by Kimber White
This time, my laughter was genuine. As the sun rose higher over the trees, I felt its warmth on my face and the light in Molly’s eyes.
“I’ll leave first thing tomorrow morning,” I said. “I just have a few more loose ends to tie before I go.”
Molly stepped back into Liam’s arms. They gave me space. I let the clean air fill my lungs and threw my head back. For the first time in months, I felt the clarity of purpose. I sealed my resolve by letting my wolf out. Liam’s eyes glinted as the call of his pulled at him. My wild nature overtaking me, I tore through the woods and reached the top of the nearest hill. With Molly and Liam staring at me, I craned my neck and howled at the sky.
Two
Rowan
They don’t see me. They don’t even look. Not in their wolves. Not as men. They see past me until I don’t want them to anymore.
There were three of them today. Sometimes it was four. Most of the time, it was five. Never fewer than two. One stood pissing against a gnarled oak tree, laughing. His friend shook his head and loosened his own belt.
A pissing contest. A literal pissing contest.
I pressed my back against the tree then leaned hard and rolled to the other side of it.
“That ain’t shit,” the second contestant said. His name was Furley. Bart Furley. He was older than the other two. I think one of them was his brother. They called him Mannie. Mannie. Bart. Geordie. Today, they were Able Valent’s finest. I swear, they were getting dumber by the day.
Years ago, stronger shifters patrolled these woods. Most of them were dead. Their replacements seemed weaker. Slower. But, make no mistake. They were still lethal with superhuman strength. They could kill a man faster than he could draw breath to defend himself.
“Like to see you try, Geordie,” Bart said. Bart had just completed pissing in a high arc. He missed the tree but took out a clump of ivy growing alongside it. The leaves shimmered as he sprayed them.
Geordie and Mannie doubled over laughing. “You ought to get that checked out,” Geordie said. “Where’ve you been sticking that thing?”
I mouthed the words as Bart said them. “Your sister’s ass.”
Lovely. They were more pigs than wolves, these three. I peered around the tree and focused on Geordie. He was next to go. He loosened his belt and elbowed his way past Bart and Mannie. He made a great show of getting ready. Geordie was the biggest of the three. He had to be at least six foot three with broad shoulders and a barrel chest. His wolf was red with cloudy gray eyes. He usually patrolled on Wednesdays and the weekend.
Laughing, Geordie whipped it out and got into position. I focused on the center of his back. I stopped breathing. A breeze kicked up, making the leaves shimmy. Geordie’s high laughter masked the crackle of my own bones as I let my shift happen. My vision brightened and my jaw popped.
I exhaled.
Bart and Mannie dropped low, sensing the new thickness in the air. But it was Geordie I aimed for. My breath reached him, tickling his right ear. He pitched forward, losing his grip. Two seconds later, he’d pissed all over himself, leaving a great dark patch at the crotch of his jeans and running in a river down his leg.
I inhaled, drawing my power back into myself, fading into the background. I could be small. I could be quiet. I could be invisible. Crawling backward, I slid down into the ditch, out of sight as Geordie collected himself. Mannie and Bart came apart with laughter as they realized what Geordie had done. I had to cover my mouth to stifle my own giggle.
“Shut the fuck up!” Geordie yelled. “Didn’t you assholes hear that? Get your heads out of your asses and do your jobs!”
Geordie tried to reclaim some of his dignity as he let his wolf out just a little. His eyes flashed silver and he scanned the denser part of the forest. Still laughing, Bart and Mannie complied. Mannie shifted. His silver wolf had lopsided ears and his yellow eyes fixed on a point just above my head.
They could sense something, they just didn’t know what. My scent wasn’t like anything they were used to. Not altogether human. Not quite wolf. And it was everywhere. They were in my backyard.
They spread out and loped along the ravine. I was too far down, blending into the dirt and covered with it. They wouldn’t see me even if they looked straight at me.
A howl erupted behind them, high and clear. It sent a shiver down my spine and I turned to ice. I couldn’t even dare to breathe.
“Come on,” Geordie said. “The Alpha’s calling. Whatever it was, we scared it off. Let the next shift worry about it. We’re done for the day.”
Mannie was still in his wolf, but Bart resumed laughing. He lobbed more jokes at Geordie’s expense. It would take a few days for Geordie to live it down. That was, if he decided to tolerate the ribbing at all. I knew Geordie. He was one of the mean ones. Bart was newer. If he wasn’t careful, Geordie would rip his throat out when he wasn’t looking. I’d seen him do it to others more than once.
As their footsteps faded, I waited. Geordie’s howl rose to join that of Able Valent. The Chief Alpha had risen from his nap and was ready to prowl.
I finally raised my head and started to claw my way back up the ravine. I went about four feet before a hand clamped down on my shoulder and helped drag me the rest of the way up.
“Have your fun, did you?” Cold gray eyes pierced through me. Aunt Grace’s withered hands dug into my shoulder. I brushed them off and vaulted up to level ground and rose to my full height, towering over her.
“Shh,” I cautioned. “We’re still close enough where they might hear.”
“You should have thought of that before you started with your little tricks. You’re not a little girl anymore, Rowan. Quit acting like one. Now hurry up. You’re late. You can’t afford to miss a dose after that little stunt you just pulled.”
I bit my lip past the retort I wanted to lob. If I wasn’t a little girl anymore, it was high time she quit treating me like one. She didn’t have to be a mind reader to guess my thoughts though. Aunt Grace stood her ground, hands on hips. Her white, bony legs poked out from beneath her flowing white nightgown. The hem was black with mud and she was barefoot. Her gray hair floated around her shoulders in unruly wisps.
“Come on,” I said. “You’re the one who’s going to get sick, Aunt Grace. You aren’t even wearing any shoes.” The truth was, she didn’t own a pair of shoes. Not ones I’d ever seen. The shifter patrols called her eccentric when Able Valent was within earshot. They called her much worse when he wasn’t.
I held out my hand to her, dropping my shoulders and giving her a weak smile. It was my way of waving the white flag of surrender. I didn’t want to quarrel with her. As she loved to remind me, she was all I had.
Clucking her tongue, Aunt Grace took my hand. Her grip was surprisingly strong for as old and frail as she was. I didn’t even know exactly how old that was. She’d looked ancient and gray for as long as I could remember. Ever since I really was a little girl. I didn’t know how long ago that even was. We never celebrated my birthday. We never celebrated anything.
We hit the trail just as the sun finally dipped below the horizon. Grace had picked up a stick and started using it as a cane. She had a real walking stick back at the cabin. I’d whittled it for her out of birch limb a few summers ago. I’d carved the end into a lion’s head; its thick mane was now worn smooth from use.
The cabin sat at the bottom of a hill in a small clearing. A stream ran beside it. When I was younger, I’d followed that stream all the way through the woods and found where it fed into the river beyond. Grace had nearly had a stroke that day. I’d missed two doses of my medication.
Grace dipped her feet into the stream, washing away the mud. She finally noticed the hem of her nightgown and gave me another grim-faced look.
“It wasn’t my fault,” I said. “You didn’t have to trudge through the woods looking for me. I was on my way back.”
“The hell I didn’t,” she snapped. “Dammit, Rowan. You’re getting bolder. At least, that�
�s what you think you are. Truth of it is you’re getting more careless. What were you going to do if those guards had spotted you?”
It was a stupid question. She knew exactly what I’d do. There were plenty of times they had spotted me. But, they were always more afraid of me than I ever could be of them.
I couldn’t help myself. I let my jaw hang slack and bent at the knees until I squatted in front of her. I poked absently into the dirt and cocked my head to the side. I’d perfected this little show over the years. I let my eyes go out of focus and knew they shimmered silver in the fading sun. Sometimes, if I were really into it, I’d rock back and forth and start to hum. Once, I’d even let the shift come. That had been one of my more memorable performances. Able’s guard had screamed.
“Well, now that’s just creepy,” Grace said, hands back on her hips. “Get up.”
Blinking hard, I straightened my back and stood. “What, you gonna tell me my eyes are liable to stay like that if I’m not careful?”
“No. I’m going to tell you that’s really foolish, Rowan. You’re an hour overdue for your medication. You miss it altogether and try something like that, it’s more than your eyes that are likely to stay that way. Come on. Let’s get this over with while there’s still a little bit of light left.”
Sighing, I followed her into the cabin. Aunt Grace already had my medication laid out on a clean towel at the table. Two syringes. One filled with red liquid, the other clear.
“Sit,” she commanded. I did. I took the stool closest to the door and rolled up my sleeve. I was fully capable of doing this myself, but I knew how much Aunt Grace enjoyed it. Well, not enjoyed. But, it made her feel useful. She was useful, but not for this. She liked to take care of me and I loved her enough to let her.
She tapped the plastic syringe and let the red liquid bead at the tip. She took a small alcohol swab from its package and cleaned my skin. Then, she gave me the injection. The red medicine stung going in so she always administered it first. The clear liquid didn’t hurt at all. I took the alcohol swab from her and held it to the injection site. In another few seconds, I’d feel the heat of the medicine burning through my arm, making my fingers tingle. Then, I’d feel nothing at all.
“There,” she said, capping the syringes. She put them in a plastic hazardous waste bin we kept by the door. Once a week, one of the patrols would come by to collect it and drop off the week’s supply of medication. Every once in a while, they’d forget to come and Aunt Grace would take it into town for me. Heartland, Kentucky had exactly one pharmacy and one traffic light.
“Thanks,” I said, smiling at her. She stared down at me, her eyes misting.
“Don’t,” I said, putting a hand over hers when she touched my cheek. “I’m all right. I promise.”
She had that look in her eyes. Like she was here, but not really here. She went to someplace in her imagination or memory I could never go. Grace had had a life outside these four cabin walls once upon a time. She hadn’t grown up here like I did, even though she wanted me to think so.
She wore a locket on a gold chain. You couldn’t see it now as she had it tucked under her collar. But, it was there. When she didn’t know I was there, I often caught her looking at it. Two faces. A little boy and a little girl. The pictures were old and black and white. I didn’t know who they were and never felt I could ask her. Whoever they were, looking at them long enough made her cry. And I never ever liked making Aunt Grace cry.
She had another picture in a silver frame in her nightstand drawer. I knew it was a violation to look there. She’d never given me permission. That photograph was old too, but in color. I couldn’t be sure, but it looked like Grace in the picture when she was young, maybe a teenager. She stood beside a red sports car, posing with one tanned leg kicked back and her dark hair flying wild in the wind. There was a man in the driver’s seat with coal black eyes and a ready smile. I didn’t know who he was, but there had always been something familiar about him.
I’d never been in that world, wherever it was. I’d only been in this one. The closest I got was the television we kept in the corner. Half the time, the satellite dish got knocked out and it went black. But, when it did work and Grace wasn’t here, I watched what I could.
Grace kept no photographs of me as a little girl. As far as I knew, none existed. I didn’t have birthday parties like the characters in the shows I sometimes watched. If I did, I’d have no idea how many candles to put on the cake. I know I still had my last few baby teeth the day I started to count. It had been New Year’s Day because the night before we’d watched the ball drop in Times Square on the news. That was ten years ago. Ten years, seven months, and twenty-four days ago.
“You’re not all right,” Grace said, pulling each of us back from our thoughts. “But you will be, if I have anything to say about it.”
I brushed her off and went to the window. The stars had come out and a full, bright moon rose. Summer was fading. In just a few more weeks, Grace wouldn’t be able to venture out at night in nothing more than her nightgown. She shouldn’t be doing it now.
“I am all right,” I said, smiling. “I’m stronger, Aunt Grace. I am. Today, with those guards...I know it wasn’t maybe the smartest thing to do. But I was in control. I promise. They would have never seen me unless I wanted them to. And it was so easy. Just a little bit of an exhale. It felt...I don’t know…powerful. I’m getting better. If you want, I can show you.”
I stepped away from her and went out the front door. The chair legs scraped against the floor as she pushed hers in and followed me.
“Rowan, don’t. You don’t have to prove anything to me.”
“I know,” I said, turning toward her. “And I’m not. I just don’t want you to worry so much. It’s working. The medication is working. I haven’t had an episode in months. You know it. Maybe someday...maybe I won’t even need the shots anymore. I was going to ask you about that, actually. Maybe we should try cutting back and see what happens.”
I did want to show her what I could do. I wanted her to be proud of me. I wanted her to stop worrying so much. Turning toward the cabin, I put the trees at my back. Grace stood in the doorway, a breeze kicking up her gown. She crossed her arms in front of her and leaned against the door frame.
“Rowan, don’t. Twice in one day is pushing it. Why take that kind of a chance? If something goes wrong, there’s nobody to send for at this time of day.”
“We don’t need to send for anyone. I’ve done this lots.” I was taking a risk telling her that. It had been my secret. But, for weeks now, I’d been testing the boundaries of my power. I’d shifted far more than once a day.
I took a deep breath and focused on Grace. I let the silence come. Let the thundering beat of my heart pour through me. It made everything clear. Reaching out, I let my fingers curve around the rough bark of a birch tree. I don’t know why, but it helped. The tree was part of the earth. The earth was part of me. An unbroken chain of nature and raw power.
“Rowan!” Aunt Grace’s voice sounded so far away. I could still see her, but she seemed no more than a pinpoint of light at the end of a long tunnel.
My power rose. The urge to shift crescendoed. One breath. Two. All I had to do was open my eyes again and she’d see.
A howl pierced through me, halting the shift before I could harness it. I dropped to my knees. Sweat poured from my brow and Grace was at my side, pulling me to my feet. I hadn’t even seen her move. Her voice sounded distant, under water.
“Rowan!” she shouted. “Enough of this. No more! You scared the hell out of me.”
“What happened? Did you see it?”
By the crazed look in Aunt Grace’s eyes, I knew she hadn’t. Whatever had broken my concentration, it hadn’t registered with Grace at all.
But, it was still out there. I played it off. “You’re right,” I said. “Maybe twice in one day is pushing it a little too far just now. I’m sorry. I’m okay though. Promise.”
“You keep
saying that. Now, just come inside and get into bed. You need sleep, honey. In the morning, I’ll whip up some eggs and French toast. We’ll find something fun to do.”
“Fun. Right,” I said as I let her take my hand and lead me back toward the cabin. She went in ahead of me. Once she was safely inside, I turned back toward the woods. Full dark had fallen now. Crickets chirped and the trees rustled as the wind kicked up in earnest. There was a storm coming, for sure.
I felt all of it in my bones. There was something else out there, watching. Waiting. I couldn’t be sure, but as my heart finally slowed to a normal rhythm, I had the sense that more than just the season was about to change.
Three
Jagger
Heartland, Kentucky was only a hundred miles away from our hideout beneath the Mammoth Caves. One hundred miles. All this time, we’d been so close to Able Valent and the seat of his power.
I kept to the woods, venturing out only to race along the banks of the Tennessee River at night. It felt good to be in my wolf. There was a time I thought about never shifting back. It was Molly who told me that would be the coward’s way out. Molly. What did she know? She was as human as they come. And yet, she had that way of knowing what I was thinking with just one quick glance. She’d been around shifters far too long.
One hundred miles.
Two years. Ten months. Three days. Fourteen hours. I’d been without Keara...I’d lived with her final pain for almost three years. It didn’t get easier. Not for a second in all that time. I just got used to pushing through it.
I reached the outskirts of Heartland under a bright full moon. The town itself was mostly abandoned. Two centuries ago, this land was covered with tobacco plantations. There were still a few of those left further to the east. When those closed down, they built a prison here. Sixty-five years ago, they’d shut that down and Heartland became a ghost town.