When I knew he couldn’t take any more, I worked my way up his abdomen, climbing into his lap and straddling him the best I could with the low ceiling. My back curled, my neck bent down to his face, my lips meeting his. There was no way we could do anything in this position without breaking my neck.
I gripped Ryder’s shoulders, thinking about how Erin said she liked to rake her fingers down Drake’s back. I pictured the blood pooling against his skin, only it was Ryder, not Drake. I would never waste a perfectly good fantasy on Drake. I curled my fingers and started to drag them down his pectorals.
Ryder stopped me before I’d even scratched his skin. He grabbed my wrists hard and pulled my body off of his, leading me down to the mattress. I wriggled and tried to fight him, but I couldn’t get myself free. His one hand was big enough to hold both of my wrists, his callused skin scratching mine. With his free hand, he found some stray clothing and began wrapping it around my arms.
“Why don’t you want me to touch you?” Tears welled in my eyes.
“You were going to scratch me.” Even in the dark, his eyes burned into mine.
“So?”
“No blood, Melanie.” He lowered his head to kiss me, but I turned my face away. “What’s the matter?”
“What do you mean, what’s the matter? You just hog tied me to this bus because you need to be a control freak or something.”
Ryder sighed, exasperated. “So I should just let you rip me open, and then what?”
I looked back at him, barely enough room to breathe between our faces. “I’d let you do it to me.”
“You’re playing with fire.”
“Untie me.” My voice was firm. Ryder didn’t move. I thrashed my body upwards against his, and glared at him the best I could in the dark. “I mean, Jesus Christ, if I want it that bad I could bite you. Don’t treat me like a child that can’t be trusted.”
He sighed again, this time in defeat, as he untied my wrists. I fought the urge to scratch the length of his arms and back, just out of spite. Instead, I gained control of myself, and cupped his face in my hands.
“I don’t want you to be scared, baby,” I whispered, tangling my fingers in his hair. I could feel that he wanted to pull away from me, but I wouldn’t let him. “We can go this extra mile, and I’m dying to experience that with you.”
“I know.” His face fell lightly against mine, forehead to forehead, cheeks touching. “It’s just that my blood is the only thing that’s mine.”
What could I say to that? We’d known each other such a short time, and here I was asking for everything he had. “I understand.”
“Thank you.” He kissed me, but it was different than before. Sadder. I knew he was as frustrated as I was, that his energy came from my own. I wrapped my arms around my back, and he trusted me not to dig in to his skin.
“Take mine,” I breathed. “Please.”
He nodded against my neck and then sunk in. The pain was beautiful as I felt my life flow into his. I was ready to give that to him, even if he wasn’t willing to do the same for me.
Yet.
“Where’s the arch?” I asked Ralph as I climbed off the bus. I figured it would be big enough to see all over the city. Piles of slush were scattered throughout the parking lot, but the weather was warm enough for me to take off some of my winter gear. I’d lose my jacket before I’d dare take off my scarf. If my neck was half as bruised as it felt after Ryder took my blood on the way here, it had to look like hell.
“We’re not in the city. We’re still in Illinois. They didn’t even book in the city.” Ralph grumbled between drags on his cigarette. I couldn’t stand the smell of smoke, but I didn’t want to be rude and walk away from him.
“Not everything that’s good has to be in the city.” I protested. As a former resident of the ‘burbs, I was sick of hearing how the city trumped everything in my town long before my impromptu roadtrip. Everyone forgot that the city was dirty and crowded, and impossible to find parking in.
“Well this dump isn’t in the city, that’s all I’m saying. Is that your little friend over there?” Ralph gestured with his cigarette over my shoulder. I got excited, expecting to see Erin come bounding up behind me in something pink and fuzzy.
Instead, I saw Catelyn.
“You’re here?” I could hardly believe my eyes. “What about your friend?”
“She went home. She got freaked out.”
“Over what? Did someone do something she didn’t want them to do?” As relieved as I was to hear Rachel was okay, I couldn’t imagine that someone would have made an unwanted advance on her. Those girls would do anything to get close to the band. But there I went, assuming again. If she didn’t want it, she didn’t want it.
“You could say that.” Catelyn crossed her arms across her ski jacket. “Someone bit her.”
My eyes widened. The girls didn’t know about the band. Wow. They were either oblivious or the guys were better at hiding it than I thought. I hadn’t paid much attention to Soul Divider recently before joining the tour. “Who?”
“She’s not sure. Things got kind of crazy, she got pretty drunk. She went into another room with a group of people. It was dark. But they bit her neck and tried to suck her blood. Can you imagine? What animals.”
“No, I can’t.” What I couldn’t tell her is that I couldn’t imagine how stupid these girls were. Were they expecting to be whisked away by knights on white horses? This was a rock band. Crazy stuff happened with these guys just because no one was around to stop it. Of course they were going to try to get away with everything they possibly could.
“Have you heard anything like that happening before? I mean, you’re on the bus. You’re right in the middle of it all.” She couldn’t have made it sound any more like an insult.
I pulled my scarf tighter against my neck. “No, never.” My eyes darted around her. “Hey, have you seen Erin?”
“Yeah, she’s sleeping in her car,” Catelyn said, like it was something normal that people did.
“She’s going to freeze.” I pushed past her, looking for Erin’s Honda with the girly skull and crossbones on the back window. It might be warmer than usual, but still not warm enough for that. “Where is it?”
“Just behind the bus.”
I ran over to the car without saying another word to Catelyn, even though she was still talking to me. Erin had the driver’s seat reclined and the car running. She was going to poison herself with carbon monoxide.
“Hey!” I banged on the window, startling her awake. “Come on.”
Erin stretched before she pulled her seat upright, not yet ready to be awake. “Is it show time? It can’t be. It’s light out.”
“No. But I’m not going to let you freeze to death, or die of carbon monoxide poisoning. Come with me.”
“There’s no hotel today, Mellie.” Erin pulled her coat, pink and fuzzy, tighter around her body, her voice small, as she fell into step with me.
“You can come on our bus. Jesus Christ. This is ridiculous.”
“Are you sure?” She stopped. “I don’t think that’s such a good idea.”
“Why? Drake will get mad?” If I didn’t think it would make her life harder, I would do anything to make Drake mad.
“Well, yeah. Probably.” Erin shrugged. “And I don’t know how much the other guys like me. And Thomas. He’s a creep.”
I sighed. I felt so bad for her. “If he says anything raunchy to you, I’ll break his dick off.” I reached out and took her by the arm. Her legs moved reluctantly, and only so she wouldn’t fall. “Everyone likes you just fine. They won’t want you to freeze to death. Come on.”
Ralph still stood outside the bus, chain smoking. He looked alarmed when Erin boarded the bus but didn’t say anything.
“What kind of coffee do you want?” I asked Erin as I motioned for her to sit down in the kitchenette. The refrigerator obviously wasn’t well stocked, but Ralph made sure the K-Cup dispenser was always full.
“Oh my God. Hot. Caffeinated. Otherwise, who cares?” Erin stretched her neck and rubbed the cold from her exposed skin. She looked really uncomfortable being on the bus. It broke my heart to think she felt that unwelcome here.
I popped in a dark roast cup, knowing that she liked it strong. “Did you have a job?”
“No, I followed you guys here. Hey, I wanted to talk to you about what happened in the room.” She looked around to see if anyone else was listening.
“Yeah, I wanted to talk to you about that, too.” I instantly felt bad as she lowered her eyes into her lap. I added plenty of cream to her coffee, remembering just how she liked it and handed it to her before I continued. “Does he always talk to you like that?”
“It’s not what it looks like.” Her eyes widened as she took a sip. She sighed in delight.
“I don’t care what it looks like. If you’re into kinky shit, more power to you. But he talks to you like you’re a child.”
“It’s just part of the game,” she explained, barely looking me in the eye.
“Does the game ever end?”
She rolled her eyes. “Melanie, I don’t judge your relationships.”
So he was always an asshole to her. What a jackass. “I’ve never been in an abusive relationship.”
“And neither have I.” Her eyes finally met mine, defiant. The conversation was over.
I sat down across from her at the tiny table, both of us drinking coffee in silence. “Have you talked to Catelyn today?”
“That’s never something I put on my ‘to do’ list. Why? Has she sunk her claws into you?”
“You could say that.” I looked down at my mug, which I cupped with both hands. “She knows who I am. That they’re looking for me. She’s using it as a bribe.”
“Listen, we know people now, Melanie. Drake’s got an incredible team. If anyone can hide something, it’s them.”
“Drake would love nothing more than to see me dragged off in cuffs.” I couldn’t ignore Erin’s smirk. “Not that kind. He doesn’t want me here. Back to Catelyn though, those girls have no idea about the band.”
“Of course not. No one does, outside of the inner circle.”
“Someone bit one of her friends. So if they haven’t figured it out yet, they’re going to soon.”
“Fuck.” Erin glared passed me, at the row of bunks behind us. “Who did it? Did she say?”
“No. It was Rachel, the one with the streak in her hair. I guess she went off in another room to party with some people and she freaked out and disappeared.”
“They got into one of the parties?” That was what surprised Erin the most? Her reality was so altered.
“Yeah,” I sighed. “I got sick on Venom. Catelyn and company came to my rescue. In return, they wanted to get in to the party.”
“Mellie, you can’t bring just anyone to those things.” She made me feel like a little kid, being scolded by another little kid.
“She knows my last name, Erin. She threatened me. I don’t want to go to jail.” I blinked tears from my eyes. “And it’s not like they were being selective with who was there. The room was so full I couldn’t move. I didn’t see any harm in it.”
Erin wiped the tears away from my cheeks but didn’t say anything. I got up to make more coffee. The warmth felt good. I’d gotten used to always having a chill sleeping with Ryder.
“But anyway, none of the band seems to know who they are. Which is sad on the girls’ end, and I don’t know if I believe them or not.”
“Don’t worry about it. It’s not your problem.”
“What if she keeps trying to blackmail me? It is my problem.” I had to pause to regain control over the volume of my voice. “Ryder said he’d talk to her. I don’t know if I want that to happen.”
Erin rolled her eyes. “Please, she’ll be so busy creaming her jeans she won’t remember anything that happened in her life before that moment.”
I burst out laughing. “I guess you’re right.”
Erin leaned in closer. “And no offense, because you’re fucking him, but it’s not like Ryder’s all that scary. He takes all of Drake’s crap.”
“So do you.” I felt bad saying it as I watched her face darken. “Ryder’s under contract.”
“He doesn’t have to be a doormat.”
“He’s not. He deals with Drake in his own way, just like you do.” I smiled as I said this, proud of myself for being able to make Erin feel better about whatever it was that she had with Drake. I hesitated to think of it as a relationship, since those were about give and take. Drake was all take and no give. “And Ryder is planning a solo album for next year.”
Erin’s eyebrows disappeared under her bangs. “Really? That’s allowed?”
“He’s contacted their old manager.” I had that sinking feeling that I’d said too much.
She let out a low whistle. “Okay, so your boy’s actually got a pair of big brass ones. That’s awesome, though. He’s an amazing singer.”
“He is amazing.” Heat rose in my cheeks as I said it. “I just want him to be happy, you know?”
“He’s not?”
Crap. I made sure I crafted my answer carefully. “You know how you said we were all selling a little bit of ourselves? I think that’s true.”
Erin nodded as she finished off the rest of her coffee. Again, neither of us said anything for a few minutes. The silence wasn’t uncomfortable, actually, just the opposite. Sometimes nothing needed to be said.
“Do you want to do something today? I mean, go somewhere? I’m sick of all these boys and buses and stuff,” Erin finally asked. “And our sleeping beauties won’t be up for hours.”
“That sounds awesome.” I’d seen nothing but the inside of this bus, hotels, and clubs since I’d run off with Soul Divider. Fresh air sounded amazing.
Erin gathered her things and took a shower on the bus. I figured she knew the cardinal rule of the bus and didn’t have to tell her. We got ready in silence in the back room. She googled What to See and Do in St. Louis while I finished getting dressed.
As we headed out of the parking lot we laughed about National Lampoon’s Vacation and getting lost in St. Louis. Erin had an old Soul Divider CD blaring from her stereo. Of course we wanted to see the Arch, but many of the other attractions listed on the site Erin checked were warm weather only. We headed to the Citygarden to walk around and enjoy the sculptures and greenery, even if they were slightly obscured by snow.
We didn’t talk about Soul Divider, Catelyn, Erin’s job, or anything we’d left behind in that parking lot. Erin’s phone buzzed several times but she ignored it, much to my surprise. It was like we stepped through a doorway into another life for a few hours.
“I’m starving,” Erin announced, much to my surprise. “We deserve a nice dinner, don’t you think?”
“That sounds awesome.” My stomach rumbled as well, not having put anything in it but coffee all day. But I was more excited to see Erin interested in food. You could see her ribs peeking through her skin, for crying out loud. She was a stick figure with big boobs.
We found a nice, old fashioned steakhouse near Citygarden. We each ordered a filet mignon with a cognac cream sauce. I got mashed potatoes, Erin ordered french fries. We split a bottle of wine and a piece of cheesecake for dessert. I ignored the worried look on our waitress’s face when Erin plopped down her credit card to pay for the meal as I handed her cash for my half.
Erin smiled as she handed the receipt back, and pulled her pink jacket up to cover her torn T-shirt and tattoos, tugging her platinum blonde hair free from its collar. She just didn’t care what people thought of her. It was admirable. Brave. She’s just as comfortable anywhere as she was here.
Except on the band’s bus. Which was currently my home.
“Oh my God, I think I’m having a food baby!” she exclaimed as we headed back to the club. “I don’t think I’ve had that much to eat since Christmas.”
“It was sooo good though,” I added, pushing
my seat back to accommodate my stretched out stomach. “Worth every calorie. That was like last meal good.”
I gasped, realizing how close to home that statement could be for me, and looked at Erin with my eyes wide.
“You’re not going to jail, Mellie,” she said, quietly, in a way that made the words wrap around me like a warm blanket. “We’re going to take care of you. Me and Ryder. I know he loves you. We aren’t going to let anything bad happen to you.”
I couldn’t say anything. A sob choked me, begging to be let free. I fought it as hard as I could. I watched the lights of the city emerge in twilight as we passed them by, headed back to our cocoon of alternate reality.
I was starting to get the hang of being on the road. The long drives in the darkness of the slim bus and even more slender bunk, the strange hours, the closeness with Ryder. I did miss having my own space. Daylight. But I couldn’t imagine my life without Ryder anymore. And I didn’t want to.
We left right after the St. Louis show for the long haul to Dallas. Everyone seemed a little nervous about going to Texas, into such a conservative area. Even though no one could really prove what Soul Divider was, there were some rumblings. People kept disappearing when the band was in town. It was just a matter of time before someone figured it out. The band had been alerted to some possible protests by religious groups. We were also told that security would be tighter.
None of this put me at ease. I lay on Ryder’s chest, wide awake, startled by every bump in the road. I even sweat against his cool skin. If Catelyn knew who I was, she couldn’t be the only one. I didn’t know if any protesters would pay attention to me, or figure out why I looked familiar, but it was a chance I didn’t want to take.
Erin and I had so much fun out and about in St. Louis, but it had been foolish of me to do that. Who had been watching us? Erin wasn’t the least conspicuous person, even under normal circumstances. She was a fetish model, moonlighting as a mistress of a rock star, and parading around with her friend from high school, who just might be wanted for a couple of murders.
Night Moves (The Night Songs Collection) Page 10