“Yeah.”
“I don’t dislike you, Danny. I think you’re a great guy.”
“I don’t dislike you, either,” he said. “Believe it or not. I just don’t get you most of the time. And,” he added, “you don’t trust me.”
“Because I know that deep down, you’d rather Kora didn’t have such a strong attachment to me.”
“I’m not jealous.”
“Aren’t you?”
He seemed to be studying his shoes. A moment later, he met her gaze. “Okay, maybe. A little. But in all fairness, I do think the friendship you share is valuable, kind of miraculous, and very good for her.”
“And for me.”
He nodded.
“I’d do anything I could to make it work for you, too,” she told him. But she was who she was, and Lord knew, if she could change, she would’ve done it already. After all, her inability to fully connect, to fully commit to a man, had just lost her the love of her life.
“Think about my offer,” Danny said again
She couldn’t accept his sperm without Kora’s blessing. No more than she could marry Jake so she wouldn’t lose him. But she nodded.
He pulled open the door.
And was gone.
Chapter Fourteen
I told myself to leave well enough alone. To give Bailey her space. I didn’t dare call her Monday night. I was depressed and afraid for her and out of sorts. If I called, my disapproval would show through.
She’d know I really wanted her to cancel the appointment in the morning.
I wasn’t sure I really did. Part of me wanted her to see the light now, today, and give up on the whole idea. But another part wanted her to go through with the interviews. She wasn’t going to find a donor who suited her. She was too determined to find the perfect man and she of all people should know that he just didn’t exist.
Maybe the interviews were what it would take to help her see that being artificially inseminated by someone who wasn’t going to share in the birth and raising of her child wasn’t as perfect as she’d thought.
While Bailey did whatever she did to pass Monday night, I made crazy love with my husband. And remembered all over again why I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him.
Danny and I fit. In every way.
* * *
That sense of a perfect fit lingered on into the next day. Danny always called within five minutes of my last bell, and the first thing he asked on Tuesday was if I’d heard from Bailey.
He might not be personally comfortable with my friend, but he supported the friendship.
I’d texted Bailey early that morning, wishing her luck. Telling her I loved her.
I would always love her and come running if she needed me. That part wasn’t negotiable. Or open to interpretation, stipulation or condition.
I’d had a text back. Thanks, love you, too. was all it said. I told Danny I hadn’t heard anything since.
“Don’t you think you should call her?”
Smiling, I made my way around my empty classroom, straightening chairs, picking up wadded papers and other bits of trash from the floor. “I plan to, sweetie,” I told him. “The kids just left.”
Our near fight in the car on Sunday had obviously bothered him as much as it had me. He was trying so hard. And although I wouldn’t have thought it possible, I fell a little more in love with him.
* * *
Interviews came and went. Bailey went through the first six with her usual sense of distance, mixed with an excitement she’d never experienced before. She felt a greater distance during the second six, a couple of weeks later, and not as much excitement. From creeps to really nice guys, she tried to keep an open mind—and found something wrong with every single candidate.
One was actually looking for a wife and figured his best bet was to find a woman who wanted to have a child alone. She was ready to settle down. Would be willing to have his child. And she’d be unattached. For Bailey, he was the last straw in a series of disappointments.
Then it was Thanksgiving, and she spent it, as usual, with Kora and Danny at Mama Di and Papa Bill’s house, where she managed to have more than a three—or four-line conversation with Danny. He still didn’t get her most of the time, but at least he seemed more...human.
So maybe he’d been on the right path with his idea that doing a monumental favor for her might make things better between them, and therefore, better for Kora.
He’d never mentioned the donor idea again. She assumed he’d been hearing from Kora that all the potentials were no-goes. Funny, though, how every single time she was disappointed in another interview, she came away more driven than ever to find the best father, biologically speaking, for her baby. It was as though the baby was becoming more and more alive, more real to her.
She and Kora saw each other frequently that fall, in fitness class, but every other chance they got, too. She’d even taken to stopping by the school on her lunch break so they could eat together, or picking Kora up for a quick cup of coffee after class.
Kora still wasn’t pregnant. That was weighing on her friend and Bailey wished she could do something to help.
“What if it’s me, Kor?” she asked, during a shopping and eggnog latte expedition the second Saturday in December. “What if you’re afraid that if you get pregnant, I’ll rush into my own plans, because of that you’re somehow sabotaging yourself? You know, like the women who stress so much about getting pregnant that they can’t conceive, but as soon as they relax, they do?”
“Like Linda Sue’s mom,” Koralynn said, picking up a scarf, holding it up to her face in a mirror, holding it up to Bailey’s and then putting it back down.
Linda Sue Monroe was a girl they’d known since grade school. After years of trying unsuccessfully to have children, her parents had adopted Linda Sue as an unborn baby, and then, even before she was born, her adopted mother had gotten pregnant. Which was why she and her little brother were only six months apart and in the same grade.
“Yeah.” Bailey picked up a scarf that had been nestled beneath the one Kora had chosen. It was perfect with her lighter coloring. And had a softness about it that suited Kora.
She held it up to her. “This one,” she said. They were supposed to be Christmas shopping but were trying to find something for Kora to wear to Danny’s office Christmas party the next weekend.
Kora took one look in the mirror, nodded and added the scarf to the purse and shoes she was carrying.
“Maybe you need some time away from me and alone with Danny,” she said as they paid for the items, left the department store and continued through the mall. Bailey had gifts to buy; she just didn’t have the heart to look for them.
“What, you think I can’t get pregnant with you in my life?”
“Not exactly, but...” Bailey had plans. She’d made reservations the night before, nonrefundable tickets, so that she couldn’t change her mind. “I’m not going to be here for Christmas,” she said. It would be the first one they hadn’t spent together since they were kids. “I’m going down to see Brian.”
Her brother had invited her. And while she’d had mixed emotions... “I need to do this,” she said. “It’ll give you time to focus on Danny and starting your new family. And I’m thinking that a change of scenery might help me get a new perspective, too.” She’d practiced the words the night before and couldn’t believe she was actually using them.
She and Kora didn’t ever fake it with each other. Or they hadn’t. Until now?
The mall was swamped. Families, couples, teenagers, single dads looking frantic. She wanted out.
“I can’t imagine Christmas without you,” Kora sounded...lost.
“I know, me neither, but...he asked, Kor, and I couldn’t tell him no.”
They byp
assed their favorite lingerie shop and Kora turned a corner as though she was on a mission.
“It’s the first year he’s staying in his own place rather than Dad’s for Christmas,” Bailey said. “He and Moira finally admitted they have a thing going on, and they want to spend the holiday at home.” Brian’s live-in caregiver, Moira Sanders, was ten years older than Brian, but both Kora and Bailey liked her. They’d speculated for some time that there was more going on between them than a purely professional relationship. After Danny and Kora and Bailey and Jake had spent a week there the summer before last, they’d been certain. And were thrilled for Brian.
Bailey’s father and stepmother, on the other hand, didn’t approve at all. Not that Bailey talked to her father all that much. Once a month, maybe, and always because Bailey called him.
“So go down the day after Christmas,” Kora said, still walking past every store without looking in and traveling away from the end of the mall where they’d parked. One more turn, and Bailey knew where she was headed.
Taking the lead, Bailey reached the huge carrousel near the food court first, climbed aboard and found a couple of horses situated right next to each other.
She climbed up, took Kora’s packages while her friend did the same, and then, with the bags settled in her lap, held on and admitted, “I already made my reservations. Brian specifically asked me to be there for Christmas dinner.” And, like she’d said, Bailey had come to believe that she and Kora needed this family time apart.
She didn’t like it. Hated it, in fact. Had had to wipe away a couple of stupid tears as she’d finalized the flight plans the night before.
“When do you leave?”
“Christmas morning. It was the only flight left in my price range.”
The carrousel, filled mostly with kids and a few parents with little ones, started, and Bailey’s horse went up while Kora’s went down.
“So we’ll still have Christmas Eve together,” Kora said, her eyes wide and serious as she looked over at Bailey.
“Of course.” Christmas Eve midnight candlelight service with Kora’s folks was the only Christmas tradition Bailey could remember, one she’d been part of since she was a little girl. Before the service they’d have dinner and then open gifts, also at Mama Di and Papa Bill’s.
In later years, Bailey had always gone home with Danny and Kora after the service, and Danny would fix them spiked eggnog. It was nice. A time when she and Danny were able to feel peaceful in the same room together.
“You can still come home with us and I’ll take you to the airport in the morning,” Kora told her.
Bailey noticed that her friend wasn’t asking; she was making an announcement. And that was fine with her. They rode silently after that, but at one point, when Bailey looked over, she caught Kora smiling at her. She smiled back. And the world righted itself again.
So they were a little old to be riding pretend horses. Not everything had to change at once.
* * *
Bailey gave me the greatest Christmas gift ever. I wasn’t quite sure whether Danny or my folks were in on it or not, but Christmas Eve, after the service and before eggnog, she had Danny drive around the corner from our house, to a place that had been on the market for more than six months and that I’d previously gone through with her.
She’d decided against purchasing it when the seller wouldn’t come down on the price. And since she’d found out Jake was getting married, she’d quit looking at homes.
There was a sold sign in the front yard.
“Pull in,” Bailey told Danny from the back of the Thunderbird. “It’s one in the morning,” I couldn’t help pointing out to her as excitement built within me.
“The owner won’t care,” Bailey said, hopping out of the car even before Danny had turned off the engine.
“How can you be so sure?” I asked, grinning from ear to ear as I got out, slipped my arm through hers and walked her up to the front door.
“Because I have an in with her.”
“Her?”
Bailey took out a key, opened the front door and pulled me into the completely vacant interior. “I did it!” she said. “I signed the papers today so I could surprise you before I left.”
Danny came in. I was aware of him. But I was totally focused on Bailey as I threw myself against her, giving her the hug of a lifetime. “You bought it!” I practically squealed.
“Yep.”
I had tears in my eyes, but didn’t care. Bailey knew how much having her close meant to me. I didn’t know where Danny had gone, probably to check on the plumbing or something. I knew he’d appear when we needed him.
“Oh, my gosh, Bail, you have no idea...”
“I think I do....”
“With you leaving tomorrow, going away for Christmas, I mean...Well, the way things have been...I was afraid...”
“...that I wasn’t coming back. I know. And I couldn’t leave with you thinking that. Life is changing, Kor, but it’s always you and me, isn’t it?”
She seemed to be asking me as much as telling.
“Yeah,” I said softly, and felt the peace of the season drift over and through us. My best friend was right. Things weren’t the same anymore. We had to make adjustments. But what mattered most, the bond between us, hadn’t changed. And it wouldn’t.
“We’re Siamese twins of the soul.” I whispered the childish phrase.
“Always.”
No matter what challenges life brought our way.
Chapter Fifteen
I started my period on New Year’s Eve—on the way to pick Bailey up from the airport for our annual New Year’s Eve bash on the town. Danny, already in his suit and tie, was at the house with a buddy of his from work, a marketing campaign manager. Sean was also single, our age, and interested in Bailey.
She’d met him twice and had agreed to the New Year’s date weeks ago. We were going to her condo to get ready and then, over the next couple of days, we’d be moving Bailey into her new home. I was off work for another week and so was she.
I had other news for her, as well.
There was just no easy way to tell her. “Jake’s married,” I said. We stood in bras and panties doing our hair and makeup. We were in the master bath at the condo she’d been renting since graduating from law school.
“They went to Vegas over Christmas and eloped,” I said. Someone at the party tonight was bound to mention it to her.
Her hand faltered as she attempted to pin a flower to one side of her head. She was leaving the rest of her hair curling down her back like I’d recommended. Reaching over, I fixed the flower for her, securing it well enough to allow for the vigorous dancing I figured we’d be doing later that night.
We’d both chosen black dresses to wear to the ornate ballroom in downtown Pittsburgh and would be spending the night at the high-end hotel where the party was being held. Danny and I got a suite with two bedrooms, one of them for Bailey.
Leaving the mirror, Bailey stepped into her half Lycra, half silk gown, turning so I could zip up the back for her. The slit up the side ran to midthigh, and she stuck her leg through. “Do you think these nylons go with the dress?”
They were black, adorned with silver leaves on each side.
“It’s perfect,” I told her. The bold statement had been made for her perfect long legs.
“He’s not expected to be there tonight.” I could feel her pain as if it was my own. “That’s what I heard, anyway.”
“He called Danny to see if I was going to be there?”
“Yeah.”
“Have you guys seen them? I mean, since...”
“No.” Not that it should matter. We would be seeing them. Jake was Danny’s best friend. But somehow it would’ve seemed wrong to hang out with them before Bailey even knew.<
br />
“When did you find out?”
“The day after Christmas.”
Turning, Bailey studied me, and I was afraid. Would she be upset that I hadn’t told her? Things were getting so hard. The changes were happening so fast I wasn’t sure what the rules were anymore.
I grabbed my dress—black like Bailey’s, but all Lycra. It had straps, not sleeves, and plunged in the front to show off my cleavage. I might be married, but I wasn’t above a little vanity. I wasn’t setting my husband loose in a room full of rich beauties without giving him something to look at—me.
Her hand on my arm stopped me. “Thank-you,” she said.
“For what?”
“Letting me have my week with Brian and Moira. I really needed the time away, Kor, but I missed you like crazy.”
“I missed you, too.”
“I’m okay, you know?”
“About Jake?”
“Yeah. I’ve had time to prepare, and I really do want him to be happy.”
“You think she’s capable of bringing him happiness?” I didn’t. Danny didn’t.
“I hope so.”
Uh-huh. Bailey didn’t either.
* * *
Bailey was hanging blinds in her kitchen on February 3, 2011, when she got the news that her brother, Brian, had passed away. She remembered taking Moira’s distraught call. He’d had a massive heart attack.
She remembered telling Moira that she’d make flight arrangements immediately.
She didn’t remember calling Kora, but she was still sitting on the counter, leaning against the newly painted pale yellow wall, when Kora came bursting in through the back door.
Had she left it unlocked or had Kora used her key?
“Oh, God, Bail, I’m so sorry. So sorry...”
Somehow Kora was on the counter beside her, holding her close, while Bailey shivered. She had to call the office, reschedule her appointments. How long would she be gone?
Had Dad gone to the hospital to see him? Brian wouldn’t have been as frightened if Dad was there.
They’d all had dinner together the day after Christmas. There hadn’t been a lot of laughter, but they’d done okay.
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