by Kes Gray
There was definitely more investigating that needed to be done.
If Valentino was on the verge of something super-duper hairy, then before I got Colin and Harry involved again, I needed to work out exactly how dangerous our next mission might be. I needed to map out Valentino’s garden, assess his security systems and, if possible, get a sneaky look through his windows.
Not only that, I needed to do it solo.
It was 20:22 hundred hours and the light was fading fast.
I finished my bread and walked up the stairs.
It was time to put on my shadow gear.
CHAPTER 17
By 20:37 hundred hours I was back on my bike and heading for town.
Black balaclava, black hoodie, black T-shirt, black scarf, black jeans, black socks, black trainers, black gloves. My shadow gear is perfect for night-time operations.
Shadow missions are totally different to daylight missions because everything you do is in the dark. That’s what makes them the best.
My bike is totally equipped for shadow missions. Not only has it got a white light at the front and a red light at the back – both lights do three different types of flashing:
1. Not flashing.
2. Flashing.
3. Really flashing.
Having a bike with flashing lights is really important when you’re a junior world defence agent because it means you can send out emergency signals to other agents. Plus they look really cool.
As soon as I reached the end of my street I stopped and adjusted the strap on my helmet. I forgot to mention my helmet: it’s black, like the rest of my shadow gear. It gets a bit tight when I’m wearing my balaclava underneath, but it gives me brilliant protection if I crash in a high-speed chase or have to weave my way through unexpected dangers. Night or day.
I knew exactly how to get to Valentino’s house because my auntie and uncle live on the Millsham Lodge Estate too. Maple Avenue is on the way to their house. In fact I had passed Valentino’s house in my dad’s car more times than I’d ever realized.
I had decided to cycle mostly on the pavement, but switch to the road when I got to the High Street. Grown-ups in high streets don’t like you cycling on the pavement, especially when they are walking along in big groups. I know, because I crashed into someone once.
It took me about fifteen minutes to reach town. It was busy even for a Friday night: cars were trying to park and people were trying to cross the road. I just kept my head down and my bike lights flashing.
The moment I turned off the High Street, I jumped my tyres back onto the pavement. The instant I reached the estate, I dropped my shoulders low.
WORLD DEFENCE CYCLING TIP:
Always keep a low profile when approaching an enemy agent’s house. If there are secret security cameras on the approach roads, he might take your photo and share it with enemy HQ.
All the streets on the Millsham Lodge Estate are named after trees. Don’t ask me why, they just are. If I got the chance to name streets, I’d name them after dinosaurs – you know, Stegosaurus Street, Allosaurus Avenue, Diplodocus Drive and stuff like that. Dinosaurs are a hundred times cooler than trees; mind you, I’m not sure I’d like to try and climb one.
Away from the town the streets were much quieter – so quiet I was almost afraid to use my brakes. On a shadow mission, the squeak of a brake can be the difference between success and failure. Luckily I’d oiled them the morning before.
Holly Way was the first road I turned into. Then Larch Grove, Sycamore Way and Cypress Drive.
The further I cycled, the faster my heart began to beat. I had done hundreds of shadow missions before, but nothing as hairy as this.
By 21:07, I had Maple Avenue in my sights. Five seconds later I was within sniffing distance of Valentino’s house.
WORLD DEFENCE NIGHT-TIME SURVEILLANCE TIP:
Use the cover of darkness to help you with your night-time mission. Obscure the enemy’s vision by staying close to trees, bushes or garden walls. Above all, remember to turn your bike lights off.
I had seen no obvious signs of danger as I’d cycled through the estate, but as I climbed off my saddle and flicked the switches on my lights, I was sure that danger would be looming now.
Like all ingeniously disguised enemy houses, Valentino’s house looked no different from any other in the street. It had a driveway, it had a front lawn, it had windows and a front door, but I was far too experienced to be fooled by that.
What else did it have?
What else was Valentino hiding?
I was totally about to find out.
CHAPTER 18
I don’t know if you have ever spied on someone’s house in the dark before, but it’s something that takes a bit of practice. The first time you creep into someone’s garden in the dark, loads of things go through your mind. Will they see me? Will they chase me? Will I get caught?
Most of my early tryouts were in my own road. While my mum and dad were down the pub, I would climb over my fence and see how many back gardens I could creep through without being seen. In my earliest practices I would only ever manage to do two, because as soon as someone in a house turned towards the window, I thought they were looking straight at me.
But they weren’t. That’s one of the weird and brilliant things you learn about shadow work. If it’s night-time and the lights are on in a house, you can see the people inside, but the people inside can’t see you! Just cross your fingers and hope there aren’t any security lights.
Security lights are your biggest chance of being spotted on a shadow mission: security lights, security guards and infra-red night-time vision cameras. I was sure Valentino would have all of those.
With a deep breath, I pushed my head through one of Valentino’s bushes and parted the leaves with my gloves. At 21:09 hundred hours, I decided to make my move.
I was in luck. The lights were on in Valentino’s front room and, even better, the curtains were open.
There were no obvious signs of security lights, security guards or night-vision surveillance cameras, but there were two rows of suspicious garden lights running up the path to the front door. Were they real garden lights or did they have invisible laser-beam tripwires? It was impossible to tell.
To keep myself super safe, I decided to take a different approach to Valentino’s house.
At 21:11 hundred hours, I ducked low, raced to the far corner of Valentino’s garden …
… then jumped over his wall and landed on his front lawn.
Two shadow roly-polys later, I was back on my feet, with my back pressed to his hedge.
From where I was standing, I couldn’t see properly into Valentino’s front room. All I could see was the top of a chair, quite a lot of wallpaper and a doorway that I guessed led into his hall.
WORLD DEFENCE CLOSE-QUARTER SURVEILLANCE TIP:
Always work out the position of the enemy inside a location before commencing your surveillance. Or you might find that he is the one watching you!
I needed to get to the window ledge for a proper front-on view.
I counted to ten, took a deep breath and then did six more shadow roly-polys across Valentino’s front lawn. It was a brilliant manoeuvre, combining speed with ninja-style agility. As soon as I reached the wall of his house, I turned, adjusted my helmet and then froze. A car was coming down the road with its headlights on!
WORLD DEFENCE SPOTLIGHT-AVOIDANCE TIP:
If you are caught in a spotlight during a shadow mission, don’t move a muscle.
To my relief the headlights kept going, leaving me within touching distance of Valentino’s window ledge with only one more shadow manoeuvre to make. I needed to get to my feet, slide upwards with my back to the wall, keep low, turn my head and peep in.
Here goes, I thought, sliding my back up towards the sill.
Oh no, I thought, turning my head and inching my eyes up towards the window.
In the time it had taken me to get to the window, duck down and bob up
, Valentino had drawn his curtains. Now I couldn’t see anything at all!
I needed a Plan B and I needed one fast.
WORLD DEFENCE MISSION PLAN A TIP:
Always have a Plan B.
If Valentino had drawn his curtains, maybe I could peep through the gap where they met.
But there was no gap. The curtains had completely overlapped.
My Plan C was good enough to be a Plan A. And I was in luck. Valentino did have a letter box, plus there were no laser tripwires on his path, no security lights in his front porch, and his front doormat wasn’t booby-trapped either.
The coast was clear!
Quiet as a shadow, invisible as a , I crept up to Valentino’s door, crouched down on the doormat, and got ready to see exactly what he was doing inside that house.
Slowly, carefully, I reached up with my hand, stiffened my fingers and pushed the letter box open …
SUDDENLY, from out of nowhere, there was a roaring monster just inches from my glove!
It had teeth, it had hair and, from the sound of it, it had an appetite not just for my fingers but for the rest of me too!
My eyeballs popped and my heart exploded!
It was time to …
WORLD DEFENCE RAPID-RETREAT TIP:
If you are suddenly faced with an enemy of superior height, weight, ferocity and hairiness, abort your mission immediately.
I was back on my bike faster than you could ping a rubber band. I was at the end of Maple Avenue quicker than you can say ‘qu’!!!! I was halfway down the High Street before I even remembered to switch my lights back on!
It was supersonic turbo time!
The instant I skidded onto the driveway of my house, I dropped my bike, raced into the kitchen and ran up to my bedroom. My mum and dad were still out, which was good really, because I wouldn’t have wanted to frighten them.
Of all the enemy agents I had ever come up against, Valentino was easily the worst. Valentino’s evilness was off the scale.
He had used his evil haircuts to invent spybrows.
He had used evil hairdressing technology to invent hairy hairdrying mammoths.
And now, from the look and sound of things, he had used his scientific evilness to invent the hairiest horror of them all!
But what was it?
How hairy was it?
How evil was it?
And how HUNGRY was it?
One thing was for certain: Valentino and his hairy horror had to be stopped.
Two things weren’t for certain. Would Colin and Harry be up to the job?
CHAPTER 19
On Saturday morning, Harry and Colin were bang on time, as usual. We were on our bikes by five past nine and cooking bacon in our secret den by 09:25 hundred hours.
Before I went to bed on Friday, I had given Valentino’s address to World Defence HQ and asked them to keep his house under close surveillance overnight. I was sure that by Saturday morning the Satellite Technology Department would have all the answers I needed.
I decided to let Harry and Colin eat their breakfast before telling them about the shadow mission I had done the night before. Firstly, I wanted them to enjoy their bacon. Secondly, I wasn’t sure how they would react when I told them how dangerous our next mission was going to be.
“What did you see?” asked Harry, wiping sandwich crumbs and tomato sauce off his lips.
“It’s not what I saw, it’s what I didn’t see.” I frowned, lowering my voice to let them know that what I was about to say was deadly serious. “I only had a letter box to look through.”
“What didn’t you see?” gasped Colin.
“I’m about to ask that very same question,” I said, pressing my earlobe and making instant radio contact with World Defence HQ.
“Agent J to World Defence HQ, are you receiving me? Over …
“Receiving you loud and clear. Over …
“Aha, ahum …
“Valentino, yes … 73 Maple Avenue, yes … Shadow mission, yes … Letter box, yes … Narrow escape …
“Aha, ahum …
“Ahum, aha …
“He’s invented WHAT?
“The HAIRY HORROR FROM WHERE …!!!!????!!!
“HOW BIG …!?
“HOW HAIRY …!?
“HOW EVIL …!?
“HOW HUNGRY …!?
“Aha, oh no …
“END OF THE WORLD!!
“END OF THE UNIVERSE!!!!!
“Message received. LEAVE IT TO US!!!! Over.”
It was a good job we’d finished our bacon sandwiches because the only appetite we needed now was an appetite for danger.
“What did they say?” asked Harry, brushing breadcrumbs off his jumper and then pushing the frying pan to one side.
WORLD DEFENCE SUPER-DANGEROUS BRIEFING TIP:
Remember, if you are briefing your team on a mission that is super dangerous, always tell it to them straight.
I decided to tell it to them straight.
“If you think spybrows and hair-drying mammoths sound dangerous, then times that danger by a hundred,” I whispered. “In fact, times it by a thousand, because it isn’t just Valentino living in that house. No, there is something hairier, scarier, hungrier and more dangerous than anything an evil scientist has ever invented before …”
“What is it?” said Harry, preparing himself for the worst.
“Yes, what is it?” Colin shivered, preparing himself for worse than worst.
“It’s the Hairy Horror from Hell.” I shuddered.
“The Hairy Horror from WHAT?!”
“The Hairy Horror from HELL!”
“How big is it?” asked Harry.
“It’s growing all the time,” I told him. “The more haircuts Valentino does, the hairier it gets.”
“How hairy is it?” asked Colin.
“Even its hairs have got hairs,” I told him.
“How evil is it?” asked Colin.
“Evil with a capital E,” I whispered.
“How hungry is it?”
“It hasn’t eaten for six weeks.”
“SIX WEEKS!” gasped Harry. “It’s going to be starving!”
“Hungry enough to eat everyone in our whole town!” gasped Colin.
“Hungry enough to eat everyone in the whole universe,” I warned them. “Everyone except its one and only master of Evil and Hairiness himself … Valentino.”
It was the most spine-tingling meeting we had ever had. Up until now our whole summer holiday had been full of missions we could easily handle. Now, suddenly, three end-of-holiday haircuts had led us to the hairiest, scariest mission of our lives.
If I’d had any doubts about whether Harry and Colin would be up to the job, my worries soon disappeared.
“Our mission today,” I said, “is to cycle to Valentino’s house and save our homes, our school, our town and our universe from the biggest, hairiest, evillest and hungriest Hairy Horror the world has ever faced. It’s going to be the riskiest thing we’ve ever done, and to be honest there is every chance that none of us will make it back alive – although I probably will because I’m a fully-trained world defence agent. So, Harry, so, Colin – are you ready to save the world? Are you ready to do battle with the Hairy Horror from Hell!?”
“BRING IT ON!” cheered Colin and Harry, rubbing each other’s heads for good luck and then rough-and-tumbling across the floor.
“SAVE YOUR ENERGY!” I told them. “If we’re going to take on the Hairy Horror, we will need to be in tip-top shape – plus we need to arm ourselves like never before!”
“What weapons are we going to need?” asked Harry.
“I’m still deciding,” I said, crawling back out of the tunnel. “I’ll let you know as soon as I’ve had a good think.”
Harry and Colin were totally up for a battle with a Hairy Horror and couldn’t wait to get started.
“Don’t forget to put the lid on the water butt!” I commanded. “And no overtaking me on your bikes!”
CHAPTER 20
As soon as we were within sight of Harry’s house, I gave Harry and Colin the signal to slow down and then jumped off my bike.
While I was pedalling I had worked out what weapons we would need for our Hairy Horror mission. They weren’t just any weapons, they were weapons specially designed to tackle anything that an evil hairdresser might throw at us.
All we had to do now was arm ourselves while our mums and dads weren’t looking.
“OK, men,” I said. “This is the specialist equipment we’re going to need to fight the Hairy Horror. Listen to it, look for it and, if you can, get it:
hairdryers
curling tongs
hairbrushes
talcum powder
hairspray.”
“I won’t be able to get all of those,” said Colin. “My mum doesn’t use hairspray.”
“My mum doesn’t curl her hair,” said Harry, “so I won’t be able to get any tongs.”
“Just get what you can,” I told them, “and make sure your parents don’t see you while you’re getting them.”
Any other day of the week, weapon gathering could have been tricky, but Harry and Colin’s parents always go food shopping on Saturday mornings, so no one would be in to stop them.
I knew Harry and Colin wouldn’t let me down.
Things were going to be a bit riskier for me.
My mum and dad never go food shopping on a Saturday morning – they always have a lie-in till at least the afternoon. To get the weapons I needed, I was going to have to sneak into the house while they were still asleep and smuggle stuff out without them hearing or seeing me. If they woke up, I’d be rumbled!