CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
“Time for your classification.” A correctional officer said as he escorted Joseph down a hall toward an administration office.
“What do you mean?”
The officer chuckled. “Did you think you were going to stay behind steel bars in a brick cell the entire time you’re here?”
Joseph shrugged. He had no idea what to expect. He’d always thought that prison meant behind bars.
“They’ll tell you which unit you’re in. If you don’t mess up, chances are you’ll stay there until your release.”
“What’s a unit?”
“It’s like a large dormitory. Several bunk rooms line the walls. A big open recreation space in the middle where the TV is.”
“A TV? In prison?”
“You really don’t know anything, do you?”
“Not about prison.” Did everyone know what prison was like? Surely he hadn’t been the only one unaware. He couldn’t imagine Azalea knowing these things. But maybe she did? It wasn’t really something that had come up in conversation on their dates.
“Well, you’ll be getting a crash course then. Haven’t you ever watched any prison movies?”
“No.”
“Not even Escape from Alcatraz?”
“Never heard of it.”
“You’ve never heard of Alcatraz? Not that that movie would help you out any. Things were quite a bit different back then. You been living under a rock or something?”
“No. Just never watched much TV.”
“Ah, that explains it. Well, you’re probably better off anyway.” The officer shrugged. “A word of advice—when you go to take your showers and such, don’t talk to anyone else, don’t look at anyone else. Mind your own business and get out of there ASAP.”
“Okay.” Joseph frowned and forced out a breath.
The officer pulled the door open and motioned him inside. “Well, here we are. Good luck.”
~
“Mail call!” One of the correctional officers called out as he walked through the inmates’ living area.
Joseph didn’t bother to turn around. Since he had no contact with his family and his friends and coworkers seemed to have forgotten about him, he never expected to receive mail.
The officer stopped at the entryway to his bunk room. “Jonah Millerton?”
Joseph’s head shot up. I have mail? Who could have written to him?
“Yeah. That’s me.”
The man handed him a plain white envelope. He examined the handwriting. It appeared to be feminine. He wasn’t completely sure, but he guessed it was from Azalea.
Had she changed her mind about him? Had God softened her heart? Was she seeking to correspond with him while he was in prison? A thrill of hope zinged up his spine. Lord, please let it be so.
Without another thought, he tore the letter open. His eyes devoured every word.
Dear Jonah,
I hardly know what to write.
How could you?
I spoke with Miranda Brandenburg. I can’t believe it.
I trusted you! I gave you my heart. I can’t believe I fell for your lies.
I can’t believe our entire relationship was just an act. You put on a better performance than any Hollywood actor, that’s for sure.
I don’t know what to say to you. I am so angry. And hurt. I just want to scream at you for charging into my life and stealing my happiness! For making me believe you’re someone that you aren’t! You held my heart in your hands and you’ve taken it and ripped it to pieces!!!
I don’t know why I’m even telling you this. You probably get some sick sense of satisfaction from other people’s suffering. Well, before you laugh, you can just rest assured that God will judge you! That is my comfort.
Just stay away from me. If you get out of there, don’t come looking for me because I won’t give you the time of day. I don’t want to have anything to do with you. I’ve already wasted too many precious hours on you.
I hope I never have to see you again.
Goodbye forever!
Azalea
He let the letter slip through his fingers and glide gracefully to the floor, ignoring the sharp sting of the papercut that sliced through his finger in the process. It didn’t matter. Nothing mattered. He’d lost Azalea. For good. Forever.
The words on the page assaulted his heart as though each one were a sword piercing through his flesh. He realized in that moment that he really hadn’t known Azalea at all. The Azalea he knew would believe the best in him. The Azalea he knew wouldn’t write these harsh words. The Azalea he knew was loving and kind. The Azalea he knew would encourage him to have faith, that God was in control. The Azalea he knew would tell him that she still loved him and that she’d be waiting for the day they could marry.
He was so sure that she was the one—that she’d been sent straight from God! Showed how much he knew.
He dropped to his knees and leaned onto his bed, hands folded in front of his face, not caring if anyone walked in. God, I don’t know if I can do this. I don’t possess the strength. I’m trying, really trying, to hold on to my faith. But it’s so so hard. God, I don’t want to turn my back on You, but I’m angry right now. What are You doing here, Lord? Is my suffering bringing You glory? Help me. Please see me through this.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Joseph straightened his bedding once again, convinced he’d die of boredom if he stayed in this place too long. Sure, he’d been to several appointments in as many days. Medical and dental exams, mental health questionnaires, and educational assessments had kept him somewhat busy in the first few weeks, but now he’d settled into the same boring routine.
He was literally counting down the days before he could leave, sometimes even the hours. He never realized how wonderful freedom had been. Being able to get in his vehicle and drive somewhere—anywhere—thanks to Azalea’s skillful instruction. Riding horses to the lake on her property, or even just enjoying a quiet night alone in his apartment, had been paradise compared to his current circumstances.
Inmate census counts several times a day—along with random strip searches, three square bland meals, and activities kept his mind occupied most of the time. He never enjoyed watching television in the common area because most of the shows were indecent. Keeping his morals and pleasing the Lord in a place like this was difficult at best.
Casper, his bunkmate, or ‘celly’ as the inmates called it, was pleasant but Joseph hoped they’d be able to form a friendship of sorts. He’d met a couple of other inmates who seemed nice enough, but he’d also run into others who seemed to be mad at the world. He did his best to avoid the latter.
Even though he’d been surrounded by men, a grave sense of loneliness had settled in his soul. He didn’t know how these men survived without knowing God, because he surely never would. God had been his only hope, his only thread of sanity at times. He would never ever take freedom for granted again.
What he loathed most about this place was the lack of privacy. He couldn’t do anything without someone watching him, not even shower or use the restroom. Now he understood what the officer had attempted to convey to him upon his initiation. It was as though personal dignity ceased to exist the moment he walked into the correctional facility.
If only he’d had something decent to read. He’d perused the limited books in the prison’s library but nothing had caught his eye. Casper offered access to the few books and magazines he owned, but they were not for Joseph. Not even a few pages into the book and he’d already encountered more profanity than he’d heard in his entire life. Well, prior to landing in this facility anyway. And he didn’t dare peek at his cellmate’s uncouth magazines. If the cover was any indication of what was inside, he wanted no part of it. He’d been shocked to learn that such perversion even existed.
Once again, he’d wondered why God had him in a place like this. He couldn’t see any benefit whatsoever. Was it a trial of some sort? It was certainly a test of
his character—that he knew for a fact.
He realized even more now that he’d definitely been blessed with a wonderful heritage. Growing up in a sheltered Amish community might have seemed strange to some Englisch folks, but if this type of garbage was what he was ‘missing out’ on, he’d take his Amish upbringing any day. He didn’t even want to imagine what life had been like for some of these men prior to coming here. Perhaps he’d join another Plain community when he was released.
He felt sorry for his fellow inmates. Most of them had no idea what it was like to walk barefoot through a freshly-plowed field. They had no idea what one of Dinah’s delicious meals tasted like. They had no idea what it was like to tend the animals side-by-side with a loving father. They had no idea what a caring community looked like—could probably never even dream of one. Jah, he’d been blessed for sure.
There was no doubt he’d be a changed man when he left this wretched place. He just hoped it was for the better. Because, by the look of it, many of these men seemed like they were only changing for the worse.
Desperation thrust him to the ground again. Perhaps another round of push-ups would help dissolve these depressing thoughts and ease his boredom. After that, he’d do sit-ups. Then jumping jacks. Like he’d done day after lonely day. One thing was for sure and certain. If he accomplished nothing else while in prison, he’d at least leave in great physical shape.
How many more hours would it be before his next tasteless meal?
~
“Would you like to talk?” A man approached Joseph’s cell with a correctional officer at his side. He’d spotted the man earlier speaking with some of the other guys. He pointed to the shirt he wore. “I’m the chaplain.”
Joseph frowned, not understanding what the man meant. He then noticed the cross on his shirt’s emblem and a book in his hand that he guessed might be a Bible. “A preacher?”
“Yeah, sort of.”
“Yeah, I want to talk.” Anything would be preferable to this monotonous existence.
The chaplain nodded and the officer opened Joseph’s cell and let him in. “Let’s sit.” The door clinked shut.
“Okay.” Joseph blew out a breath and sat on his bed next to the chaplain.
“My name’s Hal.” He offered his hand and Joseph shook it firmly.
“I’m Jonah.” He read kindness in the man’s eyes.
Something about him reminded him of his father. Oh, how he missed him now! Surely Dat would have believed his innocence. He knew that for a fact. What he wouldn’t give to talk to Dat right now.
“Do you mind if I pray first, Jonah?”
“That’s fine.”
The man clasped his hands together and bowed his head. Joseph followed suit.
“Dear beloved Father in Heaven, we thank Thee for another day of life. We ask that You bless our time of fellowship today. May Jonah know the depth of Your love for him. May we both live a life that’s pleasing in Your sight. In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost. Amen.”
“What would you like to discuss?” Hal asked.
Joseph shrugged. “I don’t know, really. I’m just trying to figure out what’s going on in my life right now. Why God has me here.”
“Do you know God?”
“Yeah. I received Christ as my Saviour about three years ago.”
The chaplain smiled and briefly squeezed Joseph’s shoulder. “That’s great to hear.”
Joseph shook his head. “I don’t understand. I keep praying to God, but it seems like He isn’t hearing my prayers.”
“If you’re His child, rest assured that He hears your prayers.”
“Why is He silent?”
“As long as we are reading God’s Word, He is never silent. Is it possible that you don’t like the answers He’s giving you?”
“That’s the thing. I can’t read His Word. I don’t have a Bible here.”
“Oh. Well that’s easy to remedy. I’ll be sure you get one before I leave today. I always keep extras in the chapel.”
Joseph frowned. “I wasn’t aware they were allowed in here.”
“They’re not only allowed, they’re preferred. Nothing can change a man’s wicked heart like the Word of God. Christian prison ministries have one of the greatest success rates. Government mandated programs can make one change from the outside, but true heart transformation comes from Christ. And when a prisoner sincerely trusts Christ, it is love that compels him to walk in righteousness. He doesn’t have to be forced. He’s seen where following his own ways lead him.”
“You have a point.”
“I’ll make sure you get your hands on a Bible, Jonah.”
“Thank you, Hal. I appreciate that. I’m sure it will be a great help. When you’re locked up in here, you need all the help you can get. Trust me.”
“Oh, I believe you.” He adjusted his glasses. “What are you in here for, if you don’t mind my asking?”
Joseph remained silent. He didn’t even want to utter the word. “Attempted sexual assault was what they called it.”
Hal nodded. “Attempted?”
“Yeah.” But he’d rather not talk about that right now. He sighed. “I was accused of something I didn’t even do.”
Hal was quiet, but seemed to be listening.
“Not only did I not do what I’ve been accused of, I stood up for what’s right. I don’t understand why I’m here.” Joseph sighed.
“Jonah, we live in a fallen world. This world is under a curse—the curse of sin. The devil is the god of this world. And as long as it is this way, righteousness will not always be rewarded. We know that someday Christ will return and make things right, but until then injustice will reign.”
“I wish Jesus would return today.”
The chaplain smiled. “Me too. But until He does, we need to realize that our reward is in Heaven. This life is temporary. It will pass quickly. We need to count our sufferings for Christ as joy—as a privilege.”
“That’s so hard for me right now. Sometimes I feel like it would be better if God just ended my life.”
“Jonah, you need to trust Him. He knows what is best—way more than you or I do. God is not unrighteous. He will not forget your labor of love. It’s during these hard times that we need Him most. Don’t give up on Him, because He’ll never give up on you.”
“I’m trying. I really am. I know that God must have me in here for a reason. I just can’t figure it out.” He blew out a breath. “Whatever it is, I hope it’s worth it because I lost my girlfriend over it.”
“That’s a difficult thing, Jonah.” Hal rubbed his eyebrow. “We don’t always know why God puts us places. But we know that we can trust Him.”
“Yeah, I will try.” Surely this man was sent from the Lord. “Thank you for coming today, Hal.”
“I’m here once a week to speak with the inmates, and another minister and I take turns conducting the chapel services on Sunday afternoons. I’d love to see you there, Jonah.”
“I’d love to go. Thank you for inviting me.”
The chaplain smiled. “My pleasure.”
“Do many of the inmates attend?”
“More than one would expect. I’m guessing quite a few come just to get out for a while. But I think God has them there for a reason—to hear the wonderful Gospel.” He winked.
Joseph nodded. “I’m sure you’re right.”
“Won’t you join me in praying for them throughout the week? You never know when God will do a mighty work in their hearts.”
“Yes, I’ll pray.” He didn’t have much else to do.
“Thank you, Jonah. I’ll be sure to keep you in prayer too.”
“I appreciate that.”
Thank you, Lord, for showing me that You care and for bringing people like Chaplain Hal into my life.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Joseph closed his eyes as he lay on his bunk and stared at the ceiling. It seemed nearly impossible to get away from all the commotion in this place. Day in
and day out it was nothing but noise. It was enough to drive a person insane if they let it. As soon as he made enough money, which would take quite some time with the meager wages he earned working as an orderly here, he’d purchase a pair of headphones and a radio. He took a cleansing breath and tried to drown out the racket with his thoughts.
What was Azalea doing right now? Was she out riding her horse? Was she swimming in the lake? Shopping at the mall with her friends? Did she have any idea how much he missed her? If only she were here to talk to. If only he could gaze into her eyes or hear her laugh. If only he could hold her in his arms just one more time. Who was he kidding? One more time would never do. He wanted to hold her in his arms for the rest of his life.
A pad of paper sitting on the desk caught his eye. If he wrote her a letter, would she respond? Probably not. She’d said she didn’t want to see him again, maybe he should just respect that and ignore this desire burning inside.
But why not write to her? The worst that could happen would be that she’d ignore it and throw it in the trash, right? He had nothing to lose.
He forced out breath and practically jumped from the bed. He opened up the notebook and the pencil hovered above it for just a moment before he began to pen the words in his heart.
Dear Azalea,
I’d like to apologize for the words I spoke to you the last time we saw each other. I realize that I can’t take them back or make you forget them. Please forgive me.
I received your letter… I’m sorry you feel that way, but I’m afraid there’s not much I can do to change your feelings. You must know that I really do care for you whether you believe it or not.
I hope you are well. Have you been riding your horse lately? Swimming in the lake? I miss the times we used to spend together. I’d give anything to be there with you right now. I don’t know if I ever thanked you for helping me get my driver’s license, so I want to say thank you now.
Thanks for helping me study for the HSE too. I plan to finish my instruction while I’m in here and hopefully take the test. They have classes that I can take every week, but it’s difficult for me to study because there’s so much noise here.
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