Fractious

by Carrie Lynn Barker

  I was really tired once the whole game was over. After all, I'd been up for over twenty four hours. Amergin dismissed Bob and me with a whole string of thank yous. He'd been having way too much fun trying to discover something Bob didn't know. Somehow or other, he got it in his head that I'd taught Bob all that stuff.

  Bob told me not to disagree. So I didn't. I just posed as a brilliant horse trainer and took all the credit. Amergin loved me for it.

  * * *

  chapter 12

  Once we were back in our rooms, I sat down on my bed and thanked Bob for being so generous. "You shouldn't have let me take all the credit for your brains," I said to him. "Especially since I was mean to you the other day, just before the falling off your back incident."

  Bob shrugged and neighed.

  "I know," I said. "You're a good horse." I patted his nose and gave him a smile.

  Bob blushed.

  Later, we had dinner in our room while still waiting for Cu to come back from his kitchen duties. The same girl, who had brought us breakfast, ended up bringing us dinner. She told us Cu had, once again, made it himself. Bob had grain and alfalfa, his favorite meal, prepared in a white truffle sauce. I had stuffed chicken with long grain rice and red potatoes. I'd never had a better meal. But when Cu returned to our conjoined rooms, all covered in food and looking exhausted, I knew we'd been neglecting our real duties.

  I closed the doors behind him and made him and Bob sit as close to me as possible.

  "We're here to kill him," I said. "Now, Amergin's a pretty good dude and all, but he's also an evil wizard. We're supposed to be killing him, not being his court jester and favorite cook."

  Bob neighed.

  "And Bob," I said, indicating the horse.

  Bob nodded.

  Then Cu nodded. Bits of food were stuck in his shaggy hair and there was a smear of some kind of sauce on his cheek. Bob took care of the sauce with his tongue, making happy smacking noises as he tasted. I plucked the leeks and bok choy from Cu's hair.

  "You're absolutely right," Cu said. "We've been here a couple of days now. We can't just hang out. We have to kill him. But how?"

  A panel suddenly opened in the wall opposite me and the girl from the kitchen who had brought our meals suddenly appeared. Behind her, I could see a secret passageway leading deep into the mountain. Bob jumped up from where he'd been sitting and stepped between her and Cu and me, being protective.

  Cu was also on his feet, his fists raised, ready for action. "Who are you and why were you spying on us?"

  She smiled. "I wasn't spying," she said. "I was listening in. And you know who I am. We worked together in the kitchen this morning and tonight. Don't pretend you don't know me." She paused, and then said, "I know how to kill Amergin."

  "Tell us!" I said too loudly.

  "Wait a sec," Cu said, stepping around Bob. "Explain yourself."

  "My name is Fiacha," she said. "But you already know that. I married into this. My husband Anu never told me he worked for Amergin when we got married. He just married me and brought me here. I was the prettiest girl in my village. He knocked me over the head and brought me here. And I'm not allowed to leave."

  She gave us time to think on this. Since she was such a pretty girl, I figured she was probably telling the truth about that part of her story. She was Cu's height, maybe a half inch shorter and had a nice round face with big brown eyes, kinda like Bob's. She had long hair that was dark brown but had nice streaks of blonde in it. It curled at the ends. Though she was a little on the pudgy side, I thought that made her a little cuter. I liked her. Cu was drooling even though she wasn't humping a damned thing.

  "Fiacha," I said after our moment of contemplation had passed. "Why do you want to help us?"

  She smiled softly. "I want to go home. I don't like being among these people. I want to be among the Tuatha Dé again. Besides, I hate Amergin. Everyone does."

  "Good enough reasons," Cu said. He confidently strode to her and put his arm around her shoulder. He drew her deeper into the room and had her sit on the settee, where the rest of us gathered around her. "How do we kill Amergin?"

  "First off," she said, "why do you want to kill him?"

  "He wants to destroy our world," Cu said then hooked his thumb in my direction. "And his world, too."

  "Good enough," Fiacha said. "So, you know how Amergin hates peaches?"

  We three nodded.

  "Here's my plan."

  As she explained, we listened intently. Two minutes later, we had hatched a complete plan but it required someone getting out of Amergin's hideaway to a grove of peach trees that was about a mile away. Being the largest, I volunteered to go, stating that Cu was too small to get over the wall and Bob couldn't climb to save his life. We agreed that I would go that night and Fiacha would show me the way. To my surprise, I wanted to come back alive from this venture.

  Late in the night, after darkness had fallen and a wicked yellow moon had risen, I said goodbye to Cu and Bob and followed Fiacha through her secret passageway and out into the garden.

  "How long have you lived here?" I said, wondering how she found out about the secret passages.

  "About a hundred years," she said. "I was fifty when I got married, and I got married young."

  I did some calculating. "Hhm."

  "What hhm?"

  "Nothing. Just thinking."

  Out in the garden, Fiacha showed me where I was to scale the wall. She handed me a hand-drawn map that showed me the way to the peach grove. It looked complicated but I didn't question her. Instead, I examined the wall.

  "How do I get back over?" I said.

  She shrugged her pretty shoulders. "That's your problem," she said. "Find a stump or something else to stand on."

  "Shoulda brought some rope," I said. "Oh, well. I'll find a way." I looked back at her. "But how do I get over on this side?"

  She smiled and went behind a bush. She rolled a barrel out from its hiding place and stood it on end. It was just high enough for me to stand on and get my hands on the top of the wall. With some effort, I scrambled onto the top of the wall. I sat there for a moment, looking back into Amergin's falsified Garden of Eden, down at the Tuatha Dé girl who stood there watching me.

  Just in case I didn't make it back, I said, "My friend Cu thinks you're pretty."

  Fiacha smiled.

  I fell over the side.

  The other side of Amergin's wall appeared the same as the original side of the wall. Brick. It was what spread out before the wall that was different. I was still in the mountains, but I was faced with greenery and, in the distance, a high waterfall appeared to be falling from the even higher clouds. It was so high that I couldn't see its source. Fiacha had told me to begin by heading for the waterfall, which I did. After that, I would have to resort to her squiggly-drawn map.

  I walked in silence, my path lit only by the light of the moon. I had to get back before the night ended, before my ten o'clock appointment, otherwise I'd be missed. Jogging, I made better time and I made even better time when I began to run. I reached the waterfall about half an hour after I'd started and the moon had barely moved in the sky.

  The waterfall had an oddly irksome effect on me. I was annoyed that it was so beautiful and had caught my attention, making me stray from my task at hand. But I couldn't help it. I stood at the base where the water fell in a maddening rush into a sparkling pool. Mist and spray spotted my clothes but I didn't care. The waterfall was so pretty that I just stood there and stared.

  "Hey, you!"

  I turned in surprise at the voice that had called to me but I didn't see anyone. "Who's there?" I called out over the roar of the falls.

  A voice answered, "It's me."

  "Now that answers everything," I muttered to myself. "Who?"

  "Me. The waterfall."

  Now that beat all.

  "Seriously?" I called. "A talking waterfall? You've got to be kidding me!"

  "No kids," the booming voice answered.<
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  As weird as it was, I didn't find it terribly weird, considering all that had happened to me. I stood at the base of the falls, looking up at the water cascading over the side of the mountains, seeming to come from the sky itself. Then I gazed into the falls itself and saw what was really talking to me.

  Behind the falls was a dark, hollow space. In this dark, hollow space, even in the darkness of night and the cave, I could see a shape.

  "Who's in there?" I called out, moving as close to the cave as I could without falling into the water. I leaned against the rock face and tried to peer through the falling water. "I can see you." I leaned closer. And then I fell in the water.

  The water wasn't very deep, but I got soaking wet anyway. It was freezing cold. As I clambered out, I saw a young boy standing at the edge, laughing his head off.

  "You're all wet." He doubled over with one hand on his stomach, as if his intestines were about to burst out.

  "Yeah." I dragged myself out of the water, covered in mud from the knees down. Dripping and cold, I said, "So who the hell are you?"

  "Ollam," the boy said, straightening and wiping his streaming eyes. "Wow, you gave me the best laugh ever."

  "Thanks," I mumbled. "I'm good at that. Now what are you doing here?"

  The boy's bright gray eyes twinkled. He looked to be about eight years old, definitely human and not Tuatha Dé. He had long hair that appeared to be a shade of blond, but in the moonlight, it was hard to really tell. It might have been silver. He was wearing only a scraggly loin cloth and the rest of him was bare. And he wasn't answering my question.

  I said again. "What are you doing here?"

  He scratched his head. "I'm not really sure. I live in the waterfall."

  "No you don't," I said. "You live behind the waterfall."

  Ollam shrugged his shoulders. "Who are you?"

  "Guy," I said.

  "What's a Guy?"

  "Me." I stabbed my thumb at my chest. "I'm looking for peaches."

  "Who's she?" Ollam said.

  "Not a she," I said. "An it. Fruit actually."

  "What's a fruit?"

  I rolled my eyes. "Why are you here all by yourself? You're just a kid."

  "So are you," he said.

  "I'm older than I look," I said. "You've very adept at avoiding my questions."

  "Well," Ollam said, thoughtfully, "I don't have all the answers, do I?"

  "Guess not. I'll be on my way then." I moved away from the boy, pulling out Fiacha's map and examining it. It was all wet and it tore when I tried to unfold it. I could see colored water dripping off of it from Fiacha's colored scribbles as the paint ran. Annoyed, I balled up the wet paper and threw it onto the ground behind me. She had said something about a path, and I could see the beginning of a path just ahead. I figured upon following that. Peaches awaited me.

  The boy, Ollam bounded ahead of me and stood in the center of my path. "Where are you going?" He bounced up and down on the balls of his feet.

  "Peaches." I pointed at the pathway. "I have to go find peaches."

  "What are those?"

  I sighed. "Fruit."

  "What's fruit?"

  I had a feeling that this was not going to end any time soon. I walked around the boy and headed back to the head of the path.

  "Where are you from?" he said, trailing behind me.

  "New York," I said as I began trotting down the path.

  "What's that?"

  "Not a what. It's a where. That's where I'm from," I said, not having to yell so loud now as the sound of the waterfall began to diminish. "Where are you from?"

  "I live behind the waterfall, remember? Where are you going?"

  I pointed. "Peaches."

  "What's that?"

  This went on and on and on until I rounded a bend and came to a swinging rope bridge. Fiacha had warned me about this, so I knew I was headed in the right direction. The bridge swung across a chasm and connected Amergin's side of the mountain to the other side of the mountain. I am not afraid to admit that I was terrified.

  "You gonna cross that?" Ollam pointed. Pointing was becoming a common thing between the two of us.

  "If the peaches are on the other side, then yes, I'm crossing." I went to the edge and peered over. The ravine sunk about three or four hundred feet into the earth. Nausea filled my belly and I took a deep breath. I put my right hand on the rope and put my left foot on the first plank. As I put my weight on the bridge I closed my eyes, only opening them when I felt safe. Needless to say, I opened my eyes about five minutes later.

  "You're brave," Ollam said. He watched me slowly make my way across the hundred or so foot long bridge.

  "I wish I was back in New York," I said. "In the park. Eating a hotdog from that grungy hotdog vendor who hangs out behind the bushes. Listening to my neighbors bicker about who has the longest arms."

  I continued to talk as I placed my feet carefully, plank by plank, so that I would have something else to think about besides the fact that I was making my way across a very rickety looking bridge. And the fact that there was a couple hundred foot drop beneath me. "Reading a book on the subway. Eating lunch at that Italian place on the corner that has the dumpster out in front instead of keeping it round back. Listening to that bum spout sonnets about various gods and Romans. Riding in the trunk of a taxi like I did on the way home from summer camp that one time. Any place but here."

  I looked up to find that I was on the other side, quite a few feet from the edge of the bridge. When I thought about what I'd just done, I did a one-eighty and fell backwards in a half faint. Lying on the ground, I opened my eyes and stared up at the sky but I saw no sky. Instead of sky, I saw green leaves and colorful peaches. I breathed a sigh of relief and leapt to my feet. I gazed up at the orange and yellow colors of the fruit and reached up to pluck one.

  "Whatcha doin' over there?" Ollam's voice echoed over the canyon.

  "Picking peaches," I called back, suddenly regretting it.

  "What's a peach?"

  "A fruit!" I answered.

  "What's a fruit?!"

  "I'll show you in a minute," I answered. I took off my shirt and tied the sleeves together as best I could. I began plucking and filled my shirt with as many ripe peaches as I could.

  "Why are you stripping?" Ollam asked, but I didn't answer. I figured answering wouldn't do him, or me, any good.

  When my shirt was bulging in all the wrong places, I made my way back over the bridge, being even extra careful since I had some extra weight with me. I made it safely, much to the amusement of Ollam. When my feet were on solid ground again, I handed a single peach to Ollam.

  He took a bite, made a disgusted face and went to throw the peach into the chasm.

  I grabbed his wrist and saved the peach. When I bit into it, it tasted like peach heaven.

  Ollam watched me eat with his face screwed up into a grimace. "That's gross! Tastes like fruit."

  "It's supposed to," I said. "You don't like fruit?"

  "Guess not."

  "I thought you didn't know what a fruit was?"

  "Well, you said it was a peach and that it was a fruit so I just assumed that that is what fruit tasted like."

  I began walking quickly back down the trail up which I'd come.

  Ollam followed at my heels. "Whatcha gonna do with those peaches?"

  "Make a cobbler."

  "For who?"

  "Amergin."

  "But Amergin hates peaches."

  "You said you didn't know what a peach was," I said. "How do you know Amergin hates peaches if you don't know what peaches are?"

  "Did I say that?"

  I nodded.

  "I didn't mean those peaches!"

  "What kind of peaches did you mean then?"

  "I meant the peaches Amergin hates."

  "One and the same," I said, trying really hard to keep my patience intact.

  "But why do you want to give Amergin something he hates?"

  "To piss him off. And
how do you know Amergin hates peaches?"

  "I heard some place." Ollam shrugged his bony shoulders.

  "Whatever." I noticed that the sound of the waterfall was getting closer and that the moon had moved even farther across the sky than I would have liked it to have moved.

  "What's that mean?" Ollam said.

  "Do you ever stop asking questions?"

  "Not usually. Sometimes when I'm asleep, I do."

  I shut my mouth, but he continued to question me, even though I obviously wasn't answering. I won't repeat the rest of his questions, but he was persistent. And he followed me all the way to the wall of Amergin's falsified Garden of Eden.

  Holding my shirt bag of peaches in one hand, I stared up at the top of the wall, wondering how I was supposed to get back over. Fiacha had said to use a stump but I couldn't find one. All I had was my peaches and the ever questioning Ollam.

  "I could boost ya," he said.

  I eyed him suspiciously. "You could? You're just a boy."

  He flexed non-existent muscles. "I'm stronger then I look."

  "Guy! Is that you?"

  "Fiacha, I can't get back over. I'm gonna throw the peaches, okay?"

  "I'm ready," she called back.

  I tossed the peaches, and shortly heard a mighty big "Oof!"

  "Are you okay?"

  "Fine." She sounded irritated. "You hit me with a bag of peaches."

  "I warned you."

  "Now get back over here!" Fiacha said.

  "I don't know how," I called back, suddenly scared that I'd never get back over, and Amergin would kill Cu and Bob out of spite.

  "I said I'd boost ya," Ollam said again. He clasped his hands together. "Come on. It doesn't hurt to try."

  "Not me, anyway," I sighed, and put my foot in the stirrup made by his hands.

  To my shock, I was suddenly flying through the air, hurtling over the wall. The ground, my ever present best friend, rushed up to meet me. My head hit first and made an audible crunch. I heard Fiacha gasp then I was out, once again, like a light.

  * * *

  chapter 13

  I woke in my bed, covered in gold linens, with a pillow behind my head. Cu was sitting at the edge of the bed, drinking a beer. My head was pounding once more, but I was surprised to find that it was still dark. "What time is it?"