“Are you looking forward to tonight?” He asked desperate to get me off the topic of my doomed exam.
“No, did you hear those girls? I’m going to be deaf by the time I get here!”
He laughed at me. “Yeah, we thought someone was being murdered in the hallway.”
“I’m going to need ear plugs; do they come with the car?” I laughed. “Thanks by the way.” I looked down at my half eaten dinner.
“It’s just a car.”
“No not that, well, yes there is that, I just meant before… in the bathroom. I’m sorry. I just… I’m sorry.” I smiled at him nervously, hoping it looked as sincere as I meant it.
“Hey, no worries; I’m just glad that I could be there for you.” His hand twitched on the table where it rested across from mine, looking like he wanted to hold my hand, before he bunched it into a fist and moved it to rest in his lap, his legs squeezed mine under the table.
“It means a lot that you were.” I held his gaze across the table, hoping that I could convey with a look, exactly how I felt.
I slowly lifted my index finger to my lips. If anyone saw it would just appear as a gesture of silence, but to us, it was our thing. Our thing. Jamie lifted his hand, his finger pressing to his own lips, mirroring me.
From behind my lips I gave him a small, coy smile before lowering my hand back to the table. I looked around feeling self-conscious over our little public display, nervous in case anyone witnessed it.
“I’ve dreaded that exam all year.” I said as another teacher passed by our table.
“I know, but it’s done now.” He looked at his watch. “Come on, you have fifteen minutes before your exam starts. I bet your friends are wondering where you are.”
We walked together over to the girls and I had to keep my arms folded over my stomach to make sure I didn’t try to hold his hand. Or I could blame feeling sick. No it was definitely to avoid holding his hand. I noticed his were tucked in to his trouser pockets, not his usual way of walking with one in his pocket and the other by his side.
“Liv, where have you been?” shouted Lily, before noticing Jamie beside me and giving me a wide eyed stare.
“Calm down mother!” I yelled back and Jamie laughed at me.
“She had a panic attack after the exam and was sick so I made sure she was ok and ate before her next exam. I need to go up to class now but can you inform whoever is supervising your exam, of what happened, she may still be sick.”
“Yea sure” Violet said, feeling my head. “Are you ok?” I nodded weakly.
“She ate a little and I made sure she drank lots of water so she should be ok as long as she doesn’t see another maths paper any time soon.” he ruffled my hair. “Right, you take care and good luck for this afternoon… Ladies.” He nodded to us as he stepped away.
“Mr Matthews” I called as he began walking away. “Thanks” I smiled and he winked back at me. I slumped to the grass holding my stomach trying not to think about being sick again. Lily sat down beside me nudging my arm.
“Looking after you again… I told you, he sooo wants you! Did you see him wink at you? I’m starting to see why you’re so obsessed with him” I was too wound up to get into that conversation with her again so I did my best to just smile at her as she swooned down on to the grass.
To my surprise, once I sat down at the piano in the music hall a calm descended over me and I was able to play well I thought, a new knot formed in my stomach as I tried to concentrate on getting ready for the evening.
Once we got to Violet’s house I jumped in the shower, I needed to wash my hair ASAP if it was going to dry by the time prom began. I was leaving my hair in my natural curls as Jamie mentioned a few times that he liked it that way.
When it was dry, I pulled my hair up on the right hand side with my Grandma’s hair comb, leaving the rest to hang naturally down my back and frame the left of my face. Lisa brought in my jewellery boxes that I had given to her for safe keeping and helped me put my necklace on. I slipped my earrings in to my ears, placed my ring on my left ring finger as Grandma had worn it and was finally ready. I glanced over myself in the mirror one more time. One more night of pretending… Saturday was a different story. Saturday, we could be free.
Lisa lined us all up and clapped with tears in her eyes. “Oh you girls all look so grown up! I remember when all of you first started high school together and now you’re all eighteen and leaving sixth-form. Where have the years gone?”
“Mum, shut up, you’re embarrassing yourself!”
“Ok, ok! Right it’s almost seven. Your car will be here in a sec, you girls need to get downstairs.” She snapped a couple of pictures of us all together and a few on our own; then once the car pulled up she took a few of us all with that too. I made her take some with my camera so I could show Jamie later on.
I let the girls go first into the car and was stopped by the driver who handed me a small black box. I opened it up to find two ear plugs which set me off laughing.
“What’s that?” Violet asked.
“Ear plugs. I erm… I told the company you guys would be loud… It’s a joke from the owner, he knows Austin.” I smiled hoping the lie sounded convincing. When I got in the car I saw that Jamie had organised wrist corsages for all of us with a bottle of champagne for us to share; I almost cried when I realised the corsages were made up of 5 roses, each rose was the colour of the ones he’d sent me the week before.
I was right about needing ear plugs, everyone was a little over excited. We’d finally finished with school. Megan was heading off around the globe travelling, Violet had earned an apprenticeship with her mother’s interior design company and Lily was looking to continue studying like me.
It was easy to feel carefree now that we had officially finished with high school, no more exams, no more horrid uniform… No more having to sneak around with Jamie. I felt a flutter of excitement as I thought about Saturday again. Just twelve more hours until I’d be getting up to a new day, starting a new chapter of my life. One that involved Jamie.
Pulling up to school, Jamie was easy to spot. He was welcoming students in, well he was making it look like that was what he was doing; he’d messaged me earlier to say he’d wait outside for me. He was stood with his hands tucked into the trouser pockets of his black suit. His dark green silk tie stood out against the white of his shirt.
I quickly stuck the ear plugs in my ears and stepped out of the car. Lily spotted Scott and with Violet and Megan ran inside leaving me on my own. I didn’t mind though, I thanked the driver and slowly walked over to Jamie who didn’t take his eyes off of me despite other students saying hello to him. He said hi to me, well I think he did, I took the ear plugs out.
“Pardon?” I asked as I grinned at him.
“I’m wishing I got myself some of those after the noise they made running by me.” We began walking inside and he whispered in my ear. “You look absolutely beautiful tonight, stunning even.” he smiled and moved closer to my ear. “I’m aching to kiss you just now.” I blushed and put my head down. The truth was I was aching to kiss him too; the way he said ‘aching’ set a fire inside me and I had to work to not leap on him that very moment in the hallway.
“Thank you for my flowers, they’re beautiful. The others loved theirs too.” I whispered back as I traced my fingertips over the rose petals.
He smiled. “I’m glad you all liked them.” He raised his voice slightly as some more students overtook us down the corridor. “How are you feeling about your exams now that they are over?”
“Like once I get my results you’ll be attending my funeral.” He suddenly stopped, looked around and pulled me into an empty room.
“Don’t say that! I’ve barely had any time with you at all, I’m not about to lose you over some silly exams.” I looked up at him with an expression that could only convey shock. He didn’t want to lose me; I realised then that I could never lose him either. I suddenly felt scared of the thought of it.
; Stepping towards him, I placed my hand gently on his cheek forcing him to look at me.
“I’m not going anywhere, Jamie.” I slowly pressed my lips to his, smiling when my phone beeped in my bag. “Other than to dance. That’s probably Lily wondering where I am.”
“I wish we didn’t need to be here.” He sighed running his hands over my dress. “Can you wear this tomorrow? Since you stepped out of the car I think I’ve imagined taking this off of you at least a hundred times.” His lips twisted in to a mischievous grin as he reached for the zip at the back of my dress.
I stepped back slapping his hands away. “Don’t you dare, Mr Matthews. You know you can get into serious trouble saying things like that to your student.”
Jamie stepped forward gripping hold of my waist and pushing me against the wall; his nose brushing my chin, nudging me to face upwards. His lips traced a line down my neck to my shoulder.
“I don’t think this student minds. In fact… I’m pretty sure I could have her begging for more within three more kisses.” One… Two…
“Jamie…” I sighed, breathlessly. Three… I twisted my fingers through his hair pulling him closer; arching my body I melted against him. I tried to hook my leg around his but was hindered by my dress. I felt Jamie’s hand running down my thigh, down my calf to my ankle. He gripped the hem of my dress, slowly pulling it up to my waist. His fingers went straight to my panties, skimming over the now damp lace while his lips teased the flesh on my neck.
“Now, Miss Stevens, do you still think I should be talking to a student like this?” I pushed my head back against the wall, sighing. “Answer the question.”
“N-no.” His fingers pulled aside my underwear, brushing them along my slick opening.
“Do you want more?”
“Y-yes.”
“Say it. Say it, Liv.”
“I want- more.” Slowly he pushed a finger inside of me.
“Do you still want more?”
“Yes!”
“Say it.” He growled into my ear.
“I want more!” A second finger joined his first, slowly pumping in and out of me. “More, Jamie! Faster!”
I could hear students running through the corridor behind me, laughing and screaming but I didn’t care.
“Jamie!”
“That’s it, come for me… Come over my hand so I can taste you from my fingers.”
I gripped his hair tighter, pulling his lips back to mine to stifle my cries as my body shook against him. He rested his forehead against mine, his fingers causing aftershocks to ripple through me.
“I don’t know how I’m going to wait until tomorrow with this burning in my mind.” He removed his fingers from me and pushed them between his lips, licking my taste from them.
My phone beeped again. “I should go and find her.”
“Of course. I- I’ll catch up to you later I guess?” His brows furrowed.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing I just… Never mind, you go have fun with your friends. I’ll follow in a minute.” I didn’t believe him for one second but I had to go and find Lily before she organised a search.
“Do I look ok?” I asked as I nervously straightened my dress and hair.
“You look beautiful as always.”
“No, do I look ok? Like I didn’t just come all over your hand two minutes ago?” My phone started ringing in my bag.
“You look fine, now go.” He smiled at me.
***
“Are you ok? You look a little…”
“Freshly fucked.” Quipped Megan.
“I was going to say, flush.” Lily rolled her eyes at Megan.
“I- I- was in the bathroom. I was sick again.”
“Oh, are you ok?” Lily pulled me under her arm towards some chairs.
“I’m fine, I just want to dance and not think about it, ok?” We danced through five songs before Jamie eventually came in. Lily got distracted by her boyfriend Scott and I was able to slip away as Violet and Megan danced by themselves. I sneaked around the room to stand beside Jamie at the edge of the dance floor, hoping that he’d be in a better mood.
“Right, hopefully they won’t notice that I’ve gone.”
“And here was me thinking you looked relieved to be away from me.” He smiled down at me, but I could see in his eyes that he meant it. I laughed nervously thinking of how stupid the notion of me feeling anything at all like relief, with being away from him. I was just about to explain that to him when Mr Wright walked over to us.
“Evening Mr Wright.” I greeted him, smiling to be courteous.
“Not dancing with your friends?” He asked me with a raised brow.
“I was, but I feel a bit ill. I was sick after my maths exam today and I’m still not feeling great. Mr Matthews was just asking why I thought I’d done so badly.” I was glancing out over the sea of people dancing when my eyes landed on Lucas at the other side of the hall, his eyes fixed firmly on me. I froze. “Mr Wright, why is Lucas Fletcher here?”
“He has been on his best behaviour since that little incident with you; I figured he deserved a reprieve.”
I swallowed hard past the tight feeling in my throat. ‘Little incident’? “If you’ll excuse me, I have some pictures to take.” I shook my little camera in the air to show him. I don’t think my tone did a very good job of masking how upset and pissed off I was that he was there. I reluctantly walked away from Jamie over to pull Lily from Scott; he smiled down at me and didn’t object as he took my hand and held one of Lily’s so we could all dance together. He leaned down to whisper in my ear.
“Luke’s staring at you. Although in that dress, I can see why.” I knew he was watching me, I could feel his eyes on me. I slapped Scott on the arm. “Well, he is. He hasn’t taken his eyes off of you since you walked in the door.”
“I can’t believe he was allowed to attend.” I sighed as I carried on dancing, glancing between Lucas and Jamie. I tutted loudly when I noticed that Miss Granger had snuggled herself up beside Jamie. I felt relieved to see he was doing his best to ignore her, but she was nothing if not persistent. His attention was fully on me as I danced. Lily came over to wrap her arms around my waist in a hug as I continued to grumble about Luke. Rita Ora’s R.I.P blasted through the speakers around the hall and I swayed with her to the beat, Jamie’s eyes held mine as I hugged Lily’s arms around me and sang along to the words, wondering if he was taking in the lyrics as I was.
His lips parted and I could see from across the room, the quick rise and fall of his chest as he took deep calming breaths. I smiled as I saw Jamie take an involuntary step forward and stop himself; his jaw snapped tightly closed and I could see the movement of his throat as he swallowed hard, fists clenched tightly in his pockets.
I pulled my eyes away from his when Lily shook me, obviously trying to talk to me. I turned around to face her to see what was wrong when she told me I’d stopped dancing; her eyes followed the direction I’d been looking in. I looked back towards where he stood to see that he wasn’t there any more, I searched the crowd for him; he was stood over by the drinks table. His head was down and had a hand raised to his face, probably pinching the bridge of his nose.
“He looks stressed. You should go and talk to him.” I whirled back around to face Lily.
“Who?” She gave me the look that said I knew exactly who she meant, I sighed dramatically. “You know I can’t, Lil.”
“Bullshit! Just go say hi!”
“I already said hi to him when I came in”
“So? You aren’t going to get to talk to him ever again, make the most of it!” She shoved me forward and slowly I made my way over to Jamie, looking back at Lily as she watched me with a big smile on her face. I came up behind him, looked around to see if anyone was watching. Of course Luke was, but he was the only one. I poked Jamie in the ribs, smiling as he turned around.
“You having fun?” I asked him. Stupid question, I could see he was pissed off about something.
“No, not without you. Although you looked like you were having fun. You seemed to err… like that last song.” I pulled one corner of my lips up into a small smile.
“It’s alright.” I shrugged nonchalantly and he returned my smile. He knew exactly what I’d been trying to convey.
“Do you think Lily will take a picture of us?” he nodded towards my camera. “I want one of us here. You look so beautiful.” He lifted his hand slightly towards me then dropped it again scanning the area with quick glances around him and secured his hand in his trouser pocket once more. “I want to remember how gorgeous you look tonight.” He whispered to me and I felt my cheeks flood red and nodded. She’d love that. I nervously looked around for Lucas again. He was stood with his football team-mates, but he was still staring at me. I shivered involuntarily as his gaze chilled me to the bone.
“Liv, are you ok?”
“Huh? Yeah… I’m sorry I walked away before, I just didn’t want Mr Wright getting funny with either of us. Can you pass me a bottle of water?” I didn’t want him to see how much Lucas was effecting me. Jamie turned and grabbed me one from the bottom of a bucket of ice so it was nice and cool. I caught Lily’s eye and motioned for her to come over, whispering in her ear that I wanted a picture of Mr Matthews before leaving school and winked at her without Jamie seeing. She gave me her knowing smile and snapped away with a few photographs for me, then ran off back to Scott again. I started flicking through the pictures she had taken.
Jamie leaned in closely over my right shoulder, his cheek almost brushing against mine as I flicked through the pictures and explained a few of them and what we were up to.
“If you take this many in one night I dread to think what your hard-drive is like!” There must have been three hundred photographs on my camera, the girls were snap happy with it earlier on in the evening as we got ready.
“That’s what externals were made for.” I poked my tongue out at him “Taking pictures is kind of a hobby of mine, if I didn’t want to become a nurse I’d love to become a photographer. I’d probably be better paid as a photographer actually; maybe I should just do that, then I can stop worrying about maths and worry about my art result.” My parents and my uncle had made it clear I was going to business school to study finance and business management. I had hoped setting my sights on nursing instead would make them relax about my career choice.
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