by CD Reiss
Next in the stack: her face split open and a target inside.
A gun between her legs. A dozen knives pinning her to the wall. Hands choking her. Squeezing her breasts blue. Pulling her vagina out. It got worse. The things he fantasized about doing to her body were sickening.
“Is this actual blood?” I asked.
“Your guess is as good as mine. The catalog says ‘mixed media.’”
“Thank you for showing me this.”
Hank slipped the black cardboard over the drawings so the violence didn’t take up the whole room. “Should I shove it up his ass?”
“No. I want you to photograph it first. Then I’ll tell you when to burn it.”
“Do you know what this cost you?”
“Yes, I do.”
He regarded me for a second. “You know the girl.”
I held my hand out. “Thanks again, buddy. Make arrangements with your Compton girl if you think it’s a fit.”
“Will do.”
On the way back up the 710, I couldn’t think straight, much less work. I’d never wanted to hurt anyone as badly as I wanted to hurt Kevin Wainwright just for putting those images in my head. But he’d done nothing wrong. The purpose of his work was to exorcise his demons. He couldn’t be held legally or morally accountable for its content. If he was angry at Monica for walking out on him, he had every right to draw her slashed open if that gave him closure.
So I couldn’t call the LAPD, and I couldn’t tell Monica. I’d have to admit I bought the thing behind her back, and she wouldn’t think well of it. Worse, I could scare her for no reason. I didn’t want to scare her. I wanted her to be the same, proud little goddess I knew. I was just going to have to watch her more closely in case they were more than just drawings.
five
MONICA
I wore one of my new garters, a purple so dark it could be black. Over that was the black lace dress I’d bought at Nordstrom’s. The skirt fell just above my knees and the satin lining stopped just above the hem. The neckline was modest, and the sleeves covered my upper arms. It was skin tight but comfortable and classy. He could take me anywhere. I was only a slut underneath the dress.
I braided my hair. I tried to make it special, but I simply didn’t have Gabby’s skill, and my arms ached by the third try. I did my best, though, same as every day since she died. I wore my hair as a remembrance to her, as if I could call her back and whisper in her ear I loved you.
I didn’t have a roommate to answer the knock at the door. Times like that made me feel gut-twisting loneliness. I ran out, winding a band around the bottom of the braid. Even though I knew it was Jonathan, I had to look out the window to check first. He leaned on the corner of the porch, looking at the opening of the crawlspace. His brown leather jacket hung over a suit and tie, and his expression was dead serious.
“See something you like?” I asked when I opened the door.
“Your foundation’s slipping.”
“Have you noticed the hill? And gravity? How they conspire?”
He glanced back at me without moving his body. Fuck, he was gorgeous. “I can get someone to fix it. I’m a real estate developer, you know. I’ve got guys.”
I strode over to him and put my hands on his back. He looked at the foundation critically, as though he was doing calculations in his head. He looked at me again, and I put my fingers in his hair. We stood like that for a second as I drank him in.
“You’re beautiful,” I said.
“I was just about to say that.” He turned and leaned on the railing with his legs spread. I stepped into the opening. He slid his fingers up my thighs, past my hemline, leaving my skin tingling in their wake. When he got to the lace tops of my stockings, he put his hands beneath my ass and stroked me gently.
I leaned down until my nose touched his, gasping when he fondled between my legs lightly. “Jonathan,” I whispered, “what are you doing?”
“I just want to know what barriers I’m dealing with here.”
“You always stick your hand up a girl’s skirt on the first date?”
He caressed the insides of my thighs, keeping his touch soft. “I haven’t bothered with an actual date for about nine years.” He angled his face so his lips met mine. I put my hands on his neck and kissed him. The tip of his tongue found mine, and we weaved our mouths together until I was a ball of heat and desire.
“I hate to break this up,” he said, “but we’re on a clock here.”
I groaned. I had no idea how I would make it through dinner.
“And you have to get a change of clothes,” he said. “Jeans and a jacket.”
“Why?”
“Can you let a guy surprise you?” He slapped my ass and pointed to the front door. “Go.”
Still smiling from the delicious sting on my butt, I gathered up clothes, stuffed them into a bag, and ran back out to the porch. He’d parked the Jag in my driveway, right behind my little black Honda. He opened the passenger door for me and closed it when I got in. As he drove up the 101, I put my hand on his, stroking the top of it.
“You working tomorrow?” he asked. “Because I have the day off.”
“Work, then Frontage.”
“Without your partner?” he asked, then waved his hand. “Sorry. Obviously.”
“Yeah. I wanted her on the piece with me and the boys, too. But, shit, I miss her.”
“What boys and what piece?”
“I’m collaborating with Darren and Kevin.”
The car swerved too far right, and he almost had an accident. A horn blared and a middle finger was raised. Jonathan waved in apology. “You were saying?” he asked.
“Don’t have an accident.” He pulled off at Los Feliz Boulevard. “Where are we going?” I asked.
“Small place in the hills.” He turned up into Griffith Park.
“You’re not just taking me to your house, are you?”
“No, not just my house. I have things planned, and they include my place. Initially.” He glanced over at me. “I didn’t suggest a date so I could take you back to my room and pin you to the bed.”
“Are we going to watch the game from your bed?”
“Nope.”
“Damn. Brad Chance is pitching.”
“Why bother watching? He’s going to overuse his screwball and wear out his elbow by the third inning.”
“It’s fun watching guys swing at them. Especially Den Adler. He practically falls over,” I snickered.
“So,” he said definitively, stopping at a light, “you’ve avoided this ‘piece’ thing for exactly three minutes, and I’ve been very good about it.”
I put my hands on my knees. “Kevin asked me to collaborate on a thing with him for the B.C. Modern. We’re on a tight deadline. I brought Darren and Gabby in.” The light changed to green, and I was relieved of the weight of his stare.
“Why?” he asked.
“Because they’re family, and I like working with them.”
“Not as a buffer between you and Kevin?”
“No.” I wasn’t sure if I lied to him or myself.
He pulled the car to a wide space on the side of the road and put it in park. He faced me. “Why did you agree to work with him after what he did at the Eclipse show?”
Layers of emotion masked his face. The top was a cold calm, an understanding bordering on parental. Under that, something wilder, but laser focused and powerful, pushed to the surface. I took a nervous breath. He was pissed, and I’d never seen that before. Goose bumps rose over my arms, and I rubbed my thumbs against my forefingers. I wondered if he could hear the clatter of my heart.
“Having music at the B.C. Modern could make my career. Everyone will hear it. Everyone will review it. It was like being handed a gift, and if I’d refused, I would have regretted it the rest of my life.”
“Your ambition outweighs your sense.”
I tried to match his anger with my own, but I felt puny and unjustified. “We were pretty clear that my wo
rk is my work. That hasn’t changed.” I kept my eyes level with his even though I felt the weight of his stare. He didn’t like Kevin. I knew that, but I wouldn’t abdicate my right to live my life as I pleased.
“Everything’s changed, Monica.”
“Not that.”
With those few words, I felt two wills pressing against each other, hard, straight, still. Nothing moved. No friction was created between them. His hands clenched the wheel, and mine were wound into fists. I couldn’t bear it. I touched the top of his hand.
He grabbed the back of the neck and pulled my face to his, drowning me in a kiss so hard and hot, I almost forgot what I’d seen in his expression. What had he seen in mine? That my heart could be broken? That I was falling in love with him, and if I tried to stop, the inertia would crack me in two? I pulled my face off his.
I said, “I know you don’t like Kevin.”
“Understatement of the year.”
“He’s harmless. And I’m trustworthy.”
“The latter, I believe. But men know other men.” He stroked my cheek. “Can you not be alone with him? Can you promise me that?”
It was a lot to ask. Darren was involved, but who knew what situations would arise? I covered his hand with mine. He needed me to make an honest effort. I could do that. “Yes.”
“Thank you.” He kissed me and got back onto Los Feliz Boulevard. We made the rest of the trip in hand-holding silence. Whatever anger had manifested in his face got pushed away. He pulled into his driveway, and the gate shut behind us with a clang. He walked around the car and opened my door. I had never seen his house in daylight, never seen the art deco woodwork on the windows or the detailing of the roof shingles. He took my hand and led me up to the porch. The front door was open, and he went in, expecting I’d follow. But I stopped at the threshold.
“What?” he asked. “Cat got your feet?”
“I’ve never entered your house with my clothes on before.”
“Ah. Well, first time for everything.” He tugged on my hand until I crossed into his house. The living room was as it had always been but bathed in light from the setting sun. If the room could look warmer, more inviting, I didn’t know how. He looked back at me and the sunlight dashed off the tips of his eyelashes as he pulled me through rooms and out to the backyard.
The pool was a huge, bean-shaped expanse in the center of the yard. Close to the house, a flower garden, sectioned by paths of flagstones, spanned from the main house to the pool house. Smaller, cozy areas with benches lined the right hedge, and on the left, wall-sized sliding glass doors opened into the sitting room where I’d had tea.
Aling Mira approached us in a modest black suit, carrying a tray of white wine.
“Hi,” I said when I took a glass. She nodded and walked toward a little table set for two. A middle-aged man lit the last candle on one of the flagstone paths and then the two on the table. I told Jonathan, “You have a nice yard.”
“Come walk with me.” He held out his arm, and I took it. We headed toward the pool on the candle-lined path. “Aling Mira cooked a Filipino specialty for you called kare-kare. It’s made from—”
“Oxtail stew?”
“You’ve had it?”
“I live in Los Angeles.”
He smiled and squeezed my hand. “She saw you slept in my room. So she’s very impressed with you.”
“How long has she worked for you?”
“A long, long time. She’s seen it all. She wants me to be happy as much as my own mother. Well, maybe an aunt or something.”
We strolled around the pool while the staff set up dinner. The sun was setting fast, and the candles lining all the pathways became more visible as the sky darkened.
“You lived here with your wife?”
“Yes. Why?”
“The bed?” I cringed. “Was that…?”
He laughed. “New bed, don’t worry. You’re the only woman I’ve had in it, actually.”
“I feel like a groundbreaker.”
“You’ve broken some ground on a few things.”
“Such as?” I swung to face him.
“This date?”
“And?”
“And showing you off at the L.A. Mod.”
“And?”
“And taking care of you. And wanting to see you again and again. And dressing you for my eyes.”
“You’re making me feel very, very good.” I kissed him gently and breathed in that leather and sawdust smell that was his choice, not his ex-wife’s. “I have to talk about you dressing me.”
He put his arms around my waist and pulled me close. “Yes?”
“It makes me uncomfortable when you buy me expensive stuff.”
He kissed my jaw and neck, as if to belie my discomfort and turn it into heat. “But the diamond was all right?”
I pursed my lips. “No, it wasn’t, but before I could think about it, stuff happened. So you got that one in under the wire. Don’t let it happen again.”
He put his lips to my ear and said, “I have a piano. A Steinway. Would you play it for me after dinner?”
I kissed him and whispered, “I’d love to.”
“And you’d sing for me?”
“Yes.” I dragged my lips across his cheek, listening to him breathing and feeling his hands at my waist. The idea of making music for him was so intimate, so arousing, I didn’t think I’d be able to make it through dinner.
“When we met, you said you wouldn’t,” he said.
“Things changed.”
“So, you’d take this talent, gifted to you from birth, and use it as an expression of how you feel about me?”
I pulled away. “Aren’t you clever.”
“Money is a blunt tool for expression. It’s vulgar compared to art, I agree, but it’s all I have. I want you to accept it. It would make me happy.”
I didn’t know how to argue without making the gifts he was born with somehow coarse and ugly, while mine were worthwhile enough to give. He really had me cornered. “You just did a number on me,” I said.
He bowed. “Captain of the debate team at Loyola.”
“Ah, a good Jesuit education,” I said, walking away. “I suppose now I get to wear all my new underwear without guilt.”
He grabbed my hand and pulled me back. “You said you were Catholic, so you have guilt somewhere.”
“Only until eighth grade. I performed ‘Invictus’ for my graduation recital and earned my escape from parochial school. I entered Los Angeles Unified guilt-free.”
He took me in his arms and kissed me. “‘Classic. We did that in sixth. Eighth grade was Kipling. ‘If.’”
“Oh, that’s a long one.”
“I had to recite it with feeling.”
I smiled. “Yes, me too. I still remember ‘Invictus’. Let me see, ‘Out of the night that covers me, Black as the pit from pole to pole—’”
He completed the stanza. “‘I thank whatever gods may be, for my unconquerable soul.’” He grabbed the base of my braid and pulled my hair as he drew his mouth to mine. He was so sweet. His kisses were hard and passionate, a controlled lack of restraint in every flick of his tongue, every grasp of his fingers. I pushed into him, feeling his erection against me. He pulled away at the sound of a throat clearing.
Aling Mira stood behind me. “I’m sorry to interrupt. You said I should let you know when dinner is ready.”
“Thank you,” Jonathan said. He rattled something off in Tagalog. Aling Mira nodded to each of us and went back to the middle-aged man who stood in a secluded area.
“What did you say?” I asked.
“I thanked her and gave her the rest of the night off.” He put his hand on my back. “I’m perfectly capable of spooning you stew. And I’d like to.”
We strode slowly to a table set with silver and porcelain. On the side table was a full setting with stew in a silver serving bowl. Aling Mira and the man went to a back gate.
“Who’s the guy?”
“Her husband, Danilo. They live in the back house.”
The metal gate clacked behind them, and we were alone in the yard. Jonathan pulled a chair out for me. I stood in front of it, between him and the table. I was ready to sit, but I wanted another kiss. I tilted my face to him, until I felt his breath on my face, and parted my lips.
He reached for me, and I thought he would put his arms around my waist. Instead, he met my lips with his and leaned into me. In one wave of his arm, he yanked the tablecloth, knocking the dishes off the table. They clattered everywhere, smashing and spinning. His weight continued forward, throwing more plates out from under me, until he pinned me to the table.
I opened my legs, wrapping them around him as we kissed. My dress rode up to my waist. I pushed into him. His cock was so hard, like a tight fist against me. He groaned into my mouth, then pushed his fist of a dick into me again. He fingered under the garter belt, twisting his fingers in it.
“I want you to wear these all the time. Under jeans. To bed when I’m not there. I’ll buy you more. You be who you want when we’re not together, but under your clothes, this is the reminder that you’re mine. Understand?”
“Yes.”
He unbuckled his pants. A shiver went up my spine as I watched him take his dick out. My panties were no more than a damp string at my crotch, and he pushed them out of the way, handling me roughly. His fingertips probed for my soaked opening. He jammed two fingers in me. I cried out in pleasure and spread my legs farther, kicking a bowl and sending it crashing to the ground.
“You’re ready,” he growled, sliding his fingers out and jamming them in all the way. He ran his finger across the front wall of my hole until I felt a shudder I’d never felt. He pushed, stroking, curving his finger over a hard nodule of nerves inside me while pressing the heel of his hand on my clit. I went weak with a radiation of pleasure.
“Do you want it?” he asked.
“Yes, Jonathan. Please, fuck me.” He removed his fingers and lodged his dick in me. “Oh, God,” I said, barely coherent.