by Rhonda Bowen
“Come with me and the boys to Mississippi.”
Toni raised an eyebrow. “Gee, Adam, we just met and you’re already asking me to go away with you?”
“We’re taking a dozen of the boys and a couple staff to Mississippi to work on a Habitat for Humanity project,” Adam began, ignoring her sarcasm. “One of our volunteer staff bailed on us, and Jasmine can’t go again for obvious reasons.
“Be our replacement, and I’ll give you the story.”
“When is this trip?” Apprehension was still written all over her face.
“End of June,” Adam said.
“Adam, that’s in three weeks!”
“I know,” Adam said. “So is that a yes?”
“No!”
“You didn’t even think about it!” Adam said, trying hard not to sound as desperate as he felt.
“Why do you want me anyway?” Toni asked. “You forget that little speech you made about me being a bad influence? Aren’t you afraid I’ll corrupt your little reformed gangbangers?”
“No, I’m not,” Adam said easily. “ ’Cause you only get your interview after the trip, and I know you wouldn’t risk it by convincing the boys to do anything stupid.”
Toni narrowed her eyes. “How do I know you won’t change your mind after you get what you want?”
“I’m not like that.” He was surprised at how naturally suspicious she seemed. “All I’ve got is my word. So if I say I’m gonna do something, I do it. Ask Trey, Jasmine, or any of those boys if you don’t believe me.”
She seemed to consider him for a moment. Then she relaxed. Adam let himself hope.
“So what’s it gonna be? Are you in?”
“No way,” Toni said, looking at him as if he had just lost his mind.
“Fine,” Adam said, shrugging. “No trip, no interview.”
This time she didn’t try to stop him as he opened the door and went inside. He had hoped that she would. Hoped that she would walk down the hall, give him her usual scowl, and then agree to do it. But she didn’t. In fact, when Adam finally dared to look back, the hallway was empty and she was gone. He couldn’t deny the tiny sting of disappointment that lingered with him. Now he had to go find some other volunteer.
He stuck his hands in his pockets and made his way to his office. So much for that.
Chapter 8
“Jas, Trey, I’m here!”
Toni turned her key to her brother’s town house and pushed the door open. When she got no answer, she shoved it closed behind her, kicked off her shoes, and made her way to the kitchen. She had almost bailed on coming to see them, but she had left work late, and since she knew her fridge was empty, this would be a quick way to score some food and avoid face time with her stove.
Toni grabbed a banana from off the kitchen table and headed down the hallway. She was about to holler again, when she turned the corner to the living room and stopped short.
There were people everywhere, sitting on Jasmine’s special-order cream couch, lounging in her Crate and Barrel wing chair, curled up on the carpet. In fact, it looked like everyone from Jasmine and Trey’s church was crammed in there. And she should know; after all, it used to be her church too, before she quit going ten years earlier.
Toni stomped her foot, barely biting back a four-letter word. It was Wednesday night. She hadn’t realized. And now she was caught in Jasmine and Trey’s small group meeting. Although small probably wasn’t the best word to describe it anymore.
Suddenly her stove was looking very attractive. She tiptoed backward slowly, hoping that everyone was too busy in discussions to notice her. She was still hungry, but there was only so much she could endure for free food. This was definitely above her threshold.
Her foot hit something that wasn’t carpet. Toni let out a tiny shriek as she lost her balance and began to fall backward.
“Whoa, easy,” a voice said from too close to her ear. She felt firm arms steady her from behind, even as fourteen pairs of eyes turned to look at her from the living room.
So much for a clean getaway.
“You okay?”
She turned around and grimaced. “I’m fine.” She glared at Adam even as she pulled out of his grasp.
“You’re mad at me?” he asked incredulously. “I just saved your behind from hitting some hardwood.”
“Maybe if your eyes hadn’t been on my behind you wouldn’t have walked into me,” she snapped.
He shook his head. “You’re crazy.”
“Toni! You came!”
Toni forced a smile as Jasmine ambled across the room to embrace her. There was no getting away now.
“Yeah, I guess I did.” How could she not realize it was Wednesday night? She never came over on Wednesdays. Never.
“Come on.” Jasmine all but dragged her across the room. “We’re halfway through, but you can still join in.”
“Lucky me.” Toni glanced behind her, but Adam had already wandered off, joining a group of three guys and two girls sitting on hassocks in the corner.
“Hey, everyone, I want you to meet Toni,” Jasmine said, introducing her to a group of three young women sitting on the sofa. “Toni is Trey’s sister and one of my good friends.”
“Toni, this is ...”
“... Camille and Susan,” Toni finished. “What’s up, girls?”
“Nothing much,” Camille said with a smile so bright Toni wanted to reach for her sunglasses. “Haven’t seen you in a long while.”
“Yeah, well.” Toni sat down on the sofa as she resigned herself to her fate. “You know how it is sometimes.”
Camille smiled but said nothing.
“Well, it’s good to see you anyway,” Susan finished. “Hope it won’t be the last time.”
It was Toni’s turn to nod and smile.
“So I grew up with these two, but I don’t think I’ve met you,” Toni said, turning to the third woman, who made up for her lack of pigment with her amazing silky auburn mane that fell to the middle of her back. Toni had felt more than seen the woman’s gray eyes watching her since she had joined the group.
“Toni, this is Sabrina,” Jasmine said. “She joined Immanuel a couple years ago.”
“So you’re Trey’s reporter sister,” Sabrina said. “I read your stories in the AJC all the time. You’re good.”
Toni smiled. “I just get lucky, that’s all.” She gingerly shook Sabrina’s tiny soft hand, afraid she would break it.
Jasmine clapped her hands together, clearly done with the chitchat. “Okay, so we were talking about forgiveness and mercy... .”
Toni listened for a while, but got distracted as her eyes wandered around the room. When had the small group gotten this big? The last time Trey and Jasmine had tricked her into coming had been about two years ago and even then it was no more than five or six people. Now it seemed to be almost three times that number. And half the people Toni didn’t even know.
She glanced over at Camille, who was nodding intently at something Sabrina was saying. She couldn’t believe Camille was still in church. When they were teenagers, no one had been wilder than Camille. She had been the one who snuck Smirnoff into their hotel room on their class trip to New York. She had been the one who had taken her mother’s car out of the garage, crashed it, and then reported it stolen. And Toni wasn’t sure how many people knew it, but Camille had had an abortion before she was eighteen.
But here she was. Living the holy life. All chummed up with God like she was Mother Teresa. Well, better her than Toni.
Toni stifled a yawn and glanced at her watch. She was missing Law and Order.
“Okay, guys, so you know we’re all glad you were able to come for small group tonight,” Jasmine said from the front of the room a few minutes later. “As usual we have snacks in the kitchen and you’re free to hang out for a bit. Our home is your home.
“And speaking of homes,” Jasmine said, her face seeming to light up as she spoke, “we have a special announcement to make.”
Toni rolled her eyes as she watched Jasmine beam at everyone excitedly. She couldn’t imagine what her sister-in-law had to announce. But drama was her middle name, so it could be anything. Toni’s stomach grumbled and she wished they would get on with it already.
“So you know that our family is expanding,” Jasmine began. “And this little old place won’t be enough for three of us. We’ve been praying, and God brought us to a place. Somewhere that’s very dear to us, and somewhere we hope that we can soon call home.”
Toni watched Trey grab Jasmine’s hand and whisper something to her. She seemed to brush him off slightly and continue. His brows furrowed. The look on his face told Toni that he had not been let in on whatever it was Jasmine was about to announce.
This would be entertaining.
“Trey wants us to wait till everything is confirmed, but there’s no harm in letting you guys know, especially since some of you know how long we have been looking,” Jasmine said. She clapped her tiny hands together and bounced on her toes as she paused dramatically. “We’re moving back home! We’re buying Trey’s parents’ old house. Isn’t that amazing?”
Cheers went up from the room as if Jasmine had announced she had just found a cure for cancer. Toni couldn’t believe her ears. In fact she would have sworn there was some confusion, except Trey’s eyes, which she now realized had been watching her through the whole announcement, confirmed every detail.
Toni grabbed her purse and stumbled toward the front door, her whole body shaking. She was down the steps and halfway across the yard before her brother’s voice even registered.
“Toni!”
She kept walking, and fast, her blood pressure increasing with each step she took.
“Toni!”
“What?” she screamed, whirling around.
He stood at the top of the steps, looking frustrated. “It’s just a house, Toni,” he said weakly. “It’s been ten years.”
It was just a house?
Toni squeezed her eyes shut and tried not to scream. She could not believe the words coming out of her brother’s mouth.
“What’s your problem, Toni?” Jasmine asked moments later as she marched out onto the steps, her eyes flashing in annoyance. “You come to my home, you’re rude to everybody, and then you just walk out after we share with you something that’s really important to us? What’s wrong with you?”
“Me?” Toni stepped forward, her eyes widening. “What’s wrong with me? Are you freaking kidding me, Jasmine?”
“Toni, come on,” Trey began, holding out his hands helplessly. “Can we just ... can you—”
“Can I what, Trey?” Toni said, challenging him to finish his sentence. “Can I calm down? Is that what you want to say?”
“Yes, Toni, can you calm down?” Jasmine said, hands on her hips. “We have neighbors, you know.”
“I don’t flipping care!” Toni shot back, her hands balling into fists. “Don’t tell me to calm down. How could you do this, Trey? How could you buy that house? And then you tell me like this? In front of all those people?”
Her blood felt like it was literally on fire and her ears were ringing so loudly she could barely hear herself, much less anything else.
“After everything ...” She swatted at her face, annoyed at the tears that were blurring her vision. “How could you?”
“Come on, Toni. That’s not fair,” Jasmine began.
“Shut up!” Toni fired back. “Don’t tell me what’s fair. You’ve never had to live fair in your whole privileged life.”
“Is that what this is about? Our money?”
Was she really that dense? Was Jasmine really that out of touch with reality that she thought this was about her stupid money?
“I don’t care about your freakin’ money, Jasmine,” Toni said. “You and your money can kiss my—”
“Toni!” Jasmine’s hand flew to her stomach, and she grabbed Trey’s shoulder to steady herself.
Toni shook her head. As she watched the two of them, she knew that Afrika had been right. Jasmine was first. And at this point, what Toni thought or felt wasn’t even secondary. It didn’t matter at all. Trey had been all Toni had left. And now she didn’t even have him anymore.
She backed away toward her motorcycle.
“Toni.”
His voice sounded tired and defeated as he called out to her. She was almost tempted to turn back. Almost.
“What do you want me to do, Toni?” he continued, a bit stronger. “Do you expect us to just give up the house?”
So it was us now. Trey and Jasmine. Both of them got to make the decision about the house that had swallowed Toni’s childhood and Toni got no say in it.
“Do what you want, Trey,” Toni said. She got on the bike and gunned the engine. “I don’t care.”
“Toni,” Trey jumped up from the steps, alarm ringing clearly in his voice. “Don’t go off angry like this.”
She put on her helmet.
“Toni!”
She revved the engine louder, then roared off down the street, pushing the gas as far as her anger would let her, until she was breaking every speed limit home. It was only when she shut off the motorcycle in the parking lot behind her apartment that she realized her hands were still shaking. She rested her head against the handlebars and cried.
Chapter 9
“Toni. Toni, sweetheart.”
Toni was pulled from her sleep by the light, musical voice calling her name. Her eyes fluttered open reluctantly, to find a pair of beautiful copper ones staring back at her lovingly.
“Momma?”
Her mother smiled, her eyes lighting up at the sound of Toni’s voice. Warmth flooded through Toni at the feel of her mother’s hand against her cheek. She felt her heart lurch and tears spring to her eyes. She opened her mouth to speak, but her mother was already standing up from the edge of the bed.
“Wait,” Toni said desperately as she sat up quickly.
Still smiling, her mother stopped at the doorway and looked back at Toni. Her eyes beckoned her daughter to her. Slipping out of bed, Toni heeded her mother’s call and followed her into the hallway.
By the time she turned the corner, her mother was already on the stairs, her long, curly jet black hair floating lightly behind her as she made her way downstairs. Toni stumbled as she tried to move faster to catch up with her mother, the grogginess of sleep still wrapped tightly around her every facet.
Light streamed generously into the kitchen Toni had grown up in. Something smelled good, like fresh, hot pancakes, with strawberry syrup ladled all over them. Toni’s stomach growled noisily. She looked around the kitchen from the bottom of the stairs. The griddle was hot, with two freshly poured pancakes working away on it. Another stack sat invitingly on the counter with the syrup bottle only a stretch away. The radio on the counter that always stayed tuned to Praise 97.5 was streaming gospel hits into the kitchen. But her mother was nowhere to be seen. It was as if she had just poured the batter, and then gone to do something else quickly before it was time to flip them.
“Momma?”
Toni walked slowly through the kitchen, then out into the dining area, the music fading away behind her. The room was spotless like it always was. Pictures of Toni and Trey hung on the wall behind the dining table. There were also a couple of her parents together, and a large family picture from when Toni was twelve. She grimaced. They really should take another one of those.
She heard shuffling in the living room and quickly moved toward it.
“Momma!”
Why was her mother not answering her? It was irritating. She was about to call out again when she tripped over something. She grabbed the edge of the living room chair to keep from falling, and looked down for the offending object.
“Oh God!”
Her blood ran ice cold in her veins when she saw the feet of her father. She began to shake as her gaze traveled up his form to his chest, the point where his body met the pool of his blood lying on the floor. It soaked th
rough his shirt, turning the white fabric a disturbing shade of bright red.
Oh God. Her father was dead.
She couldn’t breathe, and her head began to feel light. She gripped the back of the recliner for support but she felt her body begin to give way. At the first sob, she felt gentle arms wrap around her.
“It’s okay,” her mother breathed soothingly into her ear. “It’s okay, honey, it’s okay.”
Toni buried her head against her mother’s chest and began to cry. Wetness soaked the front of her shirt. She looked down and began to shriek when she saw the blood staining her mother’s dress. Where did that come from?
“Momma, you’re bleeding!”
Her mother stepped back and looked down at the wound in her abdomen as if seeing it for the first time. Her eyes saddened and then she looked up at Toni.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered.
Toni looked at her in a mix of confusion and fear. “Momma, wha—”
There was a loud explosion and Toni’s body jerked as she felt unimaginable pain slice through her shoulder, and radiate through the rest of her body.
Toni screamed and sat up in bed, a cold sweat trickling down her back and dampening her forehead.
She grabbed her left shoulder to feel for the injury, but there was nothing there. Even the scar had faded.
“It was just a dream,” she repeated to herself over and over. “Just a dream.”
But it had felt so real. She had smelled her mother’s perfume as she hugged her. The one that smelled like a cross between amber, vanilla, and brown sugar. The one that Toni still wore every day. She had felt the warmth of her mother’s arms around her, the stickiness of her blood against her fingers. And the pain. The pain had been so real that Toni almost seemed to have a lingering sensation of it even now, when she was sure she was awake.
Toni looked over at her bedside clock. 2:20 a.m. She sighed and ran her hands through her sweat-dampened hair. She had barely been asleep two hours—even less than the time she had been asleep the previous night, before a similar nightmare had awakened her. It seemed like they had intensified since Jasmine’s little announcement a week ago.