often felt scared and alone, and I prayed that this new one stuck given that it was the same set of circumstances. We were there as much as we could be, but I spent little time with her since the baby had arrived early.
I kissed Brea and Elle good-bye as I grabbed my coffee and left to make the drive. I was painfully tired as I sipped my drink, feeling like there wasn’t enough caffeine in the world for me. Judging by the circles under Brea’s eyes, she felt the same way, and she was nourishing our daughter with her body and energy on top of losing sleep.
I longed to do more for her, but today I needed to talk to investors to get things moving. I needed a good amount of money since this was going to be a state-of-the-art, spacious place. I wanted to not have any financial limits if possible. I’d had a friend help me put together a Power Point presentation to show them every goal outlined in detail. I was dressed in one of my best suits and hoped for success as I left Greenwich and headed into the city, already missing home.
I parked in the garage near the office of the family lawyer, who had offered me his conference room for the meeting. We walked together into the room where he showed me the equipment and told me how to use it before the caterer brought in a tray of pastries, bagels, and coffee.
I paced by the window as I waited for the investors and sent a text to Brea to see how things were going. She said Elle was sleeping and that she was stretched out on the couch, attempting to doze. I told her I would call her later and shoved the phone in my pocket after silencing it.
The men started to make their way in. I greeted them with handshakes and a confident smile. I gestured to the coffee and breakfast offerings as they took their seats. I went to the head of the table, mentally preparing myself.
I started with a detailed explanation of my idea, separating it from every other recovery facility I’d ever seen in my life. I highlighted the amenities for the patients before going into what I wanted to offer for their families. I broke down my ideas for support and therapy and the chance to stay a weekend with their loved ones during the process. The families would have as much interaction with the staff as the patient did so that they could be aware of every step of their loved one’s recovery. I wanted open and honest communication at this facility.
I wanted everything my mother and other alcoholics hadn’t gotten yet.
My part of the presentation lasted an hour. Everyone sipped coffee and took notes on paper and phones. I thanked them for coming, leaving the structure on the screen as they talked among themselves. I knew from dealing with people through the bank that they were impressed. I poured another cup of coffee and allowed the level of my exhaustion to settle in for a minute.
Half an hour later, I was collecting checks from the men and the lawyer was handing out the contracts, breaking down their involvement and return investment as I shook hands and thanked them for their funding.
Once we were alone, I went with Dean to his private office as his receptionist told the staff to enjoy the remaining pastries. He took the checks, and we figured out that we had everything I had asked for and more. I had a goal of opening in six months from now. Dean and I got a plan going and I did some research on contractors.
I saw that my father was calling me and excused myself to take the call. I remembered the days when I avoided his calls for fear of a fight.
“Hey, Dad,” I greeted him cheerfully as I walked around the office. “I got the money I need for the center this morning.”
“That’s great, Son,” Dad told me, and I grinned. “How’s the baby?”
“She’s keeping us both up. These first few weeks are rough,” I admitted. He remained quiet on the other end. “At least we’re in the house and she’s getting some good scenery, right?” I asked jokingly as I ran a hand through my perfectly messy hair.
“That they are. Let anyone know if you need anything at all,” he said, and I thanked him. “I called to let you know that the money is set up in both of your accounts at the amounts you asked for. I took the liberty of paying off Brea’s loans so she can relax and be a mom to that wonderful baby of yours.” Warmth rush through me, not having expected that of him. The money in her account was generous enough with Brea paying the school loans, but without doing that, she could truly relax.
“Thank you, Dad. I appreciate that.” It was true. We could move forward with our lives now, and I smiled as we chatted a little longer. I couldn’t wait to tell Brea what he’d done as I turned back to Dean to finish business.
It took longer than expected. I felt oddly excited to go home and see Brea and Elle. I beamed as Dean asked me how the baby was doing. I think I felt more joy discussing them than work, but I assured myself that it was just different as opposed to more.
He offered to take the checks to the bank for me so I could get home, but I told him I’d do it myself. It was just a block away. I shook his hand again, thanking him for his help. I couldn’t have done this without him. Then I took the elevator down to the lobby.
The city was loud. That was my first thought as I walked out onto the crowded street. I blended in with the people, hoping nobody would recognize me as I walked along. I’d been low-key as of late and enjoyed it. I didn’t want to share anything about Brea and Elle. I got to the bank and walked inside. A teller looked up, recognition crossing her face.
I got in line and waited as other people looked around when she started talking to her colleagues. I wanted to tell her to shut the fuck up, but it was too late. My phone buzzed and I glanced down at the screen to see a picture of Elle that Brea had sent me. She was wide awake and damn near smiling, making my heart fill with warmth.
“Mr. Hall?” someone called out, and I almost groaned.
I walked toward the original teller, and she looked at me as if I was going to ask her out or something. I told her what I was here for and slid her the envelope of checks. I wished I’d opted for the electronic version of this. She reacted to the large amount and asked what my new business venture was. I looked at her quietly.
“It’s still in the works,” I replied, not wanting to even hint about the treatment center with my mother away in one
. That was still out of the news and we all preferred to keep it that way.
I escaped without her finding anything out, but not before her heavy flirting began. She was a pretty girl and that sort of thing used to tempt me, but now I just wanted to be home. I grabbed some of Brea’s favorite pastries on the way out and left the city behind with relief. I used to thrive on the constant buzz of this city. I knew all it had to offer me. Looking back, most of that stuff was empty now. The women and the parties hadn’t done a damn thing for me in the end.
Getting home to Brea and Elle was more fulfilling than anything else. I knew I felt chaotic and irritable due to a lack of sleep. I just wanted to be home, surrounded by trees and the ocean, holding my daughter and giving Brea a break. She was going to push herself because that was who she was, and I wouldn’t allow it. She deserved better.
I spoke to some contractors on the drive, surprised by how fast they called back. After making mental notes as I spoke to each of them, I knew who I was going to go with. I would text Dean when I arrived home and tell him to draw up the contracts. I needed professionals who knew what they were doing. This had to be perfect. With the amount of money I’d just been handed, there was no room for failure. I wanted people to get support and help the first time around to avoid further pain. I wanted to bring families closer together through the recovery process.
Brea’s father might have still been alive if this had existed for him, and I could have gotten back years of happiness with Mom.
I pulled into town and drove to the house, still in shock that it was ours. I parked in the large garage and made my way inside to see Brea sitting with Elle on the couch. She talked softly to her, making faces. I smiled as I watched her and felt something surge through me that made me hold on to the wall.
“Hey,” I greeted her. She turned to smile at me. “I brought you something from the city.”
Brea’s eyes lit up as she recognized the bag.
“Oh my god! Thank you. We haven’t had a lot of time to find new favorite places around here, have we?”
“We will. Want a break?” I asked. She grinned and moved up for the bag. I heard her in the kitchen as I picked up my daughter, seeing the contentment on her face that showed she’d just been fed.
“The investors ate it up. I think we’re going to break ground soon.”
“That’s amazing,” she told me as she brought a Danish in on a plate with some water. I told her how I wanted it to look. She smiled wistfully and sat down.
“I wish Dad were still here. I wish he could go to something like that.” Her voice was sad as she spoke, and I nodded.
“I know. I thought of that myself,” I responded. She shrugged.
“It’s just good that it’s happening now. This will be amazing.” Her bright smile returned, and she took a bite, moaning with pleasure. “Oh, my God. These are so good. I think I’ve forgotten how to eat.”
“I’ll remind you. This baby needs to eat,” I joked as I glanced out the windows. “If you want to take a walk, go for it. I think she’s good for a while. You can think over what you want to do with your share of the inheritance since Dad paid your loans for you.”
“Oh, God,” Brea said, lifting her hands to her face. “That was so kind. I can’t believe they’re gone. I can finally breathe. I can think about a future.” Tears coursed down her cheeks, and she closed her eyes. “Damn hormones. I just can’t stop crying.”
I couldn’t help but think about how much I loved Brea and how she wore her heart on her sleeve as she regained her composure enough to take a walk. I looked down at Elle and watched her eyes flutter closed as I shook my head.
“Of course you sleep now.” I pressed a kiss to her hair and held her against my white shirt, closing my eyes too.
CHAPTER 22
Brea
I had to go to the city for my six-week checkup, and I took the SUV we had purchased a week ago. Both Ryan and I had to go to New York from time to time, but I was nervous as I drove along with Elle sleeping in the back. I knew I was healthy, and my body felt flushed as I realized what that meant.
We could finally have sex again. Things had been building between us over the last few weeks with every look and touch. I pleasured him often to keep Ryan happy and because I wanted to. I was falling harder for him every day now that we were living together. I loved feeling close to him.
I went in when my name was called, and they all made a proper fuss over Elle as she slept in her car seat. I was nervous during my checkup and surprised by how invasive it felt after giving birth.
“You are cleared for take-off. Everything healed up just fine, Brea. Do you want me to get you on any kind of birth control? Sometimes breastfeeding isn’t as effective as moms want it to be.”
“I guess I’ll do the pill for a while.” I didn’t want another baby. We didn’t want another baby.
“Perfect. I’ll send that to the pharmacy. Use backup for the first month, just in case. I am also giving you the full year since you drive quite a way into the city now. How is life out in paradise?”
I thought about my answer for a moment. The house was amazing and in one of the most gorgeous places I’d ever seen. There was nothing to complain about in my life. I smiled.
“It’s so peaceful compared to this. I have to pinch myself every morning.”
“You have to do that with an infant no matter where you live. You’re always tired,” she joked as she looked me over. “You seem to be adjusting well, though. How’s Daddy?
“He’s working on a new business venture, so he’s been pretty busy. He adores her though. It’s so sweet.” I smiled as I thought about when I saw him with Elle.
“It makes you fall in love with him even more, doesn’t it?” She gave me a knowing look, and I blushed. Love? We hadn’t ever talked about that.
“Yeah, something like that,” I responded.
We finished and I headed over to the pharmacy to grab my prescription. I left the hospital with Elle sleeping in her seat in her stroller and felt some energy run through me. I’d been cooped up at the house a lot lately, and I glanced down the street as I calculated how far the coffee shop was. I had tucked my old uniform into my bag this morning in case I felt up to stopping in, and now I did. I started to push Elle as I looked around, taking in the noise of the city and all the people. I missed it in some ways, but nothing beat the sound of the ocean waves at night. I’d even found some cute places to hang out in town as Elle grew older.
In terms of New York, the coffee shop was only about four blocks away. I walked through the door, and Stacy squealed as she came running around the counter to give me a hug. I’d been cleared on maternity leave but chosen to quit a month into it when I realized I lived so far and Ryan would be so busy. It just made sense.
“She is so pretty,” Stacy gushed as she looked at Elle with stars in her eyes, making me laugh.
“It’s hardcore, girl. Trust me on that one.” Some of the others waved to me, and the manager came around to congratulate me and look at Elle. I handed her my uniform, and she took it and gave me a hug.
“It’s good to see you so happy, Brea. You worked so hard here even when you were toward the end with her. Is it true that you went into labor after working a double?” Molly asked. I giggled and nodded. That was going to be a story to tell Elle later since it had worked out so well, but it had been terrifying in the moment. “I am so glad that it worked out.”
“Me too. Early babies are scary, but she was ready. She’s thriving now.” I looked down at Elle and smiled, taking in her darker hair.
Molly told me that anything I wanted was on the house as someone called her name from the back. I thanked her with a smile. I went over to the counter and looked at everything with a bittersweet smile, knowing I’d moved on now. I was happy to come back any chance I got. I could have both now. Stacy popped back up to ask me what I wanted. I ordered a blended chai tea latte and one of the cookies I’d eaten so often during my pregnancy.
I sent Lucy a text, and she came in just as I was finishing my visit. She was grinning as she walked over to us. The staff came out to talk when they had breaks, and I loved it, but I wanted time with my best friend. She picked up Elle and cooed at her as Elle stared at her aunt with dark blue eyes, making Stacy pout. Elle had been sleeping up until now, and I knew she would be hungry soon. I finished the cookie and looked at Lucy. She sensed my urgency.
“Want to leave?”
“She’ll be hungry soon,” I said. I realized I hadn’t fed her out of the house yet. I was prepared, but nervous. Lucy stood up and held Elle to her chest. I called out that I’d be back soon and hugged Stacy one more time.
“I’m so happy for you,” she told me, and I smiled at her. Lucy and I left and walked the block to her apartment as we talked about Elle and all the changes in my life.
“How’s Ryan?” she asked, and I frowned at her door.
“He’s getting the center built. It’s going to be amazing and he is so hands on,” I told her. Lucy nodded.
“He is impressing everyone,” Lucy told me proudly as I pushed the stroller and diaper bag against the wall. Elle started to fuss. Lucy handed the baby over once I was free. Elle latched on hard, and I widened my eyes. She was hungrier than usual.
“I am proud of Ryan, Lucy. I am. I just never see him. I am so caught up with Elle and collapse at the end of the day. I love my life, but I never see him, and when I do it’s in bits and pieces of him being adorable with Elle. I suppose maybe that is how it should be. It is what we arranged, right?” I leaned back, holding Elle securely in my arms.
“I think things changed, no?” Lucy asked as she got me water from the kitchen. “This is so much more now, Brea.”
“Maybe for me. Maybe my hormones are still on the fritz and I’m just daydreaming about our life becoming a romance novel.” I sighed as I sipped the water. “I think I’m in love with him, Lucy.”