“I know,” he said, reaching for my hand, but still squatting. He wasn’t going to sit there with me anymore. “Don’t you think I’ve told myself, over and over, that I should be good with that?” he asked. “Millions of people adopt, because they can’t have children of their own, or because they just choose to adopt instead. I know that. But it doesn’t change how I feel.”
I would never have believed that life, my life, could come to this.
Danny wasn’t going to change his mind.
“So what does that mean for us?”
“I don’t know.”
I’d never been so scared in my life. I had to ask, “Are you going to leave me?”
“No!” He dropped to the ground, pulling me into his lap. “God, no, Kor! I love you to distraction, you know that.”
I started to sob then. Wrapping my arms around my husband, I buried my face against his warmth and cried until my ribs hurt.
And the pain still didn’t stop.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Other than a couple of weekends away, Kora and Danny didn’t go on any holidays that summer. Bailey didn’t either. She had nowhere to go. And didn’t relish traveling alone with a six-month-old baby. She took vacation, though, two weeks of it, and had a ball getting up every morning when her son woke her, feeding him, bathing him, playing with him and then being able to spend the entire day at home with him, doing what moms do.
She talked to him constantly. The books said that babies understood what was being said to them long before they could speak—and that the way they learn to communicate is by listening, so she communicated. All the time. About everything.
Funny, for one who’d been reticent her whole life, she found an awful lot of useless things to talk about.
But she told him important things, too. About his Uncle Brian. His grandma who would’ve loved him. And the way he was going to treat women when he grew into manhood.
They talked about politics, or rather she did while he tracked her with his eyes and listened with a look of concentration. They discussed the possibility of his getting a pet someday. And the benefits of tennis over football.
She explained insurance to him. Specifically the life insurance policy she’d taken out on herself with him as beneficiary.
She brought him to a couple of cookouts at Mama Di and Papa Bill’s house. She and the baby didn’t see much of Danny, but they visited with Auntie Kora every single day of vacation, as she was off work, too, and came over to have lunch with them. A couple of times they went to the park. And they went shopping.
One day Mattie even got to sit in his car seat and watch while Bailey and Auntie Kora took an afternoon fitness class.
That was something Bailey had to get back to. She’d lost all the weight she’d gained having Matthew, but her muscles were not toned like they used to be. Any form of weakness was not something she could tolerate in herself.
Not now that she had a child depending solely on her.
The last day of vacation, Bailey had Mattie to herself for the whole day. Kora had a teachers’ meeting and was going to get her classroom ready for the students who’d be descending on her the next week. So she was surprised when she heard a knock on her door just after she’d put the baby down for a nap.
For a brief second she thought of Jake. Maybe he’d been out on a call, or a business lunch, in the area. Maybe he couldn’t resist stopping by to say hello. She hadn’t set eyes on him since a Christmas party, when she’d been blown up like a balloon ready to pop. Too self-conscious to waddle over and say hello, she’d avoided him. He’d left early, with his wife.
And that had been that.
Opening her door before she could entertain any other fanciful thoughts, she stepped back as Danny came in, closing the screen door behind him.
“Is the baby asleep?”
“Yes.”
“Good. Kora said he sleeps like clockwork. Every afternoon from two to four, whether you’re home or out and about.”
Pretty much. But she didn’t think Danny was there to hear about her son’s sleeping habits.
“Kora’s not here.” But he could be forgiven for thinking she would be, as much time as Kora spent with Bailey and Mattie.
“I know. She’s at school this afternoon. That’s why I’m here.”
In black dress pants, a long-sleeved button-down white shirt, and black-and-white-striped tie, he looked the picture of a successful businessman. Had he come home for lunch?
“I didn’t hear your car.”
“It’s at home. I walked over. I needed the time to think. We have to talk, Bailey.” His look was stern, his tone even sterner. He stood in her foyer with his hands in his pockets, as though he was prepared to hold that stance until she agreed with him.
“Okay.” She led the way to the kitchen, mostly because it was the farthest point in the house from the nursery. “You want some iced tea?”
“No.”
“A bottle of water?”
“No, nothing.”
Pulling out a chair for him, she moved to the other side of the table and sat. “What’s up?”
It wasn’t going to be good. That much was obvious.
Still, she wasn’t prepared, even a little, for the words that came out of his mouth.
“I want my son.”
She probably should have seen it coming. It was perfect, right? He could no longer father children, but it didn’t matter because he already had one?
“He’s not your son.” Donating sperm was like donating a kidney. Once you gave it away, it didn’t belong to you anymore.
“He’s the only son I’ll ever have.”
“He’s my son, Danny, and he’s the only son I’ll ever have.” He knew that.
“I did some checking. You can have your tubes untied, or whatever they call it. It’s a simple procedure. I’m prepared to pay for it. And to pay whatever it costs for you to find another donor and have another child.”
He leaned forward. “I know how much being a mother means to you, Bailey. And I’ll do everything in my power to make it as easy as possible for you to have another child. I’ll even find a donor if you need me to.”
If it had been that easy to find a suitable donor, she would never have turned to Danny in the first place. There just weren’t a lot of men walking the streets who fit her qualifications. That man, her baby’s biological father, also had to be willing to give up his sperm to a woman who’d never let him acknowledge his child’s existence.
“Danny, think about it. This is crazy!”
“On the contrary. It’s the only thing that makes sense.”
“What about Kora?”
“I told you, she’s the only woman I want raising my child.”
She swallowed back the pain his words caused. She loved him like a brother. Probably always had and would have known it, too, if he hadn’t been such a dick for so long. But what he was asking—she couldn’t just hand over her son....
“So you think it’s fair that you raise your son, but she has to raise another woman’s child instead of her own?” It wasn’t going to happen, but couldn’t he see? He was asking the impossible. “No, of course not,” he said. “I think that if we have my son, I’ll be able to handle another man’s child in my home, as well. After we get settled with Matthew, and he’s a little older, maybe we could have Kora artificially inseminated, too.”
Wow. He really had worked out the details.
At least in his own mind.
“Danny, you can’t just expect me to give up my son like he’s a...a piece of furniture. I love him. We’re connected in a way you’ll never be able to sever. He’s my son.”
She couldn’t explain something she didn’t really understand herself, but that baby wasn’t just something t
hat had happened in her life. He was her life. Because he was Matthew. A person. A very tiny human being whom she’d already grown to love more than she’d ever loved any human being on earth.
“Besides,” she said, folding her hands together as she leaned forward on the table, trying to get him to slow down and listen. “Kora’s not going to agree to this. In the first place, she’d know how much it would kill me to lose him and would never agree to take him from me....”
“I thought of that. She’ll do it if you convince her it’s what you want more than anything else.”
True. But the key part he was missing here was that she’d never be able to convince Kora. What Danny didn’t seem to get, even after all these years, was that with very few exceptions, Kora and Bailey could read each other’s hearts and minds as well as they could read their own, sometimes better.
“You’ll still see him. And you’ll have another baby, too.”
She couldn’t believe they were even having this conversation.
She tried another route to get him to see sense. “Think about what it would do to her to find out that only one woman in the world would ever carry your seed and give it life, and it wasn’t her.”
“That part will be rough. But as soon as she has her own child and realizes that it doesn’t change how I feel about her, once she sees how badly I want only her to mother my child, she’ll come around. None of this is easy or the way any of us really want it. But this is Kora we’re talking about. She sees the good in everything and everyone. Eventually.”
She was also human. And given the cruelty of fate, the irony of timing, she’d probably curl up and die if she found out about the secret Danny and Bailey shared. Even Kora had her limits.
“He’s my son, Danny,” she said again, “not some object I can just part with. God, remember how much you and Kora grieved when she lost William. You guys could have other kids then, but it still devastated both of you.”
Danny stood with such force the kitchen chair toppled behind him. He spun and headed back toward the front door.
“Danny!” She followed him. Grabbed his arm to stop him from storming out of there. Was he going to tell Kora what they’d done? If he did he’d blow their worlds apart. He had to slow down. Calm down. Think rationally....
“What?”
“Please,” she implored him. “You know I’d do just about anything for you guys, but what you’re asking—it’s impossible....”
“Nothing is impossible.” He stood five inches taller than her and looked straight down, his broad shoulders shadowing her. “You seem to be forgetting that boy is as much mine as it is yours. Equal X, equal Y.”
He has as many of your genes as he does mine, that’s true,” she said, all emotion leaving her voice now. He was not going to take her child. Period. “But make no mistake about this, Danny, Matthew is mine. You signed away your rights to him in an airtight contract that’s internationally binding.”
“I’ll hire an attorney. I’ll take you to court and tie up custody rights long enough to get visitation, and then we’ll have him at least half the time. I don’t want to do this to you, Bailey, but if you force me to, I will. I simply have no other choice—”
His voice cracked on the last word, and Bailey’s heart went out to him. He was talking craziness. Because he was a guy hurting beyond his ability to cope.
She reached a hand to the side of his chin. “Danny, I will share every single aspect of Mattie’s life with you and Kora. I do anyway. We’ll get through this, the three of us. Just give it time. Give yourself and Kora some time....”
“I’m going to lose her.”
“No, you aren’t! That woman is so in love with you she’s never even looked at another guy in a man/woman sense. Just be there with her, Danny. Don’t shut her out.”
“I need Matthew.” He leaned toward her, as though he was going to rest his forehead on her shoulder—a man who was completely beaten.
“Bail?”
Danny jumped one way, Bailey jerked the other, as the voice sounded right behind them. She’d been so engrossed in the moment, she hadn’t heard Kora’s car. Her friend’s hand was still on the screen door, opening it, but it was very clear from the horrified expression on her face that she’d seen them.
“Kora!” Bailey said, infusing far too much false cheer into her voice as she tried to come up with a plausible explanation for what was obviously an emotional situation. An explanation that didn’t include the fact that Matthew was her husband’s child and he’d come asking for him back.
But Kora was gone, running back to her car and gunning out of there.
“Give me your keys,” Danny demanded, panic in his voice, and this time Bailey did what he asked immediately.
“Catch her, Danny,” she said, racing behind him to her car. “Bring her back.”
“I will.”
As she heard him tear down the street a couple of seconds later, Bailey slid to the floor, leaned back against the wall and prayed.
Chapter Twenty-Three
I should have seen it coming. How stupid could I be? The sudden changes in Danny toward Bailey. Ha! I’d been thanking him.
I drove like a bat out of hell. Headed toward my parents’ house. I wasn’t thinking, just reeling, as the image of my husband and best friend standing together in her home—Bailey’s hand so tenderly on Danny’s face, his head bending, obviously to kiss her—kept replaying itself over and over in my mind. Torturing me. I saw a red light. And I saw Bailey’s eyes as she noticed me standing at her front door.
My Bailey. I just couldn’t believe it. Except that I’d seen the look of horror on her face. Could hear the guilt in her voice as she’d cried my name.
I couldn’t go to Mom. Couldn’t believe Bailey had stabbed me. My Bailey.
And Danny...
Funny how that didn’t shock me quite as much. Probably because things had been so bad between us lately. Because he’d mentioned packing his bags. Because we hadn’t been together forever, like Bailey and I had.
Maybe a woman always knows there’s a possibility that her husband could be unfaithful to her. But her best friend? With her husband?
I sped out of town, as though I could leave my life behind. All of it. William. Danny’s injury. Bailey...
I needed her. Needed to run to her. Bailey, who could think my thoughts for me until I got control of them.
She and Danny. Wow. I just...wow.
If she’d died it wouldn’t have hurt as badly. At least then her spirit would still be entwined with mine.
But it wasn’t now. Bailey and Danny?
I’d go back, let them tell me what was going on, let myself believe them when they told me there was nothing going on—but I’d felt Bailey’s panic when she’d seen me there.
And then I’d felt nothing.
Danny and Bailey?
For the first time in my life, I felt utterly alone.
For a while I just drove. Fast. Recklessly. Because...what did it matter?
Was I tempting fate? Letting death take me if it chose?
I wondered, but didn’t much care either way.
What would have happened if my meeting that afternoon hadn’t been canceled? If I hadn’t finished with my classroom early so I could surprise Bailey and Mattie and spend some time with my best friend on her last day of vacation?
How long would Danny and Bailey have kept me in the dark about whatever was going on between them?
How could I not have known that Bailey was being duplicitous?
I drove aimlessly, and yet with purpose. Because life had value. I knew that, deep down, beneath the shock and the disbelief. I drove to outrun the pain. To stave off devastation.
I drove because I didn’t know what else to do.
Up the moun
tain, my mountain, as I thought of it, outside town. Danny and I had been there many times. I hadn’t been back since I’d lost William. I wasn’t sure why.
It wasn’t that I forgave Danny his part in all of this. It wasn’t even that I’d expected him to be unfaithful to me. It was just...I guess I understood that his state of mind was not healthy. He was struggling with what he saw as a loss of manhood.
That didn’t make infidelity okay.
I sure as hell wasn’t scheming to sleep with another man. Or even thinking about it. I simply had no desire to.
How could he turn to another woman?
I didn’t want him anywhere near me.
But I didn’t want a divorce. I was besotted with the man. How sick was that?
Danny and Bailey?
And when the pain caught up with me, I pulled off the road, buried my head in my arms against the steering wheel and let it all wash over me.
* * *
She was changing Mattie, singing nonsense to him, trying to mask her distress, to protect him from the mess she’d made of their lives—when her cell phone rang.
She’d had it planned so well, down to the last detail. How could it all blow up in her face?
Wasn’t that the point of planning?
To prevent her future from reflecting her past?
With her son, wearing only a diaper, in her arms, she made it to her phone on his dresser on the fourth ring.
Was it Kora? Had Danny been able to explain to her? Could they all talk and get through this?
She didn’t recognize the number.
“Ms. Watters?” She didn’t recognize the voice either.
“Yes?”
“This is Sergeant Peters with the State Patrol, ma’am.”
No.
“I’m sorry to inform you, ma’am, but...”
NO!
“Your car’s been in an accident and the only occupant, a Daniel Brown...”
Thank God. It wasn’t Kora. The phone slipped out of her hand.
* * *
Later, I couldn’t recall the passage of time, but I would always remember, in vivid detail and slow motion, every single move I made.
The Friendship Pact Page 18