by Ivy Jordan
We ate, talked about the animals, avoided the topic of Damien, and enjoyed just being there in the sun, free from the chaos that had consumed our lives for the last weeks, hers for years.
“So, I was wondering,” I started.
Her eyes lifted to mine, so eager, so curious. A chill rolled down my spine. Nerves. I swallowed hard, sweat beading up on my forehead, and convinced myself I could do this, regardless of the outcome. I had to at least try.
“Would you like to go to dinner?” I asked.
She smiled. Oh God, that smile.
“I would,” she agreed.
“I mean, like a date,” I added.
“I assumed,” she giggled.
“I don’t want you to feel like you have to, or you’re obligated in any way. We can stay friends for as long as you want—or forever if you choose,” I stammered.
“Are you trying to talk me out of this?” she smirked.
“No, I want to take you out. I just want to make sure you’re ready,” I stumbled over my words a bit.
Was I blushing? My cheeks were hot.
“I’d love to,” she smiled, her eyes sparkling in the sun as she spoke.
She said yes.
Chapter 26
Candace
The sun rose too quickly. It felt as though I’d only just laid down. My mind was racing, thinking about Luke, the date I’d agreed to, and if it was the right answer. Should I have waited? Was I really ready?
I dressed and met Lyla in the kitchen. She always had coffee and some type of small breakfast ready. This morning it was fruit, cut up neatly in a glass dish already waiting by my seat. We spent our mornings chatting, usually about how I felt, what was going on in my head, and what my plans for the future were now that Damien was out of my life. This morning, I wanted to talk about Luke, about the date, and find out if she had any thoughts on my quick decision.
“Good morning. How did you sleep?” Lyla asked, pouring coffee into my mug.
I sat at the table, frozen like a fossil in a rock, staring at the woman I knew could help me, the only one I had to talk to about this or anything.
“Are you okay?” she asked, her eyes filling with concern.
I shook off my anxiety, took a deep breath like she taught me to do, and smiled.
“I’m fine. I didn’t sleep much,” I admitted.
“Something on your mind?” she asked.
It was barely seven in the morning, and Lyla was already dressed in a blouse buttoned to her neck, her hair tightly in a bun atop her head, and makeup applied perfectly. She was intimidating. She was so together, and I? I was a mess.
“Luke asked me on a date yesterday,” I blurted.
Lyla sat. I watched her slowly bring her coffee to her painted lips, her eyes never leaving mine.
“And what did you say?” she asked after her sip.
“I said yes, but I don’t know if I should’ve,” I sighed.
“Why is that?” Lyla asked.
“What if I’m not ready?” I queried.
Lyla chuckled as she sat her coffee cup down on the table. The clank of the porcelain against the wood made me shudder.
“Why did you say yes?” she asked.
“I like Luke,” I replied.
“Are you attracted to him?” she pushed.
I thought about that night, our bodies grinding together.
“Yes,” I sighed.
“Did you feel pressured to say yes?” she continued.
“No, in fact, he almost sounded like he was talking me out of it after I said yes,” I giggled.
“Only you know if you’re ready or not,” Lyla smiled, reaching across the table for my hand.
“But I don’t know,” I stammered.
“What’s scaring you about the date?” Lyla asked.
I thought about it for a moment. There were so many things that scared me about this. It was all new to me. I didn’t even know how to date.
“What if I’m not good enough or he doesn’t like me?” I blurted.
Lyla squeezed my hand.
“You are good enough,” she assured me.
“I’m tainted,” I sighed.
Her smile warmed me as she gave my hand another squeeze before letting go.
“That’s what men like Damien do to you; they make you feel unworthy so you won’t leave. They know they are the unworthy ones, so they beat you down to make you feel less than them,” Lyla said strongly.
“How do you get past it?” I asked.
“It takes time. You spend time on yourself, finding out what you truly want, and expressing your wants, creating goals, achieving them, becoming you, not the shadow of who you are with,” she explained.
It all sounded so simple. She’d probably lived in a home where both parents were there, loving her and giving her the world. I knew she’d gone to an Ivy League school, and the way she dressed and carried herself, it was obvious she had no problems with confidence. She didn’t really know. She only read about life, the bad life. She lived the good one.
“Besides, why does it have to be about you not being good enough? What if he isn’t, or you don’t like him?” she smirked in my direction.
I chuckled at the thought. Luke not good enough for me? He was a man, a real man, a soldier. He was too good for me when he was just a boy, a parentless kid that no one wanted, like me; even then, Luke was too good.
“You’ll be amazed at how different life is once you have options, Candace. You have a job and a place here at the ranch, and you’re working on making your life better, so from here on out, you’ll only want to add things to your life that make it better,” Lyla stated.
After a pause, she spoke again. “Do you have anyone else you can talk to about Luke?” Lyla asked.
I shook my head.
“Alyssa gave me her number, but I don’t really know her,” I remembered.
“Why don’t you call her this morning?” Lyla suggested.
“I don’t know,” I stammered.
“It’s good to have a girlfriend to talk to, to help you with these types of struggles. Besides, she’s married to Liam, Luke’s friend, right?” Lyla pushed.
“Yes, she is. But, aren’t you a girlfriend?” I asked.
Lyla laughed, reaching for my hand again. “We are girlfriends, but my main goal is to help you with treatment, so I cannot be completely impartial. Besides, I’m training Luke, helping with his treatment, and my opinion could not only be partial, but unethical.”
I nodded, understanding most of what she said.
“Call Alyssa before work. I have to run out early for a session. I’ll be back in an hour to take you to work,” Lyla gave my hand a squeeze and then left the kitchen.
I heard the door shut, and then her car start, and then gravel under her tires as she pulled away.
Alyssa’s phone number was put into the phone Luke had given me to use, so I opened up my contacts to find it. She was the only one in there besides Theo, Lyla, and Luke. I hit her number and heard the phone ringing, so I put it to my ear and took a deep breath.
“Hello,” Alyssa sounded cheerful.
“I’m sorry to call so early,” I stammered.
“No problem. I was up getting Holly ready for school before I head to work. Is everything okay?” she asked.
“Yes. It’s all good. You just gave me your number, and…” I stopped. I didn’t know what to say.
“I’m glad you called. I’ve been wondering how you’ve been but didn’t want to bug you,” Alyssa replied.
It felt good to have someone worry about me, especially someone that didn’t even know me that well.
“My therapist said I should call you. I don’t have any other friends, not that you’re my friend, I mean you hardly know me. I feel stupid,” I sighed, taking in another deep breath to calm myself.
“I consider you my friend. We will get to know each other better; that’s the best part about making friends,” Alyssa said.
I could feel he
r smile coming through the phone. She put me at ease. I loved that she was so kind and so easy to talk to.
“Now tell me why your therapist wanted you to call me,” Alyssa nudged.
“Luke asked me out on a date, like a real date,” I stammered.
“That’s great,” Alyssa shrieked through the phone.
“It’s not too soon?” I questioned.
“Maybe, but if you like him, why not go for it?” she gasped.
“I’ve never been on a date before. I wouldn’t even know what to do,” I admitted.
Alyssa spent the next twenty minutes giving me tips on how to act on a date. I’d never had a sister, a mother, or any female in my life to talk to, so I soaked up everything she said, appreciating the bond being created between us.
“If Luke is anything like Liam, you won’t have to worry much. He’ll take care of everything. Just be yourself and have fun,” Alyssa stated.
“What do you mean like Liam?” I asked. I didn’t know Liam, at least not enough to know if Luke being like him was a good thing or not.
“I mean a romantic. The night will be planned, trust me; he’ll work hard to make sure you are at ease. Those men are loyal, honest, and most of all, they protect; they don’t hurt the ones they love,” she added.
By the time we hung up, Alyssa had my nerves settled, and I was actually looking forward to the date.
Lyla said not to add anything to my life that wouldn’t help make it better, and Luke sounded like he’d do just that, and maybe more.
Chapter 27
Luke
My stomach was in knots trying to plan the perfect date for Candace. I knew she was loosening up some, and touching wasn’t a huge issue anymore, but I was afraid dancing would cause too much stress with the pressure to be forced so close. I wanted to ensure she was comfortable, that whatever we were doing, she was having fun.
Liam suggested a movie, but Alyssa quickly shut it down.
“It’s dark and boring. You can’t even talk,” she yelled from behind Liam’s shoulder into the phone.
She was a woman. I’d take her word for it. No movies.
Bowling was my next idea, and Liam shut that down quickly. The bowling alley is noisy, which could trigger issues for her, and besides, it was dirty, not romantic at all.
“I don’t know what to do,” I sighed, feeling defeated.
“Call Xander,” Liam suggested.
It was a good suggestion, so I took him up on it. Xander had suffered PTSD to an extent neither myself nor Liam fully understood. He would know how to plan this date.
Xander answered, sounding happier than I’d ever heard him. We talked about his life, about Bailey, and then he asked about Candace.
“That’s why I’m calling,” I admitted.
Liam had filled him in on the latest situation, and he already knew Candace was suffering from major anxiety and PTSD.
“I thought you would know a great way to enjoy a date where she would be comfortable,” I explained.
“She loves animals, you have picnic lunches together, so how does she feel about the outdoors?” he asked.
“I don’t know,” I admitted.
“There’s no one else around. That eliminates insecurities with crowds, other people, stares, and it leaves you two plenty of time to get to know each other,” Xander stated.
He helped me work out the details, and by the time we hung up, I was feeling confident the date would be amazing.
Originally, I’d planned on something romantic, flowers, a tie, and a fancy meal, but Xander helped me see that would probably be more uncomfortable for Candace than some time alone in the woods. I had a few ideas of my own to make sure it was romantic.
I texted Candace to give her a heads up on the date. She’d asked about what to wear, and I told her something nice. I didn’t realize how insensitive that was until Alyssa pointed out that she hadn’t been able to purchase anything for herself, that all she had were the items I’d bought her from the small store in town.
Me: Can you be ready by four? Nothing fancy—wear something you can get dirty ;-)
Almost immediately, I received a text back.
Candace: Yes!!
It was obvious that I’d just taken a ton of pressure from her shoulders, pressure I never meant to add.
I quickly showered, splashed on a small amount of cologne, and slid into a pair of faded jeans, a t-shirt, and my boots. I headed into town, stopping at the local deli for some gourmet sandwiches, sides, and drinks. I purchased a bottle of wine and strawberries dipped in chocolate for our evening snack, and bought a large blanket to spread out on the ground. I shoved everything into the basket, including two wine glasses I bought to make the evening more romantic, and headed back towards the ranch.
I pulled up to Lyla’s and got out of my truck. With each step towards the door, my nerves unraveled, and my heart raced. I wanted things to be perfect.
About a minute after knocking on the door, it opened. Candace stood in the doorway, her hair pulled back in ponytail, red lipstick on her full lips, and just enough mascara to bring out her eyes.
“Is this okay?” she asked nervously, motioning to what she wore.
I noticed the pink and white thin flannel I’d bought her, a tank top underneath that matched, and a pair of jeans that were worn in just enough. She looked amazing. I grinned without control of my facial expression, and nodded without speaking to answer her question.
She blushed as she took my hand, allowing me to guide her to the truck. I helped her into the passenger seat, still grinning like an idiot as I shut her door.
Once I was inside, pulling out onto the long lane that led out of the ranch, I noticed Lyla peeking out of the front window.
“You look beautiful,” I said under my breath.
“Thank you,” Candace replied softly.
I felt like a teenager again on my first date. It was nerve-wracking and exciting all in the same breath.
“Where are we going?” she asked.
“Not far,” I said coyly.
She smiled, leaned back against the seat, and let her hand hang from the open window. She rode the wind with her fingers, up, down, swirling around; it was endearing to see her smile.
“You want to listen to some music?” I asked.
“Sure,” she agreed.
I turned it on. A country singer sang with a southern twang about love being lost. It was my regular country station that usually played newer music, but this was depressing and familiar. I searched for another station, stopping on a rock song with an upbeat tone.
“Is this okay?” I asked.
She shrugged, smiled, and went back to flying her hand in the wind.
I had no idea what music she enjoyed. When we were kids, all we listened to was an old country station, mainly because the foster parents would scream to shut off anything that wasn’t Willy, Reba, or Hank.
After I left that place, I couldn’t stand the music. It always brought back memories of Candace leaving. She was the only good thing about that house.
After driving about ten miles up the main road, I turned onto a dirt path. We crossed over an old bridge, then parked in an open clearing.
“What is this place?” Candace asked.
“I used to come here when I was younger,” I admitted.
“I don’t remember that,” she said, her eyes squinted as she spoke.
“It was after you left. I would come here to get away,” I admitted.
It was a beautiful place. I wanted to share the beauty with Candace.
“I’m sorry,” she said softly.
“Nope. You’re not allowed to be sorry. This is a date, our first, and everything’s new and fresh. This is a beautiful place where I’ve always wanted to show you, so now I get to, that’s all,” I smirked.
I opened up the door, helping Candace to her feet from the truck. I reached to the bed, pulled out the basket, two fishing poles, and a container of bait.
“I’ve nev
er fished,” she admitted.
“I’ll teach you,” I smiled, motioning for her to head towards the trail.
I followed her into the thick tree-lined woods, entering what seemed to be a place only in fairytales. The sun gleamed through the opening of the tall trees, shining on bright flowers. I picked one here and there as we walked, saving them until I had a bouquet suitable for Candace. I shoved each flower in the picnic basket as I picked them so she wouldn’t see.
“This is gorgeous,” Candace exclaimed.
I walked beside her, wanting to reach for her hand, but I didn’t. She looked around in awe, her eyes wide and curious as we continued deeper into the woods.
“Up here,” I motioned towards the small hill that was on her left.
I took her hand, helping her up, and giving her a small boost until she made it to the top.
“Let me have the stuff,” she insisted.
I handed her the basket, the poles, and the bait and made my way to the top. From there, an opening was inviting a view that most would never see in their lifetime. It was breathtaking, and what I would look at as a boy, daydreaming about the day I’d get Candace back.
“Oh my,” Candace gasped, standing at the edge of the opening.
I spread out the blanket, and moved to her side, enjoying the view with her by my side, something I’d given up on long ago.
“Does anyone else know about this place?” she asked.
“I’ve never seen anyone else here, but the trail looks fresh,” I smiled.
Without thinking, I slid my arm around her waist, pulling her close to my side. I tensed immediately, figuring she would pull away or at least flinch, but she didn’t. She rested her head against my arm and let out a sweet sigh.
After several minutes of blissful silence, Candace turned towards the basket.
“Something smells amazing,” she gasped, making her way to the blanket.
I sat down beside her, emptying the basket with the contents of our dinner. She took one of the sandwiches and a fork to share the sides, and I opened up two bottles of flavored water.
“This is amazing,” she gushed.
Yes, amazing.