I smile, feeling sure for the first time in ages that I’m doing the right thing. “That’s a bridge we’ll cross when we come to it. But we’ll cross it together.”
Chapter Thirty-one
Daisy
I wish Paige and Karen were with me. They’d help me figure out this mess. Then I realize that I could just call them. I manage to smile at my continued hopelessness when it comes to the social norms of kids my age.
Levi left his phone on the table, so I pick it up, sure it won’t have bars. I’m surprised to see it’s getting a full signal.
I frown. Levi’s been telling me all week that he doesn’t get cell service out here. Is this a fluke, or has he been lying for some reason?
I find Paige’s number in the Contacts and press Send. I nervously tap my fingers on the table while it rings.
“Levi?” she asks, sounding as if she ran to answer. “Is that you?”
“No, it’s Daisy.”
“Oh, my God! Daisy! Where are you? I’ve been going crazy! Are you okay?”
I hold the phone away from my ear, her squealing acutely painful. When she seems to have quieted, I try to get a word in. “Yeah, I’m okay.”
“Where are you? We’re worried sick!”
“I’m at Levi’s parents’ place in Michigan.”
“You’re in Michigan? What’s going on? Daltrey keeps asking us if we’ve heard from you—”
I frown again. I was under the impression Daltrey was getting regular updates from Levi.
“—and you haven’t returned any of our calls, and everyone is just really upset and worried.”
“I want to tell you what’s going on, Paige, but you need to let me talk first.”
“Oh. Right. Sorry.”
“Where are you, by the way? Are you near any of the guys?”
“No, I’m in my room. Karen’s out shopping, so I’m totally alone.”
I’m relieved at that. I wouldn’t mind talking to Karen, but I can do without Paige insisting on relaying everything to her.
“So what’s going on? I really miss you! I’ve been so worried.”
I lean back in the wicker chair. “I miss you, too,” I say, my voice shaking a bit. “I wish you were here.”
“So you’ve just been hiding out with Levi?”
“Yeah. His parents have a place up here by the lake. It’s actually been perfect. Totally secluded. It was exactly what I needed after… everything.”
“Oh, Daisy, it’s been nuts around here.” She then proceeds to tell me about all the increased attention Daltrey has been getting since his release and the extra work the boys are doing to try to make up for the scandal.
I close my eyes, feeling horribly guilty. “If I would have just kept my mouth closed, none of this would have ever happened. Daltrey would have never gone after Justin.”
“That’s silly, Daisy. He’s a grown man. He needs to be responsible for his own decisions.”
“That’s what Levi keeps saying. He’s pretty pissed at Daltrey.”
“What about you?” she asks. “Are you mad?”
I pause, considering that. Since I’ve been here, most of my worrying has been about my pictures getting out and about being in the public eye. I’ve even been worried about Daltrey being angry with me for running. “I don’t know. I really don’t. When Levi talks about how Dalt should have known better, I guess that makes sense to me. But at the same time… like, these things happened to me, and I reacted in a very emotional way, you know? I ran away from New York. Before that, I hid from Daltrey. Before that, I tried to… end things. Should I be judging anyone for letting their emotions dictate their behavior?”
“I don’t know if you should, but I also understand if you do. His actions led to the press finding out about you, Daisy. You’re allowed to be mad about that.”
“I guess so,” I say uncertainly.
“Honestly, I just assumed you were, and that’s why you haven’t called him.”
“I haven’t called him for the same reason I’ve messed up everything else. I’ve been too scared.”
“Why would you be scared? He’s going crazy waiting to hear from you! Levi told him you didn’t want to talk, but then Levi—”
“Wait. Go back to that. Levi told him I didn’t want to talk?”
“Yeah. He said you were still processing everything, and you didn’t think it would be good to talk to him yet.”
“I never said that.” Something cold sneaks into my belly. Has Levi been lying to me this whole time?
“Well, then Levi stopped calling, and Daltrey’s really been freaking out.”
I’ve been so stupid. I assumed Levi was calling Daltrey every time he went into town to get a signal. “This is all such a mess,” I mutter. “And now Levi is telling me he has feelings for me and making me even more confused.”
“Hang on. Levi said he has feelings for you?”
I take a quick look over my shoulder to make sure I’m still alone. “Yeah. He said he always has, but he assumed I’d end up with Daltrey.”
“Um, did he really think this was the time for that kind of admission?” She sounds incredulous.
I smile. “I think he was fully aware of the inopportune timing, yes. But he said he was afraid I was going to go straight back out there after Daltrey, and he wanted to make sure I knew my options.”
“Wow.”
“He seems to think I don’t consider my choices, that I’ve just assumed I’m supposed to be with Daltrey for so long that I have my eyes shut.”
“What do you think?”
“I’m confused as hell, Paige. But I think he’s probably right. My whole life, all I’ve ever wanted is to be where Daltrey is. Whether that was playing with him in the backyard when we were kids or watching his band play when we got older. It was all I wanted.”
“Why do you think that is?”
“Because he makes me happy. He makes me laugh. He knows my stories, and I know his. When I was lonely and missing my mom, he got that and never tried to make me feel stupid for it. And when he plays, there’s something that draws me in, like I can see some… I don’t know, some deep down inside place in him. I think it’s so brave, the way he lets himself be so vulnerable and expressive on stage. And he’s beautiful, you know, really beautiful.” I think of our walk in Central Park, what he said about money and helping people. “Inside and out. His heart is the only thing I can imagine being more beautiful than his face—”
Paige laughs softly on the other end of the phone.
“What?”
“Oh, Daisy, you’re not confused, honey. You’re madly in love with him. You should hear yourself.”
I laugh too, imagining the way that monologue must have sounded to her. Something in my brain seems to shift. It doesn’t have to be so hard. “Yeah, I am.”
“So get your ass back here, girl. What are you waiting for?”
“What if I can’t handle it, Paige? What if I freak out again?”
“Then you freak out again. It’s not the end of the world.”
“You make it sound so easy.”
“I’m sure it won’t be easy,” she says. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t think you can do it.”
“You’re a really good friend, Paige,” I say, wishing I could hug her right now.
“Well, duh.” She chortles. “I told you that from the very beginning, didn’t I? About how lucky you were to be friends with me and Karen?”
“You did. I’m sorry I left the two of you there alone.”
She snorts. “Oh, yeah, it’s been absolutely terrible, staying in nice hotels and hanging out with a famous rock band.”
“I don’t know how you’re carrying on.”
She sighs dramatically. “We do our best.”
“I should let you go.”
“Will you call me soon?”
“I promise.”
I hang up and look down at the phone, knowing what I need to do. I think I’ve always known, really. I just le
t the scared part of my brain get so loud it drowned out my heart. But not anymore. I type in a quick text to my dad before setting the phone back on the table.
“Daisy?”
I turn to see Levi by the door.
“Sorry to bug you,” he says. “I just realized I left my phone.”
I hold it out to him. “I called Paige. Hope you don’t mind.”
“Of course not.” He reaches for the phone, but his hand falters slightly as he realizes what I said. “Oh.”
“Yeah, it’s funny because there was a full signal. I was under the impression that never happened.”
He instantly looks guilty. “It’s usually not very good.”
“Levi…”
He sighs. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I exaggerated the no-signal thing so you wouldn’t feel pressure to talk to anyone until you were ready.”
“You also didn’t tell me that Daltrey has been asking to speak to me.”
He looks out at the water. “I didn’t think you were ready for that yet, either.”
“You know that’s kind of bullshit, don’t you? You keeping things from me?”
“I just wanted you to be okay,” he says sadly. “God, Daisy. You should have seen your face that night in the hotel. It was… you were so scared and so upset. I just wanted you to be somewhere private and safe.”
“I’m grateful for you bringing me here. You have no idea how much it means to me. But it was wrong of you to lie to me.”
He finally meets my eyes. “I’m sorry,” he says, his voice low and intense. “I really am. I didn’t mean to lie to you. I just wanted what was best.”
Looking at the stricken face of my old friend, I realize that this is a huge part of my problem. I love Levi for caring so much, just as I love my dad for being so worried about me. But for the past year, I’ve been letting too many people make decisions for me based on what they thought was best—from my dad enrolling me in school in Tennessee to Levi cutting me off from Daltrey. People were making my choices for me, and I let them, without complaint, because deep down, I still considered myself too weak and broken to make those choices myself. And no one is going to believe that I can take care of myself until I start to show them that I can.
I stand, a slight glimmer of something like anger growing in my chest. I’m surprised by how good it feels. “I’m going to go stay with my dad tonight.”
“You don’t have to do that,” he says quickly. “I can leave if you want. This place is good for you.”
I shake my head. “It’s time for me to stop hiding from something that was never my fault in the first place.”
“Daisy—”
“Look, I appreciate everything that you did for me, I really do. But I don’t need you making choices for me. It was wrong of you to lie to me about the phone, Levi, and to tell Daltrey that I didn’t want to talk to him. You doing that is not okay with me. It wouldn’t be right for me to keep staying here.”
He hangs his head. “I really fucked this up, huh?”
“I know you did what you thought was right. But it’s time for me to make those choices myself.” I place my hands on his shoulders. “I’m sorry, Levi, that I don’t feel the same way you do. I really am. You deserve someone totally amazing in your life.” I lean forward and kiss his cheek. “Thank you. I might be a little mad right now, but I still really appreciate you bringing me here.” I pull back and see, finally, that he’s smiling that old Levi smile of his, though his eyes still look sad.
“At least I can say that I tried, right?”
I shake my head. “It wasn’t ever something you needed to earn, Levi. You’re wonderful, one of the best, kindest people I know. But my heart had already decided ages ago.” I hold his gaze. “He’s one of your best friends. It would make me so sad if you stayed mad at him over any of this.”
He takes a deep breath. “I guess we’ll just have to see.”
I realize there’s nothing I can do to make up his mind for him, just like there was never anything anyone else could have done to change my mind about Daltrey.
I start to remove my hands, but he pulls me into a hug. I wrap my arms around him. “Thank you,” I say again. “From the bottom of my heart.”
I go into the cabin to grab my things, figuring my dad will be here soon. I’m a little surprised by how much it hurts to walk away from Levi. I could never love him the way he wants, but I do love him. I can only hope that this doesn’t have to be the end for us.
But if it is, I’ll know that it was his choice, and I’ll respect it. I’ve come to learn that people have all different ways of reacting to the hard things in life. Even though we might not always agree with them, we can’t change them either.
But I’m done reacting to the hard things by running. I’m done hiding. I’m done blaming myself for the cruelty of others. I deserve to be happy and with the people that I love. And I’m never going to let someone else take that from me again.
Chapter Thirty-two
Daltrey
My bags are packed, and I couldn’t be more ready to go.
Granted, they would have been packed anyhow, seeing as how tonight is the last show, but I still feel satisfied because I know what they represent. When the show is over tonight, I’m getting in a car, and I’m driving until I get to Daisy. Levi might not be happy to see me, but I don’t care anymore. Daisy is the only one who can tell me to stay away.
There’s a knock on the door. I finish zipping my suitcase and go answer it.
“Hello, son. Can I come in?”
I give him a weary look but move aside so he can enter.
“You’re packed already?” he asks, seeing my bags. “We’re not checking out until tomorrow.”
I shrug, not wanting to get into an argument. We’ve been avoiding each other since our fight, Dad relying on Reed or Dan to get any instructions or information to me. The lack of contact has helped with my stress level, and that paired with my excitement at seeing Daisy soon has really helped my performance.
He’s still looking at me questioningly, so I say, “I’m leaving tonight.”
He watches my face closely. “You’re going to find Daisy?”
“Yes,” I say tersely.
He holds my gaze for a minute. “You know, it’s hard being a single father, Daltrey.”
I don’t know what I was expecting him to say, but it certainly wasn’t that. “I know, Dad.”
“I tried to do my best with you boys. I really did. I know it might seem sometimes like I’m just pushing you for my own purposes. But I hope… I really hope you know that everything I did, I did for you boys.”
“I do know that.” I pause, not ready to let him off the hook. “But that doesn’t mean it was okay, what you did. You should have told me what you knew about her. That wasn’t fair, Dad.”
He holds up his hands. “I know. Your brothers have all told me the same thing, and I get it. I really do. My own excuse is that I was worried about you. Like I said, it’s hard to be a single dad, hard to know what your kids need. I… I’m sorry.”
I wouldn’t have been more shocked if he told me he was leaving to go join the circus. I don’t think my father had ever apologized to me. “Uh, thanks. Thank you for saying that.”
He shoves his hands into his pockets. “I felt really guilty for a long time, Daltrey, feeling like I had failed you boys. That I was… I was the reason she left. And I knew how hard it had to be, especially for you.” Something spasms across his face. “You were so little.”
“Dad—”
“And I knew I couldn’t give you what you needed. I couldn’t give you that mother’s love. I felt so damn bad about it, son. So I tried really hard to be good at the things I could do—providing for you, guiding you in your careers.”
“You did great with all that,” I say, my voice suddenly thick.
“But you still needed someone to love you,” he says, shaking his head. “I never got it, I guess, that Daisy gave that to you.”
&n
bsp; “You gave us love too, Dad.”
He looks at the floor. “But I wasn’t good at showing it. I’m glad you had someone who was.” He looks up at me. “Good at showing it, I mean. I’m glad you had Daisy.”
“I’m glad I had both of you.”
“So,” he says, looking up and giving me a shaky smile, “drive carefully, okay? If you get into any trouble with photographers or anything, just call.”
I nod. “Sure.”
He stares at me for a long moment before finally turning. “Okay. Well, I have some work to do before the show. We’re, uh, planning a band meeting in a week.”
“A week?”
He shrugs. “Yeah, I figure all you boys could use some time off before we start rehearsing for the VMAs.” He meets my eyes. “But if you’re not ready in a week, we’ll play it by ear, okay?”
I shake my head, kind of overwhelmed by the change in him. I wonder if he could sense how close I was to walking. There were moments in the last week where I came close. Maybe that finally scared some sense into him. Or maybe he just finally really realized how much I needed this.
“Have a good show, son.”
“Thanks, Dad.”
He nods once before he pulls open the door and disappears into the hallway. I sit heavily on the bed, trying to wrap my mind around everything he said. That was as close to a heart to heart as we’ve ever gotten. And it wasn’t even that hard.
There’s another knock, and I squeeze my eyes shut, praying he hasn’t come back to ruin it. I walk back to the door and open it, ready for a fight, only to see Daisy standing there.
It takes me a good long moment before I can speak. I’m sure I look ridiculous, staring at her while I open and close my mouth, willing sound to come out.
“Can I come in?”
I nod. “Of… of course you can,” I finally manage.
She squeezes past me, close enough that I can smell the familiar earthy scent of her shampoo. It makes my stomach ache; I want to bury my face in her hair so badly.
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