by Emma Knox
“When you talk like that Terry, you bring chills to my finger tips and toes.”
“Talk like what?”
“Coming back. Like you always expect not to.”
“I hate the whole rivalry bravado. What has it done but create dents? Juneau’s community needs repairing. And half the time I’m helping my pack get to Haines for free. And the damn things I hear when I get there…it makes me worried.”
“Then quit the pack and let’s go on that trip to Canada like we promised Lucas!”
“I can’t just quit a pack, Robbie. It’s my natural-instinct to rule them. I have a duty to be ahead of their marching band. Who else will be able to run it better than me?”
“You drunkenly said Lucas once. And to change the subject back to our son, what is this word that you wanted to speak to me about?”
Terry bit into a golden delicious apple and sat on the desk as I sorted it. We had the lodge setup like a walk-in reception where shifters visited and would see me then a fake head of a moose above with large antlers to hang hats and scarves on.
It wasn’t the biggest inside, but the fireplace was always burning, and a pile of wood held firm in a black metallic lodge holder. There was also a red mat with a white outline that said welcome. And most appreciated the friendliness of how mine and Terry’s lodge worked.
“You know Lucas has been bugging me to come along to see what I do as head of the pack. Well, I thought tonight, instead of spreading my doom and gloom, why not take him along for the ride?”
“With how you talk, it’s best he stays put!”
“He needs to get an idea of who he is—”
“Yes. But Lucas is more a bookworm then actually into all of that.”
“He’s a bookwork who enjoys a little tussle. You know Lucas can give it his best in a fight if he had to.”
“Lucas doesn’t need to fight—”
“No, you’re right. And meeting with Boris will be far from a confrontation.”
One thing Terry had a habit of doing is answering his own question before bringing it to me. “Lucas is on his way here tonight, isn’t he?”
“He’ll be coming with the whole pack.”
“So why bother asking me then, Terry? You’ve already decided that he’s coming.” I had gotten up and grabbed my own golden delicious from the fruit bowl. “Just make sure you watch him the entire time you cross over.”
“Do you doubt my abilities as his father?”
I came close to Terry and looked him straight in the eye before taking a couple of huge bites out of my very sweet but juicy apple. Then I held the apple out for Terry to bite…he nearly took the apple out of my hands with his choppers and gave me a hearty smile whilst he chewed and swallowed a few seconds later.
“Lucas is lucky to have a father who does exactly as his Omega says.”
I bit that apple and watched Terry’s grin grow larger and larger. And it was highly contagious. And before I could move in to kiss him, a rapid knock came on the lodge door that startled us, but I answered it because in walked five members of the pack and Lucas dressed in a warm hat that nearly covered his whole forehead; black gloves that he kept trying to take off; and a scarf coiled round him to secure that heat.
I gave Lucas the biggest hug I could muster, then shook all the members’ hands before they sat down with some warm cocoa made by me and prepared themselves to take the trip across. There was no bad omen in the air, or word that ill behaviour would be waiting once they crossed. All I remembered hearing was one member called Saul, determine that it was rumoured of random attacks being executed for no apparent reason by the Alchipas.
But Terry disputed this, “Na, if the Alchipas attack then they have a motive to do so. I can’t see Boris attacking without no word of mouth. The guy might be a dunce with a peanut for a brain, but he has morals.”
All disagreed in the room. And I just watched Lucas read one of his books on algebra and felt proud. He spotted me looking and held the book up like I needed confirmation that he carried his homework with him. And that was the worst of it when I thought back to see Lucas and Terry leave: my son holding the last ever book that he would learn from.
I didn’t even have that much to say to him when he left. I just kissed Lucas on the forehead and took for granted that he would be coming back home to me. I kissed Terry on the lips and he led the pack outside. I followed soon after to drive home in the Peugeot with the radio on. I remembered the song clearly, but forgot the name of it. But it had an annoying hook that Terry would change over the instant he heard it.
I slept like a baby. And the next morning, even though there was no word from Terry — didn’t bother me in the slightest. I got on with my day, got ready for work with the whole brushing teeth; washing face; shaving; plucking eyebrows; and then made some eggs and beans and boiled the kettle. And that took me nearly an hour, and still I felt Terry would call me soon.
My shift was six-hours, but I cut it down to four with a lie that I had a stomach bug. The manager believed me. “Yeah go ahead. We should be fine for the rest of the afternoon.”
“Thanks, Martin. I’ll do a double when nobody else wants to play with that gamble.”
“No worries.”
I went to grab my coat, and Martin decided to turn the radio a little higher…but then he lowered it because he was a news hater. But I knew what I heard. And it caused me to drop my jacket onto the floor.
I didn’t ask for permission to turn it up, but when Martin saw my distraught face, he moved aside readily and let the woman broadcast the news. “Tragic news of a recent attack in Haines that has left multiple injuries and a steady body count. The attack that took place was said to be pack related: between two rival gangs that have been at odds for the last two years. The ambush came when the leopard shifters from Juneau disembarked from the ferry and travelled not too far…but ended up being ravaged as the numbers were ten to five.
The police have said that some bodies have gone missing. As only two pack members are rumoured to be dead. And the rest, although a wide spread search is happening as we speak, is still proving to be a difficult task. They ask that any friends or family from the pack in Juneau make their way to Haines to let them identify the bodies that are so far unaccountable for.”
I drove like the end of the world was chasing me in a tornado. And calls were coming through to me about what had happened. I put them all on hold, even though their soulbonds and partners could be enquiring. I nearly crashed twice. Got a speeding ticket, had an argument with the guard who asked if I was drunk because I was acting hysterical. And tried not to drive off as soon as the ferry docked.
But it all slowed down once I reached the incident and saw the wreckage. They had been forced out of their vehicles and chased: judging by the way the police spaced out the crime area. There were a few reporters, and I saw Haines residents observing the blood and carnage. I approached a policeman.
“Hi, excuse me?”
The policeman was polite. “We’ll have to ask you to leave the scene, Sir, unless you’re a family member or friend?”
“I’m…my husband and son were in that vehicle last night. Has there been any sighting on them?”
“Can we have your name?”
“I’m Robbie.”
“And the names of your son and husband?”
“Um …” My mind went blank as I sighted the police who were trekking and taking baby steps. “Their names are Lucas and Terry.”
“And they were members of this pack? Are you also affiliated?”
“Yes. The Rushown leopards. I am the accountant.”
“Thanks for the name. You’re the first to actually supply us with it.”
“So, what’s happened?”
“There’s two dead. And three missing. If you say your son was out here, then he’s certainly one that we need to find. Maybe we can have your help in identifying the names of the bodies we have?”
I held my breath the entire time and didn’t c
are if I passed out. The white sheets that had been stained by the dry grass covered them. And I had to control my emotions when the first sheet came off and it wasn’t Terry underneath. It was David. And he was barely twenty-six years old. He was the fairest skinned, with inclined cheekbones and a gift for debate that came naturally. Terry had thought David could be a lawyer because he had such confidence when handling rival gibberish.
The next sheet forced me to close my eyes. David was in a bad condition with one eye gouged out and a chunk of his skull missing, but this body, after I found the courage to see the light, was mauled to the state of being a meal for the rival pack.
He had more than fifty bites and they’d done a rugged number on his legs. The shifter was Georgie with a Scottish accent who lost it when he came to Canada. He was the oldest: thirty-four, liked a pub and fishing, but was loyal when any Rushown shifter needed backup. He had two kids and an Omega.
I was sad for David and Georgie. I hadn’t gotten to know them, but from what Terry told me, they were good friends of his. I gave the policemen contact numbers for their families. And then was taken to the vehicle where the windows had been smashed and claw marks were the extent of the damage.
It was then that I choked when I saw the algebra booklet in the backseat. I wasn’t allowed to contaminate any bits of evidence, but I was pleading for my son’s books. The policeman said that after analysing the book he would personally mail it back to me. And he did. When I unwrapped it a few days later, I’d stared at it for a good twenty minutes.
And there was nothing much that the police could do in regard to Boris and his pack. They had left Haines. Where to? Only they would know. They weren’t human. And their movements would be hard to scale without careful precision on what climate they could successfully mate in. I had tried to seek help from the council, but their advice was to hire an expert tracker and send him on the chase.
But Terry told me that Boris’s pack was rare. And if they ever moved on it would take years for them to show their faces. And that was it! I was destined to never know what happened to my family! When friends of Terry had asked, I simply replied that he left me on a long holiday and forgot his card.
I now pulled up to the cemetery that wasn’t packed enough when the funerals of Georgie and David took place a few years ago. It was so melodramatic and miserable. And the families vowed to never join a pack again. It was a bold thing to declare in the Alaskan community, and my solitude and singledom was done in the backgrounds after it had finished.
I let Sean sleep a little longer as I drove the path to the designated spot. It was never easy coming in here. Grave after grave had headstones of various shapes and sizes. But in the end, the dead sleep peacefully with no need for a top dollar to be spent on one. When I reached, I jerked Sean awake, and he got up with an inactive mainframe trying to process how he slept for so long.
But Sean saw where we were. And I got out the Peugeot; closed the door; started to walk; and was joined by Sean who caught up rapidly.
“I come here to talk with my family when I can afford the time to make the trip. I do it twice a week and maybe more. The past few years they’ve been the only consultation I’ve had.”
“I uh…I …”
I gave Sean a weary and sad smile. “You don’t need to say anything.”
Sean took my hand and I felt secure as we walked along the elevated green grass with the chapel a good distance away that was packed with the death of somebody’s mother. Sean and I heard the sermon and the hymns that they were singing. I was never a big believer in burials, cremation was more my idea.
Sean and I walked past graves that could depict a celebrity had passed. One thumbnail-curved gravestone was taller than Sean with text engraved for a wealthy shifter in the Alaskan community. He had left as a father, grandfather, and loving Alpha. I didn’t know Earlon personally, but he was fair with his money when it came to giving back in to the community.
The poorer gravestones barely had a flower sticking out a vase, and a Beta who had been sick for a very long time was one of them, but I heard his family had managed to work a deal to get the lowest priced headstone they could afford. I knew of Clinton and was sad to hear when he died after battling pneumonia.
I let go off Sean’s hand once I saw the graves of David and Georgie. He hung back, and I advanced to pay my respects as I always did to their passing. The families wanted Georgie and David right next to each other…and next to them were the headstones I had come to visit.
Before I’d gotten ready for David’s burial ceremony, I had paid a visit to his partner Paul who lived in a two-bedroom log cabin that was all on one level. I’d loved to visit in the past because of the view it had where the ferries and boats would regularly cross and if the people on board spotted the onlooker they’d wave and smile sincerely.
There were also plenty of squirrels that climbed Paul’s and David’s cabin with acorns being chomped with their razor sharp teeth. Inside was the product of a newlywed couple and smelt like roasted hazelnuts and acorns in the early morning. They loved nuts, and plenty of empty buckets would be outside their home because they would wash their trucks with the water from the river every few days.
Paul had sent for me because he wanted to talk about how I was doing after the attack. He was the main Omega who understood what I was going through. He had even offered to come down to the council for me because I had to declare what status I was within the community. I had professed to be being pack-less, and that was the equivalent of untouchable.
When I got to Paul’s cabin, a few cars departed with whole families inside. Mainly Alphas and their partners. They were all heading to board the ferry to Haines. The funeral wasn’t for a few hours yet, but some were keen to crossover. And none seemed to pay me any attention as they passed my Peugeot.
I peered out my window to give a small wave, as I knew many of them. But I guess my segregation since the attack had both offended and left them cold with me. I didn’t care, everybody had their own way of dealing with things. Mine pissed them off and that was their issue, not mine! I toughened my grip on my steering wheel and would enter Paul’s home because he had left the door open for me.
When I walked in it hit me…the smell of roasted acorn and hazelnut milk that had been grinded in a blender and crushed. Paul was pouring some into his porridge that was steaming. There was a bowl ready for me which I appreciated as I was famished. I added some brown sugar and a treacle of honey. At first, he just ate with his eyes low and no words.
I knew Paul was going through thorns and weeds, because they’d only just got engaged, and then soul-bonded when David confessed his love to move the relationship to the next goal post. Paul was quieter than me with an introverted personality, so it was no wonder that others accepted his segregated approach.
The porridge was delicious. But my taste buds were blander than no seasoning on a well-cooked chicken. My appetite needed help, and Paul only played with his food to.
“How…how you been?” Paul’s tone was heavier than the stress that was aligned on his face.
“On sleeping pills. I’m going to try and come off them next week. But I’m never able to fall asleep without them. And my eating patterns have changed, as well as me wanting to leave our…I mean…my home. I need to get used to everything being singular again.”
“I’ve been taking the same medication.” Paul had his head back down. “I just can’t sleep.”
“You’ve done well with the funeral arrangements.”
“His parents paid for most of it.” Paul swirled and swirled his porridge. And then lifted his spoon and dumped the oats back in the bowl that fell in plops. “I haven’t had much input at all. That was some of them who just left.”
“Yeah. I think they’d prefer me not to come.”
“Hmm. But I want you there, so they have no say over that.”
I knew they didn’t care for my presence.
“You’ve always been more outspoken than me,
Robbie, what do you make of the attack?”
“They killed two and kidnapped three.”
Paul rested the spoon in his bowl. “But why? Why did they kill two and kidnap three?”
“My guess is that…” My throat had a blockage. And Paul understood because so did he. He gave me time to clear my passage. “Terry and Lucas…their disappearance is no doubt in my mind the last we’ll see of Boris.”
Paul picked up his spoon again. “They could still be ali—”
“Paul that’s what everybody is saying. But my instincts tell me that the police just need to hire girl scouts that could do the job better. I think Terry and Lucas…” The blockage came, and I rubbed my Adam’s apple. But this time I preferred to not finish.
“I can’t imagine what you’re going through.”
“You can. Because even if I haven’t got two bodies to bury… Terry and Lucas are never coming back to me.”
I had another introspective thought on the attack, and that’s what kept me from the pack’s families who were closer now than ever. I did hold onto some belief that Lucas, more so than Terry, was alive when I went to sleep and rushed down the stairs in the morning thinking he and Terry had come through the door.
I’d end up mid-way on the steps and just stare until I became thirsty. And after a week of that, I concluded that there was no point in wishing on a whim. And Lucas and Terry would never come back. And the pictures in my living room, in the kitchen, and in my bedroom were only ghosts of what they would always appear like: young.
The funeral, which I gave Paul a lift to was unbearable with him next to me. We were the only two who felt a connection over this. I liked David, and David liked my family. The numbers were big, with members from the council and Alaskan Betas and Omegas showing their unknown faces out of respect.
It was in the news as a building block to a better society. But I scoffed with Paul when I told him on the way to the chapel. We knew that if they could vote, many would keep things unchangeable around Fairbanks, Juneau, and Anchorage. And even if it happened in Haines, many still felt it was a local neighbour that had lost its kin.