by Maud Casey
DRASTIC
stories
MAUD CASEY
CONTENTS
Acknowledgments
Seaworthy
TresPassing
Rules To Live
Days At Home
Dirt
Indulgence
Relief
Talk Show Lady
Genealogy
Drastic
Aspects Of Motherhood
The Arrangement of the Night office in Summer
About the Author
Praise
Other Books by Maud Casey
Copyright
About the Publisher
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
I am extremely grateful for the inspiration, encouragement, and thoughtful editing I received while writing these stories. It would be impossible to list everyone who helped me in these regards, but I am especially thankful to Jane Barnes, Katie Brandi, Annie Brickhouse, Clare, John, Julia, Nell, and Rosamond Casey, Jeremy Chatzky, Meaghan Dowling, Alex Draper, Jesse Drucker, Elizabeth Evans, Sherry Fairchok, Julia Greenberg, Bob Perry, Timothy Schaffert, Robbie Dale Smith, Lorraine Tobias, Meredith Tucker, the University of Arizona MFA program, and Vermont Studio Center. Finally, my deepest thanks to two extraordinarily gifted friends—my editor, Kelli Martin, and my agent, Alice Tasman—without whom I would be a full-time temp.
Six of these stories were originally published in slightly different form in the following:
Beloit Fiction Journal: “Indulgence”; Confrontation: “Talk Show Lady; The Georgia Review: “Days at Home”; The Gettysburg Review: “Seaworthy”; Prairie Schooner: “Trespassing”; The Threepenny Review: “Dirt.”
SEAWORTHY
WHEN the sun was still high in the sky, giant Clara, the motel owner, came out of the office. The debarked Dobermans—Dolly and Emmy Lou—trotted after her, rubbing mute, pointed heads against her legs as she limped toward the pool. Her bad leg was the result of a night she got mixed up in an argument with some drunk kids who came to visit nearby Dollywood. In the scuffle she’d been pushed off the balcony onto the concrete terrace, her leg bent underneath her.
Irene, who’d been in the pool all morning and all day yesterday and the day before except for meals, knew all this because she and her father, George—who said Clara was six feet, though secretly Irene thought she was much taller—had already been at the motel three days. George sat nearby in one of the yellow and orange plastic chairs, in the shade of the overhang of the motel balcony, with a magazine he’d bought at the convenience store next door. Irene knew he was only pretending to read because yesterday he’d told her he was reading about faraway places, but when Irene had looked through the magazine later, there were no articles about faraway places. She rubbed her wrists against the perfume sample inserts and put her wrists to her neck the way her mother did. Irene liked to pretend that George was her husband. She hadn’t decided yet what would become of her mother if she and her father were married. Myra could be the friend who visited and let Irene borrow her clothes. Before setting off, George had promised Irene that he’d told Myra they were going on this trip, that she’d known for weeks, and even though doubt flickered like the beginning of a fire in her mind, Irene wanted it to be true, wanted it to be this easy to run away with her father, to have him to herself for a little while. Irene worried that she didn’t miss Myra, but then put it out of her mind and dove deep into the pool.
Clara squatted by the side of the pool, and the dogs shoved their heads into her lap, snapping their huge white teeth together and apart in barkless motion. Clara’s brother, who ran the motel when Clara wasn’t there, bought the dogs for protection but soon found he couldn’t stand their barking. The dogs preferred Clara to anyone else and were happiest the half of the year she wasn’t scuba diving (her leg never bothered her in the water) off the coast of North Carolina. The dogs followed Clara wherever she went.
Irene swam over to hang onto Clara’s feet. When she met Clara the first day poolside, she tentatively touched Clara’s toes, as if by accident, but Clara took hold of her hands and put them around her ankles. “Hold on and kick,” she said. Irene loved this—the way Clara had been casual with her from the start.
“What is your first memory, Irene?” Clara asked. “That’s when your life really begins. From when you can remember it.”
Irene kicked her feet in the water. She took her time answering because being almost eleven—her birthday was tomorrow—she wanted to tell meaningful stories about her life. Lately she’d been frustrated by how many of her memories weren’t even her own. Instead they were stories her parents had told her, passed down like secondhand clothes. So she really considered Clara’s question. Irene knew Clara would wait because she was that rare kind of adult—patient.
She tried breathing slowly in and out, the way George had shown her to keep her from hyperventilating the way she did sometimes when she first got home from school all eager breathlessness that her mother was still there, but the sight of giant Clara made her want to do something. She didn’t know quite what. She remembered hearing for the first time the secret sound of being underwater, like something magic she wasn’t supposed to hear but did. The sand shifted beneath, and there was the occasional sound of a fish rippling water. But then, like the faraway fish, the memory swam away.
“Well,” Irene said, “I was three and saw the ocean for the first time. I ran straight in over my head and kept going.” This was something George had told her, but she could almost feel herself charging through the water until the world disappeared. It would have to do for now—play it by ear was George’s new motto, the one he’d offered her yesterday when she asked when they were leaving, a question she asked more because she didn’t want to than anything else. They were headed for Memphis, for Graceland, but when they reached Gatlinburg, George announced that it would be fun if they stopped to take in the local scenery. Irene was happy to stay for weeks or months. Once her spring break was over, she’d send for her schoolbooks and do homework when she wasn’t swimming and studying to scuba dive with Clara.
“The water is where I’m really happy,” Irene said. She moved her hand across her stomach to feel the ribbed material of her bathing suit stretched across her skin.
“I can tell,” Clara said. She pushed gently on Dolly’s and Emmy Lou’s rear ends and said, “Sit.” The big brown dogs sat down on either side of Clara, still opening and closing their mouths as if they were barking, and Irene had an urge to bark for them. Yesterday Irene had watched as Clara polished the dogs’ teeth with Pearl Drops kept in her pocket. “You’re a natural.”
Irene tried to hide her smile. She’d been secretly hoping that Clara would notice what a good swimmer she’d become in the past couple of days, that she’d recognize Irene’s talent and take her with her on one of her dives. It was true—Irene had never felt so happy in her life as when she was in the water. It felt natural, like a place she was always meant to be. Again a wave of guilt over not missing her mother threatened to drown her. Irene kicked her legs furiously, churning up the water.
“She’s going to turn into a fish,” George called over, having returned from the motel lounge with his midday cocktail.
“There are worse things,” Clara said. Irene was grateful to her for taking her side. She could feel George’s eagerness for Clara’s attention pushing up against her own, and it made her want to push back.
Irene could imagine that—being a fish. She’d spent some time underwater with her eyes opened, looking at the world distant and quivering above her. She clung to the side of the pool with her fingertips and tilted her head back into the water. When she came up, her hair fit her head like a slick cap.
“Tell me about the fish at the bottom of the ocean,” Irene said, looking up at Clara’s enor
mous face. She was the biggest woman Irene had ever seen. She imagined Clara had gills in her broad stomach. “Do fish sleep?” She spoke quickly, her words tripping over each other.
“There are fish that sleep leaning against rocks,” Clara said in her unwavering voice, clear and strong like a trumpet. She took Irene’s hands and placed them on the pool’s edge, then sat down next to them, dangling her legs in the water. Irene readjusted herself so her hands lightly touched Clara’s strong thighs.
“There are fish that blow a bubble of mucus around themselves like a canopy bed. Then there are fish like sharks that sleep with their eyes open and just keep swimming all night.” Clara smiled, and this made Irene want Clara to like her even more.
“Have you seen fish sleep?” Irene asked, sure that Clara had seen everything there was to see underwater. Clara’s thick calves moved back and forth in the water like paddles. Clara didn’t seem like the sort of woman who had children, maybe because the fish needed so much of her attention. That was one of the other things Irene admired about Clara—her fish focus.
“Yes,” Clara said. “I’ve seen them sleep.” She didn’t explain, and Irene enjoyed the mystery.
“Do you know that if you were to study one cell of a shark’s skin under a microscope, you would see that it was the exact same shape as a shark’s tooth?” Clara let Irene consider this and stood and walked over to retrieve the pool net leaning against the side of the motel. Clara skimmed fallen leaves and twigs from the pool’s surface. Irene thought this was a very competent thing to do. She looked over to see George digging in a big bag of pistachios he’d bought at a roadside stand, fingers stained red from eating them all day. She’d tried the pistachio nuts, which sounded so good when her father cracked them between his teeth, but they didn’t taste as good as they sounded, and her father’s red fingers made Irene sad.
“The exact same shape?” George called over.
“Yes, the exact same shape,” Clara said. Irene appreciated that Clara looked at her when she said this, as if she understood that this was knowledge meant for Irene alone. Irene found a twig and pushed it toward Clara’s net.
A map marking the route from their home in Brooklyn to Graceland lay like a crumpled napkin across one arm of George’s chair. He’d left it outside the first night, and in the morning, when Irene came down to the pool, she retrieved it from where it had blown into the spindly legs of a patio table, folded it up, and put it under the leg of the chair. George would pull it out and look at it from time to time, and then, at the end of the day, put it back under the chair’s leg.
Myra loved maps. She’d made her own map of all the buried bones in Brooklyn, the bones in the recently discovered African-American graveyards and the bones buried under the monument in the park near their apartment dedicated to the prison ship martyrs. “Tortured, without water, sleeping in their own feces,” Myra had begun one night as a bedtime story. “Myra,” George called from the other room. “What are feces?” Irene asked. “Shit,” Myra whispered, giggling. “But it’s not funny. The British forced the American prisoners of war to sleep in their own shit.” Myra nuzzled her face into Irene’s neck. “My little girl. My little girl of living bones.” “Myra,” George said firmly, standing in the hall outside the door, and Irene knew her mother was in trouble again.
“Are you different from spending most of your life underwater?” Irene asked Clara.
“I’m partially deaf in both ears,” Clara said. “From the constant change in pressure.” She leaned the pool net against one of the yellow and orange chairs.
Irene considered this. “But are you different? Like the way your hurt leg doesn’t bother you in the water.” She watched carefully as Clara ran a palm over her sun-bleached hair, dry and stiff from so much time spent in ocean water, gathering the loose pieces into a barrette shaped like a claw.
“No, not different.” Clara smiled a smile unlike the one she’d offered before. This one said she needed to return to the motel office. Irene was proud she knew Clara’s code, thrilled that they could communicate without words. “Altered,” Clara said.
Though Irene had never heard the word used in this way before, she knew that Clara meant exactly the way Irene felt when she dove to the bottom of the pool, closed her eyes, and made the difference between the liquid on the inside of her body and the outside go away. She was a saltwater baby again, a natural part of the underwater world.
Irene looked over to George. His magazine lay across his lap, and he wasn’t even pretending to read anymore. He stared out at the mountains in the distance. It seemed rare these days that where George looked and what he was thinking went together, so Irene knew he wasn’t thinking about the mountains. “Your mother is a beautiful woman,” George had said to Irene while looking at Myra one night when they went out to dinner before Myra didn’t like to leave the house at night.
“What are you reading about?” Irene yelled, partly to catch his attention and partly because, suddenly, she wanted to catch him in a lie.
Clara looked at George, shielding her eyes with a big hand to her forehead, as if she were saluting. Irene thought she saw shiny scales sparkle on the part of Clara’s stomach exposed by her T-shirt riding up.
“I’m taking a quiz on how to be a better wife,” he said. Clara laughed in a girlish way that didn’t fit her large, fish self. Her laugh was like the girlish laugh of the waitress in a roadside diner who was sugar sweet to Irene, bending down as if she were an infant instead of the scuba diver in training she would soon become.
“Come swim,” Irene said, even though her father never did.
“Don’t know how,” George said, but Irene had seen him when she was small and just learning to move her body through the water. He used strokes the size of Irene’s body, diving under Myra’s legs and swimming through, coming up spouting water like a whale.
“God appreciates the truth, you know,” Irene said, imitating the silky voice of the Bible lady she and George had heard on the radio the other day in the car.
“Ha, ha!” George shouted, bursting from his chair and startling the dogs. “That’s my girl!”
“See you later,” Clara said, ducking into the motel office, Dolly and Emmy Lou at her heels.
George sat back down and looked out at the mountains again.
Irene and George had listened to a Bible show—“for fun,” George said. “You don’t hear this kind of thing on radio stations in New York”—as they crossed from Virginia into Tennessee. Irene thought the Bible lady’s southern voice was luxurious, but she didn’t say that to George. The lady talked about the difference between lies and the truth and how God appreciates the truth. Even though Irene knew George was listening to the show as a joke, that he didn’t believe in God because he relied on the beauty of science to hold him in awe, she couldn’t help thinking that she too appreciated the truth. Irene thought there was truth—maybe a kind of truth, not the whole truth and nothing but, but a little bit of truth—in the passages Myra secretly read to her from the Song of Songs, Myra’s favorite part of the Bible.
For, lo, behold, the winter is past.
The rain is over and it is gone;
The flowers appear on the earth; the time of the singing of the birds is come, and the voice of the turtle is heard in our land;
The fig-tree putteth forth her green figs, and the vines with the tender grape give a good smell.
Arise, my love, my fair one, and come away.
Irene saw that these beautiful words went so deep they made Myra cry, but Myra called it weeping, the kind of crying that cleansed you and made you good again.
Irene floated on her back with her ears underneath the surface of the water and said words that felt spoken inside her head. “Sky,” she said because she was looking that way. “Irene,” and it sounded as if someone else was talking to her. She swam along the bottom, listening past the gurgling of the pool drain to her first memory, the beginning of her life in water.
Irene sat on t
he bottom of the pool cross-legged. She was training herself to hold her breath as long as the Native Americans whose bones Myra claimed to have found. From under the water all the plastic backs of all of the yellow and orange chairs looked like the colorful plastic flags rippling from strings on the gas station islands where she and George had stopped on their way here. Irene was not surprised when things looked like other things. She had seen George use a coffee table for a seat, a bed for a table, a jacket for a pillow. She had seen Myra use her hand as a broom to sweep crumbs and one of George’s shirts as a cape to pretend to fly away out of the prison that was actually their apartment.
When they crossed the border into Tennessee, George had pointed out into the world with his finger, back toward Virginia. “You were born on an island off that coast,” he said. Irene was practicing rolling the car window down with her toes, but she listened carefully to this story told all her life. She took the time, though, to admire the way her leg looked, not spread out on the seat but bent gracefully like a woman’s.
“Surrounded by water on all sides,” her father said, dreamy, like the rest of the ride in the car with Irene dozing off and then waking up in different states. He was still pointing, and the story of the island where she was born meant even more with the eye of a dead dog, legs straight up in the air on the side of the road, staring at Irene. “Oh no,” George said. “Poor dog,” as if Irene couldn’t see for herself. The dog’s eye was like the eyes of dead fish she’d seen in towns by water, staring cold but curious, asking a question: What are you doing alive with me dead on the side of the road? The stiff, dead dog’s eye staring seemed like a sign.