by Arlene James
“I like the idea of another mommy best,” Merrily said, smiling at the boy.
Tammy bit her lip, her expression worried. “Mother won’t like it.”
Royce said, “I can’t help that, honey. I love Merrily, and I know you will, too, once you get to really know her.”
“I already love you,” Merrily assured them.
Tammy just chewed her lip, her face contorted with thought. The door to the hearing room opened, and a small, wiry man addressed them. “The judge is ready for you now.”
The nanny swept forward and ushered the children into the chamber. Dale followed, leaving Merrily and Royce with a moment to exchange looks before entering the larger room. Merrily’s was one of encouragement, but Royce’s was heavy with worry.
The hearing chamber was set up much like a courtroom but with some exceptions. Three tables had been arranged at the front of the room. The judge stood behind the long one in the center. An empty chair had been placed at one end of it. Facing the judge stood two smaller tables with three chairs each. Behind those, a single row of chairs had been provided for observers and other interested parties. Merrily moved to stand in front of one of these chairs, while Royce moved forward to take his place beside Dale at one of the small tables. Dr. Denelo had already claimed a chair a few seats down from Merrily, and the nanny herded the children into a spot at the far end of the row. No sooner had they had all filed in than a uniformed female bailiff intoned, “Judge Ann Sizer presiding. Be seated.”
A thick-waisted, middle-aged woman with short, thick, salt-and-pepper hair and stout ankles, the judge wore her formal robes open over an austere business suit, a detail which did nothing to diminish her aura of authority. After taking her seat, she nodded, and the bailiff retreated to a chair in the corner. The judge performed the legal niceties herself, calling the court to order, reading the names of the plaintiff and defendant into the record and administering the oath for truthfulness to both. She then invited the attorneys to make their cases.
Dale was on his feet first, but the proceedings were surprisingly informal from that point on, with one attorney often interrupting the other to make a point or refute an accusation and the judge asking questions as she saw fit of both Pamela and Royce. When Dale laid the former nanny’s statement before her, she waved it away, saying that she had already read it. Then she looked sternly at Pamela and demanded, “What about that, Mrs. Lawler? Did you strike your daughter?”
Pamela bowed her head and gently admitted, “Yes, your honor. I had to. She was hysterical.”
The judge lifted an eyebrow. “And what brought on this hysteria?”
“Well, from what I’ve gathered, Tammy really liked her friend’s father, and I guess she was upset when she realized that her own would never measure up.”
“I heard nothing to support that when I spoke with the parents of Tammy’s friend, your honor,” Dale interjected.
The judge looked at Tammy then and beckoned her forward. Reluctantly Tammy slid off her chair. But only after the nanny urged her forward with a whisper and a little push did she walk to the judge’s table. The judge directed her to the chair at the end of the table and folded her arms on the tabletop.
“Now then, young lady, do you know what it means to tell the truth?”
“Yes,” Tammy whispered. Then at the judge’s behest, she repeated herself a little louder. “Yes.”
The judge nodded and folded her hands together, asking sternly, “Do you promise to tell the truth here today?” Tammy bit her lip, then shrugged. The judge said impatiently, “If you won’t tell the truth, we can’t get to the bottom of this and make a good decision here today. I might have no other choice than to send you and your brother into foster care until I can question your friend and her parents myself. Now, do you swear to tell the truth?”
Tammy took a deep breath, her bottom lip quivering, and said in a tiny voice, “I swear.”
Merrily glanced at Royce and found him gripping the edge of the table. Pamela simply folded her arms and crossed her legs, kicking one foot rhythmically.
“Do you remember the night your mother slapped you?”
“Yes.”
“Was that the first time she slapped you?”
Royce leaned over and whispered something to Dale, who clamped a hand down onto his shoulder. The judge repeated her question, to which Tammy mumbled, “I don’t know.”
“You don’t know?”
“I can’t remember.”
The judge grimaced and ordered impatiently, “Tell the truth, young lady.”
Tammy began to cry silently. “I don’t know.”
Royce grabbed Dale’s coat sleeve and whispered urgently into his ear. Frowning, Dale rose and said, “We have another witness who can attest to Mrs. Lawler’s vicious temper, your honor, and frankly my client would prefer that his daughter not be forced to testify against either parent.”
The judge sighed, but she waved Tammy back to her chair, saying, “All right, Mr. Boyd, but this had better be to point.”
He beckoned to Merrily, who rose and smoothed the straight skirt that she wore with a pale-gold twin set. Pamela sat up straight and whispered angrily into her attorney’s ear. He made a soothing motion and tried to calm her, until finally she fell back into her chair, pouting. Merrily, meanwhile, took the oath and sat down at the end of the judge’s table. At Dale’s urging, she described her encounter with Pamela, often over the objections of Pamela’s attorney and Pamela’s own rebuttal. Dale admitted bluntly that they had dropped the assault charges so Merrily could testify. The judge was scowling at everyone after that. It was impossible to tell what she might be thinking.
Dale then led Merrily on a careful recounting of the first visit the children had made to their father’s home after his “unfortunate fall,” and together they detailed Tammy’s behavior that day. During this, Tammy bowed her head and hunched her shoulders, seeming to grow smaller the longer Merrily talked. The upshot of it all was that the judge once more called Tammy up to the table.
“When you tore up your room, Tammy, were you angry with your father?” the judge wanted to know.
Tammy shrugged and kept her head down. “No.”
“Were you angry with your mother, then?”
“No.”
“Then why did you do it?”
Another shrug, followed by, “I don’t know.”
“Miss Lawler, I’m losing patience with you,” the judge scolded. It was then that Dr. Denelo rose to her feet.
“Your honor, if I may,” she interjected. “Perhaps you’d allow me to question Tammy. As you know, I am her therapist, and I think together she and I might be able to arrive at some satisfactory answers for you.”
Royce looked sharply at Dale, who leaned close and said something that clearly made Royce angry. “I object to this, your honor!” he stated firmly.
At the same moment Pamela came to her feet and laid her fist against the tabletop, exclaiming, “You can’t do this!” As the judge sat back with a wry smile, Pamela’s attorney pulled her back down into her chair.
The judge parted a sly look between Pamela and Royce. “We seem to have agreement on one issue, at least, and this leaves me to believe Dr. Denelo is on to something. You may proceed, Doctor.”
Royce put his head in his hands, but Pamela simply glared at their daughter. Dr. Denelo pulled a chair close to Tammy’s and sat down. In a low, gentle voice, she began to speak to the girl.
“Tammy, you remember what we talked about the other day, how sometimes when you love someone very much you’ll do whatever they want, even if you don’t really want to?” Tammy nodded and wiped tears from her face. “Do you remember what I told you, honey, that the truth can make a bad thing better?”
Tammy sobbed, but she nodded again. Royce leaned his forearms on the table and looked at the judge. “Please don’t do this. She’s just a little girl.”
Her face stony, the judge instructed Dale to keep his client quiet and nodded at
the doctor, who took Tammy’s hand in hers. “Tammy,” Dr. Denelo asked gently, “does your mother hit you? The truth now, honey.”
“S-sometimes,” Tammy warbled.
“Every day?” the doctor pressed.
Cory crawled up into the nanny’s lap, and Pamela drilled a hole in Tammy’s face with her glare. Tammy bowed her head and whispered, “Most days.”
“That’s a lie!” Pamela said loudly.
The judge pointed a finger at her. “Silence!” She waved a hand at Dr. Denelo.
“Tammy, I’m going to ask you the most difficult question of all now, so the judge can understand. Don’t be afraid.”
“Oh, God,” Royce said, bowing his head and curling his hands into fists.
“Tammy,” the doctor went on, “what happened the night your father fell down the stairs?”
“No!” Royce said, coming to his feet. “Leave her alone!”
“What are you trying to pull?” Pamela screamed.
For a moment all was pandemonium, with the judge shouting for order, both lawyers trying to talk their clients into behaving and Tammy sobbing loudly. Cory jumped down from the nanny’s lap and ran to Merrily. She gathered him up, comforting him in a quiet voice while trying to keep an eye on everything else that was going on. Finally the judge rose and shouted everyone down, restoring order. Tugging on the bottom of her suit coat, she plopped down into her chair once more and glared at Tammy, instructing sternly, “Answer the question.”
Tammy trembled from head to toe. Dr. Denelo took her by the shoulders and looked her in the eye, saying, “Tammy, why did you push your father down the stairs?”
Merrily gasped. Royce covered his head with both arms. At the same moment, Tammy wailed, “Mommy sa-a-id!”
Pamela lurched to the edge of her chair and began screaming, “You lying little bitch!”
Suddenly Royce jumped up and headed for Tammy, shaking off Dale, who tried to stop him. “It’s okay, baby,” he cried, falling to one knee and holding out his arms. “It’s okay.” Tammy slid off her chair and threw herself at his chest. “I know you didn’t really want to hurt me,” he said, gathering her close as she sobbed. “You saved me. You got help. You stayed with me, covered me up. You did everything just right.
“Oh, my God,” Merrily whispered, covering Cory’s ears with her arms and rocking him. “Oh, my God.” To think what lengths Royce had gone to in order to protect his daughter! Merrily’s heart swelled with pride even as Pamela screamed.
“It was her idea! She wanted the money! She even said he deserved to die for everything he’s done to us, to me!”
The judge was on her feet again and speaking to Pamela. “Sit down and shut up or I’ll have the bailiff arrest you now!”
Dr. Denelo knelt on the floor beside Tammy and her father. Royce glared at her, but she wisely ignored him. “Tammy,” she asked clearly, “how did your mother convince you to push your father down those stairs?”
Tammy turned her tear-streaked face up to the judge and said into dead silence, “She said if I loved her, if I wanted to make her happy, all I had to do was creep up behind him and give him a push.” She swallowed down her tears and went on, her voice growing stronger. “She said it every time we went to spend the night. She’d make a noise, get him to come outside in the dark. All I had to do was wait until he got to the stairs and push him. She said he’d go to heaven, and we’d all be happy because she’d love me if I did it. Then she’d buy me something I liked, and she’d say it again and again and again. Just push him. Just push him.”
Pamela sat down hard on the edge of her chair and began to cry noisily. Dr. Denelo looked at the judge, who was staring at Tammy with her mouth open. Royce gathered Tammy close and rocked her, whispering over and over, “It’s okay, honey. I love you. It’s okay.”
“I’m sorry, Daddy.” Tammy wept, her arms wrapped tight around his neck. “I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay. It’s okay.” He turned to look over his shoulder at Merrily then, tears streaming down his face. “It’s okay,” he repeated, his face full of pleading, apology and hope. “We’re all going to be okay.”
Merrily nodded, tears streaming down her face. “We’re all going to be okay,” she whispered, and then she gave him her most angelic smile, a smile made of pure love.
Epilogue
“Watch me! Watch me!” Cory called.
“We’re watching,” Merrily assured him as Royce carefully placed the ball on the tee wedged between the planks of the deck and stood back, crossing his arms over his chest in an effort to keep warm. Tammy huddled close to her side, wrapped in a bulky sweater that reached her knees and the tops of her retro-style leather boots.
“Don’t choke up now,” Royce coached as Cory took up his stance with the golf club. He looked so adorable standing there in heavy corduroy and a car coat, the ear flaps turned down on his matching hat against a brisk January breeze. Cory reared back, his tongue sticking out one corner of his mouth in concentration, and swung the club in a smooth, graceful arc. The golf ball flew over the railing and the back lane below landing yards away in the rough scrub at the foot of the hill.
“Yeah!” Merrily clapped her gloved hands as Tammy jumped up and down beside her and Royce swung Cory up in his arms for a congratulatory hug.
“Good shot, son! Tammy want to try? You can use my club.”
She shook her head. “Uh-uh. I’d rather watch golf than play it.”
Royce waved his understanding and put Cory back on his feet before kneeling to right the tee and set another ball. This time he took aim, quietly instructing an eager Cory as he settled into his stance. Merrily leaned sideways and muttered out of one corner of her mouth, “You know we’re going to have to watch these two play on a real course someday.”
Tammy wrinkled her nose and rolled her eyes, but then she slipped her arm through the crook of Merrily’s, giggling. “At least Daddy didn’t buy us golf clubs for Christmas.”
“He thought about it,” Merrily whispered. “Luckily I convinced him that it was more of a father-son thing.”
A sharp whack yanked their attention back to the guys. Royce dropped his club against his shoulder and shielded his eyes from the bright winter sunshine with one hand, watching the flight of the ball. Cory stood spellbound for a moment, then as the ball began to drop, started hopping up and down and hooting with delight.
“Wow!” Merrily called, impressed and sorry she’d missed the actual swing.
“Ohh, you’re good, too, Daddy,” Tammy said loudly, clapping her hands. “He is good, isn’t he, Merrily?”
“Very good,” Merrily replied, her voice rich with meaning.
Royce began lining up another shot for Cory, pointing out a target for him, coaching him on his stance and grip. To Merrily’s surprise, Tammy’s arms suddenly encircled her waist. Looking down, she saw tears glistening in Tammy’s blue eyes.
“What is it, honey?”
“Happy,” she said with a gulp. “It doesn’t seem right.”
“Oh, but it is, honey. You deserve to be happy. We all do. It’s what your father’s always wanted, especially for you and Cory.”
“But it doesn’t seem right when one person can’t be happy and everyone else can.”
“Tammy, remember what Dr. Denelo has told you. Happiness comes from inside, from doing the right things, valuing the right things. No one else can make you happy, Tammy. It’s enough that they want you to be happy. But the happiness comes from inside you. It has to come from inside all of us.”
Tammy nodded and whispered, “What’s going to happen if Pamela gets to see us again? Will we still be happy then?”
Merrily smiled and smoothed a hand across her sleek, bright hair. “Tammy, your mother still has fifteen months to serve, and then she has to complete a long course of psychiatric counseling and evaluation before the doctors and the judge will decide whether or not she’ll be allowed visitation.”
“But I don’t want to see her!” Tammy
vowed, hugging Merrily tight. “I love you and Daddy!”
“Sweetie, that makes me very happy to hear. We love you, too, you know, but Pamela is your mother, and loving us doesn’t mean that you have to stop loving her. She may never be quite well enough to love you back as she should, Tammy, but that doesn’t mean you have to stop loving her.”
“But I want you to be my mother,” Tammy whispered.
Merrily hugged her close, her own eyes starting to tear up. “Honey, I am. Nothing can ever change that now, not in my heart, and when, if, you ever have to deal with Pamela again, your daddy and I will be here to help you.”
“And Dr. Denelo, too,” Tammy said, “and Uncle Dale.”
“That’s right, all the help you’ll ever need.”
“Woo-hoo!” Cory crowed, and they both turned to catch sight of the ball just as before it dropped out of view.
“Great shot!” Royce exclaimed, patting Cory on the back with pride.
“Do another, Daddy. I wanna do another,” Cory pleaded excitedly.
“I’m afraid we’re all out of balls, son. We’d better go down and hunt up a few.” Taking Cory by the hand, he approached Merrily and Tammy. “Guess we’ll go down and see if we can find some balls.”
“I’ll make some hot cocoa while you’re gone,” Merrily offered.
Royce slipped an arm around her neck and dropped an easy kiss on her mouth. “Thanks, hon. Sounds great.”
Tammy, Merrily couldn’t help noticing, watched them with glowing eyes. “That’s okay, Daddy,” she said, slipping away. “I’ll go with Cory to look for the balls. Why don’t you help Mom with the cocoa?”
Mom. Royce flipped a surprised look from Tammy to Merrily and back again. Merrily smiled, barely keeping the tears at bay. Cory had been calling her Merry Mom or Mommy Merrily almost from the day of their early November wedding, but this was the first time such a title had fallen from Tammy’s mouth.
Royce wrapped his arm more tightly about Merrily’s neck, bringing her close against his chest. “That’d be great, Tammy. Thanks. Cory, do you remember where you’re supposed to look?’